@ngolimento I don’t wish a high need baby on anyone for sure!!! My niece had horrible reflux and cried for like 4 months straight day or night so I had a small glimpse of how hard and terrible it is for the parents. And although I’m crossing my fingers this baby will be healthy/easy I certainly have no guarantee. If it can encourage you, my nephew (brother of the reflux baby) game 2 years later and had no issues and was the easiest baby ever (as easy as newborns can be )
@ngolimento unfortunately it’s not necessarily an either/or proposition - I am lucky enough to get colicky/high needs babies at night and I get to stay home with the big ones all day. To me it’s not about having an easy or fun maternity leave; it’s about literally surviving it. I can’t complain too much, though, because my mom will likely help a ton and in the event she can’t or can’t help enough, we will hire someone. It’s survival mode.
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@ngolimento I don’t wish a high need baby on anyone for sure!!! My niece had horrible reflux and cried for like 4 months straight day or night so I had a small glimpse of how hard and terrible it is for the parents. And although I’m crossing my fingers this baby will be healthy/easy I certainly have no guarantee. If it can encourage you, my nephew (brother of the reflux baby) game 2 years later and had no issues and was the easiest baby ever (as easy as newborns can be )
Thanks, I really hope that I can experience a "normal" newborn, because I feel like I was robbed with my first. I spent most of my leave terrified that she would have a serious hernia because she strained and cried so much (you haven't lived until you have sobbed at 2am while uselessly holding a hand over your baby's stomach, while she pushes against an ever worsening hernia).
@lindsye I am not saying at all that women who are staying at home with multiple kids have it easy and are sitting around sipping margaritas compared to me, I'm trying to point out that the "grass is greener" mentality about maternity leave variations is destructive and innacurate. There are other things to look at beyond "Oh she gets to send her kid to daycare, she is so lucky". I by no means am trying to make this a game of one-upping (any loss lady can just tell us all to go to hell because we even have babies to begin with). There is always more to someone's story.
@irenejean I don't exactly know how to bring it up to her...I was hoping by sending her the unrelated message that I did that it would break the ice, but she didn't respond to that one either. I know that her stepdaughter (who she considers her daughter) is also pregnant right now with a healthy baby so maybe that has something to do with it.
I’m shocked that I now shower so little that my shampoo bottles last me months and months.
dx MF & FF IF
Off B.C. Jan '06, started charting Feb '08, 2% morphology and PCOS, no O with meds,
IVF w/ICSI only option to conceive.
Licensed Foster Parents 07.11
Miracle BFP 7.20.11 1st beta 6,274! EDD 3.17.12
Miracle Baby born March 5, 2012 . 6lbs 1oz, 19 3/4"
Miracle BFP #2 10.8.12 - edd 6.20.13
@sparklingdiamond So sorry you are going through this stressful time without their support. I suppose it is possible she's reacting the way she is because of her own family stuff, but I hope your H is able to talk to her and find out.
Ok this one totally comes from jealousy but I think moms who gets to send their older kids to daycare during maternity leave have it easy! I’m originally from Quebec and women gets a year off of paid leave and most of my friends continued sending their kids to daycare during subsequent leaves. So when I’m being told « having two is not so bad » I really want to say IT DOESNT COUNT!!!! I’m actually dreading having 2under2 at home by myself 9h/day!!!
Eeesh this is a tough one. I’ve read all the responses and I hesitate to jump in, but I do agree with a lot of what @ngolimento and @lindsye have said, and they’ve said it better than I ever could.
What I’ll add is that there is absolutely no point in playing Pain Olympics — as in, who has it worse. What looks to you as easy can be another person’s hell. You have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors. I think it’s really unfair to say someone’s experience of having 2u2 “doesn’t count” because they get to send one to daycare. Trust me, it counts. It’s all fucking hard no matter what your circumstances are. Just try to ease off on the judgement if you haven’t walked in their shoes.
Sincerely, Someone who had 2u2 and sent her older kid to daycare 9 hours per week, and still suffered from debilitating exhaustion and PPD.
