@peppersmith22 yes there are some unfortunate souls out there who were given no choice but to co-sleep, and some who choose to as well. It IS possible to do it safely, btw. There are little units out there that you can put into your bed with you to prevent roll overs.
Additionally, co-sleeping to start with until a baby is past colic doesn't doom you to a toddler in bed with you. My baby was extremely colicky, and once we got her past it, we were able to transition her to her own room and crib.
I was too scared to co-sleep when DS was a baby, so he slept in the pack and play right next to my side of the bed. When he was older and would wake up at night (even now still very occasionally) he will end up in bed with us. He moves around way too much. We have a king size bed and both DH and I end up on the very edges while he takes up the whole middle!
I'm a cosleeper. I can tell you with the utmost certainty that it is something I regret starting, but I did it out of desperation. DH travels a lot for work, and the only way I was going to be remotely human during the work day was by having the baby in the bed with me to nurse. We do not share a bed when he's home- we each sleep with a kid. This is not how I imagined parenthood would go, but it's not all bad. We often talk about how we have these sweet special moments as a result of cosleeping that we otherwise would not have with the kids. And it won't last forever, hopefully.
I too hate slogans on children's clothing and never buy clothes with cutesy sayings on them. But I will be dressing our girl in pink
Also, we struggled for a while with the circumcision decision. I get the arguments on both sides, but as mentioned previously there are valid reasons to do it or not do it, including religious practices. We ultimately decided to do it for the reason @JJMNO1616 mentioned, a link to decreased risk of STI infection, and if that's considered sexualizing my son, so be it. He will also be getting the HPV vaccine as soon as he's old enough to get it.
I don't know how unpopular this is but I hate the newborn period. I mean, I absolutely love the first few days in the hospital - meeting the baby for the first time is truly one of the most magical moments in life, and when you are surrounded by medical professionals trained in the care of a newborn it's easy to just relax and enjoy them. Meals are delivered to you in bed and life is good.
But then you bring the baby home. On top of whatever chaos is going on in your house - either with other children or just the range of issues involved in running a household - you have the absolutely maddening stress of this brand new, delicate life while under the throes of sleep deprivation. And newborns are such strange creatures; it's nearly impossible to get a sense of what's going on with them or even if they're well.
When my third baby was born, I had multiple nurses ask me if I was a FTM. I was kind of offended after it happened several times; were they saying I looked clueless with my baby or what? I eventually figured out it was just because I had the look of fear on my face. And I own that - no matter whether it's your first kid or your sixth, these tiny creatures are so new and fragile and it is a perfectly terrifying experience.
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@lindsye I'm with you. Until DD and I got into a routine and got to know each other I struggled to enjoy this phase. Like you said, I was always wondering if I was doing it right, was she ok, all on top of little to no sleep. Separately, I also had a hard time bonding at the beginning. I didn't get the immediate gushy feelings, and that caused me additional stress. I'm hoping the bond we have since created will help me see the light at the end of tunnel this time. FX!
I should've clarified: for the sexualization I was talking about people who haven't researched and just want it done because they wouldn't have sex with an intact man or they want their kid to have a pretty penis.
As for STIs, if you look at the study critically, you will see that the difference isn't that much (esp since the study was done in Africa and the men weren't taught safe sex practices in general). Honestly, teach safe sex and proper hygiene instead of cutting. That's my main point.
As for cosleeping: understand the difference between cosleeping and bedsharing. Cosleeping is roomsharing (bassinet, RNP, PNP, etc). Bedsharing is exactly what it sounds like. I ended up bedsharing with DD due to her extreme fussiness. I let it go too long, and I had a hard time night weaning and transitioning her to her own room at 3. DS i wised up and started him in a sidecarred crib up next to our bed at 6m. He was a great sleeper and transitioned easily to his own room. With Spud, we will bedshare until the same time as DS. Then transition at toddlerhood.
@itsrandiyo We co-slept with dd but when I found out I was pregnant last year we immediately nicked it. We have never looked back, best decision I have ever made. I do think co-sleeping helped me with our ptsd after NICU time plus PICU time. For me, it really was what I needed for bonding purposes and I loved waking up to her in bed with me smiling away as if to say it's all going to be okay.
I guess my UO is that we co-slept and loved it. DS would not sleep unless being held, he was colicky and had reflux. It worked for us to be able to sleep because listening to my child cry when I could be sleeping gave me anxiety. I loved that extra bonding time, as did DH, and we are a tight little family. At three, one of us still snuggles him to sleep in his bed now in his own room, and he usually pops in between 2-6 AM and sleeps some more with us. 99% of the time, we don't even wake when he does.
I guess I don't understand the sentiment that it somehow interferes with DH time. We put the kid to bed and go hang out. We have the exact same amount of alone time together now that he sleeps in his own room as when he did in our bed.
@8bithearts There have been multiple studies on the subject, and multiple studies done in the US.
