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How do we make preparing for babies fun for husbands?

nhardlernhardler member
in May 2018 Moms
We are due May 7 with twins ( :D:D ) and we are soooo excited!

My husband is the creative type and I am a Project Manager.  My life is full of spreadsheets, plans and charts.  We are trying to combine our styles: my need to schedule dates for creating the registry, interviewing pediatricians, etc. and his need to not feel overwhelmed. 

I thought maybe you all might have some ideas on how to make the whole process "fun" so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed with everything that must be done, but rather enjoy himself?  

I saw a silly Hallmark movie with a fun, interactive refrigerator calendar where you could put goofy magnets on every time you accomplished something.  I may do something like that?  
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Re: How do we make preparing for babies fun for husbands?

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  • lady_mormont18lady_mormont18 member
    @ivyvines6 I so feel you! 

    I am against the "gold star" route with adults. I am a laid back and natural type B and I find it condescending for someone to "reward" me for following their type A schedule/list. 

    Of course stuff needs to get done. Reality is it is not all fun! So, he has to suck it up when you give him things to do. Suggestion: If you are looking forward to something and he sees it as torture and you do not want him sucking the fun out of your life... go with a friend or on your own.

    I did my first pregnancy on my own (single mom) and the second time around I did not involve DH in everything either. I always told him what was going on and if he wasn't into it and didn't NEED to be there I let it be. Not a big deal. You would be surprised how much they choose to be involved if there is less "pressure".

    I left my DH back from one trip to the maternity store and all of a sudden he wanted to go to almost everything...
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • suchaglencocosuchaglencoco member
    nhardler said:
    We are due May 7 with twins ( :D:D ) and we are soooo excited!

    My husband is the creative type and I am a Project Manager.  My life is full of spreadsheets, plans and charts.  We are trying to combine our styles: my need to schedule dates for creating the registry, interviewing pediatricians, etc. and his need to not feel overwhelmed. 

    I thought maybe you all might have some ideas on how to make the whole process "fun" so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed with everything that must be done, but rather enjoy himself?  

    I saw a silly Hallmark movie with a fun, interactive refrigerator calendar where you could put goofy magnets on every time you accomplished something.  I may do something like that?  
    Yeah, it's really hard to force fun in this type of situation. Having a baby is stressful and overwhelming and takes a long time to come around to for some people. With twins, it's twice as bad. I definitely know that. My husband was excited for our twins, but had a lot of overwhelming moments. Even now that they're almost 2, we both still have those moments. 
    And agreed. It's hard for them to take part in lots of the pregnancy fun because they aren't feeling the changes from inside. 
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  • nhardlernhardler member
    He isn't whining at all, I'm just trying to make it more enjoyable.  So I'll figure it out.  
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  • onesmallcoconutonesmallcoconut member
    You say he's creative? Give him a project or 2 to do for the nursery. Maybe it's painting a few pictures that you can frame and hang or crafting a mobile or building and painting a toychest. 
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  • mileswithmylesmileswithmyles member
    I feel like it is harder for men to connect to pregnancy.  Is this your first?  I feel like DH is way more interested in things this time around than he was with DS because he knows what to expect now.  I don't know that he finds it fun, but we spend a lot of time talking about names, looking at nursery gear, etc.  He likes to come to the appointments when he can and once the baby starts to kick, he liked feeling the baby move.  
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  • doraleigh35doraleigh35 member
    mileswithmyles said:
    I feel like it is harder for men to connect to pregnancy.  Is this your first?  I feel like DH is way more interested in things this time around than he was with DS because he knows what to expect now.  I don't know that he finds it fun, but we spend a lot of time talking about names, looking at nursery gear, etc.  He likes to come to the appointments when he can and once the baby starts to kick, he liked feeling the baby move.  
    ^^ This excatly. Have you asked him what he thinks would be "fun"? There are things that my H wanted to be involved in and others things that he didn't really care about. He loved building nursery furniture and putting together the swing/stroller etc.  We talk about what needs to get done and how we are each going to tackle it individually or together.
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  • alli392alli392 member
    DH has been really good about helping out and everything but he doesn't really talk about it much. He did do a TON of renovations to our top floor to help spruce it up and we're going to take a birth class together than introduces us to newborn care techniques too since he's never really been around babies. I don't think he's overly worried about it being fun though? He's too practical for that. I think the magnet idea could be cute if it's something he participates in too! Otherwise, I'm giving him specific things to look for while creating a baby registry too so that he can pick the ones he likes best. He doesn't really like shopping but he likes knowing that we'll be getting the exact right one!

    Married: 12/19/15         

    BFP: 9/4/17             
    EDD: 5/16/18
    DD born 5/10/18
    Postpartum Complications

    BFP: 10/1/19
    EDD: 6/12/20
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  • kpc914kpc914 member
    @sandbar517 hahahhah! Yes! 
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  • arteduc8arteduc8 member
    If he's creative perhaps he could make something for the nursery. Maybe some art, a growth chart, a mobile, a bookcase depending on what his skills are. Later on if he likes to cook you could put him in charge of making some freezer meals for after baby arrives. Also depending on his creativity maybe he could plan the shower invite or something like that. Last pregnancy my husband really like being able to help paint the nursery and get furniture put together. He was also good at the freezer meals. I think I'll put them in charge of that again this time. But once baby starts kicking and moving and he can actually feel it from his hand on your belly it might become a bit more real for him. At this point it's so early on it's hard even for yourself to be connected to the pregnancy let alone your husband who can't feel it.
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  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    edited November 2017
    I’d say just do your type-a activities and let him participate if he wants to. Give him tasks that he needs to get done (helping with the nursery is a good one), and let him do them on his own time. Once the baby comes, he’ll really have no choice but to help out. I think the magnetic calendar sounds like something more geared toward kids? But I guess do what works. 

    I dont think you can make this “fun” for him. Hell, it’s not even fun for a lot of women. That doesn’t mean he won’t help out and do stuff that needs to get done. 
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  • theletlerstheletlers member
    ^^@cups4 THIS!!
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  • cups4cups4 member
    edited November 2017
    Yaaaassss @suchaglencoco
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  • suchaglencocosuchaglencoco member
    @cups4
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  • sbaby2019sbaby2019 member
    Haha love the gifs. 
    Honestly I'm pretty lucky because my husband is decently into it.
    Every week when I turn a new week, I read through my apps (yes I have 3) in the morning with him and we learn about the baby, my body and what to expect. At first i think he wasnt fully interested but did it to appease me and now he seems super into it. It's a first for us and we have had a loss so I think it makes this a bit more precious.

    I'm doing lots on my own, like reading through these threads, or books, to get info and support other ways. But if things are interesting, I share them with him so I'm a filter and he doesn't feel bogged down by everything.
    Right now he's overwhelmed with the items we need to buy so I'm doing my own research and I'll barrow it down and involve him later. For his personality he will love that and probably be more into it then I am at the time.
    I think you just have to figure out what excites your partner and let them experience it their way. 
    Hope that helps! 
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  • nanifrognanifrog member
    It sounds like your primary goal is to get him excited about a project plan. I don't think that will happen, regardless of the "project". Put it together, then tell him what stage you're at. He doesn't need to see the whole timeline. It sounds like it would just overwhelm him and upset you. The plan is for your needs and that important, but doesn't impact him.

    My co-worker's wife was pregnant and she had a million things she wanted to do so she have him the schedule and he just had to complete his parts on time. He was not excited about the nursery theme or painting or registering our lots of other things. He was still excited to be having a kid. 
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  • mileswithmylesmileswithmyles member
    ^^^ yup
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