My girls are 25 months apart so clearly not 2u2 but it was still sooo hard when dd2 was a newborn. Dd1 still needed me so much and we were all sleeping so little. I had ppd after dd2 and I'm totally terrified of having another experience w it this time. We only sent dd1 to daycare 1x a week then. It had nothing to do w holding her daycare spot either - my girls are/were in an at home daycare.
So my fffc: i am sending dd2 to daycare at least 2-3x a week when ds arrives. This is for her AND me. Being w other kids is good for her. And it's good for me to snuggle up on the sofa w a newborn. Dd1 is in half day pre-k so she will continue that. Oh and I'm giving serious consideration to hiring someone to help clean for at least the first 6 weeks of ds' life. I want help this time damnit!!
Ok this one totally comes from jealousy but I think moms who gets to send their older kids to daycare during maternity leave have it easy! I’m originally from Quebec and women gets a year off of paid leave and most of my friends continued sending their kids to daycare during subsequent leaves. So when I’m being told « having two is not so bad » I really want to say IT DOESNT COUNT!!!! I’m actually dreading having 2under2 at home by myself 9h/day!!!
Eeesh this is a tough one. I’ve read all the responses and I hesitate to jump in, but I do agree with a lot of what @ngolimento and @lindsye have said, and they’ve said it better than I ever could.
What I’ll add is that there is absolutely no point in playing Pain Olympics — as in, who has it worse. What looks to you as easy can be another person’s hell. You have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors. I think it’s really unfair to say someone’s experience of having 2u2 “doesn’t count” because they get to send one to daycare. Trust me, it counts. It’s all fucking hard no matter what your circumstances are. Just try to ease off on the judgement if you haven’t walked in their shoes.
Sincerely, Someone who had 2u2 and sent her older kid to daycare 9 hours per week, and still suffered from debilitating exhaustion and PPD.
I think the situation most of us here experience is much different then what @danjoly is referring to even though I do get where everyone is coming from with their responses. I think we can all agree that life would be a lot nicer if women in the US could take a year off work for maternity leave if we wanted to! And that's with or without sending a second off daycare. Unfortunately that is not the reality for most (if any?) of the ladies who participate on this board. As someone who works outside the home and intends to continue working outside the home with kids I feel like those 3 months are even more imperative in terms of the bond I get to have with my infant. As I already mentioned, I want that time to be all about me and my new baby. So sending the oldest to daycare will be part of that. However, I only have those 3 months and then I go back to working my 8-5PM with all the typical mom duties to come home to. That's certainly not going to be easy! Overall there are pros and cons to everyone's situations and different individual factors that impact everyone's experiences. So it kind of becomes comparing apples to oranges in a sense.
I am jealous of them too, @danjoly! If you can drop the older kid(s) off at childcare and nap when the baby naps I think it would be a much easier experience. Trying to take care of little kids when you are sleep deprived out of your mind is a recipe for madness. I’m going to have four under six at home with me this summer, so I definitely feel your pain.
Yeesh. Godspeed momma.
FFFC-- I miss wine so much. Like, so so much. I think about it all the time. I was talking to MH about how I never missed it at all when I was pregnant with DD and how weird it was that I want it so bad this pregnancy. Why could that be? I was perplexed until I realized it's because I didn't have a toddler last time. Yes, a sweet, amazing, crazy tornado of toddler that makes me want to turn to the sweet embrace of a good glass of red. Sigh. I am in awe of parents who do it without caffeine or alcohol, because I know they are out there!
SO MUCH YES. I was worried I might have a problem with how much I daydream about wine.
Also, I couldn't survive unless I kept my kids in daycare/camp during my leave. I'm not a patient person when I have no sleep, so I really give you SAHMs credit.
I agree with the pain olympics. Everyone's situation is different. Most of us have no clue what awaits us once these babies are born.. All we can do is be there to prop each other up, if needed.
