Back story: My BIL and his wife are all about her family. It’s like a small miracle if we can get together to celebrate Christmas (it was before Thanksgiving this year). They kinda shit-talk my MIL & FIL because they don’t go to bars (wtf - they’re in their 70’s). They went on a big family vacation last year with MIL, FIL, MH & I (brought the adult kids and grandkids) on the ocean in an over the top amazing house - because my ILs paid for it! They irritate me (and DH) with that crap. Tonight, DH & I are picking dates to visit MIL & FIL in Arizona in January (while I can still tolerate travel). We call MIL to confirm dates work, and ‘that’s when S & V might come out.’ Not mad at her (she is trying to give them credit). But PISSED at BIL & SIL for even pretending they’re planning on visiting. They haven’t in the previous 3 winters, why would they inconvenience themselves now? Correct - they won’t, it’s just lip service. Tickets earlier are more expensive, and I don’t want to be so huge and miserable traveling if we wait longer. Rant over lol (gotta calm down so I get to sleep tonight).
@g_amoss ugh... sometimes it is SO hard to keep your mouth shut in these family situations. I had one slip up and snapped at my MIL on our recent trip and I still feel (kind of) guilty about it. I hope you can book your trip soon before air fare gets even more crazy expensive! And yeah, especially with your twins I hope you can book it sooner than later.
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Mine, as always, is ME! I had new insurance at my last appt (11/20) but no card. The office manager gave me a bunch of grief about getting it to then ASAP, and I said I would. The new card came Saturday, so I tried to take it yesterday before work, but the office was closed for lunch. So then I planned to go today... And my dumb pregnant brain forgot!
Mine is the front desk of our building. They called me yesterday afternoon to ask to be let into our storage unit to change some heating thing that happens to be located in our unit. Unfortunately the key to the lock is on my husband’s keychain and he was at work. Well I guess the front desk didn’t tell the maintenance person because he came up to our apartment and knocked (loudly) on the door to get it—while my daughter was napping. But what really frustrated me was that they were all acting very inconvenienced that they couldn’t get into the unit with absolutely no notice in the middle of a work day.
Mine I mentioned in our weekly ticker, but is about parent's who can't control their children and excuse it by turning to me and saying "just wait." These are not parent's I barely know, so its not an occasional thing. Its ALL.THE.TIME.
1) Last weekend DH and I invited another couple to go down to our beach house. They have a 5 yr old boy. This kid ran our entire weekend. All he wanted to do was watch movies on his phone. They let him have that thing 24/7...at meals, at the beach, at bed time. Any time we wanted to leave the house, go to the beach or do anything, he didnt want to go and his parent's wouldn't force him. Or we'd get to the beach and within 5 minutes he wanted to go back to the house. We only had one car, so we'd have to pack them up, take them back, then come back ourselves. If they tried to tell him no, he would throw a fit and say "I'm not your son anymore" and he would get his way. Every time he would act out, they would just turn to me and laugh and say "just wait." Ummmm, no, how about you put your foot down and make your kid realize, we're not here just for him. I don't blame the kid. They've set this precedent and now he know's how to run them. Every weekend, they come over our house and within a few minutes he wants to go back home, so they do. I really don't care how they raise their child, thats their business, but when it interferes with my life and then they turn to me and say "just wait" it bugs me to no end. I told DH, they can say that all they want, but the first time they try to tell me how to raise my kid, I'm going to say something.
2) My sister's kids...5 and 2. Every time they come to my house, they break something and wreak havoc on my house. She lets them eat pizza, popsicles, chocolate...whatever on my white rug and even after I tell them not to, she wont enforce it and doesn't say anything....but gets upset when anyone corrects her kids in front of her.
Ugh, I know my kid won't be perfect and I'm not naive to all of this. I'm the oldest of 7 kids. I taught Pre-K, Kinder and 1st. I know how kids can behave and also a fairly good idea on whats acceptable, so this whole "just wait" monologue is starting to piss me off.
@scuba_chic ugh. I would expect your sister/her kids to atleast respect you and your home. That stinks! As for your friends, sounds like they caused their own pain.
semi related i'm pretty tired of family and friends say things like..."you aren't going to get another one like your DD". I do realize each child can be completely different but can I get a little effin credit for her being well behaved most the time. I'm consistent, she knows our home expectations and rules and I'm doing a damn good job over here. Do I expect the next one to be her clone? No. But I would like to think she's ATLEAST partly the way she is because i've done a good job too.
@g_amoss Can you visit at the same time as them or isn't there enough room? Or is it that you'd rather visit without the BIL being there?
Condo is only 2 bedrooms I’m more pissed that BIL is casually throwing it out there like they really might come. They won’t - they take 4-6 mini vacations each year, but are ‘too busy’ to visit his parents.
@scuba_chic how frustrating! None of our friends have kids yet, but I swear I will not be that mom saying to them when they do "just wait."
I can't believe your sister is like that too. Sorry you're dealing with it!
@ekendall09 people always want to blame poor parenting for kids who misbehave, but I don't think anyone ever gives credit to parents when their kids are well behaved, it's an awful double standard!
@scuba_chic ugh. That does sound like some pretty appalling parenting. *Lord knows* I am not a perfect parent but a kid demanding a device constantly - basically extorting screen time from you if you want him to behave decently? Hell no. As @ekendall09 said, you have to set rules and be consistent in actually enforcing them. We were around my SIL and BIL recently and they would tell their kid “no,” he would ignore them, and they would just keep saying “no” - almost pleading with him to stop - without actually enforcing any consequences. It’s like... do you realize that you’re the parent here??
