@ashh2018 my sister spent her entire first pregnancy very afraid that she wouldn’t be able to love her daughter as much as her dogs. The second that little girl was in her arms, everything clicked for her and the dogs, while still very loved, took a backseat to my niece. I was so glad she told me that because I also didn’t feel much connection to my baby for the first half of my pregnancy.
I lie to my toddler. When I don't want to share my food or drink I tell him that he can't have any because, "it's not good for babies. It's only good for mamas."
@stothi my toddler always NEEDS what I'm eating or drinking. When I have wine, I give him grape juice and tell him it's what mommy is having.
I don't really drink but sometimes hubby has a beer or I have a soda with caffeine. We tell buddy that babies can't have alcohol or caffeine and point to where it lists it on the ingredient label. Now when little buddy is playing and "reading" ingredient labels he'll say something like, "strawberries, peas, alcohol, cheese, caffeine..." That doesn't sound good buddy, it really doesn't.
Dh found the missing maternity clothes... I went through them looking for pants and was severely disappointed...trends have seriously changed over the last 4+ years... I’m wishing they had stayed missing...
bfp#1-10/29/12,EDD: 7/3/13. nothing found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 12/10/12. "Bean"
bfp#2-5/10/13! EDD: 1/18/14. "Peanut" Arrived 1/13/14. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis
bfp#3- 9/26/14. EDD: 5/7/15. no heartbeat found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 10/23/14. "Little Bug"
I lie to my toddler. When I don't want to share my food or drink I tell him that he can't have any because, "it's not good for babies. It's only good for mamas."
In our house soda, alcohol, and coffee drinks are treated the same, only adults can have them, they're "adult beverages." No shame. My cousins started drinking diet coke at 2 and it horrified me, plus paved the way for some scary food and drink choices forever for them since then. If I can keep him away from soda until he's at least 12 I'll be pretty happy.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I lie to my toddler. When I don't want to share my food or drink I tell him that he can't have any because, "it's not good for babies. It's only good for mamas."
In our house soda, alcohol, and coffee drinks are treated the same, only adults can have them, they're "adult beverages." No shame. My cousins started drinking diet coke at 2 and it horrified me, plus paved the way for some scary food and drink choices forever for them since then. If I can keep him away from soda until he's at least 12 I'll be pretty happy.
So alcohol is obviously a hard no, but for soda and coffee I'll let buddy have a sip or 2. But only uncaffeinated soda or black unsugared coffee. And just a sip or 2. I actually did a fair amount of research about caffeine and the biggest reason I could see not to let kiddos have it, is one, they'll get hyped up and two, if they are drinking coffee or soda they aren't drinking water or milk at that time so they are filling up on lots of calories but not actual nutrition. So as long as it's just caffeine like in black coffee/tea or just uncaffeinated sugary soda, I'll let little dude take those sips. But I just can't handle him drinking any amount of sugary AND caffeinated at the same time. That is just too much for me. We super limit watered down juice too, so I don't feel too bad about letting him have a few sips every once in a while cause mostly buddy just drinks water and milk. And milk is just with meals. I don't know if it'll actually work long run, but I'm trying to make most things not off limits like magical forbidden fruit so he won't get obsessed with the idea of sneaking it to have lots of something he can never have. Like chocolate. I always keep a bag of tiny little individual chocolates and he can ask for 1 piece pretty much whenever. But only 1 piece in a day. Sometimes 2 but usually not. Or like his snack bar or whatever, he can have 1, just 1, pretty much whenever. He typically only asks for a snack bar after his nap and is accepting of me saying no if he asks too close to dinner. So far it's working well with him not whining about snacks or candy, soda or whatever cause he knows he can have that 1 peice/sip and it's no big deal. Fingers crossed it has some positive effect (affect? Damnit, I'm not good at grammar) on him having self control and making good food choices moving forward.
