TTCAL week of 2/19/18

coco2787 · February 2018

Just going to leave this here

lokibear89 · February 2018

@coco2787 So much yes

eleven_ · February 2018

@ChloandCoco I know exactly how you feel about the test results. I'm currently waiting for my progesterone test results and I'm hoping it's low because it's an easy fix. In reality, I should not want my hormones to be out of whack. Having to go through multiple losses without answers is just so frustrating.

dpjennifer · February 2018

coco2787 Ugh, I HATE the advice "just don't test early." Like, hello, it's STILL a MC/CP regardless of whether you tested or not!!! And when you're trying, especially after a loss, you're more hyper-aware of symptoms and bodily changes anyway.

ChloandCoco Sorry there's nothing you can 'fix.' I felt that all my RPL testing was a double-edged sword like that. Every time a test came back OK it was like "Yay, nothing is wrong / Crap, there's nothing we can fix." Which means I've spent months and months of my life doing testing with 4 MC and absolutely nothing I can do but "try again." SUPER Frustrating. Sorry you're going through this too! Have you had your progesterone levels checked yet? Or is the progesterone you're taking just a precaution in case?

bakerstreetboys · February 2018

@ChloandCoco I know exactly what you mean; I'd almost rather have X wrong with me, and take a pill, or have a procedure done, etc.

I had my post D&C appointment today with my OB, and he agreed that it's harder to get pregnant easily and have repeat losses than it is to have a harder time getting pregnant, because at least then there's something that they can potentially fix. He prescribed progesterone but said it may not make a difference. I guess I'll start that after I ovulate and hope that it does.... Does anyone have experience with these pills? I feel like they're going to make a gross mess. Maybe I should stock up on liners.

ETA: I'm not at all implying that it's easier for women who have a hard time getting pregnant. Just for me, I find it frustrating that they can't tell me why I'm losing babies.

dragonette505 · February 2018

bakerstreetboys of course neither is easy... but we can each only really speak to our own experience. I'm in the preggers easy, no take home babies boat and I have never once been comforted by :at least you know you can get preggers... I think until you get home with a baby in your arms, there really is no consolation.
As for the progesterone suppositories: I used them during my FET last year and they are super gross (i'll be using crinone this next time which I hear is even grosser). For me, pantiliners didn't cut it.. I used a light pad. I'm going to get TMI to explain why

for whatever reason, spoiler isn't working (it spoilers the whole post) so just stop reading now if you dislike TMI
ETA i had to use a different web browser to get spoiler to work!

The suppositories go up and your body heat and moisture melts them so you can absorb the hormone. Theres a lot of filler that obviously doesn't get absorbed and gravity brings it all out. If you are using endometrin, expect regular gushes of white paste. Because it can come in a gush (so sorry) for me, it would over spill the pantiliner. You can try pantiliners first, but if you are like me, you might need a bit of a larger pad.

zamoraspin · February 2018

@coco2787 @ChloandCoco I wish I was one of those people who could be chill about testing. I think some women who have struggled for a long time with IF stop testing altogether unless they are late because they are used to, and tired of, the disappointment of a BFN. I have noticed with myself I get on kind of an emotional rollercoaster every month with testing. I test and then I stare at the test(s) for a long time and if I think I see something I look at it in all sorts of light. I think the drama of it is kind of addicting, honestly. I think for RPL ladies/loss moms you have had that experience of the BFP and so you are always hoping to catch that high again. I'm sure it's not healthy but I truly cannot stop myself. I also agree that I do want to know about early losses.
@ChloandCoco I'm sorry you ended up unexplained. I know how you feel re: almost wishing there was a thing that is wrong, it is so frustrating to feel powerless and not know why the losses are happening. All the hugs.

