So discouraged, when do I just give up?!

jenrn1216 · February 2018

Hello all, I haven't been on here for quite a while. I did a few rounds of clomid which resulted in nothing and now I have progressing endometriosis. I'm having surgery this Thursday to remove an endometrioma, burn of the endo, and possibly remove a tube. UGH. On top of all this, found out my AMH is 0.13. I'm 36 years old. What in the hell. RE said we could do IVF 2 months after surgery, but, she may not get many eggs due to the AMH. I'm almost ready to just give up. Why spend the money on IVF if there's not even a good chance it will work. Then part of me says, just try once, you only need one egg, you never know! I can't help but continue to feel like I'm forcing something that's not meant to be. I keep thinking I want to go to grad school, and maybe something is telling me to just stop this madness and pursue my degree. I don't even really know what I'm doing on here, pouring out my thoughts for everyone, but I guess I just need to talk it through with others who understand. Thank you for listening

prtykty84 · February 2018

I’m sorry you are going through all of this. My DH and I have done through trying times. Times you feel like the cards are stacked against you and nothing is going your way. I don’t have a good answer for you but we are all here for you. I hope you find peace in whatever direction you find yourself.

ashleymarie512 · February 2018

I’m sorry you’re facing all that. No one can make that decision but you guys, but you’re right—it only takes one. I’ve known a lot of people who end up with one embryo and have a successful cycle. Best of luck with surgery and thoughts to you during your decision making process!

jenrn1216 · February 2018

Thank you for the replies. This is such a taxing process. Just trying to find things to keep my mind busy!

radmom27 · February 2018

This whole process is so hard. I really dislike the thought that "it's not meant to be." If some heroin addict can have a baby and some girl can leave her baby in an airport bathroom, than I don't think there's anyplace for "meant to be." Don't give up hope. For some of us it's just a longer journey but don't ever think that this is someone's way of telling you anything about whether you are meant to be a parent. This is a great forum with so many women (and a few men) that really understand what you're going through.

jenrn1216 · February 2018

Thank you @radmom27!

adc0417 · February 2018

@jenrn1216 This process is extremely difficult and there’s no doubt about it. There were many times I too wanted to give up, but the desire to have a child is so much stronger. It just takes some of us longer, but in the end we’ll get there. Remember, there are many ways to have a family!!

funkykey · February 2018

@jenrn1216 - I'm so sorry you're here. That AMH diagnosis in particular must have been a blow.

Good luck with the surgery this week - sounds like it's going to be a big one!

I'm not quite in the boat you're in - we have done IVF and did end up with some embryos. But we also have one failed FET under our belts, and as I prepare for FET #2, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking about what happens if it doesn't work out. Like, when do I give up?

I like all those miracle stories too. I like the happy endings and the women who say: "I just pressed on through heartbreaking loss and now I have a beautiful baby!" I want to believe that will be me, so that's why we're here - approaching our second FET. If that doesn't work, there's a chance we'll even try another round of IVF. I'm hopeful.

But, hopeful as I am, I'm also sane. I know the odds and the statistics, I also know that at some point, enough is enough. For all the women who press on and find success, there are many women who press on and just end up with more debt and heartbreak. I'm not in denial that those women exist, and that I very well could be one of them. So I do have limits. I'm not at them, yet, but they're there. And like you, I'm aware of other possibilities - being a mom looks like a lot of work, the reality is that my career may suffer, and I like my career. If this doesn't work out, as terrible as it will be, there's a whole world out there, and a lot of opportunity.

I do think you need to do what you're going to be able to live with later. If you're going to give IVF a shot, it's definitely not going to be easier when you're 38 or 40. If you think in your heart that you're going to look back on this a couple years from now and wonder "what if", then I'd give it a go, if you can swing it.

Good luck to you, and I'm sorry for your struggles.

