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March 2018 Moms
syssa-o
member
Fears surrounding giving birth
syssa-o
member
I feel like we could have an open place to address any fears we may have about the actual process of giving birth/newborn stages
Re: Fears surrounding giving birth
I dont know how I would cope with being discharged and leaving babies at the hospital. I would want to be with them everyday but I don’t know how I would feel about leaving DS for extended periods.
My fear is to severely hemorrhage again. But worse. I was sooo close to needing a transfusion, but luckily, my nurse got the bleeding to stop. This time, my MW keeps telling me I have to get to a hospital ASAP because my son was born in 2hrs, and they want to be proactive with the meds so I don't bleed after. And if I hemorrhage at home, well it could be VERY BAD. I have every plan to get to the hospital when labour starts, but with no sitters and a SO who works an hour away, who knows. So I'm legitimately terrified.
As for your fear, also totally rational. Just remember, as hard as it may be, those babies will be receiving some.of the best care possible. And the hospital is all about parent/baby interaction as much as possible. I've had some friend's children there and they couldn't give more praise about the care and compassion the docs and nurses gave.
I have Factor V Leiden making me high risk. My mom also has FVL and actually hemorrhaged 2 out of her 3 deliveries (deliveries 1 and 3), they told her after the 3rd delivery that as to not risk her own life, it was in her best interest to not have anymore children. That’s always in the back of my mind and is so scary to me. I have 2 babies at home too that I’ll need to get back to and ugh. Just makes me sick.
I have bad luck with epidurals. The first didn’t take and the second worked, but I ended up with a spinal headache and a failed blood patch. I couldn’t even sit to hold DD for 10 days straight! I want to try so hard to go without an epi because the fear of this happening again is overwhelming, but I don’t know if I can physically go without. That probably sounds really silly...
I, too, worry about delivering early. Our cousin delivered at 28 weeks, but her placenta had also stopped nourishing the baby so she ended up being even smaller than expected (just over a pound). She is now a happy and healthy 2 1/2 year old, but it’s such a scary thought.
I know Sinai is like the place to be having a baby. The NICU seems terrifying to me even though it’s the best place for an unwell baby to be. It’s been my one consistent fear since first giving birth. Even with Leah, we didn’t know she was sick so we took her home after about 12 hrs. Im just hoping with my history of big babies we can avoid it altogether.
Sometimes I get angry at myself for not trying to have DD naturally but when my doc told me they can try inducing me when I was two weeks overdue but she thought there would be a 90% chance I'd still have to have a c-section I opted to just go with the cesarean.
Thinking about giving birth is a scary thing for everyone no matter how you look at it. Its a beautiful thing, but that doesn't mean its easy or pretty.
Edited because I can't spell cesarean
I had DS as a planned c-section because I have a small pelvis and he was measuring large (like head in the 99th percentile... And he still has a big melon head
So now that I had such a good experience... I'm planning on a 2nd cs and am absolutely terrified of going into labor before the planned date. I want nothing to do with water breaking or contractions or mucous plugs or any of that. I don't want a surgeon I've never met before. I want my doctor, on my day and time, with no surprises. Rationally, I know tons of women either have a vbac or go into labor before a planned cs... but nope. No thank you. It sounds absolutely terrible and I want nothing to do with it.
@triplejplus1 FX you get your vbac! I was induced with my first so I was worried with my second that I wouldn’t know I was in labour... I know everybody is different obviously but I woke up that day and knew I was having a baby. I also never had BH so there was no way to confuse the contractions with anything else.
Pregnant with #2:
I have vaginismus. Was diagnosed during my delivery with DS. I won't go into details, but basically anytime something comes close to my vagina, my body tenses up and I panic.
So my fears this labour are very similar to my fears with him. I'm terrified of being checked for dilation. With DS I wanted a med-free birth and ended up with an epidural not because of pain but because of my condition the doctors/nurses were unable to check my dilation status. I am fearful the same thing will happen this time around.
I'm also scared of a long labour again. DS was in a bad position and got stuck in my pelvis. So I was in labour for 29.5 hours. I'd love a shorter labour. I'm hoping for under 20 hours. I'll be realistic lol
I tried very very hard to refuse during my last labour. I had one very stubborn nurse who adamantly refused to let me into the tub until I was checked (even though I had been checked maybe 15 minutes previously and nothing had changed). My doula was advocating for me. And this nurse was absolutely ridiculous about it. It really (in my opinion) set me up for failure when it came to my labour. She was so insistent and refused to let me cope how I wanted to until she checked me. After I finally consented, she tried and wasn't able to check me. Then she was like "oh. Well that didn't work". Well no sh*t!! I told you it wasn't going to work!!!
