@krashke Bummer! Well FX for you that you can find something soon! Daycare is so stressful...one of the most stressful parts for me honestly.
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
Good luck to all you ladies taking the glucose testing. I had GD with my last pregnancy and was able to control it with metformin and diet. This time around they already have me on insulin. Pricking my fingers is worse than the shots.
@krashke remember that you can always switch daycares. I was really stuck on finding the perfect one for DS (spoiler: I didn't). He started daycare at 5 months and we moved him at 9 months. For the first few months, he really just needed a warm environment where the teachers tended to him. Once he got older and needed more stimulation, I really started looking at a new place that would provide that. So if you find a "good enough" place for the first few months to take the pressure off, that might be another option to consider.
My 20 week went great. She found the HB right away, unlike my 16 week appointment, which made me feel better. I'm still not feeling much movement, so still nervous all the time.
@krashke this is why I wish we either had the French cresche situation (ayyy where my girls who’ve read Bringing Up Bebe at? ) here in the US or that all work provided childcare options. My parents were lucky that when I was that age, their work had a daycare. And I’ve worked a few places that have daycares (long ago, sigh) that had daycares on-site and oh man it was so lovely for the parents and the kids. And honestly for the rest of us too because the kids did the absolute cutest parades sometimes lol.
Fx you find a situation you love (or at least don’t mind )!
@doxiemoxie212 it's the creche situation + extended mat leave. I'm guaranteed 8 weeks in my state without worrying about a loss of my job. I'm lucky my employer allowed me to take 3 months (and extend it by an additional month for a total of 4) with DS. I said I wanted to take 4 months this time and was met with pushback.
@marcus7676 I could rant all day about parental leave. I’m annoyed because the only good thing about DHs law firm is they do 4 weeks of paid paternity leave (that also count toward his billable requirement), but he’s already getting partners being like, “but you’re not going to take any time, RIGHT?” The firm in CA he’s doing a second interview with tomorrow is rumored to have 16 weeks (!!!) of paid parental leave which would be insane. I sorta suspect that rumor comes from averaging their US and international offices though. We shall see.
@doxiemoxie212 a lot of big firms now have 16+ weeks for parental leave (fully paid) in the US. So I wouldn't be surprised. I tried to convince my firm to give me that. They laughed at me.
@marcus7676 I thought that was true of maternity leave, less so of parental, but maybe I'm being too hard on them in my head lol.
My old PR agency for years had a policy where you got like 6 weeks of partially paid short-term disability (and I think 2 of those were paid via vacation time?), but they'd let you be on leave for 5-6 months unpaid as a mom (company was mostly women, and a lot of moms). Then they started to hire more men, and one of the men's wives was pregnant. He asked about paternity leave, and the company (obv men at the v v top, because sure) was like, oh, we need a paternity policy! And decided to give the men one month paid paternity leave. Which great, but there wasn't an actual maternity policy - it was short-term disability. It eventually led to a 12-week fully paid maternity leave policy, which is great, but I was honestly so effing annoyed about how it happened. There was also a ton of weird sexist isht happening with payment, etc., that skewed my view on it, but whatever.
My company just moved paternity leave from 4 to 6 weeks as of 1/1/18! Even for adoption or fostering which I thought was really cool. I plan to use 4 weeks PTO in addition to stretch to a full 10 weeks. I'll accrue another week when I'm out as backup and have close to 2 weeks extra on my return for emergency sick days, vacation etc. But, I realize this is in the appt thread.... Oops
@doxiemoxie212 That's very similar to how my company structures our maternity leave. I'll have 2 weeks of paid maternity leave plus 6 weeks of paid short term disability for a full 8 weeks of paid "leave". And then I'm using 3 weeks of PTO and taking one week unpaid (FMLA) to get my total 12 weeks off.
I've been here for almost two years but at my prior employer (corporate office of a mid-size retailer), we were only offered FMLA so no paid leave except if you were using PTO. I'm not sure how we could have afforded for me to be off since I'm the primary income in our household.
@stephcat421 My employer just added 2 weeks of paid paternity leave in 2017. Our maternity/paternity benefits also extend to adoptive and foster parents which I think is pretty great!
Guys, I cried at my level 2 anatomy scan today. They saw all FOUR chambers of baby boy's heart and everything looks great. Since my second child is essentially missing his left ventricle (HLHS) and has had multiple heart surgeries, this appointment was a huge milestone for us (we found DS2's defect at his anatomy scan). I've been stressed about this appointment since BFP. We will still have a fetal echo next month, but the MFM today said there's no major heart complications! I'm simply overjoyed with relief. I feel like I can finally enjoy the remainder of the pregnancy and will actually be able to enjoy maternity leave this time!
First Son - born 2013
Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV). First open heart surgery at 5 days old. He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing. Third Son - due June 9, 2018
@mytinc AWESOME!! I'm so happy for you! I literally got goosebumps when I read that. I cannot imagine the amount of relief you felt when you saw all four chambers going strong! YAY!!!!!!!
