UO Thursday 10/12

peachy13

ameliabedelia-2

My UO is that I am not at all a planner and think some of this baby prep stuff is wayyyyyy overthought.  There are so many threads on hospital bags, birth plans, what's left to do before baby, meal prep.....it stresses me out just reading through it all.  It's like people think they are moving to mars to have these kids!  I know that's how a lot of people operate and it helps them with their own anxieties and what not....that's why this is my own UO:) 

elev2017

@ameliabedelia-2 I feel the exact same way! Of course I do have some stuff I need to get done, but making lists upon lists will just drive me (and DH) crazy, so I'm just keeping a basic mental list for now and reminding/nagging DH as necessary lol. I think with twins I've also gotten to the point of accepting that a whole lot of this is just out of my control, so I'd rather not stress too much over it.

kiki75

*Lurker*

Sorry, I'm short on time and couldn't find your Randoms thread so I interrupt your UO thread for a brief message. 

Major TW - loss, especially for twin moms:
In the February BMB, one twin mom just lost a twin due to complications of TTTS. Another mom is struggling with another scary condition (info in this week's Randoms thread). They're all hurting. They mentioned how terrible of a time it would be for a drive by so I made a love shower for them. Would you mind swinging by with a love/support themed gif?

flowerpower5838

ameliabedelia-2 said:

My UO is that I am not at all a planner and think some of this baby prep stuff is wayyyyyy overthought.  There are so many threads on hospital bags, birth plans, what's left to do before baby, meal prep.....it stresses me out just reading through it all.  It's like people think they are moving to mars to have these kids!  I know that's how a lot of people operate and it helps them with their own anxieties and what not....that's why this is my own UO:) 

I literally refuse to read too closely through these. I think many are new moms, so to be fair there is a bit more planning involved since they're starting from scratch. But yeah. My BP starts to creep just clicking on those threads lol. 

AFM: I think spending more than 15-20 bucks (which honestly is still high for a NB outfit they will wear once MAYBE twice) on a take home outfit is absolutely obscene. I am a cheapo though and have a hard time spending any money on NB clothes in general. 

blueskies17

I am in the camp where my (excessive) list-making decreases my anxiety. I prefer to research things extensively and write it all down at once so that I can just check the list occasionally and mark things as complete. Otherwise I'm constantly thinking of new things that stress me out. I envy people that can go with the flow without being so obsessive like I am! 

elev2017

@flowerpower5838 I've literally bought one NB outfit so far to tell DH we were having a baby (didn't know about the second one at the time) and he bought two UConn onesies (one for each of them) because he's a proud alumni lol, other than that we've bought NO other clothes. I'm basically planning on just relying on the clothes that have been gifted/handed down and maybe a couple of packs of those cheap white onesies to get us through the NB stage.

MJDsquared

I'm in agreement re: list making. I only have stuff I need to do in my head. The only time I wrote it down was in that to-do-list thread. Actually reading people's super extensive lists just stresses me out, lol. Also I feel like my registries are super bare, like I should have more items on them and I'm forgetting or missing something, but I'm just kinda like, 'eh, what can you do?' at this point. If I realize down the road I left off a ton of essentials, we'll just have to buy them. As far as birth plans, I've already mentioned I don't really have one. Haha.

Also agree on going home outfits. I didn't know this was such a huge thing (buying a particular outfit, sometimes super expensive). Whatever baby ends up wearing home will be an outfit we would've already bought anyway. We won't buy anything special.

anewadventure

flowerpower5838 said:

snip snip

AFM: I think spending more than 15-20 bucks (which honestly is still high for a NB outfit they will wear once MAYBE twice) on a take home outfit is absolutely obscene. I am a cheapo though and have a hard time spending any money on NB clothes in general. 

haha! i snorted my coffee. i think that is at least double my reasonable, penny-pincher budget. i am SO CHEAP. 

elev2017

@MJDsquared We've actually been complimented on our relatively sparse registry for not having a bunch of unnecessary crap on it. I just really hate clutter and don't want any more than what we really NEED.

Also, I realize I'm the one who started the homecoming outfit thread, but I never planned to buy one sole outfit just for going home. The ones we're using were gifts and I fully intend to have them wear those onesies repeatedly. I mostly just wanted to see a bunch of adorable outfits lol.

mdcd44127

I personally need to make lists all the time because I have REALLY bad short-term memory. More than half the time I'm running errands I'll realize I've completely forgotten where I'm going. I need the lists because I don't think I'd even remember to buy diapers without them. (And like @flowerpower5838 mentioned, as a FTM I have to buy literally everything, so there's a lot to remember.) But I totally get how all the over-planning would be overwhelming to anyone who can successfully make mental lists.

And agreed on the ridiculousness on the prices of take-home/newborn outfits... spending over $20 on an outfit this baby is going to outgrow in approximately 20 minutes just feels obscene.

