Here's another one, though maybe more of an UO... "Not trying, not preventing" drives me up the wall! If you are having sex, and not preventing, you are trying. There is no middle ground here. You can be trying with less than maximum effort, but it's still trying. The only exception I can think of is of you really don't know how babies are made.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@ewck@calimom2524 I say pregs, not gonna lie. I definitely think preggers is pretty gross and prego is not appealing. But yeah I say pregs, I'm from Southern California so I have a bad tendency to abbreviate everything, to the point that I definitely sound like a bro. (It took everything inside of me to write out all of those words completely and not abbreviate them.)
@ewck@calimom2524 I jokingly write on Facebook (like when my husband tags me in a show announcement for a DJ we like) "But, I haz the pregz." Hahahaha. I think I'm so funny.
@ewck@calimom2524 I jokingly write on Facebook (like when my husband tags me in a show announcement for a DJ we like) "But, I haz the pregz." Hahahaha. I think I'm so funny.
Haha but that's jokingly! A lot of people say them seriously and it's annoying AF.
Here's another one, though maybe more of an UO... "Not trying, not preventing" drives me up the wall! If you are having sex, and not preventing, you are trying. There is no middle ground here. You can be trying with less than maximum effort, but it's still trying. The only exception I can think of is of you really don't know how babies are made.
Disagree. There is a difference between actively trying (tracking cycles, temping, using OPKs, timing intercourse) and merely having sex whenever just because and not knowing fully or caring whether or not it is during your fertile period.
Here's another one, though maybe more of an UO... "Not trying, not preventing" drives me up the wall! If you are having sex, and not preventing, you are trying. There is no middle ground here. You can be trying with less than maximum effort, but it's still trying. The only exception I can think of is of you really don't know how babies are made.
Disagree. There is a difference between actively trying (tracking cycles, temping, using OPKs, timing intercourse) and merely having sex whenever just because and not knowing fully or caring whether or not it is during your fertile period.
I get what you're saying @ewck, but it's "all" trying, I think is what @derbysquirrel is getting at. You can be actively trying harder or just doing it for fun, but if you've got no goalie.......
I mean with this pregnancy we were ACTIVELY trying with OPKs, etc. because we wanted our kids to be a certain age gap. With my son, we just had sex.
Here's another one, though maybe more of an UO... "Not trying, not preventing" drives me up the wall! If you are having sex, and not preventing, you are trying. There is no middle ground here. You can be trying with less than maximum effort, but it's still trying. The only exception I can think of is of you really don't know how babies are made.
Disagree. There is a difference between actively trying (tracking cycles, temping, using OPKs, timing intercourse) and merely having sex whenever just because and not knowing fully or caring whether or not it is during your fertile period.
I have to agree with @ecwk here. My cousin was TTC for years after having her first and after 6 years they decided they were done tracking and gave up. She sold the crib and they just went back to living life and having sex whenever they wanted. Sure enough, that same month, pregnant.
Here's another one, though maybe more of an UO... "Not trying, not preventing" drives me up the wall! If you are having sex, and not preventing, you are trying. There is no middle ground here. You can be trying with less than maximum effort, but it's still trying. The only exception I can think of is of you really don't know how babies are made.
Disagree. There is a difference between actively trying (tracking cycles, temping, using OPKs, timing intercourse) and merely having sex whenever just because and not knowing fully or caring whether or not it is during your fertile period.
Agree. I was NTNP between DD1 and DD2, hoping I'd just get pregnant without having to think about it, but ultimately I wound up having to go back to temping and OPKs and timing sex exactly right for a few cycles to actually get pregnant again that time. Actively trying is super annoying. NTNP is just having sex whenever you feel like it, knowing that you could possibly wind up pregnant. Actively trying is a chore by comparison.
Part of the reason I wound up pregnant so early this time is that I stupidly was like "if 8 months of NTNP did nothing last time around, what are the odds it will work this time." The odds are high apparently.
I think there is a difference between NTNP and actively trying, but I think if you are NTNP you should not be surprised if you get pregnant any time. I mean the first month or something can be a bit rare, but I find it very weird that some people are genuinely surprised when they get pregnant that way (unless they have a history of IF or something).
I agree with @ecwk. We started out with, “not trying, not preventing” with DS. After 6 months, we started “trying” and I charted, bought ovulation kits, and all that. Sex is very different when you start doing all that. This baby was conceived right when we started not preventing and it was so much less stressful!
I guess it comes down to how you interpret the wording. If you equate “not preventing” pregnancy with actually making an effort to get pregnant then I guess I see your point. I don’t see those as the same thing.
I agree with @ecwk. We started out with, “not trying, not preventing” with DS. After 6 months, we started “trying” and I charted, bought ovulation kits, and all that. Sex is very different when you start doing all that. This baby was conceived right when we started not preventing and it was so much less stressful!