RVAmom315 · February 2018

@jenrn1216 I’m sorry you find yourself here and that you’re dealing with conflicting emotions. This process is awful no doubt, but I tell myself that I would NEVER regret trying (regardless of outcome), but I would regret not trying. That way if I didn’t get my baby at the end, at least I know I did all I could. I don’t want to wonder “what if” Good luck to you in whatever decision you make!

mcgeeva · February 2018

I'm sorry. I don't have the same situation but I wouldn't base your failed cycles on you. Clomid NEVER worked for me. It is just not the right drug for you. As far as the aMH goes I say do a round of IVF and see how that goes first. Hang in there..

cseley321 · February 2018

Agree with others. Clomid did nothing for me. If you are able to finance one round of IVF comfortably, I say go for it and see where it leads. Talk to the financial counselor at your RE office. Some offices have safeguards in place if retrieval and fertilization is a total bust

roisis · February 2018

I'm really sorry you find yourself here. IF is a horrible battle - and what makes it worse is that it feels like it shouldn't be something we have to battle at all. Your post really resonated with me. I know some people are so confident and have the whole 'whatever it takes' attitude, but in reality that is not for everyone. As you say - there are other factors in your life to consider and ivf is a huge financial, time-consuming and emotional undertaking. I'm not trying to discourage you, I just recognise - and think you are being very honest and wise - to consider all possibilities. Some people still seem to think that ivf always work. The sad truth is that it doesn't. In saying that - I also had no response to Clomid - it's only one drug os don't think that is the end of the road. Would it be possible for you to see a counsellor that deals with these issues? Taking openly to someone other than friends and family can be a huge help - because your mind can be just full of too many choices and pieces of well-meaning advice right now. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the very best. Good luck

greenhillgirl · February 2018

jenrn1216 Hi there, I just wanted to echo some of the other posters' sentiments and support. I never previously thought that I would consider IVF because I didn't know the details of the process or details of the adoption process. After 2 1/2+ years of infertility and realizing that I could get on my DH insurance and have 75% paid for and looking at a lot of adoption resources, I realized this will be the less expensive and more likely path for us. So here we are in a first round of IVF.

We decided early on that we will have a child (or two) no matter how that comes about. He is older than me and we were good friends first and he liked me for a long time. On our first date he told me he wanted to get married and have children and that he thought that chance had passed but saw that he had a new opportunity for a family. I knew that was what I wanted too. For us there remains no question. BUT there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being sure. There are a lot of other lives and I have some friends who have decided not to have children for various reasons that have very fulfilling lives with more time, more money, and more travel. You would not want to regret not trying IVF but it is also an intense process. I would recommend you take some time to consider your options and outcomes and make sure that if you do go in to it that it is what you both really want. Of course most of us on this forum know we want children but it's okay not to feel that way too. The best thing you can do is figure out your truth and then live it, whatever that looks like!

jenrn1216 · February 2018

Thank you so much for all of your honest, heartwarming replies. It really helps!! I've definitely done some soul searching the past few days and @roisis I definitely agree with you that I should see a counselor just to help me be at peace with whatever happens. I have decided to go ahead with 1 IVF cycle because I also agree with what many of you said, I don't want to always wonder "what if". Luckily, my employer offers a 60% discount on IVF and my cost would be $5,600. I can't really justify not doing it when I know others spend much more than that.

With all of that said, no matter the outcome, I have decided I will live a fulfilled life no matter what. If I have a child, great. But if not, I am actually excited to think about the weight that will be lifted and to finally be able to feel free again. I'm tired of living cycle to cycle, wondering if this will be the one. I just want to spend time with my husband, maybe buy a timeshare with all the money we will save not having kids. Who knows!! I just want to know that I have done everything I could to try, and if it doesn't work, then so be it. There are so many opportunities in this life, and being a mother is not the end all, be all of my existence.

Thank you, again for all of your support. It really means so much to know there are people out there who understand.

libellula28 · February 2018

@jenrn1216

I completely understand where you're coming from. Several months ago when I finally went to an RE, all of my tests where coming back normal, until the dreaded AMH. It was .29. I researched and researched A TON. And I found women who had started taking CoQ10 (or more powerful ubiquinol), and DHEA, along with Vitamin D, and in 2 months raised my AMH to .628, which is still low, but I'm 41 going on 42 and that number should be going down, statistically speaking, but I raised mine! Also, recently I started researching Acai supplements and how it increases your IVF success. You can look into it. It's from an IVF clinic in Colorado, and they saw success rates in the Acai group at 80%. Also, eating Avocados is supposed to help, as well. I know how hopeless it feels, but don't let it get you down. As long as there's hope, you keep going!

