UO Thursday (2/22)

izza2 · February 2018

Image: https://www.toonpool.com/user/997/files/bar_opinion_right_wrong_drunk_1188245.jpg

What's your wrong unpopular opinion?

krash_ · February 2018

This might not be unpopular around here but I don't think formula needs to be the last resort. Everyone says breast is best, and if that doesn't work you get donor milk and if all else fails you can use formula. Honestly getting donor milk would be a PITA. If breastfeeding doesn't work for me I will probably go straight to formula.

krash_ · February 2018

I thought of another one because my SIL just had my niece on Sunday and I sent them a box with some stuff including a couple outfits. Now I know I am a FTM so I don't know how busy and chaotic it actually is with a newborn but it really irritates me when you give an outfit to someone and they don't send you a picture of the baby wearing it! I've gotten her a few things for my nephew and I've never seen him in them.

Let me see the adorable squish in the damn outfit!

ramennoodlegif · February 2018

I am all for co-sleeping, and bed-sharing, when they get a little bit older. I've done both with both kids and plan on doing it with this one.
People will say there is no safe way to sleep with an infant, and maybe they're right; maybe I've just been lucky. I'm not trying to sound cavalier about it at all, I take my kids' safety very seriously. I just feel like as long as I am cognizant of the dangers, I can do my best to make things as safe as possible.

rnielsen321 · February 2018

@krashke
My DH was floored when I was so particular about making sure his Sister got photos of DD in the outfits she bought. (She lives 4 hours away) And I am cognizant of posting a photo on FB with her in the outfits we are gifted... Because I am like you!
Show me the DAMN outfit!!

Weirdly, I am the same way with the Hand me downs (in good condition) I send on to my girlfriend. Just share with me the cute pics of at least 1 outfit so I know they are being loved again. (Or I will give them to someone else.... )

As for the Formula thing, I agree. Honestly. Fed is Best.

My UO: I prefer British and Canadian preschool programming to American. Don;t get me wrong, they have some holes in their logic, but I find the story better, the language more polite, and frankly a tad funnier for those of us who have to watch it over the age of (ahem) 35.

sunshineandwhiskey · February 2018

+1 to fed is best, however, which ever way you want to do it

@krashke I am definitely your SIL. I *try* my best to keep track of who sent which outfits and make sure DD wears them (wore them), but honestly, everything gets mixed together, and blurry haha If we have plans with people, though, i DEFINITELY try to put DD in something they bought.

+1 on if you wanna co-sleep do it, if you wanna put LO in crib from day 1 do it, if you wanna use a bassinet, do it. Hell, if you wanna sleep train, do it! People are still alive and kicking, and as long as you've done your research, and know whatever risks/rewards for your situation, than you are the best parent you can be.

I'll come back for a UO, i'm drawing a blank

izza2 · February 2018

@krashke - Agreed. If I can't breast feed, I won't even bother with trying to find donations. Unless my SIL has a bunch sitting in her freezer she wants to give us (and that's even if baby would accept/like it), we're going straight to formula.
Fed is best, end of story.

I guess I'm in the minority so far - I don't care if I do or don't get pictures of LO's in outfits I got them. I figure there are so many outfits being given by so many people, it would be ridiculous to expect to get a picture when one of those outfits were put on... Chances are, I won't remember who bought 50% of the outfits that LO eventually gets, unless they're specific (like "love my aunt" or "grandpa's little man").
*shrug*

I also think that frozen meals are a perfectly fine baby shower gift, provided the shower isn't at like 30 weeks. I would not be angry if someone skipped the onesies and just gave us a pan of frozen lasagna instead, lmao.

lisa2589 · February 2018

I don’t like plain white onesies. Really at all. A plain colored onesie, even basic colors, even gray, just look so much nicer. I guess I really just don’t love white clothes in general.

catlady1215 · February 2018

@izza2 nope, with you. I never think to take pics of outfits for people. and I agree, I don't even remember who buys what outfit.

krash_ · February 2018

@2589 Girl. No. All white everything! Maybe another UO but I don't like all the crazy bright colored patterned onesies.

katelynrae86 · February 2018

I've never thought much about pictures of baby in the outfits I've given, but my pet peeve (maybe UO?) is when people don't send thank you notes.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but if someone gives you a wedding, shower, baby arrival or kids birthday gift, I think you should send a little card of thank you. I know things are crazy after a new baby so that one I sort of understand. In other cases (i.e. wedding!) I find it so rude - someone went out of their way to give you something, show your appreciation (a text is not the same). My parents always helped us write thank yous after birthdays and extended family at Christmas and its something I want to do with my kids...am I just an old lady wasting paper?

krash_ · February 2018

@katelynrae86 I agree. And something that really peeves me is this new thing to make your guests fill out their own envelopes with addresses at the shower so you can send them a thank you card. I mean I guess its good because you'll be getting a thank you card then but you have my address from sending me an invitation. You can write it on a thank you card too.

dinodna3 · February 2018

I almost always forgot to take a picture in outfits people send. Oops! I’ll send a thank you note or text when we receive it but rarely a picture.

