@djd0404 I would call her to let her know once you're settled in the room, but let your nurse know that under no circumstances is she allowed in during l&d. It doesn't matter if your mom becomes her BFF, the nurse will get in a ton of trouble if she goes against your wishes and you file a complaint.
@kln62689 I have attempted to explain to my parents that the whole "looking through the glass" thing doesn't even happen anymore... Our hospital doesn't have that big baby-viewing window they remember from the past. There is no glass to look through. There is standing room only in the middle of our family unit, or the lounge visiting with DH (and not me and LO), or waiting until we get home. I seriously want to tell them to either say "I'm going to come invade your personal space when you have expressly told me not to" or stop playing.
@djd0404 I can't remember if you're in the US, but here's where HIPAA may come in handy for you. I know I'm going to specifically bullet on my birth plan that non-hospital people, other than DH, are not allowed to view/hear my medical information. I'm sure L&D qualifies under divulging medical information. HIPAA is there to let you be in control of your medical privacy.
@djd0404 that sounds brutal, but under no circumstances should your nurses go against your request as that is most definitely a violation of patient privacy. Make sure you talk to your nurses about that when you get there. I believe you have to list certain people as "birth coaches" when you get there (my hospital has a max of 3 and they won't let anybody else in the room, nor will they allow you to switch), so look into that and obviously do not include your mom on that list.
I do somewhat know the feeling since my mom is an L&D nurse at the hospital where I am delivering, but she says she wants my birth experience to be what I want and has agreed to keep her distance as long as she can sit at the nursing desk and keep an eye on our stats. I told her to knock herself out at the computer but that she is 100% not coming into the delivery room. That being said, I know damn well that my mother will hand pick one of her work pals to be my nurse. I am just giving up on that particular battle.
@kyrwyn You make me feel a bit better about my thought process that I may not want anyone else in the hospital at all. I really don't understand what the big deal is about coming to the hospital. I would much rather go to someone's home a day or two after they got home and were at least a little settled with the baby. Having said that, DH's parents are planning to travel 8 hours to come so realistically I cannot keep people away from the hospital entirely. I think I'm going to just try to have DH communicate only with my sister and she can inform the grandparents when we are ready for visitors. In my mind that is definitely no sooner than 12 hours after the baby is born, and could be a while longer depending on how I'm feeling.
Me 30 | DH 40
Married April 2013
TTC #1 since January 2015 BFP 4/27/2017 - EDD 12/25/2017 - DD born 12/15/2017
@kln62689 I also feel like I cannot keep people away from the hospital completely for various emotionally-manipulative (on their part, not mine) reasons. So DH and I have made a pact. If I am not up to visitors, he will lie through his teeth and tell whoever has shown up that I am sleeping. Or that the baby is sleeping. Or that we are both sleeping. And we're working on a way for me to indicate that I'm done having people in our room, so he can kick them out ... presumably so that we can "sleep." We are also considering not telling anyone we're in the hospital until we're sure we're ready for visitors -- which may be never. A close friend is watching our dog, and I've cultivated a habit of not always answering my phone, etc, during this pregnancy so maaaaaaybe we could get through birth + 24 hours before anyone really knows we're there. I wish you luck on finding a balance and method-of-enforcement of said balance that works best for you & your family (and the extended family).
Maybe because I've never had a kid or grandkid, but I don't understand what all the hype is around visiting a hospital. Like @kyrwyn said, there's no more "looking through the glass" area at mine, and if everyone is healthy, there will still be baby-time for quite a while after. If everyone isn't healthy, I don't want you visiting anyway!
Re: UO Thursday 10/12
I do somewhat know the feeling since my mom is an L&D nurse at the hospital where I am delivering, but she says she wants my birth experience to be what I want and has agreed to keep her distance as long as she can sit at the nursing desk and keep an eye on our stats. I told her to knock herself out at the computer but that she is 100% not coming into the delivery room. That being said, I know damn well that my mother will hand pick one of her work pals to be my nurse. I am just giving up on that particular battle.
BFP 4/27/2017 - EDD 12/25/2017 - DD born 12/15/2017