Questions - Week of 10/16

justkeeptrying · October 2017

Who is still cramping?

17 weeks today and yesterday I had horrible cramps throughout the day. I tried to just take it easy. But it made my PGAL brain go all spazzy.

ShawnnaO · October 2017

This is toddler related, not baby related, so I’m sorry. I always feel weird asking but honestly I trust the opinions of the ladies here more than those of the ladies in the parenting board.

My almost 13 month old has seriously been fighting her nap lately. Most days I can’t get her to sleep at all, she cries for an hour if I let her sit in her crib. Some days I’ll get maybe 20 minutes out of her. Is this a normal sleep regression? She’s starting to walk, so could it be related to that? I’ve considered stopping the fight and just not trying to put her down anymore. It’s finally getting cool enough in TX to go on walks again so I figure if she’s really tired I can take her for a walk and hopefully she falls asleep. But is it too early to drop naps all together? Me and my brothers all dropped napping completely by one year.

I’m planning to drop the breastfeed before bed time next weekend and I’m honestly so nervous it’s going to completely ruin my great sleeper baby with her not napping either.

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@justkeeptrying not so much cramping, but I get Braxton hicks pretty frequently regardless of how much water I drink. Are you making sure to stay hydrated? Maybe call your doctor to get some peace of mind? I’m sorry you have to deal with that, I know with my daughter anything and everything would send me into panic mode. I think as long as you’re not spotting and they’re not SUPER painful, you’re okay.

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@ShawnnaO, my personal opinion is that it's too early to drop her nap!! Most kids (from what I read) need to nap until 3-4 years of age. My DS is 2.5 and naps every single day. I can't imagine him dropping his nap yet.

Based on what I've read, they aren't ready to drop the nap until they're consistently skipping it for more than 2 weeks in a row. Even then, at 13 months I would still push it. DS was still doing 2 naps a day at 13 months.

For your sanity, and her not being a cranky bear, I would keep trying for naps and hope it's just a phase/regression.

kiki75 · October 2017

@justkeeptrying How well hydrated are you? That's a common culprit.

This is a stupid one: How do you know when it's time for belly support in bed?

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@justkeeptrying yeah I’m really trying to keep that nap! I love my hour (used to be two until she started fighting it, now it’s more like twenty minutes) of peace and quiet. I feel like she usually goes through a little time where she doesn’t nap as well whenever she hits milestones, and the walking JUST started happening. I do agree that it feels too early to drop her naps altogether as well. She dropped the second nap at 9 months which ended up being wonderful because that’s when she started taking a longer nap and sleeping through the night, but I NEED this nap during the day.

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@kiki75 when you stop being able to sleep without it

I recommend sooner rather than later because it can help with hip/back pain. I didn’t start until mid-third tri with my daughter and now this pregnancy some nights I sleep with a body pillow and some nights I dont.

ashleyf911 · October 2017

@ShawnnaO Sounds like a normal sleep regression. I remember my DS getting like that around a year or 13 months. I kept up with the routine though and just kept putting him down for a nap everyday. Sometimes he'd cry for an hour and fall asleep, sometimes he wouldn't sleep. It took a few weeks, maybe even a month, but he got back to regular naps.

He's 2.5 now and still a daily napper, usually around 2 hours after lunch time. He does have days where he doesn't actually sleep and he'll just lay there quietly, but he's at least figured out that it's "quiet time" in his crib after lunch. We do sometimes skip nap if we're running errands or when he goes camping with my inlaws... but after a couple days of that he turns into a nightmare lol. I can't imagine dropping nap all together yet, let alone at 13 months.

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@kiki75, I've been trying to increase my water the last few days. But I also started walking this week and feel that is contributing. I'll try to increase water some more, thanks!

@ShawnnaO, even if you're still getting a short nap from her, I'd keep going with it. I agree about the milestones. DS's sleep always changed with a new milestone. Still does. Keep plugging along!!

muggle621 · October 2017

@justkeeptrying I still have them too and I have noticed they occur more on days I have not drank as much water.

