Just so everyone knows I’m not hating on anybody. Just confessing how I’ve been feeling.
I personally feel like there are mostly two types of people in this group. There are the “super” contributors. The women who respond first and start most of the boards. From my point of view, it’s like they all know each other really well already. The second group are the people who mostly lurk, I assume, and post only when it’s an ultrasound or ticker change.
I guess I feel I’m an inbetweener. I’m sure there are others like me. I only have time to check TB maybe once or twice a day. So I make a post on the symptoms thread (for example) and it gets lost in the shuffle.
I know TB rules. This is my second time being involved in a birth month club. I was active on my last one as well. I just feel like some boards are still vague. I don’t mind individuals asking questions in a separate thread. I get the annoyance of nub threads and such, but it is possible to control these without it turning into babycenter - I know this because I’ve seen it. TB hasn’t been this controlled forever. It must be fairly new because it wasn’t in December of 2015.
While I’m explaining I also don’t like how ticker changes and STM/FTM posts are set up. Could be just me but I find it kind of annoying and strange to have it so organized. I feel like most of the posters don’t even have any question to ask on these threads. So what’s the point in reading through 20+ posts of people just saying how far along they are and their dream vacation?
I dont know, I guess I’m just not personally connecting with anyone like I did with my last birth month.
I love this thread today! I feel like I'm a less dirty person because of these confessions!
I wash my bras like maybe once a month, hard to find size, they are NEVER on sale and are so expensive that I only have a few anyways. So rarely, but always in a lingerie bag on delicate and flat dry. But I do wash my sports bras each time, but that's because I sweat like a dude when I workout, so I don't have a choice.
I shower everyday, but I only wash my hair once a week except in the summer when I need to wash it twice a week.
I have 1 pair of pants. They happen to be jeans that are a true denim, zero stretch whatsoever. None. And nope, I don't wash them.
My confession today: I dress up when I go into the OBs office for an appointment. In my full pinup getup (or at least what is fitting these days). And I admit it's really fun sometimes to see how much side eye I can get, especially while everyone else there looks so comfy. I refuse to give into leggings, no matter how comfy they may be! I know the time is coming where I won't have the time or energy for the hair, makeup, etc, so I'm trying to enjoy having the time and energy.
@stlmegs@acunamatada I love beat bugs (and so does DS). Someone told us about it when DS was a yellow submarine for halloween, lol.
Also I have no issue with board set up, including the organization of the specific threads like STM/FTM whatever. I think as time goes on there will be questions in those threads, but right now, we don't necessarily have any big ones. Also we have the questions thread, so maybe that is why people don't get specific in those threads all the time. I know at the beginning when some of those threads were like, "Put em here!" with no organization I felt like I wasn't getting to know people or where they were in their pregnancy so it was harder to be involved in the thread.
I do understand the feeling of talking to yourself sometimes, as when I am on randoms sometimes I say something and no one will respond or love tit so I'm like, guess that didn't resonate with anyone? lol. From what people have been saying, I think there are a lot of sicknesses and busyness happening right now and maybe that feeling of talking to yourself will go away as people get better/get a handle on everything their going through!
Wow- I’m right on par with all of you- I’m currently wearing jeans to work that I’m pretty sure I’ve worn 5 times- I literally only wash them when dirty- I spot wash them if needed.
My confession is I am tired, cranky and stressed we are moving at home and I am not happy about it. We are moving in with my in laws to save money before baby. Anyway- I’m exhausted today at work and literally started crying when a coworker called me up with an urgent request. My confession is I am blaming all my rage on my pregnancy. I’m not sure if it’s because of my pregnancy or if it’s becasue I’m stressed- either way- I’m using my pregnancy as an excuse. (Which is wrong I know) that’s why this is a confession lol
@catftm2018 Given everything you've got going on, I'd say it's totally understandable to be stressed. Being pregnant is hard, moving is hard, dealing with people is hard, and to do it all together can just be sucky. And pregnancy is giving all of us an extra helping of hormones which compounds the stress! I've been a total rage monster this week myself. Just give yourself permission to take a break and take a breath! Focus on the positive outcomes and maybe find a way to treat yourself a little bit today or this weekend.
@celainev Sorry you're not feeling connected to anyone, I'm always happy to connect directly if you're looking for a buddy! I'm snarky and weird but I promise I don't bite!