I've already told my doula that I want to ask for nitrous oxide (laughing gas) before any dilation checks this time. I'm hoping it'll relax me enough to allow them to do what they need to. Also hoping I'm not strep B positive again this time so that I can labour at home longer and avoid unnecessary checks.
My second was big, and had a shoulder dystocia (basically her shoulders were stuck in my pelvis). I was genuinely traumatized from both of my births. So basically my fears are what will go wrong this time? My ob is awesome and is planning on a 39 week induction (im already measuring ahead, and with a history of shoulder dystocia it’s the right plan).
The fear is real. I think it’s great that we have this thread to talk it out!
Question for second time moms, sort of related: did you start your maternity leave prior to your due date? by how much? was that the right choice?
2nd question: has anyone considered, uh, vaginal stretching?
What I did with my first that I loved but because of work deadlines couldn't with my second. Instead of taking the full 12 weeks I took 10 weeks then spread my remaining 2 weeks over the next month and only working M-W-F for a month before coming back FT. That was the better decision than leaving early.
@orbmaker with my first, my manager basically pressured me into starting my maternity leave the day after my due date and since DD was 2 weeks late I got to sit around at home for 2 weeks with nothing to do and I had 2 less weeks with her after she was born. The second time around I had a different manager and I worked up until my (scheduled) induction date, which was, once again, after my due date. As long as the dr doesn't give me any restrictions that mean I wouldn't be able to do my job (like bed rest or something along the same line) I plan on working until I actually go into labor or have an induction scheduled. I personally like being able to maximize my maternity leave by using it once the baby is actually here instead of before, barring any medical concerns of course.
Pregnant with #2:
In retrospect, I could have worked longer. But I really had convinced myself he would come early and I wanted some time off to relax before he came. I really valued that time I had alone to get ready and also just to rest and do some things I knew I couldn't do once I had a newborn. Plus I was incredibly uncomfortable and so done mentally at work. If I had known he would be late, I wouldn't have ended as soon as I did. But birth is unpredictable. And I don't regret having time off before.
But I also had a year leave. If I only had 8-12 weeks (as many of you do), I think I would've opted to stay and work as long as possible so that I could stay home longer with my child.
My fear is going into labor/having the baby before DH can get to me. I feel a lot better going through all of that with him next to me and I worry he will be out of town or at work and unable to leave on time to get there.
My due date is March 16, so I could get a decent ways into July before I had to return. My husband's a teacher, and it'd be nice to have a few weeks off together once he's on summer break (and takes over primary caregiver duties)... We're still not sure how much time he'll have off/when he'll have time off after birth, since he just started the job this fall and doesn't qualify for the paid paternity leave benefit, but the timing of his summer break is nice! Baby will be almost 6 months old before we have to leave her w/ my mom on the week days I work (which of course we are also lucky to be able to do).
ETA: I'm still curious about vaginal stretching/ perineal massage!!!! I don't want to tear!!!
Im due March 14th but i plan on starting my mat leave Feb18th.... and taking a weeks PTO ahead of that. So i plan on being done work by Feb 9th. I'm sure I could go longer, but honestly, I think I need the time before little one arrives to get my head in gear.
I think my biggest fears are that of a hemmorage and just an overall fear of the unknown. as a FTM i just don't know what to expect
@orbmaker I didn't do any vaginal/perineal stretching for either birth. My first I tore badly because of tje vacuum extraction. My second no tears at all, he came FAST!
The last week of pregnancy with my son I developed pre e and discovered he was iugr. I had to be induced, which was totally necessary as he had to come out. The induction went well until my water broke and his cord prolapsed. Thankfully, my ob was able to manuever him off this cord but I still had a crash c section because he was in severe distress. I had bruises on my belly from them rolling him manually trying to get his heart rate back up, I assume it was what they were doing, and coupled with my obs elbow deep in my vag and no epidural it made me want to die. I had general anaesthesia, which is awful stuff, and morphine that didn’t help with pain and made me so sick. I was on the verge of hemorrhaging and had fundal massages what felt like every 30 seconds, que more bruises. He had 24 hours in the nicu and I didn’t see him for 8 hours.
My ob is very pro vbac and clearly wants me to attempt one. Realistically, I know it will likely be ok. But I just can’t even think about attempting a vbac without major anxiety and my heart racing.
Dont get me wrong, my ob is wonderful and amazing and all the things I wanted in a doctor. She isn’t pressuring me but encouraging me