I have a SUPERFUN question. Last Thursday I noticed I was having some pain "down there" and thought it was my underwear not fitting well. On Saturday I noticed a raised hard mass/lump on my hoo-ha near where my thigh meets my pelvis. I immediately thought CYST! However I spoke with a couple of close girlfriends and they said ingrown hair. I thought an ingrown hair looked like a zit but they told me they have had similar to what I'm describing. I have started taking warm baths and even put a warm washcloth on it but the only change has been the pain stopping; it's still just as big and just as hard. What do y'all think? I did leave a message for the nurse but since it's Monday it may take awhile to hear back.

syssa-o · October 2017

@ShawnnaO we went through the same sleep regression. Our son had the side off of his crib at that point but I had to put it back on for about 2 months because he would refuse to sleep. He will be turning 3 in December and still naps for 2.5 hours mid day. Idk what I would do without nap time lol. Good luck!

ksmwalters · October 2017

Ok so this might be the wrong thread, so please redirect me if need be, but I have a question about supporting a friend through TTC. She has a pretty severe (though mostly controlled/not in the midst of a flare at the moment) autoimmune disease. She and her husband had their numbers checked several months ago, and everything is good fertility-wise, so they’ve been actively trying for about 3 months. I feel like my pregnancy is hard for her, because it took us literally no time (about one cycle) for me to get pregnant, and she’s already getting frustrated with not being pregnant yet. I tried to (I thought tactfully) tell her that we were really lucky and that my OB told me to expect it to take roughly a year once we started trying, and she seemed taken aback by that. (Her OB said 6 mos but mainly because they’d want to check her blood and make sure she wasn’t malnourished because of her AI.) I so want to be there for her and be sensitive to her feelings and needs, but I’m not sure if I’m doing this right. So sorry for the novel but any suggestions or ideas from y’all would be greatly appreciated.

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@ksmwalters I would just keep reminding her that the average woman takes at least 6 months to conceive. Tell her she’s doing everything right, and that you’re SO excited to support her through this journey. I know even three months can feel like an eternity when you so desperately want that positive, but it’s so hard to time these things perfectly so it happens right away. My first pregnancy took almost two years to happen, the second took about six months, and this pregnancy happened as soon as my husband got home from being gone for three months. Our bodies are unpredictable but as long as her doctors say that her numbers are good, all she can really do is wait. Beyond that, I don’t have any advice other than to be there for her.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@ksmwalters i agree with @ShawnnaO. i do believe in using tact and sensitivity around women who have had difficulty conceiving or are struggling with infertility, but IMO she doesn't check those boxes yet. I don't think that you should have to curb your enthusiasm when she only just started trying.

I think we are all so hard on ourselves and the best thing you can do for her is help her keep her focus on the things she can control ( diet, exercise, pre natals, maybe even ovulation sticks? ) and not to stress about things she can't control (such as WHEN it will happen).

there may come a time when, is after a while she is still not PG that you can and should offer more support. But she's not there yet. just keep her positive

crossfitbabybump · October 2017

Do you guys honestly remember to do kegel exercises throughout the day?

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@crossfitbabybump nope.

becausescience · October 2017

@crossfitbabybump Ha nope. When I did remember to do them I tried to do them during the same time/activity every day. Which was during my drive to and from work.

kiki75 · October 2017

@ksmwalters TTC is trying under the best circumstances but when you're trying to plan around medications and a potential flare, it has to be extra stressful. But, unfortunately, your reproductive system doesn't give two hoots about the rest of it. Even with everything else being great, each cycle is still only a 20% chance. Which when you're TTA is really high. But when you're TTC, it's really low. I would recommend that she procure a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, a basal body thermometer (TTGP recommends the Mabis off of Amazon for about $8), and a pack of Wondfo ovulation prediction kits (also off of Amazon, pretty cheap for a good quantity, just make sure she checks that the seller is on the approved list as there have been some problems with counterfeit). And start using the Fertility Friend app. In the beginning I was using that, Glow, and Ovia. Ovia kind of had things almost figured out, Glow was WAY off, and Fertility Friend was creepy accurate. Honestly, she might just have her O day wrong. My friend tried for three cycles then added OPKs, told me how great they are because she found out she Os three days later than she thought, and then about two weeks later told me she was pregnant. It's honestly surprising how many people who are "struggling" just have a major methodology problem that could be solved through education. She might also read It Starts With the Egg and start integrating some of those things. And, if it's the kind of thing that she would be into and you don't feel like it would be a problem with maintaining your anonymity, you can point her to TTGP. There's a lot of smarty pants there and a lot of support that can help her along the way.

