S+TM Check in / Chat Week of 2/12

lakesideknitter · February 2018

@brzvice I get bikini style with a band of lace (~2") at the waistband. The lace seems to stretch more than a regular waistband would.

mrsbubbles-2 · February 2018

Question for everyone:
How would you handle breastfeeding with a 12 year old step son in the house? So a little history behind my question...
When DS was born I was determined to breastfeed. We had some issues but we were working through them. Well, we have my step son about 50% of the time, sometimes he wants to spend more time with us, sometimes he wants to spend more time at his mom's (we live 4 mins from eachother so it's nbd to get him back and forth) and we try to leave a lot of it up to him. When DS came home, DSS was so uncomfortable with the breastfeeding that he either stayed in his room or stayed at his mom's.

I'm really hoping to avoid that this time. Last time when DSS was with us I would try to either go in the baby's room or our bedroom but I felt so isolated and that I wasn't doing DSS any favors by indicating that breastfeeding is something to hide or be ashamed of. He gets it that the baby is eating and all that, it just makes him really uncomfortable.

I want to initiate the conversation with DSS now rather than waiting until this baby comes home, to kind of prepare him. What do you think? Too early? We're very open and honest with DSS, he and I have great communication and DH is kind of leaving this up to me with what I want to do and what will make me most comfortable. He's backing whatever I choose to do 100%.

And not that it matters in the least but all of my SILs formula feed so DSS hasn't been exposed to breastfeeding a lot in the past. When we talked to him about it before DS was born he did say that he'd be sad if he couldn't feed little brother a bottle, he was looking forward to getting to feed him. My heart...

Sorry for the novel. TL;DR - would you initiate a conversation about breastfeeding with a 12 year old now or wait until later / closer to delivery?

lalala2004 · February 2018

@mrsbubbles-2 how old was he when your DS was born? Why did you feel the need to have a conversation then? I wonder if he would have been as uncomfortable if you had just done it and not made a big deal of it. I feel like if you address it again, it sends the signal that he should be uncomfortable with it, and if that’s not the message you want to send, I would just do it and hopefully he will get used to it. That really is a tricky situation, but ultimately I don’t think it’s a problem. Yeah, it’s sucks that he may not want to spend as much time with you guys, but I don’t think talking to him is going to make a difference in that if you had talked to him before the last baby is born.

mrsbubbles-2 · February 2018

@lalala2004 - Thanks for the response! He was 10 when DS was born. You're right, if I bring it up it's like I'm making it a big deal when it might not be.

7425cait · February 2018

I dunno. I still think I would bring it up. Explain to him why it's important for you that you want to breastfeed. Ask him if he's ok with you nursing nearby. 2 years can make a big difference in how he may receive the conversation.

livinthesunnylife · February 2018

@mrsbubbles-2 I don't think bringing it up right now would help with a 12 year old. They are so awkward anyway. I would just be careful about covering around him and try to not make it uncomfortable for him. Personally, I covered in front of all men except DH, cause that's just my choice. When my dad, BIL and nephew were all at my house for a week I just went in the bedroom to feed. DS was a really distracted eater anyway, so nursing was faster if there wasn't a lot going on around him.

calimom2524 · February 2018

livinthesunnylife said:

@mrsbubbles-2 I don't think bringing it up right now would help with a 12 year old. They are so awkward anyway. I would just be careful about covering around him and try to not make it uncomfortable for him. Personally, I covered in front of all men except DH, cause that's just my choice. When my dad, BIL and nephew were all at my house for a week I just went in the bedroom to feed. DS was a really distracted eater anyway, so nursing was faster if there wasn't a lot going on around him.

I did too. I just wasn't comfortable BFing in front of my dad, brother, FIL, or any other man for that matter. I recognize we should all feel comfortable as breastfeeding is natural but I personally wasn't comfortable and I wasn't going to put myself in that position just because I could. I used an a+a swaddle to throw over and it was very light and airy so it never bothered me.

mrsbubbles-2 · February 2018

Ladies thank you so much for the advice! I think we'll find a happy medium, bring it up casually just in normal conversation but I'll make sure to cover up / go nurse baby somewhere private if it becomes an issue with DSS wanting to stay in his room or at mom's.

And BTW there's a 50% sale going on at Children's Place and 75% off clearance!

delujm0 · February 2018

Before DD1 was born I was like "omg I will never whip out my boob in front of people without covering up." By the time she was 12 hours old i was nursing without a cover with FIL in the room. Haha so many shits not given. If they don't want to see it, they can leave the room.

I do ask where I should go if I'm at someone else's home as a courtesy but in my home and in public places idgaf.

dirtanddiamonds · February 2018

delujm0 said:

Before DD1 was born I was like "omg I will never whip out my boob in front of people without covering up." By the time she was 12 hours old i was nursing without a cover with FIL in the room. Haha so many shits not given. If they don't want to see it, they can leave the room.

