I could not sleep. I figured now is the best time to finally introduce myself....it has taken a while for me to finally introduced myself but I was not sure where I belonged..I am 38 and married. We have a 2 yr old daughter (born in spring 2015). I got pregnant in January 2017. I was happy but nervous. My dh was more worried about timing and finances. He in the end was starting to look forward to pregnancy. I was due oct16th. We went to ultrasound on dh's bday and growth was normal but no heartbeat. Md said to come back so we did 8 weeks appt. (which was 2 days before wedding anniversary) there was no heartbeat. So we scheduled d&c for day after wedding anniversary. It has taken a long time to process everything. For months, I agonized over whether to try again. I think about how great my first pregnancy went and then I get nervous when I think about last time. I have my good days and bad. There are times when I felt like. ( and still feel like) everyone is/was pregnant. at my job - 1 person had baby in April. 2 in August and now 2 in October. I have friend who just gave birth to twins and we had similar due dates. Now, My previous due date is around the corner and I am beginning to feel sad. People have been asking me when I am going to get pregnant again not knowing what happened in march ( which is being very nosy but at the same times, It's very hard to hear since I only felt comfortable thinking about ttc since August.) I thought I was pregnant in sept and got very disappointed when period arrived. I have tried to make myself feel better since march but it's been challenging. I really did not lose much of baby weight from first pregnancy so I started hiit program to feel better. We have gone on 2 vacations already and now I feel and hope that this month or so will be the time ttc and healthy baby will arrive 2018. ( Just wanted to get this all off my chest).