Glad we are doing ticker changes again I will join juliebird6 on Wednesdays!
I had a really tough loss when first TTC and after that I swore the sex would never matter to me, just the health. However, after one healthy boy, when I found out our second was a boy I did struggle. I wasn't sure we would ever have another, and while I obviously looked forward to the brotherly bond I also was really sad about potentially never having the mother-daughter bond. Then I also felt like the worst mother ever for being disappointed at the news, especially after my loss. Gender disappointment is something that is so judged and misunderstood, but apparently is very common among mothers of only boys (less so for mothers/fathers of only girls). I love my sons as much as anyone in the world, and would continue to even if I had 20. Ultimately we made the decision to try for #3 fully accepting that the chances were (53% chance) that it would be another boy. It turns out that this one is a girl so I don't know for sure how I would have reacted, but I do think I may have mourned the loss of the daughter I imagined, even while loving my boys and enjoying that experience. I hate that this is something that is so judged and I have empathy for people who experience it with all the same kids. I guess I don't really understand when people feel that way with their first as much but anyway all to say I totally understand and have been there.
If I could give advice to scottishlass1213 (can't tag for some reason), it would be what helped me was to see how different each of my boys were. I expected it to be a similar experience but my boys are like night and day from each other, so it is really fun to see how they are unique people, the bond between them, and also to realize that no matter the sex each kid is a unique person that you will get to know. If I can quote my psychologist, it is okay to grieve the daughter you will never have and to allow yourself those feelings of disappointment without beating yourself up. It does not affect how you will be as a mother to DS2! Always here if you need to talk.
My FFFC: I have never seen an animal print worn by a human being, even a baby or kid, that I thought looked okay. Especially babies - why do that to them! My friend's daughter has a leopard print sleeper, whereas she usually dresses her in very classic outfits (think royal family style) and I am always so surprised by it, it just doesn't fit with the rest!
@calimom2524 I drink wine too (or beer). Only occasionally and only an ounce or two. Even in the first tri. Flame away. Also, that pic of your boys is just adorable. I really want another boy for that reason. We're waiting until birth to find out sex, and partially I think that it will be easier to accept whichever at that point because I'll have a little squishy in my arms who i won't be able to not love with all my heart no matter what their sex is.
My FFFC is that I'm not into the Siggy challenges and I hate scrolling past the big photos. @princesslockness I cringe every time I scroll past yours! I know it's not you, but it's hard to disassociate! Sorry!
@calimom2524 I drink wine too (or beer). Only occasionally and only an ounce or two. Even in the first tri. Flame away. Also, that pic of your boys is just adorable. I really want another boy for that reason. We're waiting until birth to find out sex, and partially I think that it will be easier to accept whichever at that point because I'll have a little squishy in my arms who i won't be able to not love with all my heart no matter what their sex is.
My FFFC is that I'm not into the Siggy challenges and I hate scrolling past the big photos. @princesslockness I cringe every time I scroll past yours! I know it's not you, but it's hard to disassociate! Sorry!
Thank you! That's one of my favorite pictures just because of the adoration in his eyes, it was such a sweet moment to capture. I commend you, I'm way too impatient to wait until birth, I wanna know yesterday.
Thank you! That's one of my favorite pictures just because of the adoration in his eyes, it was such a sweet moment to capture. I commend you, I'm way too impatient to wait until birth, I wanna know yesterday.
I know you told us but I can't remember 100% - is the picture in your siggy you and DH? Such a great one!
@alinafed You can still sit with me then. Cause I would never wear an animal print dress or shirt or anything. But an accessory like a scarf or a flat- totally!
Thank you! That's one of my favorite pictures just because of the adoration in his eyes, it was such a sweet moment to capture. I commend you, I'm way too impatient to wait until birth, I wanna know yesterday.
I know you told us but I can't remember 100% - is the picture in your siggy you and DH? Such a great one!
Lol I wish! Nah it was just the only siggy challenge picture I could find that didn't make me want to gag. It's super adorable but I haven't been that size since probably ever.
@livinthesunnylife I'm a NY Jew. I know and love many people with a voice and accent like that. It's endearing to me. And Fran Drescher is actually kind of a badass.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
I was also under the impression we were doing the weekly change? If we're doing ticker via days of the week that will stink bc we'll have to search each thread for people who change the same week as us (in the same stage of growth ect) and for those of us who still don't have a due date to change on. Why change it again?
