DH and I have only been trying for a few months and got our first ever BFP 9 days ago and confirmed with my doctor last Tuesday. But it looks like I had a chemical pregnancy. I started bleeding Friday and proceeded to have what seems to be much like a period....I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative.... I know so many women here have gone through so much trying to get pregnant and have had such great losses and that chemical pregnancies are so so common so I don't want to compare what I'm going through to what so many of you awesome ladies have been dealing with. But it was still really hard to have all the excitement I've been feeling this past week be dashed. In just a short time I had grown so attached to this pregnancy... I kind of feel a little silly now. I really still can't fully believe this happened. I think we're going to try right away again and I am going to try and keep my spirits high. Maybe I'll be able to join the Dec 2018 ladies.
Anyways, I've really enjoyed feeling apart of this community, even if for just a short time. If anyone has any words of encouragement for conceiving short after a chemical I really appreciate it! I have a really complicated graduate school schedule so we might have to take a break for a while if it doesn't work out this next cycle (which also made this last one not sticking all the harder to cope with...).
I am so sorry for your loss. Don’t feel silly or like you shouldn’t feel any grief. Feel what you need to feel. CP’s are still losses and you can mourn the loss in any way and however long you need to. Sending hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. You don't need to discount it, it's still a loss and painful and you don't need to be afraid of embracing that fact. Best wishes for the future.
Me: 38 DH: 36 Married 8/27/2011 BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012 BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014 BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017 BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I do understand what you're saying about feeling "silly" about being so sad after a CP, as I felt that way too after my CPs. But a loss is a loss no matter how big the baby is, and it's devastating to have your hopes and dreams disappear in an instant. It's okay to feel sad and angry. Cry and yell at the world; whatever you're feeling is normal. Take time to grieve and do whatever you need to do. I have my fingers crossed that you'll get your sticky little bean soon.
Speaking as someone who has had way too many losses, don't try to compare things, darling. A loss is a loss, and it stings all the same. It's really important to remember you aren't just grieving the loss of a little poppyseed, you are grieving the loss of an entire future, and that shit sucks no matter how quickly it happened. Be kind to yourself.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with PPs, don't feel like your loss is any less than anyone else's because it was a CP. It's still devastating to lose that future your were planning with a little one. Take the time to grieve and try and take care of yourself. Hoping you get your rainbow baby soon.
*TW*
Me:35 DH:35 Dx: PCOS DS1 born 11/2014 DS2 born 11/2018 3 previous losses Rainbow babydue 12/2021 - Team Green
I am so sorry for your loss. Don't feel silly for growing attached too soon; you can never predict what is going to happen. I'm sending you hugs and positive vibes.
Two Furbabies: Mika (american eskimo) and Gypsy (wire-haired terrier, dachshund mix)
Twins: Kaiden and Zara born 10/2018 conceived after 6 years of infertility via a medicated IUI
@ecologyphdmama So sorry for your loss. Please come over to the ttgp group. There is a ttcal thread with many wonderful ladies supporting each other. Please take the time to take care of yourself. I know for me, I thought I was fine, but the hormone whack afterward (a week later; did not expect it or know it was coming) was enough to sit me down and feel sad about it. Don't be surprised if you feel not like yourself and ask YH or whomever to remind you that it will take some time to feel balanced again. Hugs
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
I, too am going through a chemical pregnancy. This is my second one in a row. I started bleeding today after my lines were getting lighter and lighter. I had a feeling from the beginning with both of them so I really do believe that women's intuition is very real! I hope we both have successful pregnancies in the near future and that everyone in the group has healthy pregnancies!
@Janie585 so sorry to hear about your back to back CPs... I wish I could say I had a feeling...but I really felt blindsided when it happened...and even was in denial hoping it was this "normal" spotting thing I hear about *sigh* hopefully we both get sticky babies soon!
suzycupcake thank you for the kind welcome to the TTC group! I've been mostly lurking but trying to engage that last couple days. your posts are so encouraging and always make me feel uplifted!
@KristoKekerooni I feel like you really nailed it...there is a definite grieving of the pregnancy itself but there is also so much grief around all the hopes and dreams and excitement for the future...
I am sorry for your loss, friend. This is a pain I have known. There is no measure on a loss when wanting a baby; the heart feels deeply. Don't minimize your CP loss, it's equally terrible. You are right on par with your feelings right now.
Don't give up! Pregnancy happens when you aren't looking. Best wishes.
I had a CP in December, followed by another in Jan, then got pregnant the very next cycle for third time and it seems to be sticking. It definitely can happen. And I know exactly what you mean about feeling so attached so soon! It’s amazing how fast it can happen! I feel for you. Hang in there!
@onechoctawgirl I had a CP in Feb and now going through it again. My doctor says there is no need to wait to start trying again since she truly believes the back to backs was just really bad luck. I am going to try again when this one is all over. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Did you do anything different this time around?
Re: Bye Mamas - maybe next month
Married 8/27/2011
BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Dx: PCOS
DS1 born 11/2014
DS2 born 11/2018
3 previous losses
Rainbow baby due 12/2021 - Team Green
Two Furbabies: Mika (american eskimo) and Gypsy (wire-haired terrier, dachshund mix)
Twins: Kaiden and Zara born 10/2018 conceived after 6 years of infertility via a medicated IUI
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Married: 10/04/2014
DD1: 03/02/15
DD2: 08/04/16
Baby 3 Due: 11/23/18!
@Janie585 so sorry to hear about your back to back CPs... I wish I could say I had a feeling...but I really felt blindsided when it happened...and even was in denial hoping it was this "normal" spotting thing I hear about *sigh* hopefully we both get sticky babies soon!
suzycupcake thank you for the kind welcome to the TTC group! I've been mostly lurking but trying to engage that last couple days. your posts are so encouraging and always make me feel uplifted!
@KristoKekerooni I feel like you really nailed it...there is a definite grieving of the pregnancy itself but there is also so much grief around all the hopes and dreams and excitement for the future...
Don't give up! Pregnancy happens when you aren't looking. Best wishes.
DS Born: 6/02/2012
Tied the Knot: 11/14/2015
Trying for Number Two since 9/1/15
BFP!!! Baby 2 Due: 12/6/21
@patriciahomolI'm sorry to hear you also had a CP. FX for our healthy happy pregnancies soon.
@MommaEm3 and @onechoctawgirl glad to hear you both were able to conceive soon after a CP. Hopefully that happens for me as well!