I'll have to come back with an "AFM" UO, I guess I'm feeling unusually agreeable today.

MJDsquared

@leilagphillips Oh I totally love the coming home outfit thread! And I haven't seen any crazy coming home outfits in there that I recall. (I feel like tutus were big for girls a while ago? Not into that personally, lol.) I love seeing all the baby outfits. I've always been a sucker for baby clothes!

babybison

+1 on the pricey coming home outfits. I spent like 20 minutes in target debating if $5 was too much to spend on tiny human sweatpants, and then didn't think twice about buying a chai tea latte and downing it immediately. I keep telling myself I need perspective.

skc040512

@babybison I cringed when I spent $10 on LOs going home outfit from Target. All while forgetting that DH and I were sipping our massively overpriced coffee...

balletnerd

Yes on expensive baby clothes! I haven’t had to buy any since my baby shower guests went crazy buying stuff.. but I would be thrift store all the way. I about died when I saw that my MIL left the tags on a few (not so cute) outfits that cost $50!!!! Man what I could have done with that cash... but I know she will want to see pics of her in those “nice” outfits

whiska

My rationale is that I only get to be a FTM once.  Barring tragedy we'll only ever go from two to a family of three once, so I want to do it up (mostly in the form of the nursery/guestroom).  Also our wedding was 10 years ago and we've never splurged on anything since, and nothing so far has been wildly out of our budget.  I haven't bought many clothes yet because I want to see what we get at the shower.
$$$ priorities for every household are so so different; I'm team being unapologetic for those priorities

I love to-do lists, and there's definitely a lot to do to get ready for baby, but I honestly feel if I just had a week off work (like the week after my shower) I could get it all done easy peasy.  That's why I'm not that stressed out about it.  Talk to me in 6 weeks though and I'll see where I'm at. I appreciate everyone sharing theirs because they've jogged my memory on some tasks as well!

failuretofly

Personally i like physically writing out lists in general so baby prep has been no exception, however my lists are nowhere near as extensive as some on here. Plus once it's on paper it gives DH reference for things that need to get done that he may not have realized need to get done, without me having to nag him all the time. He knows it's an "us" list and not a "honey do" list.

ameliabedelia-2

I buy all DDs clothes at Target, Old Navy, or GAP....and always on super clearance. I do 99% of her shopping off season.  I get so many compliments on how she's dressed and it's always on stuff I bought for less than $10.  As for this baby, I bought his "going home" outfit at Khols for $1....I had Khols cash and it was on clearance. WIN!  If he's anything like DD, NB stuff will last me a month or two, so we will get some use out of it. I actually get a rise out of how much of a deal I can get on stuff. 

elcd458

I'm a non-type-A but with high anxiety, so my anxious desires to get certain things done are often dragged down by my sluggish unmotivated general personality. It's a weird dichotomy. It also tends to make lists or visual reminders absolutely necessary for me.  First trimester felt like I had all the time in the world, and now that we are approaching 30 weeks, I am in complete panic mode and also realizing there's no way we'll get half this stuff done, but at least the "big" things are out of the way. 

mdcd44127

elcd458 said:

I'm a non-type-A but with high anxiety, so my anxious desires to get certain things done are often dragged down by my sluggish unmotivated general personality. [snip] 

babybison

Hahaha. I like when things are done a specific way, but I'm lazy so they don't get done. My personality makes accepting help, especially from my mom and MIL very difficult. They love to help, but I always have to re-do anything because it isn't done correctly.
It's so stressful for me I'm actually making please help/don't do instruction-type notices for our house. It's going to be a nightmare. 

failuretofly

I hate it when someone posts something crappy that happened to them on FB and then there's just a huge long thread of "glad everyone is okay" &/or "thoughts and prayers".... where it looks like everyone just copy and pasted the person above them. I mean... I understand the intention... but it makes me not want to comment because it seems pointless. 

whiska

@elcd458 Haha totally with you there.  Your comment on the other thread about teacher gifts jogged a UO for me (actually not sure how unpopular it is among this board):

I do not *get* over the top teacher gifts.  I have friends who put together these elaborate tote bags with tumblers, mugs, beach towels, flip flops, candles - all kinds of stuff - and post them on facebook like, "Teacher appreciation gifts all packed up and ready!"  If I were a teacher I feel like I would just want maybe Target or Amazon gift cards so I could re-invest in the classroom (they spend soooo much of their own money on supplies) or a Starbucks card to treat myself.  Plus of course a note from my student would be really sweet and more than enough on its own.  @elcd458 Your mom's closet full of junk is exactly what I think of when I see these posts! 

rainbowdashh

I'm not usually a planner. I like to just wing it. But the closer it gets to December, I want a minute by minute plan which is totally unrealistic and insane. YAY ANXIETY!

I think nuts don't belong in food. Ever. Stop ruining stuff with nuts (especially walnuts). Brought to you by the pumpkin muffin I had this morning loaded with walnuts. 