+1 to fed is best. I’d honestly rather use formula than donor milk. I’m not really that comfortable with the idea of feeding my kid someone else’s breast milk. No judgement if you choose to, it’s just not for me.

kmurdock925 · February 2018

On the train of I could never remember who gave what outfits then in the chaos of life 1) remember to get a pic, 2) remember who to send it to, 3) remember to send it and 4) hope I have their number. You'll get the thanks in a ty card or if the outfit particularly stands out when I see you and dress the kid in it.

Agree about white onesies- not my jam...even as undershirts I put colored (coordinating with outside shirt) on. Really white shirts in general on a baby/toddler. They get so damn dirty and always end up dingy and with stains as the day goes on...they hide nothing.

My UO- when specific nursery décor is on registries (or if someone chooses those things for you even if not on the registry)...like table lamps and pictures. To me, showers are for baby necessities, not for home décor (that I may or may not want). Nursery décor just seems very personal to ask or expect someone to buy it for you.

catlady1215 · February 2018

I think I'm the opposite for thank you notes. weddings, bridal shower, baby shower... yes, absolutely. those need sent.

but bday gifts or new baby gifts, ehhhh. I mean, you say 'thank you' to their face as they're handing it to you. or if it comes in the mail, I right away text/call and say thank you. so its not going unnoticed. I don't understand the need for that little paper to come in the mail saying the same exact thing.

dinodna3 · February 2018

@catlady1215 I only send thank you notes to old people. Everyone else gets a call, text, or FaceTime. Now that DD and DS are both talking a lot, we tend to FaceTime more. People get so excited to see the kids happy about what they bought them.

Austenista · February 2018

I guess my UO is that I just frickin hate thank you notes and showers and social niceties. Thank you notes are busy work, often insincere, and an expensive burden on a new bride or new mother. That said, I do them anyway because people get offended, but I totally already thanked you to your face at the shower. Thank you notes are definitely my hill to die on when it comes to social niceties.

Showers I've ranted about already that they're awkward, I don't like being the center of attention, people taking pictures that are mostly unflattering, no one wants to be there, etc.

I guess my biggest UO is that I don't like anything where social etiquette is a thing I have to worry about. But I also introvert so hard that should it ever be a sport at the olympics, I think I would be a strong contender for gold.

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

@Austenista yeah, I think thank you cards are worth it if someone sent me something in the mail, but if someone gave it to me in person and I thanked them sincerely in person? I think that should be enough. I honestly hate receiving thank you notes because it's just more clutter or more things to throw away. But I do them anyway... sigh...

jsl82 · February 2018

+1 to having no idea who gave me most of DD's clothes. There were an obscene amount of picture of DD on FB- MH posted a lot. I guess if I had a smaller family than I would be able to remember better who gave what outfit, but with 10 biological aunts, 4 in law aunts, and probably close to 30 female cousins (just on my side) there were no way. My mom and MIL also gave us bags and bags of baby clothes- many of which I exchanged to get bigger sizes before DD was born. DD ended up being in NB clothes for about a month- but I was worried that she would go right into size 0-3 at birth, so I didn't want to have too many clothes she would never wear. NB clothes are so tiny and adorable, but you will get more than they can wear at your showers and not enough of the next sizes up.

For thank you notes, I've written a million, but I HATE writing them and REALLY hate addressing them. And when I get them I go- oh that's nice... right in the trash. If I never write another I will be so happy.

@kmurdock925 YES to the unrequested nursery decor. With DD I had big time PGAL issues and wanted (maybe even needed) to do the nursery myself to make it real. I didn't register for anything nursery but still my MIL bought a who bought a whole kit- that was the complete opposite of everything I had already bought. It makes you feel/look so ungrateful when you are basically saying thanks, but no to any gifts.