AFM BFN and it is 9dpo. Still early, but I have found that if I'm going to be ku I can turn a digi by 11 dpo.

bakerstreetboys · February 2018

@dragonette505 Thanks for taking the time to write that out. I agree, that sounds disgusting. I hate that feeling of leaking grossness. I think I'll try it for a month and see if I can handle it. If it works, it's worth it of course, but if it won't help me keep a pregnancy, I'm not sure I'll bother with it. I'm curious to see what the fertility clinic people will say when we finally make it there in April. I hope the crinone works for you!

dragonette505 · February 2018

zamora_spin Weeeell, I def am a tester... it probably isn't healthy. but id rather know asap. 9 days is still pretty early... (although I will always test to early too! ALWAYS).
bakerstreetboys it is an awful feeling. And I will say.... (ALSO TMI) that to me, it felt like blood...I kept freaking out thinking my period had started and it was always that goopy white stuff. So along with it being gross, it also kept inducing anxiety. I kept telling myself: girl, you know its the suppository, but you know us RPL girls cant help but assume everything is AF or miscarriage.
The deal is, if you are taking it and get preggers (and that's the plan) you'll generally be asked to take it until they placenta is able to support the pregnancy... usually people will take it till about 8 weeks, some to 10 weeks.

zamoraspin · February 2018

@dragonette505 @bakerstreetboys TMI of course, I use progesterone suppositories after O. My RE put me on them at our first visit and told me to use them if I got a BFP. There is mixed info on whether they help, but a TTGP grad told me the studies where they've found a difference in using them the women have gone on them around 3 dpo or so, before a BFP, so I started using them that way instead of how the RE said. Anyway, I got kind of used to them. I find when I use them at night hardly any leaks out (because I'm lying down), and then the one I use in the morning it does leak. I use little pantyliners and for me that usually works. eta words
@dragonette505 Yes, I always test "early". Like I said, it does create some drama for me, but at the same time if I get BFNs it does somewhat soften the blow - because at first I think "oh, well, it's still early" and then as it gets later I'm kind of expecting for the cycle not to work, if that makes sense.

dragonette505 · February 2018

zamora_spin said:

@dragonette505 @bakerstreetboys TMI of course, I use progesterone suppositories after O. My RE put me on them at our first visit and told me to use them if I got a BFP. There is mixed info on whether they help, but a TTGP grad told me the studies where they've found a difference in using them the women have gone on them around 3 dpo or so, before a BFP, so I started using them that way instead of how the RE said. Anyway, I got kind of used to them. I find when I use them at night hardly any leaks out (because I'm lying down), and then the one I use in the morning it does leak. I use little pantyliners and for me that usually works. eta words
@dragonette505 Yes, I always test "early". Like I said, it does create some drama for me, but at the same time if I get BFNs it does somewhat soften the blow - because at first I think "oh, well, it's still early" and then as it gets later I'm kind of expecting for the cycle not to work, if that makes sense.

Nope! makes total sense, and its sort of why I do it.... Obviously both the wanting to see if I'm KU and wanting to know in advance means I POAS waaay too much lol. I don't know how folks can go to work on beta day and know youre going to get a call and not know what at least the +/- result will be. If I hear: sorry its negative... I'm not gonna make it through the day.
I had to take three endometrins throughout the day so maybe that's why it was more dramatic for me, or maybe that's just how my body does it... instead of what I expected, slow leakage throughout the day, I would get my all at once...so not fun. (I did cycle back and forth between pads and liners because once I would have a "dramatic moment" lol I would then slow leak less dramatically for a while. ugh.... anything for baby. That's what I keep telling myself

eleven_ · February 2018

@zamora_spin Did you test low for progesterone before your RE gave you the suppositories? I'm currently waiting for my progesterone results, but I'm kind of hoping my RE will give them to me regardless of the outcome.

zamoraspin · February 2018

@eleven_ She prescribed them before we even tested progesterone. And my progesterone was 13 at 7dpo when we did test it (in a cycle where I was not ku). She also put my on baby aspirin even though I didn't have a clotting issue with my blood. I think they are both things that won't hurt and may or may not help.