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@scuba_chic ugh, I totally agree with you. There are so many parents out there that just allow their kids anything they want. Guess what? Parenting is effing hard. Teaching a raw ball of emotions and impulses how to be a human is hard. It requires patience, fortitude, love, and willingness to sacrifice. I would say parents like that are mainly missing the latter. They are selfishly trying to reap only positive aspects of parenting (the smiles, the cuddles, the happy parts), and completely ignoring their duty to wade into the hard parts in order to rear a successful functional adult.
No, you can't make them smile all the time. Instead you equip them with coping mechanisms when they don't feel happy. No, you cant let them get their way constantly, instead you pick your battles, and teach them that sometimes it doesn't matter what you want, and that is ok. Adapt. And the biggest "no" of parenting is that no, you aren't their freaking friend. They rely on you to give them boundaries, they are incredibly lost at sea emotionally and in life, and are asking you to guide them, and tell them what makes life work. They aren't asking you to just shrug and say "whatever you want". How freaking scary would it be to not know the rules, and your only guide just shrugs and refuses to tell you?
@scuba_chic ugh, I totally agree with you. There are so many parents out there that just allow their kids anything they want. Guess what? Parenting is effing hard. Teaching a raw ball of emotions and impulses how to be a human is hard. It requires patience, fortitude, love, and willingness to sacrifice. I would say parents like that are mainly missing the latter. They are selfishly trying to reap only positive aspects of parenting (the smiles, the cuddles, the happy parts), and completely ignoring their duty to wade into the hard parts in order to rear a successful functional adult.
No, you can't make them smile all the time. Instead you equip them with coping mechanisms when they don't feel happy. No, you cant let them get their way constantly, instead you pick your battles, and teach them that sometimes it doesn't matter what you want, and that is ok. Adapt. And the biggest "no" of parenting is that no, you aren't their freaking friend. They rely on you to give them boundaries, they are incredibly lost at sea emotionally and in life, and are asking you to guide them, and tell them what makes life work. They aren't asking you to just shrug and say "whatever you want". How freaking scary would it be to not know the rules, and your only guide just shrugs and refuses to tell you?
Exactly...and I think thats what frustrates me most. Why have a kid if you don't want to "deal" with them? Its just easier for them to let the kid/s do whatever they want so they don't have to be patient and work, play...whatever the situation at the moment requires with their child. And look, I get needing a break and keeping your own sanity, but this wasn't just a one-time situation. I never once saw patience, understanding, sternness or fortitude from them...just frustration and a "do whatever you want, just leave me alone" attitude.
Re: TwatWaffle Tuesday - 12/5
Tonight, DH & I are picking dates to visit MIL & FIL in Arizona in January (while I can still tolerate travel). We call MIL to confirm dates work, and ‘that’s when S & V might come out.’ Not mad at her (she is trying to give them credit). But PISSED at BIL & SIL for even pretending they’re planning on visiting. They haven’t in the previous 3 winters, why would they inconvenience themselves now? Correct - they won’t, it’s just lip service. Tickets earlier are more expensive, and I don’t want to be so huge and miserable traveling if we wait longer. Rant over lol (gotta calm down so I get to sleep tonight).
1) Last weekend DH and I invited another couple to go down to our beach house. They have a 5 yr old boy. This kid ran our entire weekend. All he wanted to do was watch movies on his phone. They let him have that thing 24/7...at meals, at the beach, at bed time. Any time we wanted to leave the house, go to the beach or do anything, he didnt want to go and his parent's wouldn't force him. Or we'd get to the beach and within 5 minutes he wanted to go back to the house. We only had one car, so we'd have to pack them up, take them back, then come back ourselves. If they tried to tell him no, he would throw a fit and say "I'm not your son anymore" and he would get his way. Every time he would act out, they would just turn to me and laugh and say "just wait." Ummmm, no, how about you put your foot down and make your kid realize, we're not here just for him. I don't blame the kid. They've set this precedent and now he know's how to run them. Every weekend, they come over our house and within a few minutes he wants to go back home, so they do. I really don't care how they raise their child, thats their business, but when it interferes with my life and then they turn to me and say "just wait" it bugs me to no end. I told DH, they can say that all they want, but the first time they try to tell me how to raise my kid, I'm going to say something.
2) My sister's kids...5 and 2. Every time they come to my house, they break something and wreak havoc on my house. She lets them eat pizza, popsicles, chocolate...whatever on my white rug and even after I tell them not to, she wont enforce it and doesn't say anything....but gets upset when anyone corrects her kids in front of her.
Ugh, I know my kid won't be perfect and I'm not naive to all of this. I'm the oldest of 7 kids. I taught Pre-K, Kinder and 1st. I know how kids can behave and also a fairly good idea on whats acceptable, so this whole "just wait" monologue is starting to piss me off.
semi related i'm pretty tired of family and friends say things like..."you aren't going to get another one like your DD". I do realize each child can be completely different but can I get a little effin credit for her being well behaved most the time. I'm consistent, she knows our home expectations and rules and I'm doing a damn good job over here. Do I expect the next one to be her clone? No. But I would like to think she's ATLEAST partly the way she is because i've done a good job too.
I can't believe your sister is like that too. Sorry you're dealing with it!
@ekendall09 people always want to blame poor parenting for kids who misbehave, but I don't think anyone ever gives credit to parents when their kids are well behaved, it's an awful double standard!
No, you can't make them smile all the time. Instead you equip them with coping mechanisms when they don't feel happy. No, you cant let them get their way constantly, instead you pick your battles, and teach them that sometimes it doesn't matter what you want, and that is ok. Adapt. And the biggest "no" of parenting is that no, you aren't their freaking friend. They rely on you to give them boundaries, they are incredibly lost at sea emotionally and in life, and are asking you to guide them, and tell them what makes life work. They aren't asking you to just shrug and say "whatever you want". How freaking scary would it be to not know the rules, and your only guide just shrugs and refuses to tell you?