I do get what you're saying about the super posters and the lurkers, I feel like most days I'm inbetween myself, and only have a couple days a week I can really be active on here. So I tend to comment only on a handful of boards. Personally I really like the organization, but it feeds my need for order and control. And I love the FTM boards, but I'm a FTM and some of the other threads can be a little overwhelming for me either with too much info or info I'm not ready for yet.
For me, posting or lurking, especially in the FTM board lets me know others are experiencing the same things I am and then I don't feel like I'm going crazy or like I'm somehow going through something weird all on my own for the first time.
Honestly, I don't have a lot of girlfriends IRL, and the few I have don't have kids so I don't have a lot of people to check in with to know what is normal and what isn't. My mother and grandma aren't good resources for me either because they both loved all their pregnancies, so when I got pregnant and started experiencing all the things no one wants to talk about or admit they hated about being pregnancy, I felt isolated even further.
I really appreciate the candidness of everyone here, so connected or not, I keep coming back. I do admit I usually don't have a questions by the time that FTM board rolls around each week, but that is mostly because the questions I did have sometimes are answered in other boards already when others have asked. I imagine as I get further along in this journey I will have some questions to ask that haven't been answered already!
Earlier this week I ate 7/8 of a medium pizza for dinner. I was equal parts disgusted at how much I ate, and disappointed that I couldn’t manage to eat the last slice. I ate it the next morning for breakfast though...
Add me to the showers 2-3 times a week club. I have a lot of long, thick, wavy hair and honestly it’s such a pain to dry and style that I just don’t feel like getting it wet and dealing with it all the time. I’m so envious of people who can take quick showers and are basically good to go. It’s such an ordeal for me.
Also so not a fan of constantly washing jeans...outside of underwear and socks honestly I actually get most of my clothes dry cleaned twice a month...maybe that’s my FFFC.
My FFFC is that I find these boards equally as interesting from a sociological standpoint as I do from a content / community standppint.
Typically, I think of social media as over sharing - with the objective to make oneself & life look as glamorous as possible.
Here however, some of the most liked posts are RE who ate the most unhealthy, got the most frustrated (at a spouse, coworker, toddler or pet), feels the worst, etc.
I’ve posted & liked my fair share of all of the above - so not trying to be judgmental. Just pointing out the stark contrast to social media & wondering it’s the relative anonymity which drives the difference in discourse.
TB circa 2014 didn’t care so much about order. We cared about community. People could post whatever threads they wanted just so long as they weren’t drive bys. And if you were goin to post a one off thread you had better be at least enough involved to know if someone had just discussed that two seconds ago. But it was so much more active then. We had our daily and weekly threads but there were also a lot of side convos. For example if I wanted to ask my girls what they were making for dinner tonight, we’d start a thread and post pics and gif and laugh. We wouldn’t have to go through the randoms thread. Just small things like that. But on the flip side TB was way snarkier back then, actually quite ruthless sometimes. So if you were a drive by asking a question without ever introducing yourself, they flamed the shit out of you. I don’t miss that part. I’m snarky but not mean. I like our board organization. But I can see what your point is.
@celainev@acunamatada thank you for not making me feel like garbage. I say juice can be the culprit. All he wants is juice juice juice. I tell my mom several times to give him water. I even give him some when I’m home. I drink water in front of him too. That’s all I drink now since becoming pregnant. Everything else tastes too sweet. Sadly, part time is not an option because college is just way too expensive and I’m not working at the moment. I get financial aid along with help from this ASAP program that pays for my books, transit fare and whatever financial aid won’t cover. In return I must do several workshops and attend seminars. It’s also why I’m away from him often. I’ll try to look into some online classes. Not sure if there will be many since I’m a science major and my courses require a lot of labs.
I’m also in the rarely wash my hair club. I usually wash it twice a week, but when I’m pregnant it never gets greasy! Now I can wash it once a week or once every other week! I never exercise so it really doesn’t get sweaty or gross. I do wash it more often in the summer though.
@tarheelgirl8 I am exactly the same way with pizza! I just can’t get enough of it! I told DH to be prepared for these babies to go through pizza withdrawal when they arrive lol
ETA: I can see how some of you feel lost in all of the threads, but it really is better this way. If we didn’t have a single thread devoted to questions, they would all get buried and no one would ever answer them. I’m not able to get on as often as I like, so I just jump in when I can.