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
@doxiemoxie212 and @marcus7676 I left a California-based firm last year and they were talking very seriously about moving to gender-neutral parental leave at the time, which is crazy given many of those firms are up to 22 weeks (!!!) of paid maternity leave and offer generous part-time options on return. (That said, the culture was very much what YH is running into and it can be pretty difficult for men to take even the 4 weeks they've always offered. But some of the younger guys seem to be saying "screw it" and taking the time anyway. Things are changing.) I have to actively not let myself think about how incredible firm maternity leave would have been and try to remember how much stress I personally carried around in my body every day and how not ok that would have been for a pregnancy.
So happy to read about all of the great results of the a/s that have come back this week! Mine is this afternoon, and I am still undecided on whether or not to "find out". With three girls, it's almost a foregone conclusion that this one is a girl too... but a boy would be really fun.
Reading about all of your maternity leave policies has me really jealous! I work for the State government, and we have no paid maternity leave. I have to use my accrued PTO and sick leave and then short term disability. But, if I have any 2 weeks without some sort of paid leave, I am then responsible to cover both the employer and employee portion of my health benefits, which is a deterrent from taking any unpaid leave. Ugh
@meg95995 to make you feel better, I have zero paid leave from my firm. While I have 6 weeks of STD, it really only pays for 5 weeks and then it is still at 60% of my salary. We are too small to count for paid sick time and my firm doesn't have PTO / Vacation. I don't have health benefits through my office, so I don't have to worry about that, but no paid leave really f'ing sucks.
Just got back from A/S and 20-week OB appt. Baby looks great! Confirmed she's a girl, lol. She didn't cooperate v well for pics, she was rolling all around, kicking nonstop. Didn't seem to have the hiccups, though! But I also didn't feel the hiccup sensation so still TBD if what I think is hiccups is hiccups. Tech said she has really long fingers, and she's measuring a day ahead -- glad to know she's not mega huge or anything nuts. Found out my OB not only lives in my building, but she goes to our gym, and she went to DH's high school -- which is nuts. His high school is a public magnet type school that you have to test crazy high to even apply to, and it's pretty small, so it's really rare to meet anyone who went there. Now he's going back through yearbooks trying to find her. We think she's only like 2-4 years older than us, but he doesn't remember her, so she might have taken some time off between high school/college or college/med school.
@meg95995 I hear ya on being jealous reading all of these Maternity Leave policies! My fault I know, but I started a new job in November; no paid leave other than my personal days and sick time that I accrue. I also don't get vacation time until I've been here for a year so I will be taking quite a bit of unpaid time off for maternity leave.
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
@PatientlyWaiting10 I'm in the same boat with you! I started a new job in December, so just planning on some unpaid leave.
New York does have Paid Family Leave now, so I'll at least be able to get a portion of my salary for eight weeks. I was just doing some research on it.
@meg95995 What state do you work for? I work for CA state and we get 4 weeks disability prior to birth (with a doctor's note) and 6 weeks paid family leave (8 if it's a C-section) after the birth. We have job protection for up to a year, but it would be unpaid. I'm pretty sure we don't have to pay the employer's portion of benefits, but now I want to double check!
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
@LaceyBee522 - We'll be taking full advantage of NY's paid family leave. I'm incredibly glad that it was passed. It sucks it's only 50% of your weekly salary, but, it's better than having to take unpaid family leave.
H is trying to figure out how the paid family leave would work with vacation time, but hasn't talked to someone in HR yet even though I've told him to.
@izza2 Yes, it is a total life-saver for me. I think I can take short term disability first, then take PFL. I just have to find out if a qualify for short term disability or if I haven't been with my company long enough.
Would there be interest in a maternity leave thread? I am meeting with my HR tomorrow and I feel like I'm going into battle. We dont even have a mat leave policy, it is only sick leave and FMLA.
@Ratparade I work for AZ. I know we have the job protection part too, but it is unpaid FMLA. I guess having the sick leave and PTO is better than nothing! I won't complain any more!
Hey guys, I've been taking an internet break this week. Anyway, I had the quad screen last visit (kind of got bamboozled into having the bloodwork and will refuse if ever offered again in future) and the results came back positive for down syndrome. The internet assures me false positives abound with this test. I went Tuesday for them to do NIPT bloodwork. Initially was told they'd have it back in 3 days, but when I called today the nurse said it was actually 7-10 days. Now that I was reading through this thread and saw @izza2's posts, I'm wondering why they didn't want to do an ultrasound as well. I'm going to call back after lunch and ask about that. I've been living in anxiety land ever since Tuesday. Anything that would offer some relief would be super appreciated. Deep down I don't really feel like anything is wrong, maybe it's just disbelief, but I just want some kind of confirmation that things are okay in there. Of course, I'm going to want and love this child with my life regardless of the results, but the not knowing is brutal.