@alinafed I know you weren't talking to me, but I am answering for myself.
On my other 2 BMBs and everywhere I have 'heard' of gender disappointment it has been used to refer to unhappiness, or stronger emotions, with the actual sex of a child. I believe @ecwk 's second paragraph was directed at some of the posters in THIS thread.
@alinafed I mean that when someone says they are upset/angry/depressed that their child is a boy or their child is a girl, that pisses me off. There is a subtle but distinct difference between saying that and saying "oh, I'm thrilled to be having another boy but I do feel sad at the thought of never having a girl".
Edit to clarify: the first situation above is what I consider "gender disappointment" because any time I have read such things here or on other forums, that is how it is expressed.
Thanks for these explanations girls. I have been thinking about them - I guess for me it's just a bit confusing because although I understand what you are saying, I personally have never heard anyone say that they are angry about the gender - more often I hear they are angry at themselves for feeling disappointed or anything but happy. I'm sure people with the stronger negative emotions exist (that twin mom in Asia would probably be a prime example that I would totally feel the same about) but I guess anytime I have asked about gender disappointment on a forum people express the kind of feelings in the exact same words almost that a few people on this thread have shared instead - happiness and love for the baby, but disappointment not to get to also experience one of the other sex. I guess I just don't really see the difference myself - I've talked to lots of moms of all boys (even moms with 4-7 boys!), one of whom told me she still cried from time to time about the daughter she felt was missing, and none have ever expressed any kind of resentment toward their kids or anything. As someone who has been through both a loss and gender disappointment, I would still say every child is a miracle and precious gift who deserves to be loved by its mom, and would hope/think that 99% of moms experiencing feelings of gender disappointment agree. I did see a psychologist about this issue and the extreme guilt that comes with it so I have thought about it more than others perhaps.
My FFFC: I have never seen an animal print worn by a human being, even a baby or kid, that I thought looked okay. Especially babies - why do that to them! My friend's daughter has a leopard print sleeper, whereas she usually dresses her in very classic outfits (think royal family style) and I am always so surprised by it, it just doesn't fit with the rest!
I dunno, DS has some pretty awesome cow print jammies that I can’t wait to pull out again!!
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Glad we are doing ticker changes again I will join juliebird6 on Wednesdays!
I had a really tough loss when first TTC and after that I swore the sex would never matter to me, just the health. However, after one healthy boy, when I found out our second was a boy I did struggle. I wasn't sure we would ever have another, and while I obviously looked forward to the brotherly bond I also was really sad about potentially never having the mother-daughter bond. Then I also felt like the worst mother ever for being disappointed at the news, especially after my loss. Gender disappointment is something that is so judged and misunderstood, but apparently is very common among mothers of only boys (less so for mothers/fathers of only girls). I love my sons as much as anyone in the world, and would continue to even if I had 20. Ultimately we made the decision to try for #3 fully accepting that the chances were (53% chance) that it would be another boy. It turns out that this one is a girl so I don't know for sure how I would have reacted, but I do think I may have mourned the loss of the daughter I imagined, even while loving my boys and enjoying that experience. I hate that this is something that is so judged and I have empathy for people who experience it with all the same kids. I guess I don't really understand when people feel that way with their first as much but anyway all to say I totally understand and have been there.
If I could give advice to scottishlass1213 (can't tag for some reason), it would be what helped me was to see how different each of my boys were. I expected it to be a similar experience but my boys are like night and day from each other, so it is really fun to see how they are unique people, the bond between them, and also to realize that no matter the sex each kid is a unique person that you will get to know. If I can quote my psychologist, it is okay to grieve the daughter you will never have and to allow yourself those feelings of disappointment without beating yourself up. It does not affect how you will be as a mother to DS2! Always here if you need to talk.
Thank you! That was so sweet of you and what great advice from your psychologist!
I'm all for ticker changes. I switch on Thursday so I'll join you @julibird6!!
My FFFC is that sometimes when ordering sushi or chinese food takeout, I pretend there's someone else in the room with me so they won't think I'm ordering all that food for one person.
I’m not linking this to get political. Just to share the story I mentioned earlier.
Horrible, can't even bring myself to open the link. I believe sex-selective abortions are still very common in India and China though. Actually, in British Columbia (province of Canada), because there is such a large Asian population I believe ultrasound technicians are not allowed to reveal the sex (I think your doctor still can if you ask) because they are scared the info will be used to perform sex-selective abortions. So heartbreaking.