Depending on their insurance and things, I'm not certain if by her husband's numbers that included a semen analysis but if they didn't do that yet, it wouldn't hurt. Also in the realm of wouldn't hurt if they have coverage for it or have met their deductible for the year and it would be covered, she might be able to get in for an HSG to make sure her tubes are clear. Normally, I wouldn't even suggest anything besides the above part and patience at this point since yes, it can take a healthy couple up a year. But, since there are extenuating health circumstances (and we're nearing the end of the year so if she has a plan where hitting her deductible is a thing, it's a good time), if the finances work on it, if it were me, I would personally consider it. The one thing about getting an HSG now is that I'm not sure how long they count the results as valid. So if she got one now but ended up at the RE in nine months, if they would be able to use that HSG or if they would want a new one.

As for what you can do to be supportive:
1. Tread carefully when talking about your pregnancy. During IF and loss, I didn't want to miss out on my friends' pregnancies/babies but after my loss, I did tell one straight up that I was not her person for complaints. No one is delusional enough to think that pregnancy is a walk in the park at every moment but when it came to, "I'm just dying for a roast beef sandwich." I was not the person to whine to. She may also be touchy about the good stuff too so just keep an eye on her when you're talking and change the subject. But also, the IFer in me kind of feels like even with extenuating circumstances, someone who has been TTC three months hasn't yet earned rights to harsh your mellow. I get it. Once you start trying it feels like, "Okay, I'm ready for a baby now, thanks." and it's a shock for it to not happen as easily as it's always been implied but if I had gotten pregnant with a sticky baby after four months, I would have counted myself as very lucky.
2. It should go without saying and @ksmwalters the fact that you're asking generally means that you're sensitive and wouldn't, but for anyone else reading this, never say anything along the lines of "Just you wait" or "at least..." and even if you're religious, and you mean really well, skip the religious God's plan/blessings/prayer, etc. talk. If they bring it up, cool, let them guide the conversation and you can just listen but otherwise, that can be super offensive. Oh, so it was God's plan to give this terrible disaster person her third baby with a third daddy, NBD, but God doesn't think I'm as worthy? For the most devout, fertility problems can rock their faith.
3. Take her out just the two of you from time to time and ask her a genuine "how are you" and sit back and listen.
4. Places like Etsy now have some pretty good support cards for niche markets. You might look there for something nice you can send her. Plus her favorite booze for the bad days.

kiki75 · October 2017

@muggle621 I think I had close to the same thing happen. It may have been right after I got pregnant. I had a semi painful bump in the transition zone between butt and vagina. It was maybe just bigger than an overripe pea. It hurt to start and then the bump stuck around for a little while and wasn't as painful. I was totally freaked out but it eventually went away in under a month.

syssa-o · October 2017

Does anyone else suck at taking their prenatals? I have them glaring at me above my sink on the window ledge. I feel like they're giving me dirty looks every time I walk by. Oops.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@syssa-o I almost never do

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@syssa-o I’m terrible about it. But I try to remember to take them in the morning right away. I usually stop myself when I think “oh I’ll take them later.” And remind myself that if I don’t take them now, it’s not going to happen. That being said I was really bad about it with my daughter too and my doctors were never too worried about it. Have you tried setting an alarm to take them everyday? That never worked for me unless I was already by them when the alarm went off, but maybe for you?

kiki75 · October 2017

I take them but man... I put off going to bed for over an hour the other night because I was putting off taking my vitamins. I used to take soooooooo many more while TTC but the gag reflex has definitely changed in pregnancy and I can't stand the smell or the strawberry burps from the DHA supplement. The best I can do is to make sure to breathe out as I'm moving the prenatals to my mouth and take them close enough to bedtime that I can sleep through the strawberry burps.

crossfitbabybump · October 2017

ah man I gotta start! my chiropractor asked me and I laughed and said no! he didn't think it was very funny and told me I would thank him when I'm pushing my baby out lol. I'm trying to remember at work since that's where I'm at most of the time but would it be inappropriate to leave myself a sticky note reminder?

hahahaha!

GG620 · October 2017

@syssa-o yes ugh. I have been better lately, but honestly hate taking them. I paid for these expensive gummies because of my nausea, but now I absolutely can't stand how sour they are and that I have to take 6 a day. I choke em down haha

stlbuckeye132 · October 2017

@crossfitbabybump I try to remember to do them while I'm on The Bump. Key word: try! Thanks for reminding me!

crossfitbabybump · October 2017

@stlbuckeye132 - actually being on TB will help me remember, THANK YOU! lol

syssa-o · October 2017

You guys just motivated me to take them right now. I'm not happy about it, but I'm doing it. I don't know why I'm so repulsed by them.... they're the gummies which I thought would help but I think the gummies are worse than the others.

syssa-o · October 2017

And that folic acid pill is soooo tiny but I swear I can feel it allll the way down.

runsoncoffee · October 2017

@justkeeptrying I haven't had cramping too much this pregnancy but with DS1 I had it throughout my entire pregnancy starting at 17 weeks. It just felt like period cramps. It freaked me out at first and I even had an ultrasound the first time and then had a cervical check several other times because I was worried but it turns out it was just normal for me and is for many people! I drank tons of water and it was still there so it wasn't dehydration for me most of the time (I did have a summer pregnancy though) anyway you can always check in with your doctor just to make sure! They were always more than willing to oblige my FTM worries!

