Heartbroken to be here, again — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Heartbroken to be here, again

This part really really sucks. I really wish I could come back here to join your grad board with a successful story and offer you ladies hope. But sadly that's not the case.
After 3 losses, how do you ever find the strength to try again. Or when do you simply give up. After my first loss I knew I still had a good chance of being successful. After my second I figured I simply had really bad luck. But after my third, I know that this will never be easy for me. And how much heartbreak can one couple take. I'm now struggling with wondering if the two of us will ever be enough. 

Re: Heartbroken to be here, again

  • Oh @40momma I’m so sorry that you’re back here. There are no words that can really help when you have to deal with another loss, but you have whatever support here that you need. Unfortunately I don’t have the answers to your questions, but I hope that things can get better for you. Thinking of you. 
  • @40momma I’m so sorry that you’re back. It’s just not fair! Were here for you. 
    Me: 34   DH: 36
    Married: 12/2016
    TTC #1: 8/2016
    MC: 11/2016 at 8w
    CP: 7/2017
    BFP: 11/2017
    EDD: 8/5/2018

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  • @40momma I’m so sorry to see you back here.  
  • @40momma I'm so heartbroken for you. That is so incredibly unfair. Big squishy internet hugs. We're here for you to vent, anytime. 
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
  • Oh no @40momma ! I'm so so sorry for your loss... It's all so unfair. You are in my thoughts.
  • Oh no, my heart broke when I saw you posted. I am so so sorry. I don't have the answers, but I'm here for you.  <3<3
  • @40momma I am so sorry for your loss.
    Me: 36, DH: 35
    Married: 8/10/13
    BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
    BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
    BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • @40momma I was so sad to see your name on this post. My heart aches for you. I’m so sorry. We’re here for you.
    Me: 37 DH: 35
    Married: Oct 2012
    TTC #1: August-ish 2016
    MC: 04.01.2017 @ 9.5 wks 
    BFP 11.26.2017 - DD born 08.12.2018
    TTC#2: end of 2019
    MC: Jan 2020 @ 12 wks

  • Oh I'm so sorry to see you back here :( Multiple losses are so unfair. We're here for you. 
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • I hate to see you come back here again :(  I'm so sorry.  I would get testing done if you haven't regarding the losses to see if they can find anything.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thank you ladies. As much as it sucks to be back here, its comforting to know there's a great group of ladies here that can understand and provide support. Before I got pregnant this last time I had an appt for a hysteroscopy to check my uterus for abnormalities but we didn't get to it yet. I'll go back to request this again. I've had a number of blood tests (all fine) and DH and I both had chromosome tests done (won't find results for some time). DH and I have had a few really great talks about where to go from here. He feels we haven't explored all of our options yet (mainly getting any answers from the hysteroscopy) so he hasn't given up hope yet. 
  • It's good to have a plan @40momma - glad you have that
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @40momma I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I am also a RPL sufferer, as are too many of us on this board I think, so please know that we feel your pain and share in your frustration. Sounds like you have a supportive husband and a plan - let those things ground you.
  • @40momma I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to get some answers. 
  •  @40momma I am so heartbroken to see you back here and so sorry for your loss. As someone with RPL myself, it is devastating and rips all the trust and happiness out of things. I am hopeful for you that the hysteroscopy will give you some answers with a clear path forward. Maybe it will end up being the septum, which has really good outcomes once removed. By the way this is msstephanielynn - I had to update my UN with Bump issues. 
    *Signature TW*

    TTC#1 October 2014

    BFP: November 2014, DS born via c-section July 2015 

    TTC#2 December 2016

    BFP: 12/23/16- No heartbeat at 8 weeks, D&C 01/30/17 

    BFP: 03/11/17- Chemical 03/15/2017

    BFP: 04/17/17- Chemical 04/22/2017 

    05-10/2017 - RPL Testing/Septum Resection Surgery

    11/2017-03/2018 3 Natural cycles / 2 TIC w/ trigger shot 

    BFP: 03/29/18, Rainbow Baby Boy Due late November/ early December 2018  <3

  • @40momma  My heart hurts for you today. I'm so sorry you're back here again, and am very sorry for your loss. 
  • 40momma I'm so sorry. I understand what you're going through, as I felt similarly. The first MC was "well, this actually happens a lot and doesn't mean anything." The second was "Well, 2 in a row doesn't necessarily mean there's a problem." The 3rd was upsetting, but at least I knew I'd qualify for testing. The 4th was devastating to me. 
    Are you looking at doing any more testing? It's hard when all of the 'easy' stuff is ruled out, since after those tests, most of the time RPL is unexplained. It's a giant shite sandwich.
    Please take some time for yourself. Also, I know it helped me to look at what my life without babies would be like. This was incredibly hard for me at first, but once I pictured a happy life even without kids, I was better able to face that as a possible reality without sobbing every 5 seconds. Knowing that I could travel and do a million amazing things, that hopefully my sister will have kids and I could use my maternal instincts to be the best aunt in the entire world, that I have my dog/son that is the most amazing collie in the world and he is like my son to me... these things all help me to cope. (As does my AMAZING therapist... )
    girl disney hug adorable pixar GIF

  • ****LURKING****

    @40momma I am so so sorry to see your post this morning. Thinking about you and sending internet hugs.

    ***TW in siggy***
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • I am so sorry you are back here and sorry for your loss. 
    Ivy: July 2010  |  Stella: Dec 2012  |  BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020

  • Sorry you’re back here and for your loss :(
    DS born 04/22/15, Pregnant again 03/01/17 however loss due to PPROM at 20+6 weeks now TTC rainbow
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