As for BFing I agree there is too much pressure on BFing for moms. I BF'd and attribute that to keeping my DD healthy until she turned 1 (when my milk supply was very low due to being pregnant again). Everything I know about BFing says that the reason that BFing keeps the baby healthier than formula feeding is because you are passing antibodies onto your baby when you feed. But you have to be BFing for the connection between baby and mom to be there- so exclusive pumping makes NO SENSE to me. I cannot for the life of me figure out why someone would spend the time and money to do this (if you were an exclusive pumper I'd love to know what benefits you saw) . If I don't understand exclusive pumping- I really don't understand donor milk. That is a lot of trust to put into someone to not drink, eat healthy, ect. for what I see as little benefit. And what if there is an allergy found- you aren't the one providing the milk, so you won't know what the trigger food is.

buffalove1211 · February 2018

@krashke I totally agree with you on principal regarding pics of gifts. However,

@sunshineandwhiskey You are so right. I completely lost track of who bought what for DD. I was good about all the shower gifts, but the random stuff I am so grateful for and still lose track.

@katelynrae86I couldn't care less about getting a thank you note. Whenever possible I say to someones face "please don't bother sending me a thank you note". If I sent something in the mail, all I ask for a quick text to let me know a package was actually received and I'm happy.

My UO is kinda random for this time of year. I think its so silly when people give Christmas jammies and Christmas clothes as Christmas gifts on Christmas day! I was reorganizing DD's pajama drawer and she has 2 unworn Christmas jammies with tags on them! Who knows if they will fit next year. Maybe it's just me, but I'm weird about rocking Frosty and Santa in February...

ramennoodlegif · February 2018

@buffalove1211 We listen to Christmas music in the car year round (at DD's request,) but oddly enough, I am with you on the Xmas-themed clothes. I hate feeling obligated to wash them ASAP so that the kid can wear them once or twice, if that. If you want to buy my kid Christmas-themed stuff, get the next size up. Geez.

jsl82 · February 2018

@buffalove1211 YES! DD has a bunch of holiday books- and it bothers me when MH doesn't put them away with the holiday decor. I put the Llama llama trick or treat book with the Halloween bucket... don't leave the books in the house.. they come out for that holiday again next year. I'm not going to read a Christmas book to DD before bed in February... I'm just not.

mytinc · February 2018

I have been an exclusive pumper (for about 8 weeks) as well as a full time working mom that required pumping during the work day. To me, pumping was worth it for multiple reasons (including because it's much more cost effective than formula, and I'm cheap). I had an oversupply with DS2 and ended up donating to the local milk bank (you can't just throw it away, it's liquid gold as they say). The milk bank has a pasteurizing process and donating moms have to do a blood test and health history before they're eligible to donate.

But.... I would choose formula over donated milk, even if it was a sister or BFF that was donating.

You never know what others put into their bodies. There's a website called human milk for human babies which has the great idea of people supplying others with extra milk as needed (for adopted babies, etc.) I like the general idea of it, but couldn't handle the thought of not really knowing where my milk was going. What if it was really going to be some creepy guy putting it in his morning coffee?

Ok - I'm just rambling now. Not enough sleep last night.

profmcgonagall · February 2018

+1 to fed is best. I’m not one to use donor milk without testing but I would donate to a milk bank if I had the means. I recently saw a Facebook on my local military spouse group asking if anyone had any extra breast milk to feed her baby because hers isn’t coming in fast enough. I have no idea how people could just take breast milk from a stranger.

My UO is that I hate when women refer to themselves as mommies. I’m part of a mom’s group for the military base I’m out and it’s called *base name* Mommies. Maybe I’ll fee differently when I actually have a kid but to me it seems immature and juvenile.

ffw0617 · February 2018

I try to always send thank you notes bc honestly people in my life aren't really that giving. We had nearly 300 people at our wedding we received less than 40 gifts/ cards (and that's including people who didn't attend and sent a gift in the mail). Our wedding was an 8 hour drive (1.5 hr flight) for my side and we didn't expect gifts since they had to travel and honestly we didn't get any. I could count on ONE hand the amount of my family members that gave us something (a total of 2 that were in attendance, the other 3 gifts were from ppl who didn't come). DH's maternal grandma and dad did all invitations for his side so they invited people who didn't even know him anymore, like his first baby sitter from his childhood. It was basically whoever they wanted to party with. If we had received 150 gifts/cards maybe I would feel differently but I hand wrote and mailed every thank you card. I plan to do the same for the baby.

May14th2011 · February 2018

+1 to fed is best. I dislike breastfeeding. I fully support anyone who does it, I fully support women being able to do it anywhere, anytime, but I myself won't do it.

