STM+ Weekly Check In (10/27) - Page 2 — The Bump
June 2018 Moms

STM+ Weekly Check In (10/27)

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Re: STM+ Weekly Check In (10/27)

  • @MamaLlama14 I personally wouldn’t trying with your younger. DS1 was potty trained at 3yr+3 months, and it was a piece of cake. We tried before DS2 was born and it was miserable. DS2 will be just under 2 when this baby comes and I won’t even consider trying. 

    Maybe it it would be different with a girl but it sounds stressful to me!
    H. Foxe born October 22, 2013
    basemodel
  • @fantasticmrsfox @mamallama14 yeah, I'm not even going to try either. I've got a boy and he's still pretty little. I might try with the 3yo but not the LO. Hugs, though, mama. Three in diapers does sound like a lot of diaps. I'm not a CD'ing fan (I've tried and burnt out three times now) but I might consider it again if I had three just to save some cash. 
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  • Yeah, we CD and it does save money. Thanks for the input. We'll see. I'm definitely going to try to at least get DS out of diapers. If I have 3 in diapers I'll have to buy more cloth which is a pricey up front investment.


  • Re: Potty training - I used the three day method and it was reinforced at school. I really recommend it. As a preschool teacher, who has potty trained a lot of kids, please don’t go back and forth between diapers and pull-ups and undies. Undies all day and just diapers for nap and bed. It tends to cause confusion if you go back and forth. 

    My DD potty trained at 20 months and is completely (nighttime, too) in undies all the time at almost 3. 


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  • @katykat03 - I used the 3 day potty training method for DS1 when he was two years, three months old.  Worked wonderfully.  He literally woke us up MOTN on the 3rd night to yell that he had to pee (from his crib).   

    For DS2... he was doing well - we stayed home 4 days.  Daycare didn't reinforce ANY of what we did and it went to hell in a hand basket.  2.5 months later and he still won't poop in the potty (does great with pee though).  It's a freaking battle with daycare when they aren't on board.  

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    First Son - born 2013
    Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV).  First open heart surgery at 5 days old.  He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing.
    Third Son - due June 9, 2018
  • @Ash9614 I was also not trying to start any kind of debate or comparing who's got it better/worse/etc. I was just saying that for me personally I don't have a "job" and felt like the question was a bit pigeonholed towards working moms. I was just saying that I am proud to be a SAHM and adding reasons why it is a job too. No biggie. I have never been a working mom and can't imagine what it is like with the added stress and judgements that go with that. I am judged constantly by adults who work when they find out I'm a SAHM mom. So I think it goes both ways. 
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    Austenista  Ash9614
  • @mytinc that’s terrible that they’re not on board. Is there a reason why?


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  • @katykat03 It's a brand new daycare (started as an in home last December and quickly grew - it's now in a center, fully licensed and staffed).  The staff is mostly made up of a rotation of part time people - which doesn't help in areas that need consistency (such as potty training).  I'd talk to one person during drop off only to find out at pick up that the person I talked to was with the babies all day and not the toddlers, so messages didn't get passed to the right person.  It can be very aggravating.   We really like the director of the day care and there are a lot of good things about it - but it's hard when they're still working out a lot of kinks of being a new company.

     Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    First Son - born 2013
    Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV).  First open heart surgery at 5 days old.  He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing.
    Third Son - due June 9, 2018
  • @mytinc Ah, I understand. Consistency is key. It is hard with different people in and out. Hopefully they’ll be able to help out more soon. 


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  • @Dashaina sorry if you felt pigeonholed by the question- I was drawing a blank on any GTKY questions so stole this from May.  I don't want to start a working mom vs. SAHM, that wasn't my intent with the question or following up here, but as a former SAHM (9 months home & 1 as a working mom) I have to give you and all of the other SAHMs props.  I personally was unable to do it- it takes a specific personality type to be able to be a SAHM and I sadly do not have it.  I love Fridays knowing that I get to spend the weekend with DD but love having a reason to shower daily, having adult conversation (even if I spend 99% of the time talking about my baby), and in general just feeling like a team with my DH again.  I know your situation is very different as you are geographically isolated and home school as well as just "parent"- so you should feel as proud of being a SAHM .  