eleven_ · February 2018

@zamora_spin I tested my progesterone yesterday (7 days after + OPK). If I am KU, will it affect the result? I'm also taking the baby aspirin.
ETA: Sorry, I know you aren't a doctor. You just seem so knowledgeable about ALL THE THINGS

zamoraspin · February 2018

@eleven_ I don't know for sure, strictly speaking, other than to say, progesterone rises after ovulation, and then if you don't get ku begins to fall off. When you are ku it (hopefully) continues to rise a little at a time (doesn't double like hCG, I think it rises by about 1 every other day?). I would think at 7dpo there wouldn't be much difference between a ku and non-ku person, as implantation would have, at best, only just happened. Again, I am guessing.

eleven_ · February 2018

Thank you @zamora_spin. That makes sense.

ChloandCoco · February 2018

@dpjennifer The progesterone is just a precaution. I know it doesn't guarantee a baby, but it won't hurt to take it either way.
@zamora_spin When I was testing, I would carry around my tests and look at it throughout the day. You're right, it's addicting and having a BFP is like a high. And 9dpo is still early, FX you get a positive tomorrow!

galactickates · February 2018

@ChloandCoco guilty! I carry mine around too "just in case" they need extra time to turn. @zamora_spin your description of you testing and looking in the light is me to a T. Chasing the bfp - me as well. I hate the tww because I just can't stop the mental merry-go-round

zamoraspin · February 2018

ChloandCoco said:

*snip*
@zamora_spin When I was testing, I would carry around my tests and look at it throughout the day. *snip*

@ChloandCoco Umm. Again, are we the same person? Literally have a test in my purse right now because I wanted to see what it would look like when it was totally dry.

ChloandCoco · February 2018

@zamora_spin Haha!! That's why I do it too!

zamoraspin · February 2018

@ChloandCoco With my second loss, I took a Wondfo and it looked negative and I went back to sleep. Then I looked at it later before I threw it away and when it was dry it had a vvfl. Weirdly I was also able to turn a digi that day as well. Anyway, that was when things really got crazy in terms of testing because now when it *looks* negative I don't believe it. I mean, the instructions clearly say not to look at a test after time, but, what do they even know? <eyeroll at myself>

coco2787 · February 2018

I’ve never taken a test with me anywhere (yet) but if I think I see something (or when there’s definitely been a line) I take a picture of it just to examine it throughout the day. I have a feeling I might do that next time around because with my CP the very faint line was there when I dug it out of the trash later after the test window had ended.

galactickates · February 2018

I've had pull it out of the trash moments every cycle lol I feel like we're all the same person. @zamora_spin that's exactly why I don't trust bfns because I've gotten the vvfl on them before way after the testing window too. Also why I carry them around with me.
My very first bfp I had dug out 5 + tests out of the trash so now I'm always going back for a second look. Right up until AF shows her ugly red face

eleven_ · February 2018

@coco2787 I do the same thing. I spend the day obsessed with looking at the picture. Then when I've taken multiple tests, I line them all up and take another picture. I drive myself completely insane comparing each one to the other; "day 10 looks semi lighter than day 9... or maybe it's just the lighting. Day 11 definitely looks darker, but this one was FMU and day 10 wasn't."

ETA: words are hard

ChloandCoco · February 2018

@zamora_spin I've stopped using wondfos because it's always been hard for me to turn them. So, I usually use FRERs until the line is dark enough and then switch to wondfos. Speaking of which, I need to go buy some more tests...
@coco2787 I place the tests in a line and take pictures of them too.

dpjennifer · February 2018

zamora_spin and ChloandCoco So I don't carry my tests around, but I leave them on the vanity in the bathroom so that I can 'check' them again repeatedly throughout the day(s) to SEE if they magically change more over time.

dragonette505 · February 2018

Girls... I dont carry the tests (EXCEPT FOR THE ONES I PEE ON THROUGHOUT THE DAY) but I DO carry the pics... AAAAANNNNNNDDDDD Am I the only one who has posted them on the site where ppl get to vote and say how many think your test is positive, negative, or unsure.... so sad! Like who cares what the votes say.... if its gonna be positive it will be and same for negative! But i do it anyway! LOL

bakerstreetboys · February 2018

@eleven_ My OB prescribed the progesterone even though mine isn't low. He said to take it starting at ovulation, and to continue either until period shows up, or 8-10 weeks into pregnancy. So it won't hurt either way.