I generally wash my hair every other day. I have curly hair so I just alternate between down on wash days and a messy bun on non wash days. If I straighten it I go 3 - 4 days without washing it I’m not wasting all that hard work! Lol my hair is pretty dry so I can get by with it.
ETA: I can see how some of you feel lost in all of the threads, but it really is better this way. If we didn’t have a single thread devoted to questions, they would all get buried and no one would ever answer them. I’m not able to get on as often as I like, so I just jump in when I can.
But they don’t get buried. You can even see on threads started by drive bys that questions still get answered. Exactly what @4deep said that we knew each other as a community, so anyone who was relatively active and introduced themselves could make a thread and wouldn’t get attacked by it. Questions would get repeated but not any more often than our Questions thread. I could make a post called “Severely itchy legs” and everyone who struggled with this would post and/or give advice. It worked beautifully.
And yes, when there was a drive by we would usually respond with a cascade of gifs but that brought us together closer. There were negatives to that too but, like I said, it gave the opportunity for way more people to stay connected then, in my opinion, this order does.
I honestly don’t believe anything will change now, nor do I believe everyone wants change, but it is FFCF so I thought I’d share how I was feeling.
My confession is I have literally ZERO sex drive right now. But then I have weird sex dreams. I don’t get it. Where’s the want when I’m awake? Reason number 273637 why I love my husband. He’s such a trooper and hangs in there with me and doesn’t make me feel guilty about it. But I do. I feel guilty. Come back sex drive!
I only shower every other day, or sometimes less if my hair isn't too greasy, but I have to confess on behalf of my husband. He doesn't shower enough at all, and sometimes it's gross. On Wednesday, I realized he hadn't showered since the previous Friday. He works in a restaurant and is on his feet all day.
Also, I was starving and didn't feel like cooking dinner, my husband is at a meeting tonight and baby is in bed. So I ate half a baguette with olive oil, and a bunch of chips and salsa. Now I'm sitting here contemplating making a pizza bagel. What is wrong with me.
@noideawhatshesdoing thank you for validating my feelings. I am going through lot so of stress- I’m geberaly super laid back person so all these waves just got to me. Also- I’m sorry you don’t feel as supported by the females in your family. But we are all here to support you!
@celainev it’s funny about perspective because I didn’t see many posts from you but now if feels like you are a “regular” lol I do understand what you are saying about the boards. Like sometimes I just want to make a post about something and see how many of you are feeling that way/ going through the same thing. I also see the organized board people side. And I know it irritates me when there are those dumb one off posts or the nub theory! Lol I’m neutral I guess. But I completely see your point.
@zande2016 ick you poor thing. My husband works in a reataurant too. Nothing is worse than that smell of the kitchen closing sludge he tracks home at the end of a close shift. He knows better than to come into bed smelling like that or they’ll be hell to pay.
@acunamatada in his defense his restaurant doesn't cook much, it's a quick service salad place. So the food smell isn't terrible but he's on his feet and moving around all day, so it's still gross that he doesn't shower.
I also don't shower daily, but "worse" than that is...
I brush/comb my medium-length hair about once a YEAR. It's not knotted, I alternate up and down throughout the day depending on what I'm doing. I wash my hair about 2x a week regardless of showering. It's just kind of wavy, and naturally stays in smooth locks. If I comb them out my hair frizzes out like crazy.
@ashbub714 I have been told by curly hair experts that you really shouldn't use shampoo on your curls ever. There are "no-poo" washes that are basically just conditioner. And then, like my hair, you don't brush it out. My coworker does this and her long curly hair is so nice.
@flockofmoosen3 I’ve heard that too. And I’ve actually tried it briefly but there’s a pretty long adjustment period to it and I’ve just never commited. I only use a wide tooth comb on my hair right after showering. Otherwise my curls stick together too much and they look “chunky”.
I really should give “no poo” another try someday.
I just want to say that I always love reading all your posts and hearing from your opinions. I honestly love contributing but I also have a very flexible job so I can do that more than others (plus I'm a FTM so it's just me at the house all day). I have often talked to DH about this community naming all y'all's usernames as if you were my friends IRL lol, a bit weird, I know, but I've absolutely LOVED all the support, information, and questions that were raised here. I have been out and about with my friend all day so I missed a lot on here but I just wanted to say I don't mind that my posts get lost sometimes, I still like to share and I don't care if sometimes nobody "cares" or responds - I'm sure sometimes it's because there's a lot going on!