Same. We were sans goalie for 18 months but it wasn’t until I took steps to address getting pregnant that it actually happened.
I guess by some standards I wasn't trying when I conceived. I used donor sperm, and was aware of my cycle, but otherwise didn't have to chart or temp. It took two months, and I was absolutely trying to conceive. Where else would you draw the line? The fact is that most women of childbearing age get pregnant within a year of unprotected sex. Some struggle more than that, but for the average woman "not trying" will get you pregnant.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Yeah, after knowing so many people that struggle to TTC and knowing that both times we had to "try", I really don't believe much in "accidents". The meaning of that word does not apply. You either weren't being careful, or you knew exactly what you were doing....
Meh - I think the measure of "NTNP" and "Actively trying" is more sliding-scale than anything.There are varying degrees of "trying" like with anything. For some, coming off hormonal birth control is enough to send them into Actively trying land - for others, OPKs, temping, charting, etc is considered trying. I think it depends on each individual's personal situation if they are actively trying or more just throwing caution to the wind.
Related to "prego" and "pregs," DH has been telling people "we're pregnant" and it makes me cringe. Like, really dude, how's your morning sickness? And I'm pretty sure you drank three beers last weekend, so explain exactly how *we* are pregnant.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
We were NTNP with this pregnancy. Our last took a year and an HSG to get pregnant so I didn't think it would happen so quickly
afm: my kids watch a lot of tv. Like A LOT. But we aren't at home and they are playing too. I'd rather watch too much tv than go out everywhere and get the flu or strep.
Married: August 2007 DD1: Oct 2012 DD2: Sept 2016 DC3: Due August 2018
My FFFC: the people at the cafeteria in the hospital where I work now know that I'm pregnant because I have taken my lunchmeat, warmed it up, and brought it back for them to put in a wrap or whatever multiple times. Since then, they have been giving me extras of any main entree I order, and I am totally never going to stop them! More food for me? Yes please!
Tapping into the H confessions of the day.. I can't wait for his alarm to go off and for him to get out of bed so I can roll over into his spot, use his pillow or lay diagonally across the whole bed. Apparently co sleeping is not for me.
I guess by some standards I wasn't trying when I conceived. I used donor sperm, and was aware of my cycle, but otherwise didn't have to chart or temp. It took two months, and I was absolutely trying to conceive. Where else would you draw the line? The fact is that most women of childbearing age get pregnant within a year of unprotected sex. Some struggle more than that, but for the average woman "not trying" will get you pregnant.
The stat is actually that the average woman who is having sex 2-3 times a week and not using protection will get pregnant in a year. I was not having sex 2-3 times a week until actively trying, especially once I already had kids in the house. Before DD1, sure we had sex that much, but we still had to chart and schedule sex to get pregnant that time. Between kids is another story. When my options are sleep or sex right now, sleep wins probably 90% of the time. If I was having sex once a week, it was a good week. When I got pregnant this time, I had my period, had sex literally one time, and then realized I never got another period and it had been 35 days, so I took a test. I basically hit the lottery. The odds were not in my favor. I'd venture to say that the average 35 year old woman who had unprotected sex roughly twice a month wouldn't wind up pregnant after a year.
So for me, NTNP was absolutely not the same as trying to get pregnant. I recognize that this is an extreme example, but consider that I had a 5 month old in the house when I got knocked up. Sex is not at the top of my priority list right now. I got pregnant with DD2 in my second month of actively trying, at which point DD1 was over a year old and sleeping regularly, and I wasn't spending 2 hours a day pumping and dealing with bottles anymore, so we had started having sex more often. In the previous 8 months after my period came back, we were NTNP, but again having sex maybe 2-3 times a month due to the infant in the house, so getting pregnant would have been difficult on that schedule. Possible, obviously, but difficult.
I probably should have bought a powerball ticket when I got pregnant this time. Apparently I was pretty lucky that month.
@mrsbubbles-2 I went through not feeling comfortable with my body a lot with my first pregnancy and it was especially hard the first month postpartum. Like my body didn't even feel like mine. Working out and getting some cute, cheap clothes on Amazon that fit my changing body really helped me. I also talk to my hubby about it who was really supportive. Sending you lots of love and hope you feel better!
I was in the not actively trying camp, so I do feel like this is a thing. It took us 11 month to get pregnant the first time, even with charting and everything. Since DS is still young we don't get a lot of alone time and we figured that, combine breastfeeding and our issues b4 would mean we had a low chance of getting pregnant.
I always interpreted it as if you pull the goalie, you're trying to get pregnant. The additional steps to get pregnant is actively trying but either way, if there is nothing preventing pregnancy, it's trying in my eyes.
Just because I think it would be interesting to see the discussion, what about natural family planning? No goalie in that situation, but you time sex during the non fertile window. Does that count as “birth control”?