    me 35/ DH 39
    married 8/22/2015
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    BFP#2- 10/2015 edd- 6/29/2016 mmc/ d&c 12/2015
    BFP#3- 4/30/2016 DD1 12/27/16
    BFP#4- 9/26 edd 6/5/18

    DashainaAsh9614
  • @mytinc I'm impressed with the sale through the window!
    @jsl82 I can imagine nursing with nausea is no fun at all. I hope your MS passes sooner rather than later!
    @PatientlyWaiting10 We've been using time out for DS ever since he's needed discipline. I can't remember the age we started. It's been working really well for us. He usually gets warned that if he does something one more time, he's going to time out. And then we put him in there for 2 minutes since he's 2yrs old. He doesn't like going in time out so it's a punishment to him. We'll have a short talk with him at the end of it to see if he knows why he was put in there. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. But we always tell him so he knows. I've spent many many days putting him in time out for the same thing over and over, but then there comes a day when he stops doing that thing he was getting put in it for and I think, well dang, all those frustrating times were worth it. Not to say it's perfect, but it works most of the time for us.
    @marcus7676 Omg I about died at your DS saying night night to the baby! So cute.

    How far along are you? 7 weeks

    How old are your other kids? DS will be 3 in Dec

    Current challenges/concerns about being a STM+ or questions about things your children are going through now? I'm just curious how it'll be juggling two for all the dailies of life..getting everyone fed in the AM, being able to help DS when nursing the baby, getting out the door (I remember feeling like it took me FOREVER to get out the door with just DS when he was little..I can't imagine 2!). But I know every mom of multiples does it and figures it out. I'm also wondering how DS will react to having my time split rather than just focused on him. He got jealous the other day when I was watching a friend's 5 month old for a few hours. 

    Current joys/successes/or happy thoughts about being a STM: I am really enjoying DS' current age. His vocabulary has expanded so much in the last year, it's so fun to just have conversations with him. He cracks me up with some of the things that comes out of his mouth! He's also in such a helpful age and wants to be a part of the action. I think once he adjusts to my time being more split with another baby, he'll be an amazingly loving big brother.

    GTKY: Tell us about a time in your career when you were super proud of something you did.  I am a SAHM with my DS but I do work part-time on some evenings and weekends in a direct sales home based business. I'm in my second year doing it and after my first year, I decided I wanted to move up the career path. It required 4 months of really hard, dedicated work with lots of parties, interviews, follow up and perseverance. It was not easy balancing working so much from home with DS, but I really wanted to meet the goal, so I did it! DH really stepped up and helped so much with cooking dinner after he got home, taking care of DS so I could work evenings, etc, so I def can't take all the credit. But there were so many times I just wanted to give up after hearing 'no' for the hundredth time, but I kept going and I promoted myself up the career path! A year later and it was so worth it, the income has been a huge help to us.
    PatientlyWaiting10marcus7676
  • @jsl82 No worries at all Momma!  :blush: Yes I would agree it definitely takes a lot of determination to be a stay at home parent for any amount of time.. Even if it's just part week or part of the day/etc. Raising children takes a lot of work, patience and teahcing and we should all be proud of taking that journey. 

    I was mulling it over and one of the biggest things I'm proud of with my "career" choice as a SAHM and wife who as you all know also homeschooling...  is when my now 7 year old started reading all by herself, she was really early apparently (3.5y). But it was this really amazing thing to see happen. Because it was like "woah" I helped her achieve that and now she loves reading pretty much anything she can find in the house or on her kindle (my girls share one, a gift from their grandma).My proudest moment with my other DD was when she finally started talking coherently. She was a late bloomer and still is on her own personal schedule of when she wants to do things. But the day she started talking in complete  sentences was the same experience as when DD1 started reading.


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    Austenista  Ash9614
  • How far along are you? 
    8 weeks, tomorrow 

    How old are your other kids? 
    4, 2

    Current challenges/concerns about being a STM+ or questions about things your children are going through now?
    Nothing currently, I mean there is always something, but we're cruising along at the moment. 

    Current joys/successes/or happy thoughts about being a STM: 
    My 2yo, with speech delay, says something that sounds almost identical to Please now! It sounds like "lease" but that is close enough for me. 

