@rita340 - please create a new intro thread and introduce yourself before commenting on other posts. This is outlined in the "read this before posting" thread at the top of the IF board.
Let’s just say that I don’t deal well with any pregnancy announcements. My husband and I had. just failed our second IUI when my SIL and brother told me that they were expecting. They tried for one month (so easy) and they are due very very soon. This will be my first nephew and let me tell you I was devastated. More so because I could tell that they were sad to tell me about their good news because they knew that I had been struggling. Since May I’ve had my sister-in-law, three very good friends, and a cousin all announced that they were expecting after trying for only a month to three months not including the numerous amount of Facebook announcements.
Let’s just say I’ve definitely pushed many people away and I think it’s just because I’m trying to protect myself.With every Facebook announcement I unfollow that person so that I don’t have to see it every day.I’m not quite sure if that’s healthy but it’s the best way that I can cope. Out of sight out of mind. I have declined every baby shower invitation except for my SIL because my mother wanted me to be a huge part of it. Through the entire baby shower I felt as though I was in a Foggy dream. My mom has never had to throw a baby shower so she asked me for help, I know right ....me of all people, the infertile one. I sent my mom all the Pinterest ideas for the baby shower even though most of the things I sent her I would have loved if I ever have a shower. I got there early to set everything up, I helped her open gifts, I ran all the games ..I did what I was supposed to do but it literally hurt to smile and I cried the entire way home and I cried the rest of the night.
It was awful and I felt even more awful thar I thought that way about my own SIL’s pregnancy. She hasn’t done anything wrong, she deserves to be a mother and I wish that I could be more happy but it’s just too hard for me right now.
I failed my first FET the week before Christmas and on Christmas everybody of course was touching her belly and talking about the baby coming and I just kept a smile on my face but inside I felt so low.
After the holidays and her shower I have decided that I need to do what’s best for me and what’s best for me is to keep my distance , It was just way too emotionally and physically draining.
::snip:: More so because I could tell that they were sad to tell me about their good news because they knew that I had been struggling. :snip::
@msd1001 The line above really hit a nail in my heart. I felt so sad and guilty that when my sister announced her pregnancy, she wasn’t able to fully express her joy, due to me. Unfollowing people in social media falls at the top of the healthy behavior list when you’re doing it to help protect your heart & your feelings. Best wishes.
I've been revisiting this thread in part because a good friend recently announced her 2nd pregnancy, and I'm struggling with it. They're now pregnant with their second, and she started trying for her first not long before I did.
She announced very respectfully, and I was expecting it, so not a big surprise. The part that was hard for me was knowing that she and another of our friends were so gleeful and excited about it. The other friend just had a baby and got pregnant easily too. So now it's like my two IRL friends have this little happy club and I won't ever know what it's like to be part of it.
@funkykey I'm glad you come back to this thread and I hope it helps, but if I'm going to find fault in any part of your thinking, it's that you'll never know what it's like to be a part of it. Keep your head up - you've got another shot coming up soon it looks like from your siggy. Fingers crossed for you.
I mean, I'm (of course!) hopeful, but I'm sure you know how it is. The people who get and stay pregnant easily sometimes seem to have a real giddy excitement to them. I want to get KU-ed very badly, and I'm optimistic that it will happen to me, but I'm a little traumatized from these years of treatments and trying. Even if/when I am pregnant, I can't imagine having that same glee. More like relief and happiness, but tinged with anxiety and some exhaustion, you know?
I guess that's what I meant. I don't think I'm going to experience that same particular type of happiness, the one that seems so untouched by pain.
Hopefully though, I'll experience another type of joy!
@funkykey I don't think anyone is ever prepared for how they're going to feel, emotionally, when the time comes. A lot of it is bittersweet, as you know what it's taken to get to that point, and there's the nagging fear of it not working out (it's more like a screaming fear). And you're not required to feel one way or another about any of this and far be it for anyone to tell you to think or feel differently, but I just hate to see someone who's young and has time (and embryos!) left feel so badly about her situation. You've got this
I too have been lurking this thread!! I can def resonate with each and everyone of you. How i deal with other people announcements, I don’t. I ignore it as much as I can, stay OFF of FB and just try to remember that everyone’s jouney is different. That inturn will make our pregnancy so much more special! Cut out all that noise in your head and concentrate on your own journey. IF is a long road and we battle more than people will ever know, it sucks! I hate it!