I always interpreted it as if you pull the goalie, you're trying to get pregnant. The additional steps to get pregnant is actively trying but either way, if there is nothing preventing pregnancy, it's trying in my eyes.
Yep, I'm on this boat. I've always equated not preventing with trying. I've also never experienced fertility issues, so maybe that has something to do with it. Drove me nuts when my SIL was shocked that she got pregnant on their honeymoon. "We weren't even trying! I was only off birth control for a month!" Okay, but you know how it works, right? I also consider unprotected sex while BF still trying. Everyone's cycle comes back at different times, it's literally impossible to know when you'd ovulate PP. Personally, I was pumping 50-60 oz/day, and my period still came back a week after my PP bleeding stopped (it lasted an awful 12 weeks).
Me: 28, DH: 40 Married 9/28/13 DS born 11/12/15 EDD 8/13/18
This whole dialogue is so interesting to me because I was not trying and I was preventing. I've been on birth control for several years, a decade almost, and only went off of it when Dh and I were trying with DS1 & DS2. I take it at the same time every day, I have never skipped a day. Here's where it gets interesting. I was in the ER on 11/24 for endometriosis pain and they did an ultrasound and the doctor told me I had a small cyst on my right ovary indicating I probably just ovulated from that side which made sense with my cycle (LMP 11/10) so I assumed she was right. I actually remember thinking "cool, I'm most definitely not pregnant this month then" because I don't have a fallopian tube on my right side. So not only was I on birth control but I also ovulated on the side that doesn't have a fallopian tube. It IS possible for the sperm to find the egg without one and it's also possible for that fertilized egg to then travel to the uterus but it's very unlikely that the pregnancy will actually be viable in the uterus. So as someone who had a lot of odds against her, I still managed to get this baby bean into my uterus. I know nothing is 100% so there's always a chance and yes we were having unprotected sex and yes I know how babies are made, it was just a major shock. The human body will never cease to amaze me.
@kc0711 weird, I posted something but it seems it disappeared.
NFP is not "NTNP." It's making a concentrated effort to NOT get pregnant. I know women who do NFP only, who have never gotten pregnant with a surprise baby.
@Firemanswife11 that’s my thought as well, because when done correctly (and I put that big stipulation in!) it can be a really effective form of BC. So it’s a “form” of BC in a non concrete way. But to the outside observer, could seem like NTNP.
I don’t equate them the same at all. Half the women out there don’t actually know how their cycle works. When someone says they’ve been trying for 6 months and haven’t been tracking I don’t even consider that trying. I guess that’s my FFFC. Even if you are prone to get pregnant easy like myself, I didn’t consider us trying till we were tracking.
@calimom2524 no judgement. We are in the same boat. I had not been paying attention to my cycle and had one middle of the night oops. And that’s all it took! If I had really been aware that we nailed it on the head with my ovulation i would have definitely got the morning after pill. But, We both didn’t think about that till weeks later. I also feel like there’s a reason we are having this baby. I almost feel like it’s the soul of the one we lost. Same due date just 3 years later.
Also, I love chick fil a and will eat there and I love hobby lobby and am so excited they are opening one near me. I do however disagree with their beliefs. But if I shopped that way for everything, there’d be little left for me to buy out there...
Also, I love chick fil a and will eat there and I love hobby lobby and am so excited they are opening one near me. I do however disagree with their beliefs. But if I shopped that way for everything, there’d be little left for me to buy out there...
What she said! A majority of these companies out here have horrible ethics, morals, and beliefs.
Also, I love chick fil a and will eat there and I love hobby lobby and am so excited they are opening one near me. I do however disagree with their beliefs. But if I shopped that way for everything, there’d be little left for me to buy out there...
Yeah I mean, I don't like the beliefs of the person running our country but I still live here so (insert emoji holding arms up going "meh?"). Plus I'm pretty sure most CEOs and Presidents of companies have opinions, views, or beliefs some people wouldn't agree with but we still support their companies. Andplusalso my brother is gay and he loves chick fil a.
I vote that NPNT is different than actively trying. Me and SO were NPNT for almost a year. We had both come to terms with prolly never gonna happen. I’m old. He has low testosterone. Lol. We were never actively trying. No tracking. Etc.
So yeah I was a little surprise to get my BFP. I mean I was thrilled because I had just assumed it wouldn’t ever happen. My other three I was pregnant in 1-2 cycles of NPNT.
If if you take this convo over to the TTC boards, seems like most those ladies definitely see a difference in NPNT and ‘trying’.
I also think there is a difference between NTNP and actively trying, or at least mentally it felt different for me (and I know it for sure did for poor DH who did not understand why we had to switch lubes and schedule sex or why I was obsessively taking my temperature and peeing on things and holding my legs up in the air for 20 mins after sex )).