I have totally walked around with my pee sticks to check them out in different light. Dug them out of the garbage just in case? Check.

ChloandCoco · February 2018

@dragonette505 I've spent way too much time looking at those sites where people vote. But I've never posted mine.

dragonette505 · February 2018

ChloandCoco said:

@dragonette505 I've spent way too much time looking at those sites where people vote. But I've never posted mine.

ugh... i know.... i cant believe ive done it! lol i feel like thats next level BSC

coco2787 · February 2018

I’m glad we’re at least all on this crazy train together. I also don’t see myself getting rid of my collection of positive sticks from my losses until I get a take home baby.

galactickates · February 2018

@coco2787 I held on to my + sticks until we packed up the house. I couldn't figure out a reasonable explanation as to why I was holding on to them. That was tough to get rid of. But I have my U/S which is how I justified it to myself.

lokibear89 · February 2018

@coco2787 I had one just sitting on my bedside table, another in the bathroom cupboard and another in my handbag. I threw them out eventually, I think just before we started trying again. It was so hard like giving up on something that was obviously gone, it felt like the only proof my pregnancy even existed.

coco2787 · February 2018

I chose not to take the U/S photo of my baby. He/she was already gone and I didn’t think I could ever bring myself to look at it. I feel guilty about it now but in that moment I wanted to just erase everything that had happened that day. Even if I never looked at it I wish I had it since that’s the only picture I would have ever had of them.

holly321 · February 2018

I have a box of stuff from my first loss, it has the ultrasound, an outfit I bought, and 1 positive test. I still have 2 tests from my recent loss.

And maybe I am completely BSC, but I think there is a different look to a test that turns positive after the time frame (but you find out you just tested "too early ") and an evaporation line.

dragonette505 · February 2018

coco2787 said:

I chose not to take the U/S photo of my baby. He/she was already gone and I didn’t think I could ever bring myself to look at it. I feel guilty about it now but in that moment I wanted to just erase everything that had happened that day. Even if I never looked at it I wish I had it since that’s the only picture I would have ever had of them.

At my D&C my doc asked me if I wanted one last look.... I was like NOPE! He was surprised... he said most people wanted to. I asked if he had any reason to think the baby was alive. He said no but that they make sure once I’m asleep that they are right about that. I was like then no.... no more looks. I didn’t mean to shock that dude, but I just didn’t want to. No heartbeat.... no I didn’t want another look.

galactickates · February 2018

@dragonette505 If they had offered me one last look my response would have been the same as yours. Why take another look? To make it even more painful? This is no longer our take home baby, I just wanted to get everything over and get as far away from that day/moment/dr office/hospital/ those words/ the drs/ myself as possible.

dragonette505 · February 2018

galactickates said:

@dragonette505 If they had offered me one last look my response would have been the same as yours. Why take another look? To make it even more painful? This is no longer our take home baby, I just wanted to get everything over and get as far away from that day/moment/dr office/hospital/ those words/ the drs/ myself as possible.

Exactly!!! Maybe because that was my third mc and I was kinda done with it. One last look? Nope

galactickates · February 2018

A little bit of a dd post but I was scanning through instagram and this caught my eye. I know I say I feel alone sometimes in what I'm going through with having had an ectopic. And in the last couple days alone I've gotten a couple pms from different people saying "me too you aren't alone." I appreciate those messages more then anything and it encourages me to keep talking about it. Seeing this just touched really close to home as I've definitely been holding in feelings thinking the same thoughts "someone has it worse then me" and trying not to burden others with my pain. It's so isolating thinking that way. I'm just so thankful for the day I stumbled upon TB.

dragonette505 · February 2018

@galactickates this was the perfect thing for me to see this morning. There’s no group I appreciate more than ttcal....

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