So my brother and SIL have been through the ringer with TW miscarriages the 1 time was before my niece, then 3 months later she was KU again with my niece ( FYI love that kid to death!) , then as soon as they started trying again viola KU’d but with a chromosomal abnormal/ molar pregnancy this one was rough as she was almost 3.5 months along and caused her to get chemo shots and was benched for a year, then as soon as they could OF COURSE once again immediately after one month of trying they got KU’d! But once a again a chomosonal issues and mc again. So they are struggling with their own IF issues with us. Well the same day as my ER in DEC was her FET with a PGS normal embryo and she’s pregnant with a little girl. NORMALLY I would Be loathing her lol but watching how hard they have struggled and I guess struggling together going through IVF I couldn’t be happier for them! It’s the strangest thing, it’s like if you get KU’d naturally I give you the stink eye but if I know Your struggle my heart explodes with happiness for you. Hang in there ladies! All this pain, disappointment and struggling has got to pay off!
Re: How do YOU deal with pregnancy announcements?
@rita340 - please create a new intro thread and introduce yourself before commenting on other posts. This is outlined in the "read this before posting" thread at the top of the IF board.
Let’s just say I’ve definitely pushed many people away and I think it’s just because I’m trying to protect myself.With every Facebook announcement I unfollow that person so that I don’t have to see it every day.I’m not quite sure if that’s healthy but it’s the best way that I can cope. Out of sight out of mind. I have declined every baby shower invitation except for my SIL because my mother wanted me to be a huge part of it. Through the entire baby shower I felt as though I was in a Foggy dream. My mom has never had to throw a baby shower so she asked me for help, I know right ....me of all people, the infertile one. I sent my mom all the Pinterest ideas for the baby shower even though most of the things I sent her I would have loved if I ever have a shower. I got there early to set everything up, I helped her open gifts, I ran all the games ..I did what I was supposed to do but it literally hurt to smile and I cried the entire way home and I cried the rest of the night.
It was awful and I felt even more awful thar I thought that way about my own SIL’s pregnancy. She hasn’t done anything wrong, she deserves to be a mother and I wish that I could be more happy but it’s just too hard for me right now.
I failed my first FET the week before Christmas and on Christmas everybody of course was touching her belly and talking about the baby coming and I just kept a smile on my face but inside I felt so low.
After the holidays and her shower I have decided that I need to do what’s best for me and what’s best for me is to keep my distance , It was just way too emotionally and physically draining.
She announced very respectfully, and I was expecting it, so not a big surprise. The part that was hard for me was knowing that she and another of our friends were so gleeful and excited about it. The other friend just had a baby and got pregnant easily too. So now it's like my two IRL friends have this little happy club and I won't ever know what it's like to be part of it.
I hate IF.
I mean, I'm (of course!) hopeful, but I'm sure you know how it is. The people who get and stay pregnant easily sometimes seem to have a real giddy excitement to them. I want to get KU-ed very badly, and I'm optimistic that it will happen to me, but I'm a little traumatized from these years of treatments and trying. Even if/when I am pregnant, I can't imagine having that same glee. More like relief and happiness, but tinged with anxiety and some exhaustion, you know?
I guess that's what I meant. I don't think I'm going to experience that same particular type of happiness, the one that seems so untouched by pain.
Hopefully though, I'll experience another type of joy!
How i deal with other people announcements, I don’t. I ignore it as much as I can, stay OFF of FB and just try to remember that everyone’s jouney is different. That inturn will make our pregnancy so much more special! Cut out all that noise in your head and concentrate on your own journey. IF is a long road and we battle more than people will ever know, it sucks! I hate it!
So my brother and SIL have been through the ringer with TW miscarriages the 1 time was before my niece, then 3 months later she was KU again with my niece ( FYI love that kid to death!) , then as soon as they started trying again viola KU’d but with a chromosomal abnormal/ molar pregnancy this one was rough as she was almost 3.5 months along and caused her to get chemo shots and was benched for a year, then as soon as they could OF COURSE once again immediately after one month of trying they got KU’d! But once a again a chomosonal issues and mc again. So they are struggling with their own IF issues with us. Well the same day as my ER in DEC was her FET with a PGS normal embryo and she’s pregnant with a little girl. NORMALLY I would Be loathing her lol but watching how hard they have struggled and I guess struggling together going through IVF I couldn’t be happier for them! It’s the strangest thing, it’s like if you get KU’d naturally I give you the stink eye but if I know Your struggle my heart explodes with happiness for you.
Hang in there ladies! All this pain, disappointment and struggling has got to pay off!