MJDsquared

@rainbowdashh Walnuts are THE WORST.

jlemons-2

@ameliabedelia-2  We shop at the same three stores!! I love Gap clothes.

rainbowdashh

This isn't an UO but the bump on mobile sucks so much. 

elcd458

@rainbowdashh That's how I feel about fruit. Get your nasty fruit chunks out of my food.  A slice of apple in a cake? A raisin in a cookie? Pineapple chunk in Jello? It's just wrong.

elev2017

@elcd458 You forgot the very worst offender of all... pineapple on pizza!!! GAG!!!! 

babybison

@elcd458 Jello with anything floating in it creeps me out. I'm glad that trend disappeared. 
@leilagphillips But I do love pineapple on my pizza!

splsmama2016

@rainbowdashh YESSSS!!!! Mobile bumping is the devil. But toddlers mean I can ONLY mobile Bump until after bedtime and by then, I just want my space with nobody touching me and sleep. Haha! 

UO: I truly cannot understand how any new mother would actually WANT to have a room or house full of visitors right after giving birth. I understand different cultures, blah blah blah, but seriously. You just shoved a 7 pound watermelon out of your vagina. How the hell did you have the energy to sit up, let alone put on make up or brush your hair?? 

maddilatti

@splsmama2016 I totally agree, but we live in this age where people just feel entitled to be part of an experience. Both sides of the family (mine and husbands) would be livid if we didn't allow them to come see the baby. But I think I am going to put my foot down and tell them they have to wait until the day after their born. Since it is the middle of cold and flu season when we are delivering my hospital is not allowing anyone who has not received a flu shot to visit the L & D ward, and no one under 12 besides siblings can visit. 

elcd458

@splsmama2016  Back when my first niece was born, DH and my in-laws insisted I come with them to my SIL's house when they brought the baby home. (Edit for clarification: Like, the actual moment they brought her home. As in we were already inside the house when they pulled up in the driveway.)

To this day I am HORRIFIED that we did that. Looking back on it, I am pretty sure my SIL would have murdered us all on the spot but couldn't walk fast enough.

elev2017

@elcd458 There's a good chance we could have contractors working in the attic of my house when we bring our babies home and I am SOOO not thrilled about it!

@splsmama2016 As of right now, I'd like for my family and close friends to visit, but not until the day after the babies are born (except for my immediate family - mom and sister will be in the delivery room, dad can come immediately to see them once we get to post-partum area). Of course, I've never given birth before so it's entirely possible I could change my mind after the fact!

breezybee

@leilagphillips I hope they’re almost finished by then - or at least finished with the loud stuff!  It’ll be so worth it to have it done though. Take it from me

elvenchick92686

@splsmama2016 i am sooo with you on that one this go around. During my ordeal two years ago i had my mom, sister, my SO, and his mom all in the delivery room while i was pushing and i hated it every second after it was over. This time around we are only having two people be there/ visit the day of, the rest are waiting till next day if she not in nicu. If she is in nicu then nobody is coming till we are home and i dont care who gets mad about it.  And, i am limiting visitors once we are home as well. 

elev2017

@breezybee DH said they should be done in a month from this Tuesday, so I'm definitely hoping the babies hold off until then!

breezybee

I hope so too! @leilagphillips

splsmama2016

With my first, it was only DH in the delivery room while I was actually delivering. During labor, my mom, sister, best friend and my dad (but he left for a bit to go let the dog out and came back the next morning before I started pushing). This time around, I don't even think I want anyone in the waiting room aside from my sister. I've mentioned it before, she's a newborn photographer and as long as she's free, she will be there to do those first moment photos. My bestie offered to stay at our home with DD1 as long as she's not at work, and my parents will take over when she does need to leave. 

kln62689

@splsmama2016 I am so with you. I brought up this issue to my mother the other day, and my general anxiety around my time in the hospital, and basically asked her if she would be tolerant if DH and I decided we wanted no hospital visitors. She more or less told me that she didn't need to see me at all but she would come 'look through the glass' at the baby. Be serious, woman. That was her way of telling me she wouldn't do as I wished. That's her passive aggressive approach to doing everything however she wants though. My sister told me she would make our mom do whatever I wanted, but I sadly just don't think she has the ability. I am going to try to manage to a baseline of no one at the hospital until at minimum 12 hours after the baby is born. 

mdcd44127

@kln62689 This is exactly what I'm worried about with my mom! No matter what my wishes are or how clearly I express them to her, I have a feeling she's going to do exactly what she wants. I've told her I don't want her in the delivery room, but she's convinced she's going to be. (I'm aware I can just not call her when it's time to go to the hospital, but then she'd hold it against me forever. Literally.) And since my mom is a nurse and a little social butterfly, she'll get chummy with the hospital nurses instantly and will get her way, that's just how it always is with her.