jenrn1216 · February 2018

Thank you @libellula28! I'll do some research on the place in Colorado. Like you, I have done a ton of research and I have found that low AMH doesn't mean it's over. I still do have hope, I just struggle some days and wonder if it's all worth it. My RE only took one tube during surgery, and while we are still going to try IVF, she said I shouldn't lose hope of conceiving naturally, because it can still happen. I plan on doing more acupuncture leading up to the IVF, as well. Good news is if I don't produce enough follicles when we start on the meds, she can cancel and I won't have to pay for a full round. So, at this point, I'm recovering from surgery and going to do all I can to increase my chances of success in a few months. Thank you!!!

bubblyducks24 · February 2018

@jenrn1216 Definitely late response, but Clomid didn't do anything for me either. & I'm glad you've done your research! Definitely keep your head up. Definitely recommend IVF. I'm praying for a speedy recovery! FX for you!

Tulips29 · February 2018

Hi @jenrn1216! I can totally understand where you're coming from and how you're feeling. No one can tell you what to do and how to proceed with this journey, because it is hard and it takes a toll on you. I've been there. Many of us here have been there. I'd love to share my story even if it gives a tiny bit of hope...so TW ahead...

*****TW*****

We were trying for a few years naturally before turning to clomid as my doctor at the time promised me it's a miracle pill that everyone gets pregnant on. 7 months later on clomid and we still had no baby. We turned to IUI's and failed at that 3 times as well. We finally decided to go forward with IVF. My very first retrieval cycle, we had 19 eggs. 3 days later we had 11 eggs. By day 5, we only had 3. Those 3 were sent for PGD testing. I got the call with the results that we only had 1 viable embryo after the testing (2nd came back undetermined and 3rd was missing a chromosome). I still remember sitting at work and crying at my desk because I just lost all hope that this would ever work. We ended up transferring that 1 embryo and now have a 13 month old baby boy. If this community taught me anything, it was to not give up hope. We all have our story and we all go to great lengths in this process. But it CAN work. If today is not your day, there's always tomorrow and the day after. This community is amazing and offers so much support. We'll be here to cheer you on whatever you decide to do

jenrn1216 · February 2018

Thank you @Tulips29 and congratulations on your baby boy!!! That is exactly what I needed to hear, all it takes is one

libellula28 · February 2018

@jenrn1216

When are you thinking of doing the IVF?

Knottie60076601 · February 2018

I hear ya, girl! I've felt the same way on a number of occasions during this crazy journey, but don't give up hope! Since you've decided to move forward with IVF, I would highly recommend starting DHEA (75 mg) and CoQ10 (400 mg) ASAP and ask your RE about using growth hormone (HGH) with your cycle. I upped my CoQ10 dosage from 200mg to 400mg for my third IVF cycle and used HGH and it was our most successful round to date yet in terms of egg production. Also, start acupuncture. It helps tremendously with the stress. Good luck!

jenrn1216 · February 2018

@libellula28 RE said we could start in 3 months. I'm starting Acai supplements based on what I found from that study you mentioned!

@Knottie60076601 I'm actually starting the CoQ10 and Acai supplements tonight

and I've been doing acupuncture for a couple of months now and have to say I am a bit obsessed with it lol! It completely relaxes me!!! I'm a ball of stress to begin with, so I figure even if it doesn't help in this department, it helps in so many other ways! I need to get on the DHEA, haven't looked into that yet, thank you for all the tips!!! Do u happen to have low AMH, as well?