Eta: if I notice that buddy has had sips of soda a few too many days in a row or has started asking for too many snacks or treats that aren't healthy, we magically "run out" or for reals run out, and I don't restock. I figure he can only have stuff that's not good for him if I buy it and give it to him, so when it's time to get back on track hubby and I just don't have those things in the house or don't eat/drink them in front of buddy. Somedays I'm mildly resentful of having to give up my unhealthy snacks and drinks but I get over it cause really I shouldn't be eating or drinking junk either. I even adult real hard sometimes and eat vegetables I don't want to and I pretend to freaking like them, just to try and set a good example. So far my kid does eat pretty much any kind of vegetable so either I'm just lucky or my efforts are actually worth something. Which leads me to wonder if I do all some things with baby #2 will this buddy also not be a picky eater? Cause that would be awesome. Picky eaters make me kinda crazy.
FFFC: sometimes when I really don't like a vegetable on my plate but I don't want my toddler to know and I can't force myself to eat it and pretend, I'll "accidentally" drop it or let the dog "steal" it, if I can't sneak it onto hubby's plate.
This also applies to melons of all kinds. For some reason I just have the worst luck with them falling off my plate...
@BusinessWife That sounds like maybe it could be Italy?
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@starla Brasil! :D We still go to family parties at grandpa's where people are visiting and not speaking practically any English whatsoever. Which is weird, but kinda cool, actually, too.
@stothi I hear you on all of that. We juice on special occasions only and actually no milk at all, but he's only 20 months old and still nursing. We lived with my mom for a few months and she always let him lick the top of her soda can, and he's totally obsessed with the taste of it, so it just scares me. I have maybe 4 cans per week, and if he didn't act like all of our drinks were the only acceptable option all the time, I wouldn't care so much. But being non-verbal and the type of kid who already constantly pushes boundaries, we picked soda as the one thing that is just a no. We let him play with and experience and investigate pretty much every other non-cleaning chemical thing in our house, so we wanted something that he just has to accept no on. The occasional piece of candy or other sugar type treats are totally fine, and he eats just about anything ever, though he doesn't like ice cream.
Hoping that we can relax our rules once we can talk about things better with him. Or once he's in school, because I don't like the idea of the "forbidden fruit" issue.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeamocktail 20 months and still nursing? You go girl! I'm so impressed when other people's boobs work. Mine were never great, we tried our best but didn't get too far. We had to supplement from the beginning. They completely gave up at about 6.5 months. I'm hoping I'll be a better lactator (is that a word? I think it should be if it isn't) this time around. Fingers crossed! I'm not worried about it, cause ultimately fed is fed, but I do think it would be nice to be able to just nurse and not have to use formula too.
@stothi I think that's a really good mentality to have. As a dietitian who has seen some pretty awful eating habits with kiddos, balance is huge. I know I won't be able to keep my kid away from soda or coffee forever, but it'll be highly limited. DS drinks milk, water, and watered down juice. When he's at home and I control it, I only allow one 4 oz serving of juice a day mixed with water. Ill continue to add water and/or ice throughout the day to that same cup and he knows no difference. I would LOVE DS to eat more veggies but we're not there yet. I follow "we provide they decide" for meals, and just keep offering foods no matter what.
Also @pourmeamocktail I'm super impressed that you're still nursing at 20 months too! I was mentally done around 1 year so I weaned around 13 months. Hoping for a similar experience this time around.
@stothi I could have written your post about bf. I tried so hard and took it very personally when all the lactation consultants, cookies, oatmeal, tea, pumling sessions, and fenugreek in the world didn’t improve my supply. We supplemented from about 3 weeks since DS wasn’t gaining. It was such a shock since it is one of the few things I’ve ever done where trying harder wasn’t the answer. I wish Kelly mom and the other sites set more realistic expectations that for some people, not matter what you do, your supply won’t be enough. It isn’t a failure. It would be a lot more convenient to not have to do both this time.
@spottedginger I think I was lucky in that I've known moms who could nurse both their twins and a neighbor's kid with both hands tied behind their back and moms who never produced a drop. I went into with a ,"we'll see," attitude. My initial goal was to stay off my meds (migraine, insomnia ect) for a few weeks to a month after baby was born so I could breastfeed at least a little. So I was somewhat disappointed to not be able to exclusively breastfeed and yeah, I tried all the things too, so much money spent on the things, but I was actually impressed that I was able to stay off all my meds and breastfeed my small offerings for those 6 months. So mentally I was ok, since I didn't put a lot of pressure on myself and neither did my friends or family. After I'd nurse if the baby was still hungry, hubby made a formula bottle and he took over feeding, no questions asked.