    GTKY: Tell us about a time in your career when you were super proud of something you did.  
    I'm currently a SAHM, so no career moments for me. My husband is in the Army and where we're stationed, there is very little childcare or job options. Once we're back in Civilization, I'm going back to school to be a Pharmacist. 
    dinodna3pinottoparenthood
  • Also, sorry I suck at being present! I'm having a tough first tri. I'm hoping things get better soon.
  • jsl82 said:
    @Dashaina sorry if you felt pigeonholed by the question- I was drawing a blank on any GTKY questions so stole this from May.  I don't want to start a working mom vs. SAHM, that wasn't my intent with the question or following up here, but as a former SAHM (9 months home & 1 as a working mom) I have to give you and all of the other SAHMs props.  I personally was unable to do it- it takes a specific personality type to be able to be a SAHM and I sadly do not have it.  I love Fridays knowing that I get to spend the weekend with DD but love having a reason to shower daily, having adult conversation (even if I spend 99% of the time talking about my baby), and in general just feeling like a team with my DH again.  I know your situation is very different as you are geographically isolated and home school as well as just "parent"- so you should feel as proud of being a SAHM .  


    I've done both (full time vs SAHM) and they're both hard AF. The truth is that, once you're a mom, you just have to be pretty selfless and give most of yourself to other people. It's exhausting and rewarding either way!
    Amanda

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    Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food


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  • NamelessAriaNamelessAria member
    edited November 2017
    First of all I wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who responded to by check in last week. It was last week right? The mobile app was being so sketchy and I was able to read responses but not reply. I'm finally back home and able to use the desktop version of the bump so I'll try to be better about participating and responding now! 

    How far along are you?
    8 weeks

    How old are your other kids? My son is 5 months

    Current challenges/concerns about being a STM+ or questions about things your children are going through now? My current struggle is that having my husband back from his business trip just isn't as helpful as I thought it would be. He seems to think that while he has been off working the past month I've been sitting around the house eating ice cream while binge watching TV or something. He keeps saying how much he needs time to "just veg out" and how I "wouldn't understand." Plus he has been very cranky, snappy and short with William and me over every little thing. I cannot even count the number of times I've heard him complain about how bad his life is or how whatever frustrating thing that just happened is just his crap luck. And like, maybe I'm being overly sensitive because of pregnancy hormones and such but it's kinda hurting my feelings. I had this crazy idea that he'd be thrilled to be back home with us. And I thought we'd get at least a week before the constant whining about how horrible his life is started. I said something to him about it and he got mad at me. He said something about how he hasn't been in a bad mood, he hasn't complained at all (HA!) and even if he had complained it wouldn't have anything to do with William and me. 

    I've been getting so much attitude every time I ask my husband to do something like "feed the baby for a minute while I run to the bathroom. I'm about a puke but he's going to start crying." I understand that I'm a stay at home mom and he works. I understand that my job is to take care of the house and the baby. But FFS why is it so awful if I ask for him to help me with something simple for a minute? I'm not asking him to babysit William while I go watch TV or something.

    **Question about sleep training for those of you who have been through it: if you put your LO to bed in the crib and then LO wakes in the middle of the night crying and keeps refusing to go back to sleep in the crib do you just give up and try again the next night? Last night William woke up at 2:30, 2:45, 2:55, 3:15 and then my husband finally went and got him out of the crib. We ended up just letting him sleep with us because it was the only way we could get him back to bed. I know, I know it isn't really safe and we probably shouldn't be doing it. We were just both so exhausted and couldn't keep waking up with him. Do we need to just pick a couple of nights where we can keep getting up with him to start sleep training and accept that repeatedly waking up to him screaming in his crib is going to be part of it?

    Current joys/successes/or happy thoughts about being a STM: My OB was telling me how her and her brother were 1 year + 1 week apart and how wonderful it was. I'm starting to let go of some of my worries that it'll be really hard on William to share his mommy and daddy and I'm trying to embrace how much fun it will be for him to have a sibling so close to his age. 

    GTKY: Tell us about a time in your career when you were super proud of something you did.  Confession: I've never had a career. I did work some before becoming a SAHM but it was just part time stuff here and there.
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
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  • @marcus7676 That story about your son is just so cute! <3 It's great that he seems so happy with the idea of a little brother or sister. 