My uo- I hate that chores are gendered. I'm going to teach my kids equally. My son will know how to cook, my daughter will know how to change the oil in a car. I feel like that should be common knowledge, though? Everyone needs to eat, clean and take care of basic stuff.

krash_ · February 2018

@May14th2011 I totally agree on the chores! Growing up we all did all of the chores so I was doing laundry at 12 and mowing the lawn at 15. MH on the other hand didn't have to do any "girl" chores and now he doesn't know how to do laundry. He is a great cook and he enjoys it to which I am thankful because I only cook to feed myself not out of enjoyment. I am slowly teaching him all the laundry stuff and what can and can't go in the dryer because once baby comes he's going to have to do it more. Plus our laundry is downstairs so if I have to have a c-section and can't do stairs it will be all on him.

izza2 · February 2018

@katelynrae86 - Girl, yes. H's cousin got married back in October (the weekend before our BFP), and we have yet to get a thank you card (or even a message on FB saying thank you) or anything... We even made a personalized picture frame (we MADE it, not bought it, and she was super excited about it) for them. Not a freaking peep.
As expected, H and I have been kind of irked about that.
But, those weren't gifts being opened in front of other people. There was never a "thank you" to us in person or anything like that. So we've gotten zero acknowledgement, period.
I can understand not sending anything for birthday parties and showers and stuff like that where you're thanking someone in person already.

@kmurdock925 - We put a lamp on the baby registry, but don't expect anyone to buy it for us at all. We honestly put it on there because it's something we want to buy for the nursery once we get closer to DD.

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

Forget gendered chores -- DH just didn't do chores period growing up. No one ever took out the garbage (hoarder house). No one ever did laundry (not a joke). No one cooked. No one did dishes. No one tidied. No one did any of it. I think the closest anyone got to chores was spraying Scrubbing Bubbles around the bathtub and then sort of rinsing it? But I'm not even sure they rinsed it. I basically have to keep DH's chores to things that are very simple -- take out the garbage and recycling, unload/reload the dishwasher -- or things we do together, such as changing the sheets or putting the duvet back on, or very small tasks in the kitchen such as peeling the garlic. One time he told me he would change the duvet himself, and he just balled up the comforter and stuffed it into the duvet and then tried to sort of bounce it into shape (obviously didn't work, which he was very surprised by). They never put sheets on their mattresses growing up, so he just doesn't get it. He's starting to, but it's slow (I mean, we've been together 10 years so, it's very slow IMO). I certainly would not trust DH to wash my clothes lol. ...Then again, I barely trust my mom to wash my clothes? She shrinks everything.

krash_ · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I am not a neat freak by any means but how could someone live like that? Like no one in their family was remotely bothered by it?

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

@krashke Like, I don't even know how to describe the extent of my laughter when DH took me home to his parents when we were 19. We were still "just friends" and I had told him many, many times that I was very messy -- and in my mind, I was. Like, I was the terrible roommate who would leave a bowl of cereal on my desk until it got moldy, and I had a chair just covered in jeans and sweaters. I literally fell to the floor laughing when DH brought me home, though, because their apartment was so messy. Four bedroom, three bathroom apartment in the most expensive neighborhood in Manhattan (Tribeca, which might I add is only 3 blocks up from ground zero, which they lived through, and never cleaned afterward), and it was floor to ceiling junk. He told me if I needed to wash my hands in the bathroom (?? optional??) I had to use the bathtub. The bathtub should have been white, but it was brown. I was more terrified of using that bathroom than I was of most public restrooms in NYC, it was that gross. But hoarding is a sickness, and you just stop seeing it. Once DH moved out and started living with me, especially when we moved to DC and he didn't see his parents apartment for a year, it clicked for him and he was like, "Uh... was my parents place always this gross??" And I was like PRAZE JEZUZ HALLELUJAH YOU SEE THE TRUTH! And now he refuses to ever go over there, as do I, and the rule is that none of our children are ever allowed to step foot in there because it is not healthy. But his parents just don't see it. It's nuts.

Austenista · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 ok you win with that for sure. But plus one to weird family home situations. My husband's mother had passed years previous to me visiting his childhood home and it was just dad and the adult kids that frequented there. Anyway, their living room furniture situation was just office chairs. No couch, chair, table, lamp ...just a bunch of different types of office chairs. FIL married again less than a year before we did and she immediately took him to buy furniture. I still don't know how things devolved to the point of office chairs though.