I haven’t bonded at all with this baby yet, and I’m not worried. I have history of loss, and even though I’m past that point I still just haven’t accepted that it’s “real” yet. The idea of thinking about names and nurseries and baby products is laughable to me right now. It was like this with my daughter, too though. I “accepted” it early in the 2nd trimester, and then started to bond pretty much in the 3rd trimester when I could definitively feel her moving regularly.
Thanks guys. I was lucky? maybe ? that I had to start as an exclusive Pumper for 3 weeks and ended up with a huge over supply, and I also was able to just stay home with my son until he was a year, so I think that's a ton of the reason that supply wasn't a problem for me-I didn't have to rely on pumps. Obviously more goes into in, and no one is a failure!!!! Any bit you can provide is awesome, and if you can't at all, or chose not to, you still feed your baby, which is the important part.
I have heard that your boobs are likely to produce better with each subsequent kid, so it's very possible that this time will go better for everyone. Also, I had a lactation consultant tell me that all hormonal birth control can lower your supply, even though my doctor assured of that IUDs and mini pill can't-they're mistaken. IUDs and mini pill are less likely to cause problems but still can.
Parts of me wish he was weaned, but I do love having the magic solution to problems...and he's always slept so poorly that I can't imagine having to find something else to settle him down...
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Bfing is hard in the beginning. I was not expecting the contractions you get while bfing during the first week. It took some time tears and patience but ds and I figured it out and it got alot better. It helped that dh supported and encouraged to keep trying because after the hospital I didnt think we could bf. I do know each baby is different. My sils 3 kids 2 bf and 1 refused to and she had to formula feed. End of the day as long as baby is fed one way or another or a mix is all that matters.
I’ve been ruminating on this all week and I am still super pissed about it! We hosted my SIL and her new BF last weekend and I prepped the whole house, even while working night and having my kitchen literally in pieces until the day they arrived because we had our appliances replaced. Of course, hubby was working nights the days before they came - even the night they did come since they decided to come a day early (which they told me on Wednesday and they arrived Friday).
Anyways, I made and cleaned up after every meal, all while caring for the kids and just doing my best to keep my darn eyes open. And NOT ONCE did she offer to help or even say thank you. And, they brought a gift for my husband, not for me - which isn’t really worth being mad about, but I’m irritated about everything now.
When his sister got home (we’ve been married 11 years, btw, I’m not new to the family), she texted my husband saying I wasn’t very welcoming and that her and her BF both noticed.
She freaking came into my house, didn’t even consider I was pregnant, ignored my 5 year old (to the point that my DD wanted to sit back and cuddle instead of being with everyone), didn’t offer anything once, let me cook and clean for her and then had the audacity to say I wasn’t welcoming. I will fully admit that I wasn’t as welcoming as usual, but I’m seriously just doing my best to survive and meet my kids needs right now. You’d think “family” would give grace to that!
I was so, so pissed. I am still pissed even after writing her. I wrote her as kindly as I could, but also told her that she was inconsiderate and that I was unfathomly tired.
How dare she even involve my husband, but her head is obviously so far up her ass that she wouldn’t even see the wrong in it. Ugh. I’m so upset and seriously don’t even want to have her here ever again.
Oh, and also, she’s 30 despite the fact that she acts like a freaking spoiled teenager.
@MrsBigTime I’m sorry. That sounds awful and she sounds like an ungrateful instigator. Good news is that the solution going forward is fairly simple: sorry my you found my welcome and hospitality lacking. It would be best for all of us if you stayed in a hote next time you visit (insert name of town where you live here) and we can meet you out for dinner one night.
DD is almost 15 months and I still don’t feel like a mom. Sure I nurse her twice a day and feed her, will do anything to get her to smile and laugh, and love her unconditionally... but the title of mom seems so weird to me. I did not connect with my pregnancy at all and I’m still waiting for it to hit me. She can say mama and gives me kisses, but I still sometimes feel like I should have had a big moment where I became mom (you’d think childbirth would be that moment but it was so crazy that everyone was kind of in shock and I didn’t get to hold her or even see her face for 45 minutes so that moment was different than I had imagined).