I guess my FFFC is that abortions for any reason, including sex selection, don't really bother me. I understand the counter point, but I can't get myself worked up about it. I think if you are not prepared to parent the child you are going to have, abortion is a much better option than abuse or neglect.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
FFFC. I totally judge people who drink during pregnancy, same with smoking. I feel like it's something you can go without for 9 months. To me it just isn't worth the potential risk to baby.
@alinafed I *think* it’s like 99% drive-bus that are all ‘my lyfe has ended!!!! I refuse to believe that this child with a penis clearly showing is a boy!!! They must be wrong!’ Most BMBs I have been on/lurked have at least one around 18-22 weeks. Most regulars seem to either keep it to themselves if they are ‘distraught’ or try to reason with the crazy.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@calimom2524 that picture of your boys is the exact reason I would love for this LO to be a boy!
We are for sure done after this one, so on one hand I would love to have one of each. We would use DH's late mother's name as a MN for a girl and I know a part of him really wants that. The idea of daddy daughter dances, and the mother/daughter bond. Then on the other hand being a boy mom has been amazing, and part of me can't imagine anything else. Plus again, that picture just melts my heart and it'd be great to give DS a built in bestie!
@alinafed on my last BMB a random poster started 2 separate threads talking about how she already had 3 boys and saying things like "this one better be a girl or i don't know what I'll do." It's like "ok you knew when you conceived that it was a 50/50 shot, so if you truly don't think you can handle raising another son you should not have gotten pregnant." In one thread she was talking about how she couldn't wait to rub the fact that this one was a girl in people's faces, when she didn't even know the sex yet. Then she materialized in a NIPT thread after someone posted that their friend got the wrong results for sex and she was flipping out about that too.
Her face - rubbing thread was so insane that I was like, completely honestly, "look, it seems like not knowing the sex of your kid yet is stressing you out, you should consider NIPT so you can find out sooner and be able to come to terms with the outcome if it's not what you wanted" and she WENT OFF on me like "how dare you suggest that to me" and then the next day she posted in the NIPT thread about getting her blood draw so i have no clue how I offended her by suggesting she do something she was already planning to do. And then she started another thread about it and people just lost it on her. They were like "you know some people who want kids can't have them, you're about to have a 4th, and you're hung up on the sex, it's kind of crazy" and she flipped out on everyone there too. Things escalated pretty quickly and she started just reporting people at random...it was insane.
If she was real, she did post in the sex thread like 2 weeks after this all went down that she was having a girl. People were like "great good for you, eyeroll." She then never posted on the board again.
I guess my FFFC is that abortions for any reason, including sex selection, don't really bother me. I understand the counter point, but I can't get myself worked up about it. I think if you are not prepared to parent the child you are going to have, abortion is a much better option than abuse or neglect.
The problem is that in these cases it’s almost always female children. So patriarchal societies are partially to blame, and I don’t see how that jives with the feminism associated with being pro-choice.
I am pro-choice, but I strongly believe abortions should be avoided as much as possible with better birth control, healthcare for women, and stronger support systems for pregnant women in crisis. If women really want an abortion, they should be able to get one, but no one should feel like they have to get one. It really should feel like a choice.
I also think there’s a big difference between an unplanned pregnancy, and a pregnancy that was wanted until finding out the sex of a child or a non-life threatening health condition. And while I would never tell someone what to do in a situation like that, I’ll definitely judge it. You truly never know what you’re going to get with a child, and if you are going to abuse or neglect your child because of some arbitrary factor outside their control, you shouldn’t have one of any sex because you’re a horrible person.
You truly never know what you’re going to get with a child, and if you are going to abuse or neglect your child because of some arbitrary factor outside their control, you shouldn’t have one of any sex because you’re a horrible person.
I totally agree, but I'm not sure how to enforce that.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@alinafed I agree. I felt what I consider to be some gd with my third. It passed very quickly but it was NEVER about wishing he was anyone other than his own self... rather the sadness of the daughter I hoped for who wasn’t. It felt like a loss (I didn’t think we’d hsve any more).
I di worry it will be harder for the feelings to pass if we learn it’s another boy this time since I won’t actuslly meet him until aug - when I know I’ll fsll in love.