I hate giving my money to Chick Fil A and have significantly cut back to the point where its a drop in the bucket compared to what I donate to PP/ACLU/various campaigns/other initiatives so I don't beat myself up too much about it. HL I just never shop at because I am not crafty so that makes that easy. I still wouldn't eat Chick Fil A or carry a logo'ed drink cup in public though out of shame.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
Oooh I thought of another one! I’m so excited for the October BMB to open up, it’s been so quiet I need a little drama to lurk! Plus each time another BMB opens we get bumped a little further down the page!
My FFFC is that on Fridays, I don’t have to take DS to preschool. I woke up DH when the kids were up at 9:00 and said I had to get ready for class. After he got up, I laid in bed and watched Greys Anatomy and then left the house for “class” at 10 which didn’t start until 11:30. I sat at the school and ate free popcorn and watched half of Scandal in peace.
Just because I think it would be interesting to see the discussion, what about natural family planning? No goalie in that situation, but you time sex during the non fertile window. Does that count as “birth control”?
I consider that preventing. Depending on the method it can actually be pretty reliable if people follow the rules. But people who break the rules give the methods a bad name!
Re: FFFC 1/26
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
I mean with this pregnancy we were ACTIVELY trying with OPKs, etc. because we wanted our kids to be a certain age gap. With my son, we just had sex.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
Part of the reason I wound up pregnant so early this time is that I stupidly was like "if 8 months of NTNP did nothing last time around, what are the odds it will work this time." The odds are high apparently.
If you equate “not preventing” pregnancy with actually making an effort to get pregnant then I guess I see your point. I don’t see those as the same thing.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
afm: my kids watch a lot of tv. Like A LOT. But we aren't at home and they are playing too. I'd rather watch too much tv than go out everywhere and get the flu or strep.
DD1: Oct 2012
DD2: Sept 2016
DC3: Due August 2018
Also, I had to spell check diagonally.
So for me, NTNP was absolutely not the same as trying to get pregnant. I recognize that this is an extreme example, but consider that I had a 5 month old in the house when I got knocked up. Sex is not at the top of my priority list right now. I got pregnant with DD2 in my second month of actively trying, at which point DD1 was over a year old and sleeping regularly, and I wasn't spending 2 hours a day pumping and dealing with bottles anymore, so we had started having sex more often. In the previous 8 months after my period came back, we were NTNP, but again having sex maybe 2-3 times a month due to the infant in the house, so getting pregnant would have been difficult on that schedule. Possible, obviously, but difficult.
I probably should have bought a powerball ticket when I got pregnant this time. Apparently I was pretty lucky that month.
Working out and getting some cute, cheap clothes on Amazon that fit my changing body really helped me. I also talk to my hubby about it who was really supportive. Sending you lots of love and hope you feel better!
I was in the not actively trying camp, so I do feel like this is a thing. It took us 11 month to get pregnant the first time, even with charting and everything. Since DS is still young we don't get a lot of alone time and we figured that, combine breastfeeding and our issues b4 would mean we had a low chance of getting pregnant.
I always interpreted it as if you pull the goalie, you're trying to get pregnant. The additional steps to get pregnant is actively trying but either way, if there is nothing preventing pregnancy, it's trying in my eyes.
Drove me nuts when my SIL was shocked that she got pregnant on their honeymoon. "We weren't even trying! I was only off birth control for a month!" Okay, but you know how it works, right? I also consider unprotected sex while BF still trying. Everyone's cycle comes back at different times, it's literally impossible to know when you'd ovulate PP. Personally, I was pumping 50-60 oz/day, and my period still came back a week after my PP bleeding stopped (it lasted an awful 12 weeks).
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
NFP is not "NTNP." It's making a concentrated effort to NOT get pregnant. I know women who do NFP only, who have never gotten pregnant with a surprise baby.
@calimom2524 no judgement. We are in the same boat. I had not been paying attention to my cycle and had one middle of the night oops. And that’s all it took! If I had really been aware that we nailed it on the head with my ovulation i would have definitely got the morning after pill. But, We both didn’t think about that till weeks later. I also feel like there’s a reason we are having this baby. I almost feel like it’s the soul of the one we lost. Same due date just 3 years later.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
So yeah I was a little surprise to get my BFP. I mean I was thrilled because I had just assumed it wouldn’t ever happen. My other three I was pregnant in 1-2 cycles of NPNT.
If if you take this convo over to the TTC boards, seems like most those ladies definitely see a difference in NPNT and ‘trying’.
I hate giving my money to Chick Fil A and have significantly cut back to the point where its a drop in the bucket compared to what I donate to PP/ACLU/various campaigns/other initiatives so I don't beat myself up too much about it. HL I just never shop at because I am not crafty so that makes that easy. I still wouldn't eat Chick Fil A or carry a logo'ed drink cup in public though out of shame.
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+