@Austenista I'm so so sorry you're having to deal with this right now. I don't have anything to offer in terms of relief, but I am thinking of you and sending you supportive vibes. (((hugs)))
@Austenista being this far along, I would guess your NIPT tests come back much faster - but keep calling your doctor's office! I had to get my Mat21 tests redone since I did them "too early" (but within the time frame, sigh), and on the second go it was like 3-4 days. If you did Mat21 (though I'm sure it's similar with other companies) you can even call their office, and a really nice person will look up your case in the system and confirm if they have it, are working on it, etc. They won't give you the results, but they'll give you a better idea of timing.
FX everything moves smoothly and they don't keep you in limbo too long. I know what you mean about the not knowing being brutal - I really need to be able to visually imagine things, and that's so difficult when you don't have a better idea of what to imagine.
@Austenista I'm so sorry you're going through this. I opted out of the bloodwork for the same reason. I told my doctor that I didn't want the stress of a positive result that might not be accurate, and she confirmed that there are definitely false positive results with the bloodwork so she understood.
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
@Austenista I'm so sorry you're going through this!! I can't imagine how you're feeling.
To help ease your mind some, the things you're reading about the b/w being wrong 50% of the time, are right. One of my coworkers had her b/w come back and said there was a chance for it. She went to a special clinic to have a better ultrasound done and they said everything was fine and that the b/w tests are not very accurate.
Another one of my friends just a few weeks ago had her 20 week a/s done and it showed spots on baby's brain and the doctors told her they were markers for Down Syndrome. She had another ultrasound done last week and everything was fine.
FX everything is fine and you get further results back quickly and they show that everything is perfect with your precious baby!
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
Re: Weekly Appointments (1/15)
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
Good luck to all you ladies taking the glucose testing. I had GD with my last pregnancy and was able to control it with metformin and diet. This time around they already have me on insulin. Pricking my fingers is worse than the shots.
DS2 due: 6/2018
My 20 week went great. She found the HB right away, unlike my 16 week appointment, which made me feel better. I'm still not feeling much movement, so still nervous all the time.
Fx you find a situation you love (or at least don’t mind
My old PR agency for years had a policy where you got like 6 weeks of partially paid short-term disability (and I think 2 of those were paid via vacation time?), but they'd let you be on leave for 5-6 months unpaid as a mom (company was mostly women, and a lot of moms). Then they started to hire more men, and one of the men's wives was pregnant. He asked about paternity leave, and the company (obv men at the v v top, because sure) was like, oh, we need a paternity policy! And decided to give the men one month paid paternity leave. Which great, but there wasn't an actual maternity policy - it was short-term disability. It eventually led to a 12-week fully paid maternity leave policy, which is great, but I was honestly so effing annoyed about how it happened. There was also a ton of weird sexist isht happening with payment, etc., that skewed my view on it, but whatever.
I've been here for almost two years but at my prior employer (corporate office of a mid-size retailer), we were only offered FMLA so no paid leave except if you were using PTO. I'm not sure how we could have afforded for me to be off since I'm the primary income in our household.
First Son - born 2013
Third Son - due June 9, 2018
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
Yay!!!!!!!!
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
@doxiemoxie212 and @marcus7676 I left a California-based firm last year and they were talking very seriously about moving to gender-neutral parental leave at the time, which is crazy given many of those firms are up to 22 weeks (!!!) of paid maternity leave and offer generous part-time options on return. (That said, the culture was very much what YH is running into and it can be pretty difficult for men to take even the 4 weeks they've always offered. But some of the younger guys seem to be saying "screw it" and taking the time anyway. Things are changing.) I have to actively not let myself think about how incredible firm maternity leave would have been and try to remember how much stress I personally carried around in my body every day and how not ok that would have been for a pregnancy.
So happy to read about all of the great results of the a/s that have come back this week! Mine is this afternoon, and I am still undecided on whether or not to "find out". With three girls, it's almost a foregone conclusion that this one is a girl too... but a boy would be really fun.
Reading about all of your maternity leave policies has me really jealous! I work for the State government, and we have no paid maternity leave. I have to use my accrued PTO and sick leave and then short term disability. But, if I have any 2 weeks without some sort of paid leave, I am then responsible to cover both the employer and employee portion of my health benefits, which is a deterrent from taking any unpaid leave. Ugh
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
New York does have Paid Family Leave now, so I'll at least be able to get a portion of my salary for eight weeks. I was just doing some research on it.
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
H is trying to figure out how the paid family leave would work with vacation time, but hasn't talked to someone in HR yet even though I've told him to.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
FX everything moves smoothly and they don't keep you in limbo too long. I know what you mean about the not knowing being brutal - I really need to be able to visually imagine things, and that's so difficult when you don't have a better idea of what to imagine.
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
To help ease your mind some, the things you're reading about the b/w being wrong 50% of the time, are right. One of my coworkers had her b/w come back and said there was a chance for it. She went to a special clinic to have a better ultrasound done and they said everything was fine and that the b/w tests are not very accurate.
Another one of my friends just a few weeks ago had her 20 week a/s done and it showed spots on baby's brain and the doctors told her they were markers for Down Syndrome. She had another ultrasound done last week and everything was fine.
FX everything is fine and you get further results back quickly and they show that everything is perfect with your precious baby!
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!