I understand and respect both sides of this debate, and as I mentioned, we really struggled with this decision, so I understand why any parent would make either decision. But I do think correct information is helpful when making these choices.
@itsrandiyo we did bedshare when ds was itty bitty. I made sure to study how to do it safely. I had a our bed up to the wall with dd between me and the wall (before she was rolling). I slept with a zip up sweatshirt (for easy nursing ) and kept my boppy pillow so that the bulk of the Pillow was behind me and couldn’t get to her. No blankets on her side of the bed. (dh used a smaller blanket so no risk of covering her by accident)
once she started rolling we put the crib next to our side so she would roll into the crib for her own space. She got to a point where she was sleeping all night and could crawl in/out of the crib independently (11 mo) so we pulled the crib away from our bed and lowered it to be a toddler bed. Then as that became easier we moved a mattress into her own room and we never had a fight over sleeping arrangements.
Prior to bedsharing dh and I were so sleep deprived because she hated the crib that I woke up one night in her room in the full sized bed nursing her, and I didn’t even remember getting there and I knew if we didn’t work together our situation was more dangerous than safely bedsharing.
Ds on the other hand needed his space. He never nursed to sleep, and we never really needed to go through all the effort to bedshare safely.
Re: UO Thursday
Additionally, co-sleeping to start with until a baby is past colic doesn't doom you to a toddler in bed with you. My baby was extremely colicky, and once we got her past it, we were able to transition her to her own room and crib.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
Also, we struggled for a while with the circumcision decision. I get the arguments on both sides, but as mentioned previously there are valid reasons to do it or not do it, including religious practices. We ultimately decided to do it for the reason @JJMNO1616 mentioned, a link to decreased risk of STI infection, and if that's considered sexualizing my son, so be it. He will also be getting the HPV vaccine as soon as he's old enough to get it.
But then you bring the baby home. On top of whatever chaos is going on in your house - either with other children or just the range of issues involved in running a household - you have the absolutely maddening stress of this brand new, delicate life while under the throes of sleep deprivation. And newborns are such strange creatures; it's nearly impossible to get a sense of what's going on with them or even if they're well.
When my third baby was born, I had multiple nurses ask me if I was a FTM. I was kind of offended after it happened several times; were they saying I looked clueless with my baby or what? I eventually figured out it was just because I had the look of fear on my face. And I own that - no matter whether it's your first kid or your sixth, these tiny creatures are so new and fragile and it is a perfectly terrifying experience.
As for STIs, if you look at the study critically, you will see that the difference isn't that much (esp since the study was done in Africa and the men weren't taught safe sex practices in general). Honestly, teach safe sex and proper hygiene instead of cutting. That's my main point.
As for cosleeping: understand the difference between cosleeping and bedsharing. Cosleeping is roomsharing (bassinet, RNP, PNP, etc). Bedsharing is exactly what it sounds like.
I ended up bedsharing with DD due to her extreme fussiness. I let it go too long, and I had a hard time night weaning and transitioning her to her own room at 3. DS i wised up and started him in a sidecarred crib up next to our bed at 6m. He was a great sleeper and transitioned easily to his own room. With Spud, we will bedshare until the same time as DS. Then transition at toddlerhood.
EBF, BLW, BW, CD, Waterbirth, Calm Birth, Homebirth, FC, GI Awareness, Informed Choice
DD 5y
DS 3y Generation Intact
Step DD 5y
Step DD 3y
I do think co-sleeping helped me with our ptsd after NICU time plus PICU time. For me, it really was what I needed for bonding purposes and I loved waking up to her in bed with me smiling away as if to say it's all going to be okay.
I guess I don't understand the sentiment that it somehow interferes with DH time. We put the kid to bed and go hang out. We have the exact same amount of alone time together now that he sleeps in his own room as when he did in our bed.
I understand and respect both sides of this debate, and as I mentioned, we really struggled with this decision, so I understand why any parent would make either decision. But I do think correct information is helpful when making these choices.
EBF, BLW, BW, CD, Waterbirth, Calm Birth, Homebirth, FC, GI Awareness, Informed Choice
DD 5y
DS 3y Generation Intact
Step DD 5y
Step DD 3y
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1744239/
https://academic.oup.com/jid/article-lookup/doi/10.1086/595569
https://sti.bmj.com/content/76/6/474
Edited to add, there have also been multiple studies done in Africa, not just one.
once she started rolling we put the crib next to our side so she would roll into the crib for her own space. She got to a point where she was sleeping all night and could crawl in/out of the crib independently (11 mo) so we pulled the crib away from our bed and lowered it to be a toddler bed. Then as that became easier we moved a mattress into her own room and we never had a fight over sleeping arrangements.
Prior to bedsharing dh and I were so sleep deprived because she hated the crib that I woke up one night in her room in the full sized bed nursing her, and I didn’t even remember getting there and I knew if we didn’t work together our situation was more dangerous than safely bedsharing.
Ds on the other hand needed his space. He never nursed to sleep, and we never really needed to go through all the effort to bedshare safely.