I do ask where I should go if I'm at someone else's home as a courtesy but in my home and in public places idgaf.

This. 100%. Boob is basically out for the first month solid. And I just don’t care. I have nice boobs. Hahaha.

7425cait · February 2018

@delujm0 same. FIL was uncomfortable with me nursing around him, but I would always go make myself comfy on the couch and he could be elsewhere if he wanted to be. For me, it wasn't so much me trying to stand up for breastfeeding, but more of like "I've gotta do this every couple hours, so I'm gonna make damn sure I'm comfortable when I do it"

Funnygirl34 · February 2018

How far along are you? How big is baby? 13w6d, size of a peach

Ages of other child(ren)? 4 (almost 5) and 3.5

How are you feeling? Feeling good! It's pretty exhausting chasing around my boys, but I'm just thankful that the nastiness of first tri is mostly behind me.

Rants/Raves? My boys are SO excited for this baby. They seriously ask every day "how big is the baby today?" and are constantly suggesting names. I love it so much!

Questions? Are y'all planning on getting a gift to baby from big sibs/ a gift to big sibs from baby?

GTKY: Do you have any family traditions that your other child(ren) is/are involved in that you’re excited to share with August baby? We tend to cuddle in our bed on Saturday mornings and I can't wait for #3 to join!

melprop · February 2018

@Funnygirl34 I won’t get anything for DS from the baby. He’ll ask how the baby could pick him out something while it’s in my belly. I def want to let DS pick out some stuff for the baby so he feels like he’s included. We can’t take him to the appts or ultrasounds, but I want him to be part of something.

princesslockness · February 2018

@Funnygirl34 We got L a build a bear when we brought L home. Then he had his ‘own baby’ to diaper and rock while mommy rocked E. Idk what we will do this time though. Maybe get each one their own bag to carry their stuff in, so I only have to carry one kids diaper bag, maybe?

pghctwife · February 2018

@Funnygirl34 I’ll definitely get the kids a gift from baby, and they will each pick out a small gift for her too. I think it’s nice to make them feel special too.

When I had my second, we got my son a stuffed Elmo (he was super fan then and still is one of his special studies). I forget what he got for the baby. With my third one boy got him a stuffed duck and one a pat the bunny book. They got some dino trucks to play with in the yard (it was June).

Im not sure what this time... probably more keepsake/stuffed animal type thing than toy.

My kids still like to talk about what they got and gave in the hospital. It can be a tricky transition so imo it’s important, becoming a big brother or sister, even if it’s again, is a BIG DEAL.

I also will will get them big/bigger/biggest brother tees (and little sis) to wear to meet her. They were sooooo proud of those.

My first had a bit of a hard time at the hospital and I was thankful to have Elmo to give him and make him feel less freaked and upset.

i told them that when the baby is in my tummy mommy and baby are connected so I was able to pick out a present at the store that I knew what what the baby wanted to give the big brother

redheadbride15 · February 2018

I’m thinking of getting DS1 a babydoll to learn a bit about how to treat a baby before the newbie arrives. He’s 20 months old and I think he may be the right age to start to understand some of that.

(I’ve also been feeling guilty recently that I don’t have enough gender-non-stereotypical toys for him... that’s because I don’t buy him anything but my MIL sends a new truck/train/dinosaur like once a month)

pghctwife · February 2018

@redheadbride15 my mom got them baby dolls pre baby for my younger two, and I’ve always tried to intro different toys. We still have the baby dolls and they all 3 are collectively named ‘baby smash.’ Like... hulk smash. Facepalm.

lakesideknitter · February 2018

@redheadbride15 DS has my baby doll from growing up (it's one of those creepy ones that closes it's eyes when you lay it down). He's been carrying it around a lot more now that we're taking about the baby all the time! Of course, he likes to carry it with his arm around it's neck in a chokehold.. we'll have to work on that.

lalala2004 · February 2018

DS has a baby doll, but it is a soft body one and I think he kind of sees it as a stuffed animal. He seems really interested in the babies they use as
props in his swim class, so I may get him a more realistic looking one for when the new baby is here.

elsieisamoocow · February 2018

I got DS a Baby Stella when I got pregnant last year, and he loves it. For this pregnancy, I wanted to give him my old AG Bitty Baby, but couldn’t find it anywhere in my parents’ house, so I got him one for Christmas. He actually picked out which one he wanted and is in love with it, she sleeps in his crib with him every night and he brings her out to play and cuddle. He’s going to be an amazing big brother. He even comes up to my belly and hugs and kisses it now, calling it his baby. All the heart eyes.

I haven’t thought about what I want to give him “from the baby” yet since we already have the doll, but I definitely want to do something special, and once we know the sex this week I’m going to have him help me pick out some fun things for baby.

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