Im in a large boy mom group too that talks about this a lot, and all the moms who self describe as having had some gd, they all describe it that way too.
I’m sure some ppl feel legit anger or disappointment IN THEIR CHILD but fit most I think the term gd means being disappointed in the loss of the son or daughter you imagined. So.., maybe if you hear someone talk about ‘gender disappointment’ don’t assume it means the worst.
op (I can’t remember tags!!!) no flames here. I understand. I will also promise you that brothers are soooo fun. My boys are so crazy bonded. They ADORE each other.
@scottishlass1213 hugs to you. I found out I am having another boy too, and while I’m so excited to have two sons and watch them grow up together, I’m not sure I’ve let myself think about the daughter I probably won’t have.
I am pro choice as well, mostly, but my brother & sister in law were unable to have kids and both my niece and nephew are adopted. My nephews birth mom gave birth to him at 17. My niece was born in China, left on a roadside, and taken to the orphanage. She came home to us at 8 months. I’m tearing up right now at the thought that their birth moms could have made a different choice and they wouldn’t be here right now. They are both 18/19 now and are 3 months apart. So yeah, I do wish/hope that people getting abortions are being told there are other options, but I do think it should be a choice, and I have several friends who have made that choice and have never judged.
You truly never know what you’re going to get with a child, and if you are going to abuse or neglect your child because of some arbitrary factor outside their control, you shouldn’t have one of any sex because you’re a horrible person.
I totally agree, but I'm not sure how to enforce that.
I get that, but you said they don’t bother you. They definitely bother me if they are for those reasons!
Did someone volunteer to do the Monday ticker change? I was going to start it but I don't want to step on any toes.
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
Re: FFFC
Glad we are doing ticker changes again
I will join juliebird6 on Wednesdays! 
I had a really tough loss when first TTC and after that I swore the sex would never matter to me, just the health. However, after one healthy boy, when I found out our second was a boy I did struggle. I wasn't sure we would ever have another, and while I obviously looked forward to the brotherly bond I also was really sad about potentially never having the mother-daughter bond. Then I also felt like the worst mother ever for being disappointed at the news, especially after my loss. Gender disappointment is something that is so judged and misunderstood, but apparently is very common among mothers of only boys (less so for mothers/fathers of only girls). I love my sons as much as anyone in the world, and would continue to even if I had 20. Ultimately we made the decision to try for #3 fully accepting that the chances were (53% chance) that it would be another boy. It turns out that this one is a girl so I don't know for sure how I would have reacted, but I do think I may have mourned the loss of the daughter I imagined, even while loving my boys and enjoying that experience. I hate that this is something that is so judged and I have empathy for people who experience it with all the same kids. I guess I don't really understand when people feel that way with their first as much but anyway all to say I totally understand and have been there.
If I could give advice to scottishlass1213 (can't tag for some reason), it would be what helped me was to see how different each of my boys were. I expected it to be a similar experience but my boys are like night and day from each other, so it is really fun to see how they are unique people, the bond between them, and also to realize that no matter the sex each kid is a unique person that you will get to know. If I can quote my psychologist, it is okay to grieve the daughter you will never have and to allow yourself those feelings of disappointment without beating yourself up. It does not affect how you will be as a mother to DS2! Always here if you need to talk.
Also, that pic of your boys is just adorable. I really want another boy for that reason. We're waiting until birth to find out sex, and partially I think that it will be easier to accept whichever at that point because I'll have a little squishy in my arms who i won't be able to not love with all my heart no matter what their sex is.
My FFFC is that I'm not into the Siggy challenges and I hate scrolling past the big photos.
@princesslockness I cringe every time I scroll past yours! I know it's not you, but it's hard to disassociate! Sorry!
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
Yes I feel differently about the accessories for some reason, those can be fine! Haha there is no rhyme or reason to my FFFC I guess!