Knottie60076601 · February 2018

@jenrn1216 Yes, I have low AMH too.

jenrn1216 · February 2018

@Knottie60076601 I'm sorry to hear that, but my RE always says it's just a piece of the puzzle and it's not the only thing they look at in terms of how successful they think this will be. She always gives me hope, she's actually pretty amazing that way! If you don't mind me asking, how many cycles have you done and on average how many eggs do you get? How much of a difference did you see in egg production after you added the vitamins? Just curious

libellula28 · February 2018

@jenrn1216 Doesn't that study just give you so much hope?? And 3 months is perfect! You will have some beautiful eggs! Definitely add in the DHEA and Vitamin D. I take iron, vitamin D, and vitamin B, in addition to the Acai and CoQ10. My RE says adding in 3mg of Meletonin at night is supposed to help as well. My lunch bag to go to work must sound like I am distributing pills on the down low!! hahah.

tosh24 · February 2018

@jenrn1216 Please don't start taking DHEA without having your testosterone levels checked AND talking to your RE. DHEA is a hormone and supplementing it can have consequences. I have seen some good results on this forum from women who have taken it, but it is something that you should be careful with.

https://drgeoffreysherivf.com/potential-downsides-dhea-supplementation-preparing-ivf-take-risk/

jenrn1216 · February 2018

@tosh24 thanks for looking out. I looked into it, but haven't started it because I read it should be taken under a physician. I am going to talk to RE about it at my post op in a few weeks.

@libellula28 the study is fascinating and definitely keeps the hope alive

Thanks for mentioning melatonin, I have read that can also help! Do you think vitamin d 400 is good enough? That's what's in my prenatal vit.

libellula28 · February 2018

I take 400 iU, but upon reading, it looks like the average adult needs 8000 iU. That seems like a lot..

ginny_203 · March 2018

@libellula28 & @jenrn1216 would you mind sharing which acai supplements you bought? I'm trying to get some too, but all of the options on Amazon seem to say they're for cleanses or weight loss...

jenrn1216 · March 2018

@FutureMrsMerati I got the "Now" brand Acai supplement in 500mg, I take 2 a day

suzycupcake · March 2018

@jenrn1216 I highly recommend checking out Garden of Life Vitamin Code raw prenatals. You can get them on Amazon.

nurserin07 · March 2018

I feel your hurt. I wish I could give you an answer and help your pain. Follow your heart and do what feels right for you and your situation.

libellula28 · March 2018

@FutureMrsMerati

I bought mine at Walmart, but I am thinking about buying some from vitaminworld. You're supposed to take a high-dose and from what I could gather, that was 1,000 mg a day. Mine are 50 mg which is definitely not even close.

libellula28 · March 2018

Here is a link to the study: https://www.ccrmivf.com/blog/ccrm-study-finds-that-high-doses-of-acai-berry-can-improve-ivf-outcomes/

suzycupcake · March 2018

@jenrn1216 Hey there! How are you feeling post surgery? How's everything going?

jenrn1216 · March 2018

@suzycupcake hello! I'm 4 weeks post op today and feeling great! I go back to RE next week. In the meantime, I decided this waiting is driving me crazy and I need to focus my energy elsewhere. I was accepted to grad school and start my journey to be a nurse practitioner next month! I can't keep putting my life on hold. Still going to try for a family, it's just not going to consume me anymore! I really feel like I'm heading down the right path, wherever that takes me!

buggles01 · March 2018

So sorry to hear what you're going through. I felt this way a few times during my journey to pregnancy (9 weeks pregnant today). We had unexplained infertility and did 3 rounds of IUI and finally got pregnant on our second IVF. I was 32 when they did egg collection. Still have 2 6-day embryos frozen. Would you consider an alternative like donor eggs?

jenrn1216 · March 2018

@buggles01 congrats on your pregnancy!!! My RE talked to us about donor eggs, but it's a tough concept for me to wrap my head around. I don't know that I could go through life knowing the child isn't my own, and then having to tell him or her they came from a donor would just be awkward. It's just something I don't think I'd ever be completely ok with. I would adopt before DE. And even then, the costs associated with adopting can be astronomical. It's a position I never thought I'd be in, so these decisions are just sometimes very overwhelming to me! So overwhelming that many times I just want to be done with it and move on with my life. Sorry for the long response.......I tend to ramble lol

jenrn1216 · March 2018

So had my follow up with RE today and she was VERY optimistic that we can get pregnant naturally over the next few months. It was refreshing to see her so positive about it!!!! So, giving it a go and fingers crossed!! It feels great knowing I'm not at the mercy of drugs and ultrasounds for the next few months, such a relief!!! And if it doesn't work, onto IVF. Glad I have a solid plan now. Good luck to all!!!

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