@ashbub714 you should try hair product lines like Shea moisture, kinky curly, carols daughter, mixed girls, Jane carter solution etc. I can list a bunch. I use Cantu. I don’t shampoo often. I co-wash my hair. It’s like a creamy deep conditioner you use in between washes. Jamaican black castor oil is my life saver for moisture but it’s so thick. So I sometimes use rosemary hip oil when my hair is damp. You can try coconut oil. It is much lighter than both oils.
@ashbub714 I’d say the cheapest decent gel I’ve used is ecostyler- super cheap, I have huge jug on my counter. I havent had any luck finding a good mousse, I think the deva line has one but theyre usually pricey. I looove shea moisture for their sulfate free shampoo and deep conditioners.
@ashbub714 I swear by Moroccan Oil. I don't use their shampoo and conditioner regularly (too expensive) but the curl defining cream is amazing. I just put it in wet hair and let it air dry and it prevents all the frizz and leaves nice wavy curls. They make mousse too I believe.
@chicxulub@acunamatada@zande2016 thanks for the awesome suggestions ladies! I’ll look into those. I guess I haven’t really tried that hard to find something lol I tried devacurl products but they were super pricey and again I didn’t commit to the process long enough to see good results.
I second what @chicxulub said about SHea Moisture! not only does it get rid of my frizz but its got a lot of other great things about it-the company is a b-corp, it tries to use fair trade ingredients, they don't use a lot of chemicals, its great!
@wildtot I envy women with just straight or just curly hair. Mine is mostly straight now but behaves like it's curly...hence the zero brushing/combing.
@flockofmoosen3 my hair is straight thick and heavy. If i try to curl it it takes about 2-3 hrs only for it to go flat in an hour. I have some wave in the back way underneath but just makes it look weird lol.
Re: Flame Free Friday Confessions
I personally feel like there are mostly two types of people in this group. There are the “super” contributors. The women who respond first and start most of the boards. From my point of view, it’s like they all know each other really well already. The second group are the people who mostly lurk, I assume, and post only when it’s an ultrasound or ticker change.
I guess I feel I’m an inbetweener. I’m sure there are others like me. I only have time to check TB maybe once or twice a day. So I make a post on the symptoms thread (for example) and it gets lost in the shuffle.
I know TB rules. This is my second time being involved in a birth month club. I was active on my last one as well. I just feel like some boards are still vague. I don’t mind individuals asking questions in a separate thread. I get the annoyance of nub threads and such, but it is possible to control these without it turning into babycenter - I know this because I’ve seen it. TB hasn’t been this controlled forever. It must be fairly new because it wasn’t in December of 2015.
While I’m explaining I also don’t like how ticker changes and STM/FTM posts are set up. Could be just me but I find it kind of annoying and strange to have it so organized. I feel like most of the posters don’t even have any question to ask on these threads. So what’s the point in reading through 20+ posts of people just saying how far along they are and their dream vacation?
I dont know, I guess I’m just not personally connecting with anyone like I did with my last birth month.
I wash my bras like maybe once a month, hard to find size, they are NEVER on sale and are so expensive that I only have a few anyways. So rarely, but always in a lingerie bag on delicate and flat dry. But I do wash my sports bras each time, but that's because I sweat like a dude when I workout, so I don't have a choice.
I shower everyday, but I only wash my hair once a week except in the summer when I need to wash it twice a week.
I have 1 pair of pants. They happen to be jeans that are a true denim, zero stretch whatsoever. None. And nope, I don't wash them.
My confession today: I dress up when I go into the OBs office for an appointment. In my full pinup getup (or at least what is fitting these days). And I admit it's really fun sometimes to see how much side eye I can get, especially while everyone else there looks so comfy. I refuse to give into leggings, no matter how comfy they may be! I know the time is coming where I won't have the time or energy for the hair, makeup, etc, so I'm trying to enjoy having the time and energy.
Also I have no issue with board set up, including the organization of the specific threads like STM/FTM whatever. I think as time goes on there will be questions in those threads, but right now, we don't necessarily have any big ones. Also we have the questions thread, so maybe that is why people don't get specific in those threads all the time. I know at the beginning when some of those threads were like, "Put em here!" with no organization I felt like I wasn't getting to know people or where they were in their pregnancy so it was harder to be involved in the thread.