@yosemite2018 have you caught her puke in your bare hands? I always feel like that's a pretty solid "you're a mom now" moment. Cause who else besides a mom actually attempts to catch another person's vomit in their hands on purpose?
I totally feel like a mom, but for some reason I don't feel like as much of a mom as moms with more than one kid. Which is so weird cause it's not like it's a contest. But for some reason just having the one makes me feel like a mom lite or a junior mom. I'm wondering if baby number two will make me feel like a really real pro mom.
@yosemite2018 I don’t necessarily feel the same, but I do understand! I’ve realized I feel the most like a mom - or at least feel like a mom in the way I think i should feel like a mom - when I have to make a hard decision in regards to my kids, or when I’ve had to confront someone about them.
I had to fire a babysitter and that was so hard, but I had this mama-bear instinct and I was so uncomfortable, but also so fueled with the need to protect my baby that it just took over.
And once I had to confront a friend whose son bit my kid in the face - and since this wasn’t the first time he’d been violent with the kids in or friend group, but when i saw the blood and bite mark on her sweet face, subtle encouragement wasn’t going to do.
All thag to say, feeling like a mom isn’t the same as being a mom and then sometimes one day, out of the blue, something just gut-punches you and you just know “that is MY kid” and it just kind of clicks.
My google search history right now is like “how to stop someone from snoring” “how to smother someone with a pillow” “how to get rid of a body”.
Anyone in CA have a pick up truck and a shovel?
jk, jk...
Ooooo...my hubby has to take that ish and sleep on the couch with it. You do NOT f with a pregnant lady's sleep. He actually went and got face surgery cause I threatened to kill him if he couldn't make the noise stop. I think it worked but he did it right before this project started so I actually haven't been around him enough to know for sure.
@ashh2018 I have definitely lightly (and sometimes not as lightly) pushed DH to get him to change positions which helps the snoring. Great that doesn’t work I “accidentally wake him up and tell him he was snoring so at least he feels bad.
@stothi I haven’t had to catch it yet but have been vomited on. The kid is so freaking cute I don’t mind. The first few months were such a blur and luckily nothing major has happened since then (she did cut her chin open and I called my mom, a nurse, to come over and make sure she didn’t need stitches.)
@yosemite2018 one thing that surprised me with pregnancy and becoming a mom is that I don't actually feel DIFFERENT. I still feel like me. I don't know why I thought I would all of a sudden essentially be a different person when I became a mom. In retrospect, it's a pretty ridiculous thought. But I think lots of women are conditioned to think that motherhood "changes you" in some profound and fundamental way. I guess my priorities are different, my body is different, my sleep patterns are different, etc....But I am not different.
@yosemite2018 that’s usually what I do! But last night he would not roll over. Lately sleeping on his side bothers his hip so I feel bad. But I didn’t feel bad last night!
Sorry for venting, I just had to put that somewhere anonymous! Haha
@stothi You have me dying with the mom lite and junior mom. I thought I was alone in feeling that way.
@ashh2018 As a wife that sleeps next to a growling bear each night, I certainly feel for you! Last night was an extra nudgey night. Also, when I roll over, I try to over exaggerate and sigh so that he will wake up. The struggle is real with snoring bed mates!
Re: FFFC 2/9
Thank you all for your support and advice
bfp#1-10/29/12,EDD: 7/3/13. nothing found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 12/10/12. "Bean"
bfp#2-5/10/13! EDD: 1/18/14. "Peanut" Arrived 1/13/14. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis
bfp#3- 9/26/14. EDD: 5/7/15. no heartbeat found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 10/23/14. "Little Bug"
**Psalm 139:16**
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Eta: if I notice that buddy has had sips of soda a few too many days in a row or has started asking for too many snacks or treats that aren't healthy, we magically "run out" or for reals run out, and I don't restock. I figure he can only have stuff that's not good for him if I buy it and give it to him, so when it's time to get back on track hubby and I just don't have those things in the house or don't eat/drink them in front of buddy. Somedays I'm mildly resentful of having to give up my unhealthy snacks and drinks but I get over it cause really I shouldn't be eating or drinking junk either. I even adult real hard sometimes and eat vegetables I don't want to and I pretend to freaking like them, just to try and set a good example. So far my kid does eat pretty much any kind of vegetable so either I'm just lucky or my efforts are actually worth something. Which leads me to wonder if I do all some things with baby #2 will this buddy also not be a picky eater? Cause that would be awesome. Picky eaters make me kinda crazy.
