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February 2018 Moms
knottief9eb942ac3fbc840
member
Help!
knottief9eb942ac3fbc840
member
I need advise on how to act/handle being pregnant with twins while my SIL (who was due around the same time as me) m/c 6 wks ago.... I try to be respectful of her and not bring up anything pregnancy related because she is very dramatic.... but every time we are at a family function she immediately asks me questions about my pregnancy but then she immediately ends up crying.... I only answer the questions shes asking and it’s not like I try to rub in her face that I’m still pregnant..I honestly don’t like being anywhere around her now because no matter what I do she brings up my pregnancy and then turns it into something like “I woulda been xx weeks today” or “we should be bringing three babies home in Feb not just your two” and I honestly don’t even know how to respond to her because I’m not the one who brings it up. I feel like inside she is holding a grudge that I am still pregnant and she’s not and I get being upset because it would be hard, however I personally wouldn’t bring the subject up if I knew it were going to upset me.... has anyone had something similar or have some advise on how I can handle this the remainder of my pregnancy because I don’t want to be at family events if she’s going to do that every time and make me feel bad.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help!
I never speak about the losses I’ve had because I’m a quiet person but the hurt I felt while my friends and family had pregnancies after pregnancies was the hardest thing I went through. I went into a depression.
Your SIL is still mourning her loss and at least she’s being vocal because let me tell you something. Holding in the pain so no one else has to be uncomfortable about it hurts like a knife to your gut. In the meanwhile people will still give you looks of sympathy because your holding in tears with every breath trying to be rational about why your baby didn’t make it and someone else’s did.
Sorry but you don’t go here and I’m finding it really hard to side with you on this one. Let’s say your due in late feb to guess you are at least 23 weeks and if your SIL lost her baby 6 weeks ago she was at least 17 weeks?
It’s been said by someone I can’t remember but that’s a baby she named, she felt move in her body and started to imagine a life around. That’s feeling secure to be out of the first trimester only to be hit out of left field with the 10% chance of miscarrying so far after everything should have been okay.
What is wrong with you.
QFP.
Knottie whatever, this group has become close over the last several months. Some of these women have suffered losses and it's extremely rude for you to waltz in here like we care about your drama and spill this heartless crap. I have a lot more to say but I'm just going to stop here because I can feel my blood boiling.
2. Who are you?
3. Your pregnancy is a constant remeinder of what she has lost. You don’t need to feel bad about being pregnant, but you could have some empathy. She is trying to be supportive of your pregnancy despite her lose, it sounds like you just want her to not talk about the lose so you are not uncomfortable. I have had multiple mc watching someone else go through a heathy pregnancy when a loss like that is still new is hard no matter how happy you are for the person. Let her mourn her way instead of making about you and your feelings.
Losing a child is incredibly difficult and your concern only for your discomfort and lack of sympathy is awful. She is bringing it up, because she is trying to keep her sweet angel's memory alive and have acknowledgment to her loss. Stop trying to put a timeline on her grief, that's not for you to judge. The worst thing you could ever do to a mom who has had a loss is to gloss over the topic or act like it never happened. Our children are people too, they existed, they are important, and so loved.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
I have been in that position. My ex-sil and i were both pregnant at the same time, a few months apart. My baby was very sick and didn't make it. I tried really hard to be happy for her and not ruin her mood and all, ask how she was doing etc. It was very difficult for me. And i cried every time after i spoke with her, but was trying to be a good sister.
Even now 9 years later sometimes its difficult to see how her little boy is, knowing my girl is in heaven. Even after my rainbow baby and all these years, the pain is still there some days.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
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