My girls are 25 months apart so clearly not 2u2 but it was still sooo hard when dd2 was a newborn. Dd1 still needed me so much and we were all sleeping so little. I had ppd after dd2 and I'm totally terrified of having another experience w it this time. We only sent dd1 to daycare 1x a week then. It had nothing to do w holding her daycare spot either - my girls are/were in an at home daycare.
So my fffc: i am sending dd2 to daycare at least 2-3x a week when ds arrives. This is for her AND me. Being w other kids is good for her. And it's good for me to snuggle up on the sofa w a newborn. Dd1 is in half day pre-k so she will continue that. Oh and I'm giving serious consideration to hiring someone to help clean for at least the first 6 weeks of ds' life. I want help this time damnit!!
@beach_mama DO IT! My parents gifted us 6 months of weekly house cleaning when DD was born and it was GLORIOUS. It quickly went from being a luxury to something we deemed a necessity, so once the 6 months were up DH and I started paying for it ourselves. Trust me, when you don’t have to clean your bathrooms or floors anymore, you’ll consider it money VERY well spent
Yes @beach_mama US maternity leave is completely insane and 12 weeks is NOT the same as 12 months at all!!! As much as 2u2 will be a handful I also can’t imagine putting my 12 weeks old baby in daycare and it must be crazy hard. I’m very lucky to be able to stay with the baby and it should be the same for everyone but USA government doesn’t seem to value that
Yeah, sadly 12 weeks paid maternity leave is considered extremely luxurious here in the US. With my first I only got 5 weeks, and blew all my vacation time out of the water to get it to 8 weeks. It killed me to hand a colicky baby over to strangers and pray they wouldn't lose patience with her.
I am pulling DS from daycare. I am not 100% pleased with them. I like them well enough but they refuse to help potty train him when he is there 40 hours a week. It will give us a chance to save some money and since I am a teacher I get 5 months, so that makes a difference too. I am worried about giving them both the attention that they both need and deserve.
Re: FFFC
If it can encourage you, my nephew (brother of the reflux baby) game 2 years later and had no issues and was the easiest baby ever (as easy as newborns can be )
@lindsye I am not saying at all that women who are staying at home with multiple kids have it easy and are sitting around sipping margaritas compared to me, I'm trying to point out that the "grass is greener" mentality about maternity leave variations is destructive and innacurate. There are other things to look at beyond "Oh she gets to send her kid to daycare, she is so lucky". I by no means am trying to make this a game of one-upping (any loss lady can just tell us all to go to hell because we even have babies to begin with). There is always more to someone's story.
Off B.C. Jan '06, started charting Feb '08, 2% morphology and PCOS, no O with meds,
IVF w/ICSI only option to conceive.
Licensed Foster Parents 07.11
Miracle BFP 7.20.11 1st beta 6,274! EDD 3.17.12
Miracle Baby born March 5, 2012 . 6lbs 1oz, 19 3/4"
Miracle BFP #2 10.8.12 - edd 6.20.13
What I’ll add is that there is absolutely no point in playing Pain Olympics — as in, who has it worse. What looks to you as easy can be another person’s hell. You have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors. I think it’s really unfair to say someone’s experience of having 2u2 “doesn’t count” because they get to send one to daycare. Trust me, it counts. It’s all fucking hard no matter what your circumstances are. Just try to ease off on the judgement if you haven’t walked in their shoes.
Sincerely,
Someone who had 2u2 and sent her older kid to daycare 9 hours per week, and still suffered from debilitating exhaustion and PPD.
So my fffc: i am sending dd2 to daycare at least 2-3x a week when ds arrives. This is for her AND me. Being w other kids is good for her. And it's good for me to snuggle up on the sofa w a newborn. Dd1 is in half day pre-k so she will continue that. Oh and I'm giving serious consideration to hiring someone to help clean for at least the first 6 weeks of ds' life. I want help this time damnit!!
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DS-9/2012
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I agree with the pain olympics. Everyone's situation is different. Most of us have no clue what awaits us once these babies are born.. All we can do is be there to prop each other up, if needed.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015