@syssa-o I take mine pretty much daily. I keep them next to my toothbrush and take it before bed (I get sick if I take it during the day). I always keep water next to my bed too so I don't have an excuse of no water!

gh515 · October 2017

@syssa-o I was HORRIBLE at taking the prenatals (I'd put off taking them until after I'd eaten, then forget entirely), until I got gummy vitamins last week that I keep next to my makeup. I swear gummy versions sit easier in the stomach, so I don't hesitate to take them at 5:30am way before a meal or drink.

I'm also knowingly horrible at drinking enough water. Both prenatals and water consumption are for OUR benefit, not explicitly the baby's, which is why I think our conscience lets us forget.

ShawnnaO · October 2017

My daughter didn’t fight her nap today and so far has been asleep for a full hour!!!! I’ve been giving her a blanket to nap with lately and honestly I’m wondering if maybe that was it, because today I didn’t do the blanket and just put her in slightly warmer clothes. Crossing my fingers and knocking on wood that the blanket was indeed the problem and I get my good napper back!

belindablumenthal · October 2017

I haven't seen this question asked before, but feel free to redirect me if it has been. Has anyone used or does anyone plan to use a night nurse for their newborn?

ShawnnaO · October 2017

Did any moms of girls have low heart rates? Like the baby has the low (and by low I mean 140s/150s) heartrate. I’m just wondering if there’s any truth to the old wives tale about heart rate. My daughters was ALWAYS in the 160s and this ones been more in the low 150s/high 140s. My doctor suspects it’s a boy because of that and, until my anatomy scan, I’m just wondering how accurate of a guess that could be.

@afoul I never used one but I have heard of it being done for moms who formula feed. If you breast feed you have to get up to feed them anyway so I guess I don’t get the point of a night nurse for that.

EDIT: wrong tag, whoops

belindablumenthal · October 2017

@ShawnnaO Yeah, I should have said -- I most likely will formula feed.

crossfitbabybump · October 2017

Also forgot to ask, does anyone have any recommendations on good work shoes that will help my feet hurt less? I usually just wear slip on flats, they have to be business professional. I work in a financial institution so dress code is strict. I just can't take it anymore! I end up sitting at my desk with my shoes off underneath.

ShawnnaO · October 2017

@afoul then honestly if you have the money for it, I’ve always heard really great things about them!

ksmwalters · October 2017

@kiki75 @bb3vj3n @ShawnnaO

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. She mentioned tracking her ovulation through an app and taking her temperature but I’m not sure which app she’s using. I think she’s more anxious and impatient because she and her husband will have been married 7 years next spring, but her health sidelined them trying for children until now. She’s still young (early 30s) but I think our fast success stung. (Which I totally understand - my OB was shocked that we got a BFP so quickly.) Definitely going to recommend OPKs and getting on a TTGP board - maybe I just won’t mention TB specifically. Also definitely going to be mindful of my comments when we’re together. Thank y’all again!!

LaurenAnn0405 · October 2017

@shawnnaO I'm a little late to the party talking about naps but I agree with the others to keep up with trying naps! DS is 2 and not really liking naps now but I still make him take them. I even make DD (5 almost 6) lay down for an hour in the afternoon. She has morning Kindergarten and I think it's important for her to have that time to just kind of turn her mind off and relax. Most of the time she falls asleep and while it's only for an hour there is a personality difference between when she rests and when she doesn't. My point is to keep going with it!

orbmaker · October 2017

@crossfitbabybump I and a lot of medical folks swear by Dansko clogs. I NEVER have sore feet and I’m on them all day running around like a maniac. The funny thing with these shoes is they’re supposed to fit a little larger than you might think - you should be able to squeeze a finger in between your heel and the back of the shoe. This mild flip floppy action is part of what makes them ergonomic.

also, are your feet swelling and have you tried wearing compression socks?

Questions - Week of 10/16

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