    @meagster13 I totally get what you're saying about the guilt. I've cried quite a few tears over that whole thing. My husband and I had planned to wait a couple of years before we started to TTC#2 so we'd have lots of time to devote to our son. We really wanted to at least make it through all the big "firsts" with him where it was just us and him. I keep feeling like I'm cheating him out of something special by having another so soon. I'm worried I'll have a hard pregnancy and it'll interfere with my ability to play with my son. I'm worried something will happen and I'll miss some of his "firsts." I'm worried he'll be too young to understand that a new baby is a lot of work but it doesn't mean mommy and daddy love him any less. It's tough. I get it. What has been helping me is not to think of it as my son losing something but to think of it as my son gaining something. Sure your son will have to share you with his sibling but he'll get a sibling! I know I had more fun with my siblings growing up than I had with my parents. I loved my parents but it wasn't the same, ya know? 

    @Ash9614 I don't know how you're going to do it but you're going to do it! Having two children that young will be an adventure I'm sure. But it'll be the greatest adventure you never knew you wanted to have I bet. Truth be told my husband and I have talked a lot the last couple of days about how we have no idea how we'll manage with 2 under 2. He keeps joking about how we'll hire a nanny. 
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
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    Ash9614
  • LolalipsyLolalipsy member
    edited November 2017
    How far along are you?  6 weeks exactly (edit)

    How old are your other kids? 4-year old girl

    Current challenges/concerns about being a STM+ or questions about things your children are going through now?  no concerns as such. I'm just so excited to tell DD but I need to wait till at least the scan on 7th Nov.  I keep asking her how she would feel about a sister or brother and she says she would love one. 

    Current joys/successes/or happy thoughts about being a STM:  The thought of our family being complete. DD having a forever friend and of course then there's Christmas. Oooh too exciting. 

    GTKY: Tell us about a time in your career when you were super proud of something you did.  I'm proud that I've made some vulnerable people feel valued and heard and raised a smile on their faces at a time when they needed it the most. 



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  • @NamelessAria Your husband sounds like an entitled brat whose mother never taught him to grow the fluck up and act like a man. He's in desperate need of a Christmas Carol-esque reality check to teach him how "horrible" his whiny, big baby life really is. Maybe sleep on the street a couple nights and he'll change his tune.

    This is a particular button for me.

    I hope he can stop being a jackass soon and support his family during this flucking wonderful time.
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  • @NamelessAria first of all, I'm so sorry your husband isn't being supportive :-( has he always made comments about how "horrible" his life is? I'm not sure what advice to give as it seems like he isn't open to talking about it with you when you've tried, but it's not fair for him to not help when he is home, and his comments are also hurtful and unfair. I can say from personal experience that it is likely he isn't going to change very much in terms of how helpful he is around the house. I love my husband and he is a wonderful dad, but when we both worked full-time and had a kid, we fought all the time over the fact that he did absolutely nothing to help around the house. And even though he was kind and apologetic about it, his behaviors never really changed. However, I do think for some Dads it's easier to play with and interact with babies as they get older. My husband is not very into the newborn and infant stages, but he loves having toddlers. So hopefully your husband will continue to bond with your son as your son gets older. And he cannot be making comments like that to you. Do you think he would ever be open to therapy? It seems like he's not receptive when you try to talk to him, so maybe you need an objective third party to mediate that conversation.

    Re: sleep training, does your son go to sleep by himself at the beginning of the night? That's step one. The older your son gets, the safer it is for him to sleep with you. However, I can't imagine that you and your husband are sleeping very well with him in the bed. It's a hard habit to break once you get into it. We had a lot of issues with my first son not sleeping through the night because I always nursed him to sleep. I had to let him learn to put himself to sleep at the beginning of the night and then the rest of the Sleep fell into place. We did do cry it out, if that's what you're looking for I'd be glad to answer any questions you have about it. Good luck! You're going to be just fine!
    Amanda