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
Thanks for these explanations girls. I have been thinking about them - I guess for me it's just a bit confusing because although I understand what you are saying, I personally have never heard anyone say that they are angry about the gender - more often I hear they are angry at themselves for feeling disappointed or anything but happy. I'm sure people with the stronger negative emotions exist (that twin mom in Asia would probably be a prime example that I would totally feel the same about) but I guess anytime I have asked about gender disappointment on a forum people express the kind of feelings in the exact same words almost that a few people on this thread have shared instead - happiness and love for the baby, but disappointment not to get to also experience one of the other sex. I guess I just don't really see the difference myself - I've talked to lots of moms of all boys (even moms with 4-7 boys!), one of whom told me she still cried from time to time about the daughter she felt was missing, and none have ever expressed any kind of resentment toward their kids or anything. As someone who has been through both a loss and gender disappointment, I would still say every child is a miracle and precious gift who deserves to be loved by its mom, and would hope/think that 99% of moms experiencing feelings of gender disappointment agree. I did see a psychologist about this issue and the extreme guilt that comes with it so I have thought about it more than others perhaps.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Tw: https://www.lifenews.com/2012/08/14/woman-20-weeks-pregnant-with-twins-has-abortion-last-week/
Horrible, can't even bring myself to open the link. I believe sex-selective abortions are still very common in India and China though. Actually, in British Columbia (province of Canada), because there is such a large Asian population I believe ultrasound technicians are not allowed to reveal the sex (I think your doctor still can if you ask) because they are scared the info will be used to perform sex-selective abortions. So heartbreaking.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
eta: ticker change is the day you move to the next week, I’m assuming, but siggy has me like uhhhhhhhhhh
Siggys are the signatures at the bottom of posts. Some people put gifs or pics or tickers or just statuses. Mine is in a spoiler.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
We are for sure done after this one, so on one hand I would love to have one of each. We would use DH's late mother's name as a MN for a girl and I know a part of him really wants that. The idea of daddy daughter dances, and the mother/daughter bond. Then on the other hand being a boy mom has been amazing, and part of me can't imagine anything else. Plus again, that picture just melts my heart and it'd be great to give DS a built in bestie!
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18
Her face - rubbing thread was so insane that I was like, completely honestly, "look, it seems like not knowing the sex of your kid yet is stressing you out, you should consider NIPT so you can find out sooner and be able to come to terms with the outcome if it's not what you wanted" and she WENT OFF on me like "how dare you suggest that to me" and then the next day she posted in the NIPT thread about getting her blood draw so i have no clue how I offended her by suggesting she do something she was already planning to do. And then she started another thread about it and people just lost it on her. They were like "you know some people who want kids can't have them, you're about to have a 4th, and you're hung up on the sex, it's kind of crazy" and she flipped out on everyone there too. Things escalated pretty quickly and she started just reporting people at random...it was insane.
If she was real, she did post in the sex thread like 2 weeks after this all went down that she was having a girl. People were like "great good for you, eyeroll." She then never posted on the board again.
ETA - oops read the last line again. I need a nap. lol.
I am pro-choice, but I strongly believe abortions should be avoided as much as possible with better birth control, healthcare for women, and stronger support systems for pregnant women in crisis. If women really want an abortion, they should be able to get one, but no one should feel like they have to get one. It really should feel like a choice.
I also think there’s a big difference between an unplanned pregnancy, and a pregnancy that was wanted until finding out the sex of a child or a non-life threatening health condition. And while I would never tell someone what to do in a situation like that, I’ll definitely judge it. You truly never know what you’re going to get with a child, and if you are going to abuse or neglect your child because of some arbitrary factor outside their control, you shouldn’t have one of any sex because you’re a horrible person.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
I di worry it will be harder for the feelings to pass if we learn it’s another boy this time since I won’t actuslly meet him until aug - when I know I’ll fsll in love.
Im in a large boy mom group too that talks about this a lot, and all the moms who self describe as having had some gd, they all describe it that way too.
I’m sure some ppl feel legit anger or disappointment IN THEIR CHILD but fit most I think the term gd means being disappointed in the loss of the son or daughter you imagined. So.., maybe if you hear someone talk about ‘gender disappointment’ don’t assume it means the worst.
op (I can’t remember tags!!!) no flames here. I understand. I will also promise you that brothers are soooo fun. My boys are so crazy bonded. They ADORE each other.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
I am pro choice as well, mostly, but my brother & sister in law were unable to have kids and both my niece and nephew are adopted. My nephews birth mom gave birth to him at 17. My niece was born in China, left on a roadside, and taken to the orphanage. She came home to us at 8 months. I’m tearing up right now at the thought that their birth moms could have made a different choice and they wouldn’t be here right now. They are both 18/19 now and are 3 months apart. So yeah, I do wish/hope that people getting abortions are being told there are other options, but I do think it should be a choice, and I have several friends who have made that choice and have never judged.
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.