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

@Austenista picturing that gives me the giggles

May14th2011 · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 my DHs parents are the same way. It's so bad over there. We went this last Christmas and there was mold, growing on multiple walls. They got upset when we mentioned it. No one there cleans, no cooks, no one does anything. It's so bad. Plus they have multiple dogs who do whatever they want, so there's dog mess all over. So unsanitary.

llamamama14 · February 2018

jsl82 said:

Everything I know about BFing says that the reason that BFing keeps the baby healthier than formula feeding is because you are passing antibodies onto your baby when you feed. But you have to be BFing for the connection between baby and mom to be there- so exclusive pumping makes NO SENSE to me.

@jsl82 The antibodies are in the breast milk itself and baby will still get those antibodies even if drinking the breast milk from a bottle. I want to say I've heard that there is additional benefit if baby is directly nursing because then baby will get antibodies and stuff off of mom's skin/nipple but someone can fact check me on that. I also know that there is the possibility of the nutrition/value of breast milk degrading somewhat through storage, freezing, and thawing but I don't know how much of a concern this is. (ETA: I'm not advocating that we pressure women to pump/nurse at all costs. I agree the benefits are overstated and the pressure is excessive.)

@krashke I love the spirit of sending photos to show your little one looking cute in an outfit but I personally wouldn't expect that specific method of acknowledgement/thanks. I would expect some means of acknowledgement/thanks. (Though 4 days postpartum is super early! I was still in bed at the hospital 4 days PP. DS was still wearing hospital issued vests.)

I do end up occasionally snapping photos and texting or posting on Facebook but it's not my standard practice for every item of clothing my kids are gifted. Thank you notes are my standard. I'm systematic with those suckers. I also like getting them because I like the gesture/acknowledgement but I'm OK with getting thanked via text or email because it's the heart/spirit of it that matters, not the tradition or etiquette.

On chores: I can't complain. DH is a stud. As I'm typing this he's cleaning up the kitchen.

krash_ · February 2018

@llamamama14 I’m not saying I expect her to send a photo right away. She hasnt even gotten the package yet. But I’m saying I’ve never gotten anything from the outfits I’ve given them for my nephew.

Also I’m not expecting parents to remember every single article of clothing they have received from every person and send them a picture but for my niece/nephew it would be nice to get a photo once in awhile.

llamamama14 · February 2018

@krashke Gotcha. I was definitely reading your post as you being irritated that your SIL hadn't yet sent you a pic. of your 4 day old niece in the outfit you sent. (And I was thinking "Holy Expectations Batman!) I am no longer wide eyed at your opinion.

lrichhx05 · February 2018

@jsl82 what @llamamama14 said, the antibodies are still in the breast milk even if they're not directly feeding from your breast. I exclusively pumped for 8 months and would do it again. Money was a huge reason for me TO EP, not against it. I don't see how EPing could be more expensive than formula?

But still, fed is best and women should do whatever they want/are comfortable with.

marcus7676 · February 2018

+1 to @llamamama14 and @lrichhx05. You don't need to BF to pass along antibodies in BM. Physical contact between baby and mom allows the mom's body to develop the necessary antibodies.

I struggled BFing DS and ended up combo feeding for 10 months before switching exclusively to formula. He didn't latch at first and by the time he did, my supply dropped. By 5 months or so, he didn't want to BF (except MOTN) so I EP'ed at home (and once I went back to work at 4 months). I was a little wounded (not sure if that is the right word) by your comment @jsl82. If you really believe that there is too much pressure on moms to BF, your comment about EPing making no sense adds to that pressure. My husband did so much research about formula and BM for me and so many studies show that BF babies have something like one less ear infection then formula fed babies. BM (via BFing) is not the end all be all nor is it the only way to keep your kid healthy. Fed is best, whether it is BM (through BFing or EPing), donor milk, or formula. Mothers need to do what is right for them, their baby and their family. If that is EPing, then that is EPing. If it is formula, then it is formula. If it is everything, then it is everything. But there should be absolutely zero judgment in a way a mom chooses to feed her baby (assuming she isn't giving a 2 month old cheetos - - then all the judgment in the world).

silvergreen · February 2018

Am I the only one who gets annoyed with baby prints having animals/graphics that are upside down on them, especially when it's more than half of the animals?

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/8w/p33uj82rpvzl.jpg

ramennoodlegif · February 2018

Back when smoking was allowed in restaurants where I live, I will never forget seeing a baby in an infant seat sitting on a table, with all four adults smoking, and the baby drinking a bottle of Mountain effing Dew. This baby didn't look old enough to have teeth. Yes, I judge the $hit out of that.
But formula vs. BM (regardless of how the kid gets it) gets no judgement from me. Provided they are getting the nutrients they need, do what you feel is best for your baby.

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