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  • @NamelessAria I was also going to say that in my experience, the older a kid gets, the harder it is emotionally on him to get a new baby in the family. He's going to be fine and he's not going to ever really remember any differently. They'll definitely be close! My older son was three when I had my second son, and he was so hyperaware of what was happening and so used to being the only child that he was an emotional wreck and nightmare for a long time. I've heard from friends whose kids are close together that although it's physically exhausting for the parents, it's not as emotionally difficult for the big sibling.
    Amanda

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  • @NamelessAria in regards to sleeping sitch with your LO. I was not  fan of CIO because, for me personally, it didn't feel right. I slept with both of my children until they were ready to sleep on their OWN (DD1 was 1 and DD2 was 2 (she is my cuddle bug))  and they are now 5 & 7 and sleep beautifully and have been since age 2 or 3. A midwife once told me re: child rearing... Listen to your heart and make decisions that feel good to you. So if CIO feels good, do it! If co-sleeping feels good, do it! Don't feel pressured to raise your child one way or the other because of what others think or feel. You have to do what is best for your children and you know them best. If you need to go back to co-sleeping for a few nights, weeks, etc..while he adjusts to this transition of a new baby coming and it helps both of you sleep well, do it. I'm sure you can figure out how to set up your LO in a safe sleeping space during that time. He needs you to help him feel safe and loved, whatever your decision may be.  Even if you just sit next to his crib rubbing his back or rocking him. Children are still developing mentally for quite a many years. They don't have full control over how they feel, act, sleep, etc and they all develop in their own time. So the take away from this... Is don't be scared to go against the popular opinion if that is working for you and your child and don't be scared to follow your heart. Hopefully this makes sense. Just trying to help you feel empowered. You can do this.

    On a side note. You DH makes me mad acting like he is towards you and your Lo. :angry:
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  • @NamelessAria - I've been in a similar situation as you with MH making similar comments, not being helpful, etc. One of the things that helped me communicate my issues better is to make it seem less like I was "attacking" MH and more of just trying to "express my feelings". It was the only good thing that came out of me seeing a therapist for depression a few years ago. When you try to talk to him, start sentences with "I feel..." or "It makes me feel..." or something to that effect. It makes it more of an angle where you're trying to express yourself and give him the opportunity to take it as a chance for him to change things on his own to make things better, versus feeling like he's being "bullied" or "forced" to do anything.
    It seems absolutely ridiculous on the surface, because you're really saying the exact same thing, it's just phrased differently, but I noticed MH responded a lot better when I started the talk/my sentences like that, and he has told me he felt like we communicated better instead of him just feeling attacked. It's kind of gearing the conversation off of "him" and on to "you", but really it's still about him.
    "I feel like sometimes you make comments that hurt my feelings. I know it's not meant that way, but it's how it comes across, and it makes me feel sad/less than/hurt/etc. I want to find a way we can figure this out so that we both feel better in the end." versus "You say things that make me feel bad, and don't make me feel good. You need to stop/change."
    The same thing, one's just phrased with less "you" and more "me".

    I don't know if it'll work for you, or if YH will still just kinda shut down, but it's always worth a try.
    And try not to have those discussions in the heat of the moment when you're feelings are hurt the worst. You won't really be thinking of how you're phrasing things, just trying to get the point across, and he may not take it as well as he could otherwise.

    Either way - good luck, and I sincerely hope that he starts to realize that what he's doing is hurting you, and takes the steps to change it. :heart:
    Me: 25 | DH: 29 | DSS: 9
    TTC #1: Aug - Nov '15 (TTA N'15-J'17 for Nursing School)
    TTC #1 take two: July 2017 (NTNP); August 2017 (actively TTGP)
    BFP 10/9 @ 10 DPO; EDD June 23, 2018

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  • @NamelessAria 5 months is pretty young, My kids didn't sleep through the night, alone until at least 6 months, possibly longer. 
     I'd totally let him sleep with me or near me for a while longer. It's not forever. 
    I did a modified cio, I'd let them cry for about a minute, then go get them. Half the time, they went back to sleep within 30-45 seconds. I know first instinct is to rush in, but even now, my 4 yo wakes up crying sometimes in the night and will go back to sleep if I don't go in there. 
    Do what feels right to you, just giving you options. 
    NamelessAria
  • @Dashina @May14th2011 I appreciate the feedback. I've been having some serious guilt over the whole cosleeping thing and it makes me feel better to know that I'm not just doing something crazy and no one else would do. I keep hearing people talk about how they sleep trained their child really early at like 4 months and it's been making me question what I'm doing. It sorta left me wondering if my son "should" be sleep trained by now and I'm just doing it wrong. It's great to know that it's fine to wait till later to worry about all that and that I'm not delaying his development or something by waiting.