This also applies to melons of all kinds. For some reason I just have the worst luck with them falling off my plate...
ETA. They all turned out fine.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Hoping that we can relax our rules once we can talk about things better with him. Or once he's in school, because I don't like the idea of the "forbidden fruit" issue.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I'm not worried about it, cause ultimately fed is fed, but I do think it would be nice to be able to just nurse and not have to use formula too.
Also @pourmeamocktail I'm super impressed that you're still nursing at 20 months too! I was mentally done around 1 year so I weaned around 13 months. Hoping for a similar experience this time around.
I have heard that your boobs are likely to produce better with each subsequent kid, so it's very possible that this time will go better for everyone. Also, I had a lactation consultant tell me that all hormonal birth control can lower your supply, even though my doctor assured of that IUDs and mini pill can't-they're mistaken. IUDs and mini pill are less likely to cause problems but still can.
Parts of me wish he was weaned, but I do love having the magic solution to problems...and he's always slept so poorly that I can't imagine having to find something else to settle him down...
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Anyways, I made and cleaned up after every meal, all while caring for the kids and just doing my best to keep my darn eyes open. And NOT ONCE did she offer to help or even say thank you. And, they brought a gift for my husband, not for me - which isn’t really worth being mad about, but I’m irritated about everything now.
When his sister got home (we’ve been married 11 years, btw, I’m not new to the family), she texted my husband saying I wasn’t very welcoming and that her and her BF both noticed.
She freaking came into my house, didn’t even consider I was pregnant, ignored my 5 year old (to the point that my DD wanted to sit back and cuddle instead of being with everyone), didn’t offer anything once, let me cook and clean for her and then had the audacity to say I wasn’t welcoming. I will fully admit that I wasn’t as welcoming as usual, but I’m seriously just doing my best to survive and meet my kids needs right now. You’d think “family” would give grace to that!
I was so, so pissed. I am still pissed even after writing her. I wrote her as kindly as I could, but also told her that she was inconsiderate and that I was unfathomly tired.
How dare she even involve my husband, but her head is obviously so far up her ass that she wouldn’t even see the wrong in it. Ugh. I’m so upset and seriously don’t even want to have her here ever again.
Oh, and also, she’s 30 despite the fact that she acts like a freaking spoiled teenager.
I totally feel like a mom, but for some reason I don't feel like as much of a mom as moms with more than one kid. Which is so weird cause it's not like it's a contest. But for some reason just having the one makes me feel like a mom lite or a junior mom. I'm wondering if baby number two will make me feel like a really real pro mom.
I had to fire a babysitter and that was so hard, but I had this mama-bear instinct and I was so uncomfortable, but also so fueled with the need to protect my baby that it just took over.
And once I had to confront a friend whose son bit my kid in the face - and since this wasn’t the first time he’d been violent with the kids in or friend group, but when i saw the blood and bite mark on her sweet face, subtle encouragement wasn’t going to do.
All thag to say, feeling like a mom isn’t the same as being a mom and then sometimes one day, out of the blue, something just gut-punches you and you just know “that is MY kid” and it just kind of clicks.
Anyone in CA have a pick up truck and a shovel?
jk, jk...
@stothi I haven’t had to catch it yet but have been vomited on. The kid is so freaking cute I don’t mind. The first few months were such a blur and luckily nothing major has happened since then (she did cut her chin open and I called my mom, a nurse, to come over and make sure she didn’t need stitches.)
Sorry for venting, I just had to put that somewhere anonymous! Haha
@ashh2018 As a wife that sleeps next to a growling bear each night, I certainly feel for you! Last night was an extra nudgey night. Also, when I roll over, I try to over exaggerate and sigh so that he will wake up. The struggle is real with snoring bed mates!