How do we make preparing for babies fun for husbands?

nhardler

We are due May 7 with twins ( ) and we are soooo excited!

My husband is the creative type and I am a Project Manager.  My life is full of spreadsheets, plans and charts.  We are trying to combine our styles: my need to schedule dates for creating the registry, interviewing pediatricians, etc. and his need to not feel overwhelmed. 

I thought maybe you all might have some ideas on how to make the whole process "fun" so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed with everything that must be done, but rather enjoy himself?  

I saw a silly Hallmark movie with a fun, interactive refrigerator calendar where you could put goofy magnets on every time you accomplished something.  I may do something like that?  

ivyvines6

I’m feeling super salty so my initial response to this thread is “not kill them for being whiney, and NOT carrying any of the baby weight for nine months?” But I’ll probably come up with something better later. For what it’s worth my DH doesn’t really get into pregnancy, and there’s nothin I can really do to change how he feels about being unable to connect with something he isn’t able to touch.

thunderberry

Yeah I dunno, maybe I'm a bad wife but I am also kind of in the boat of not really wanting to have to train my husband like a kindergartner to be interested in something that he should be helping out with for my sake and our child's sake anyway. It's pretty tiring building a human from scratch, so he can suck it up and do some work, even if it's not super "fun" to him.

Now I feel guilty and bitchy and need to say that actually MH has been awesome and helpful so it hasn't been an issue for me anyway, so what do I know. But if it was I guess I could try to get him more excited about the baby by talking more about some of the fun stuff like picking names, planning the nursery etc?

lady_mormont18

@ivyvines6 I so feel you! 

I am against the "gold star" route with adults. I am a laid back and natural type B and I find it condescending for someone to "reward" me for following their type A schedule/list. 

Of course stuff needs to get done. Reality is it is not all fun! So, he has to suck it up when you give him things to do. Suggestion: If you are looking forward to something and he sees it as torture and you do not want him sucking the fun out of your life... go with a friend or on your own.

I did my first pregnancy on my own (single mom) and the second time around I did not involve DH in everything either. I always told him what was going on and if he wasn't into it and didn't NEED to be there I let it be. Not a big deal. You would be surprised how much they choose to be involved if there is less "pressure".

I left my DH back from one trip to the maternity store and all of a sudden he wanted to go to almost everything...

suchaglencoco

nhardler said:

We are due May 7 with twins ( ) and we are soooo excited!

My husband is the creative type and I am a Project Manager.  My life is full of spreadsheets, plans and charts.  We are trying to combine our styles: my need to schedule dates for creating the registry, interviewing pediatricians, etc. and his need to not feel overwhelmed. 

I thought maybe you all might have some ideas on how to make the whole process "fun" so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed with everything that must be done, but rather enjoy himself?  

I saw a silly Hallmark movie with a fun, interactive refrigerator calendar where you could put goofy magnets on every time you accomplished something.  I may do something like that?  

Yeah, it's really hard to force fun in this type of situation. Having a baby is stressful and overwhelming and takes a long time to come around to for some people. With twins, it's twice as bad. I definitely know that. My husband was excited for our twins, but had a lot of overwhelming moments. Even now that they're almost 2, we both still have those moments. 
And agreed. It's hard for them to take part in lots of the pregnancy fun because they aren't feeling the changes from inside. 

fraufarbissina

I feel like most dads only really get excited about something tangible.  Like seeing an ultrasound or feeling the baby kick or even just seeing your baby bump once it gets big.  Last time my husband was actually really excited about getting an update about the size of the baby each week.. he'd wake up every Thursday and say "new fruit!" This time around, I can hardly remember what day of the week it is so have not been checking in on our weekly fruits.

ivyvines6

fraufarbissina said:

I feel like most dads only really get excited about something tangible.  Like seeing an ultrasound or feeling the baby kick or even just seeing your baby bump once it gets big.  Last time my husband was actually really excited about getting an update about the size of the baby each week.. he'd wake up every Thursday and say "new fruit!" This time around, I can hardly remember what day of the week it is so have not been checking in on our weekly fruits.

DH is also excited that it’s “it’s an avocado, thanks!” week.

abhphilly

I kind of wanted to ask the title of this thread to be changed to "significant other" or something of the sort, since some of us have wives, and some aren't married.

That said, my wife is SO excited and while she'd never want to carry a baby, she seems to want almost constant updates about what I'm feeling and is babying me a ton. I don't know if that's because she's also a woman, or if it just varies from person to person. We also went through multiple years of fertility treatments to get to this point, so we both had to be all in before it even started. She's less excited about shopping and decorating, but I love those things, so it's all good . I'm not really sure how I'd nudge more involvement out of a significant other that wasn't naturally feeling it, but it would definitely be frustrating.

nhardler

He isn't whining at all, I'm just trying to make it more enjoyable.  So I'll figure it out.  

onesmallcoconut

You say he's creative? Give him a project or 2 to do for the nursery. Maybe it's painting a few pictures that you can frame and hang or crafting a mobile or building and painting a toychest. 

mileswithmyles

I feel like it is harder for men to connect to pregnancy.  Is this your first?  I feel like DH is way more interested in things this time around than he was with DS because he knows what to expect now.  I don't know that he finds it fun, but we spend a lot of time talking about names, looking at nursery gear, etc.  He likes to come to the appointments when he can and once the baby starts to kick, he liked feeling the baby move.  

doraleigh35

mileswithmyles said:

I feel like it is harder for men to connect to pregnancy.  Is this your first?  I feel like DH is way more interested in things this time around than he was with DS because he knows what to expect now.  I don't know that he finds it fun, but we spend a lot of time talking about names, looking at nursery gear, etc.  He likes to come to the appointments when he can and once the baby starts to kick, he liked feeling the baby move.  