    @izza2 I'll definitely try that with my husband. I feel like often when I try to express how I'm feeling there ends up being some miscommunication where he reacts as if I'm attacking him. He's been making a lot of little comments lately that make it seem as if he thinks I've been unfairly hard on him. It's very possible that I'm not communicating things the way I think I am and he's hearing something different than what I'm meaning.

    @pinottoparenthood my son will generally go to bed by himself in his crib at the start of the night as long as I wait till he's really tired to lay him down. Generally when I lay him down he has to have his lovey with him, a pacifier and his white noise has to be on and then he's OK. For whatever reason after a couple of hours in his crib he'll stop sleeping peacefully and go into this very restless sleep where he's just tossing and turning and all over the crib. And usually around then is when he wakes up to realize he's alone and starts crying. It's very difficult if not impossible to get him back to sleep in his crib after that.

    As to everything with my husband: I appreciate the kind words. Hopefully things will get easier for him as our son gets older.
    Me: 28 Husband: 31
    TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
    Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017  ❤️

    Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
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    izza2TravelingCouple
  • @izza2 I'll definitely try that with my husband. I feel like often when I try to express how I'm feeling there ends up being some miscommunication where he reacts as if I'm attacking him. He's been making a lot of little comments lately that make it seem as if he thinks I've been unfairly hard on him. It's very possible that I'm not communicating things the way I think I am and he's hearing something different than what I'm meaning.
    That's exactly how it was with MH. I'd try to express how I was feeling/what I thought needed to change, and he'd end up telling me that I was being unfair and blowing things out of proportion.
    I took my therapist's advice and started talking to him about the issues in the way she mentioned, phrasing it differently, and he acted like I was finally being reasonable. Even though I was asking/saying the exact same stuff, just in a different way. *major eye roll*

    I hope things get figured out. :heart:
    Me: 25 | DH: 29 | DSS: 9
    TTC #1: Aug - Nov '15 (TTA N'15-J'17 for Nursing School)
    TTC #1 take two: July 2017 (NTNP); August 2017 (actively TTGP)
    BFP 10/9 @ 10 DPO; EDD June 23, 2018

    NamelessAria
  • @NamelessAria it sounds like he’s unable to sleep cycle without waking completely.

    Personal experience: I was having this problem with E and realized that I was interfering by participating so much in the getting him to sleep in the first place. What worked for me was to gradually get him used to falling asleep completely on his own, meaning I now put him in his crib tired but fully awake and he gets himself to sleep. Any sort of sleep transfer or super tired transfer wasn’t working for me and after reading a lot online I realized that I was soothing him to sleep, which I didn’t mind doing at all! But when it came time for him to sleep cycle his body didn’t know how to get back there without my help. 

    Anyway, I don’t know if this is helpful at all. I hope it is. Every baby is so different and there’s no one size fits all answer. At the end of the day it’s most important to do what you need to do for everyone to sleep. Hugs. I hope you can get your LO sleeping through the night when he’s ready. 
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    NamelessAria
  • @NamelessAria My pedi was strongly against sleep training before 6 months.  DS was sleeping in a swing until 4/5 months and the pedi was adament about us getting him out of that, which took a long time.  What worked for us was the book Sleepeasy.  I read a number of books (including Health Sleep Habits, Healthy Child) and another gentle sleep training book.  Sleepeasy was the first one that made sense and set forth a plan.  I wouldn't worry about training until at least 6 months - - even at that point, I was still feeding MOTN.