I do understand the feeling of talking to yourself sometimes, as when I am on randoms sometimes I say something and no one will respond or love tit so I'm like, guess that didn't resonate with anyone? lol. From what people have been saying, I think there are a lot of sicknesses and busyness happening right now and maybe that feeling of talking to yourself will go away as people get better/get a handle on everything their going through!
My confession is I am tired, cranky and stressed we are moving at home and I am not happy about it. We are moving in with my in laws to save money before baby. Anyway- I’m exhausted today at work and literally started crying when a coworker called me up with an urgent request. My confession is I am blaming all my rage on my pregnancy. I’m not sure if it’s because of my pregnancy or if it’s becasue I’m stressed- either way- I’m using my pregnancy as an excuse. (Which is wrong I know) that’s why this is a confession lol
I do get what you're saying about the super posters and the lurkers, I feel like most days I'm inbetween myself, and only have a couple days a week I can really be active on here. So I tend to comment only on a handful of boards. Personally I really like the organization, but it feeds my need for order and control. And I love the FTM boards, but I'm a FTM and some of the other threads can be a little overwhelming for me either with too much info or info I'm not ready for yet.
For me, posting or lurking, especially in the FTM board lets me know others are experiencing the same things I am and then I don't feel like I'm going crazy or like I'm somehow going through something weird all on my own for the first time.
Honestly, I don't have a lot of girlfriends IRL, and the few I have don't have kids so I don't have a lot of people to check in with to know what is normal and what isn't. My mother and grandma aren't good resources for me either because they both loved all their pregnancies, so when I got pregnant and started experiencing all the things no one wants to talk about or admit they hated about being pregnancy, I felt isolated even further.
I really appreciate the candidness of everyone here, so connected or not, I keep coming back. I do admit I usually don't have a questions by the time that FTM board rolls around each week, but that is mostly because the questions I did have sometimes are answered in other boards already when others have asked. I imagine as I get further along in this journey I will have some questions to ask that haven't been answered already!
My FFFC is that I keep referring to my upcoming maternity leave as a vacay, but mostly in my head as I don't want to ruffle any feathers.
Also so not a fan of constantly washing jeans...outside of underwear and socks honestly I actually get most of my clothes dry cleaned twice a month...maybe that’s my FFFC.
Typically, I think of social media as over sharing - with the objective to make oneself & life look as glamorous as possible.
Here however, some of the most liked posts are RE who ate the most unhealthy, got the most frustrated (at a spouse, coworker, toddler or pet), feels the worst, etc.
I’ve posted & liked my fair share of all of the above - so not trying to be judgmental. Just pointing out the stark contrast to social media & wondering it’s the relative anonymity which drives the difference in discourse.
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
@tarheelgirl8 I am exactly the same way with pizza! I just can’t get enough of it! I told DH to be prepared for these babies to go through pizza withdrawal when they arrive lol
ETA: I can see how some of you feel lost in all of the threads, but it really is better this way. If we didn’t have a single thread devoted to questions, they would all get buried and no one would ever answer them. I’m not able to get on as often as I like, so I just jump in when I can.
And yes, when there was a drive by we would usually respond with a cascade of gifs but that brought us together closer. There were negatives to that too but, like I said, it gave the opportunity for way more people to stay connected then, in my opinion, this order does.
I honestly don’t believe anything will change now, nor do I believe everyone wants change, but it is FFCF so I thought I’d share how I was feeling.
Also, I was starving and didn't feel like cooking dinner, my husband is at a meeting tonight and baby is in bed. So I ate half a baguette with olive oil, and a bunch of chips and salsa. Now I'm sitting here contemplating making a pizza bagel. What is wrong with me.
I brush/comb my medium-length hair about once a YEAR. It's not knotted, I alternate up and down throughout the day depending on what I'm doing. I wash my hair about 2x a week regardless of showering. It's just kind of wavy, and naturally stays in smooth locks. If I comb them out my hair frizzes out like crazy.
@ashbub714 I have been told by curly hair experts that you really shouldn't use shampoo on your curls ever. There are "no-poo" washes that are basically just conditioner. And then, like my hair, you don't brush it out. My coworker does this and her long curly hair is so nice.
I really should give “no poo” another try someday.