^^ This excatly. Have you asked him what he thinks would be "fun"? There are things that my H wanted to be involved in and others things that he didn't really care about. He loved building nursery furniture and putting together the swing/stroller etc.  We talk about what needs to get done and how we are each going to tackle it individually or together.

alli392

DH has been really good about helping out and everything but he doesn't really talk about it much. He did do a TON of renovations to our top floor to help spruce it up and we're going to take a birth class together than introduces us to newborn care techniques too since he's never really been around babies. I don't think he's overly worried about it being fun though? He's too practical for that. I think the magnet idea could be cute if it's something he participates in too! Otherwise, I'm giving him specific things to look for while creating a baby registry too so that he can pick the ones he likes best. He doesn't really like shopping but he likes knowing that we'll be getting the exact right one!

sandbar517

Wasn't making the baby fun enough for him?  Also,

kpc914

@sandbar517 hahahhah! Yes! 

arteduc8

If he's creative perhaps he could make something for the nursery. Maybe some art, a growth chart, a mobile, a bookcase depending on what his skills are. Later on if he likes to cook you could put him in charge of making some freezer meals for after baby arrives. Also depending on his creativity maybe he could plan the shower invite or something like that. Last pregnancy my husband really like being able to help paint the nursery and get furniture put together. He was also good at the freezer meals. I think I'll put them in charge of that again this time. But once baby starts kicking and moving and he can actually feel it from his hand on your belly it might become a bit more real for him. At this point it's so early on it's hard even for yourself to be connected to the pregnancy let alone your husband who can't feel it.

Ceridwen77

I’d say just do your type-a activities and let him participate if he wants to. Give him tasks that he needs to get done (helping with the nursery is a good one), and let him do them on his own time. Once the baby comes, he’ll really have no choice but to help out. I think the magnetic calendar sounds like something more geared toward kids? But I guess do what works. 

I dont think you can make this “fun” for him. Hell, it’s not even fun for a lot of women. That doesn’t mean he won’t help out and do stuff that needs to get done. 

cups4

Can someone tell me how to make this fun for myself? 

suchaglencoco

@cups4

theletlers

^^@cups4 THIS!!

cups4

Yaaaassss @suchaglencoco

suchaglencoco

@cups4

sbaby2019

Haha love the gifs. 
Honestly I'm pretty lucky because my husband is decently into it.
Every week when I turn a new week, I read through my apps (yes I have 3) in the morning with him and we learn about the baby, my body and what to expect. At first i think he wasnt fully interested but did it to appease me and now he seems super into it. It's a first for us and we have had a loss so I think it makes this a bit more precious.

I'm doing lots on my own, like reading through these threads, or books, to get info and support other ways. But if things are interesting, I share them with him so I'm a filter and he doesn't feel bogged down by everything.
Right now he's overwhelmed with the items we need to buy so I'm doing my own research and I'll barrow it down and involve him later. For his personality he will love that and probably be more into it then I am at the time.
I think you just have to figure out what excites your partner and let them experience it their way. 
Hope that helps! 

nanifrog

It sounds like your primary goal is to get him excited about a project plan. I don't think that will happen, regardless of the "project". Put it together, then tell him what stage you're at. He doesn't need to see the whole timeline. It sounds like it would just overwhelm him and upset you. The plan is for your needs and that important, but doesn't impact him.

My co-worker's wife was pregnant and she had a million things she wanted to do so she have him the schedule and he just had to complete his parts on time. He was not excited about the nursery theme or painting or registering our lots of other things. He was still excited to be having a kid. 

Poppy0419

I mean I think it’s pretty fun for DH that I haven’t killed him yet. It’s also probably fun for him that he gets to let me sleep in when I need it (daily) and gets up with DD. 

Im not having fun pregnant so I don’t particularly care if he’s having fun. 

@suchaglencoco that sly QFP though. I like your style. 

ivyvines6

Poppy0419 said:

Im not having fun pregnant so I don’t particularly care if he’s having fun. 

This. EXACTLY this.

mileswithmyles

^^^ yup

suchaglencoco

@Poppy0419

curleemama32

I gonna be honest here, but I have enough to overwhelm MYSELF with right now! There's pregnancy (which is tough AF) and the resulting child that I will be responsible for the majority of the time, along with taking care of our older child, keeping the house livable, making sure all of the people that live in said house are fed regularly, clothed appropriately, and bathed once in a while, and all with a smile on my face because let's face it, that's just what's expected. Seriously, I don't have time to care about how overwhelmed my husband feels. The process of having children and the first couple of chaotic years it takes to get them to grow into semi functional and independent humans isn't always fun, but your significant other was directly involved with making the kid or at least with the decision to have a family. So I'm on team "suck it up buttercup". It's not your job to make sure he's having fun during the pregnancy. You have enough to worry about! He'll either like it or won't, but in the end you'll have beautiful children that will change your life for the better! Don't sweat the small stuff, as someone somewhere once probably said!