    NamelessAria
  • @NamelessAria in case you wanted to read the science behind babies and sleeping...
    https://www.parentingscience.com/baby-sleep-patterns.html
    And this talks about the 3-5 month sleep regression 
    https://www.babysleepsite.com/tag/sleep-cycles/
    From most of the stuff I remember reading (and this was like 7 years ago), from what I recall babies need to be soothed for sleeping and will learn it on their own but in their own time. I always responded to my child when she cried out or got fussy. Both nursed at night until they were done. For me my focus on raising my children was responding to their needs as soon as they needed them. I read the book happy baby peaceful parent and found it made a a lot of sense about how children develop emotionally. My girls now are very positive child, who are easy going and generally get along with each other and listen when I speak to them. I am by no means judging anyone or saying one way is better, etc. I am just saying. My main job is raising happy, emotionally stable mini humans in their own time and I listen to what they need rather than what people around me tell me they need. You have all the tools you need to raise an amazing little man and if you listen to your heart when doing it, you will succeed. I found the hardest thing for me was ignoring 90% of that well meant advice from family, friends and complete strangers. I'd be happy to message you the link to the book I mentioned above. I have it on my Dropbox as well as I have the siblings one too. Let me know and if you need any help finding your own path for you and your son. I'm sure you'll be a fantastic STM as well! I get many comments on how my gis are completely different (in a good way) from children people have interacted with in regular society and non kid people even find themselves enjoying my girls company when they come to visit us.  So I take that as the best compliment of all that I must be doing something right. Be confident in motherhood. You know your child better than anyone. :sunglasses::star:
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    NamelessAria
  • Hi mommas! I am a couple of weeks late joining into the June18 bump community! So trying to introduce myself as much as possible :). My name is Erin, I am 27 years old, I live in the prairies in Canada, I am newly wed as of this summer - my hubby and I got married June 3rd 2017 in the forest, it was magical! I am a momma to a beautiful 6 year old daughter from a previous and short lived relationship when I was 20. I was a single mom for a few years, which taught me ALOT about myself and how to be a mom. I am very excited for baby number two and the place I am in my life right now.

    How far along are you?

    7 weeks 3 days

    How old are your other kids?

    6.5, May 31st 2011

    Current challenges/concerns about being a STM+ or questions about things your children are going through now?

    To announce the new baby to my daughter, my hubby and I wrote her a story book since she's learning to read right now, which was a little story about her becoming and new big sister. At first she had a completely melt down. It broke my heart. She cried and hid, her first reaction was "you won't love me as much any more or spend as much time with me". I feel for her little heart as she's always had a back and forth life between our home and spending some time at her dads - she's worried about being replaced. I know this is probably normal from only children with a big change coming. I am happy to say though, that by the next morning she woke up SO excited and can't wait for the baby. She holds my tummy and talks to the baby and again my heart is whole.

    Current joys/successes/or happy thoughts about being a STM: 

    As I said above. I am so happy with where I am in my life now, and so ready to be a mom again. I am excited for the challenges and the love and the closeness it will bring us all. I am most excited to see my fabulous husband who is an amazing step dad have his own child, and I am so excited to see my little one love on her little sibling. I am already so excited for the holidays and having two children to share all life best moments with.

    GTKY: Tell us about a time in your career when you were super proud of something you did.  

    As a profession, I am a professional photographer in Canada. My focus is fashion photography, cosmetic campaigns, and portraits/headshots. I have had many moments I've been proud of myself, although I have a hard time speaking proudly about what I do. Even though right now I run a beautiful downtown photography and makeup studio, my proudest moment was when I was 23, a struggling single mom, and I opened my first tiny studio space in the basement of a co-work space. It wasn't pretty, but I decorated and made it a place to create what I love. This space, aside from my daughter, was the one thing I was so proud of. I learned a lot about my craft there and only good things have come since!
    me 27 & dh 28
    dd 05/31/11 // 6.5 yrs old  <3
    edd 03/20-23/18

    2589
  • DashainaDashaina member
    edited November 2017
    @pinottoparenthood I think everyone is doing the best they can when they have love in their hearts and choose to act based on that emotion. And I still stand that my children are unique to most of thechildren I have helped raise in the society we chose to leave behind 4 years ago. And I was a live in nanny for a while. I am the oldest of 5 children by a significant amount of years and have many young cousins. I will agree to disagree on that aspect of my response.

     I also did say several times through my various responses that I am not judging you. I don't know you or your situation and have found.. Generally speaking.. When someone takes offense to an opinion I have about something.. Be it child rearing, politics, lifestyle choices, etc... It is because they are not secure in their own decisions and need outside reassurance that their decision is accepted. You are a confident woman. You are capable of raising your children in the manner that works best for you, your children and your family. You do not need me to agree with that as I do not need you to agree with my assessment of my choices and opinions of how my children behave in comparison to others. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh or critical. But it is not intended to be. It is my opinion and you most definitely do not have to agree with me. 
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  • @NamelessAria what @Dashaina said, follow your gut and do what you feel is right for your babe & family. I nursed DD to sleep until she was 12 months old. We did a lot of bedsharing up until she was 7 months, some nights I even slept on the couch with her in my arms. For us, it was what worked best to ensure that we all got a healthy amount of sleep so we could properly care for her during the day. But every one is different & every baby is different. I only started sleep training DD when I felt like we were BOTH ready (7 months) and I really think that made a huge difference. I still chose to nurse her to sleep, but the main thing for me was training her to sleep in her crib & be comfortable in it without me there. She slept great in it during the night, but she would only nap if she was attached to my boob, and that's the habit I wanted to break. So I think it also depends on which habits you're wanting to break.. whether that be nursing to sleep, waking up to nurse at night, sleeping in your arms, etc. If you're really ready to sleep train, then choose a method you're comfortable with and stick to it! Consistency is important! Be prepared for a few rough nights, they'll happen. Some babies take longer than others to sleep train as well, so be prepared for that too. DD took about a month. But if you're not feeling like it's right for you, or feeling like your baby isn't ready, don't feel pressured to continue! Take a break for a while, and try again. We attempted to sleep train many times before actually committing to it fully, because sleep training is no joke! It's hard stuff. Idk if this helps, but this was just my take on it. 
    NamelessAriaDashaina
  • mytinc said:
    Just a general comment for those of you feeling like you may not have enough time with your first child before a second comes along.  Please DO NOT feel guilty that your first child doesn't get more time alone with you.  He/she is NOT being cheated.  Think of it from the perspective of a second child - they don't ever get the one-on-one attention that a first child gets (until they're the baby and last child in the house).  They will not be damaged by having to share parents.  And it may not seem like it now, but your love for your child doesn't become divided.  It grows so that you have just as much love for each of your children.
    Just what I needed to hear, thank you. 



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  • @NamelessAria Sorry to hear your husband isn't being supportive.  With regards to sleep training, always follow your gut.  I had a lot of people telling me to sleep train but it never felt right for us as a family.  So I ended up nursing to sleep for a long time (I stopped BFing when she was about 2-years old- we co-slept too). It was draining and I was tired a lot but that worked for us, it would be the stuff of nightmares for others. My point is, go with what works for you and is better for your family as a whole be that sleep training or nursing to sleep. 



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  • @travelingcouple thank you for sharing your opinion on my opinion. I will refrain from offering my opinion from now on so as not to offend you or anyone else anymore. 
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  • How far along are you? 
    6w5d

    How old are your other kids? 
    Just turned 4

    Current challenges/concerns about being a STM+ or questions about things your children are going through now?
    Not enough house!

    Current joys/successes/or happy thoughts about being a STM: 
    Katelynn will finally have someone to play with.

    GTKY: Tell us about a time in your career when you were super proud of something you are proud of something you did. 
    I was working as a Parking Enforcement Specialist (a civilian position in our Sheriff's Office) when I heard a call go out about a guy that wanted to kill his family when they got off the plane. I'm really good with remembering vehicle information such as type, color, and tag. So when a car pulls up with a tag matching the description, but the car doesn't, I call it out and advise the make and model is different but tag is exact. I turned to one of my co-workers and had her block the nearest exit and send everyone down the other end. I move up to the entrance of the terminal and start rerouting traffic to the commercial side. My Sgt pulls up at the same time 5 deputies come running out of the squad room door guns drawn and start staging. At this point I shut down all traffic into the arrivals terminal. It was the guy, but it turns out he was only telling his neighbor about the nightmare he had the night before. I got a ton of high fives and "great job" comments from everyone that night. My husband informed me that had the guy had a gun on him, I would have gotten an award at the annual awards ceremony. Still proud of my instincts and how much my chain of command talked about my quick thinking for weeks.
    Austenista  TravelingCoupleLolalipsy
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