I've been avoiding this post like the plague... because it makes me sad.... because you all are going to leave me.
My husband is SUPER stranger danger. And while he totally gets why I'm a part of this board and thinks its been a great resource for me (both in terms of the things I've learned and the relationships I've made), he has made it clear that he is VERY uncomfortable with giving my personal information out to people here and/or joining any Facebook group that makes mine (and by default his) identity public.
I'm sure you're all totally normal people and I know you'll take great strides to avoid catfishes from joining. But in his words "there are some crazy people out there. And a lot of them hide behind computers and have really bad intentions."
So if it was just me, I'd be all in. But I can't in good conscious join something that is going to reveal information that makes my husband so uncomfortable. Because our info is inherently linked and it wouldn't be fair if I didn't take his feelings into account.
So whenever you guys peace over to Facebook, it will be goodbye for me :-(
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
@Tennis11785 we are not leaving here to go there. We are just making a group for there as well. From my understanding we are all still going to be very present here as well. It just an added optional platform :-). @ktcakes87 can correct me if i am wrong but one of the rules in play is that you have to present and active here in order to stay on the fb group so no worries.
@elevenchick92686 Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the being present and active rules were about being accepted into the FB group and then just actively participating there. I hadn't planned on using both FB and TB once the majority of us transitioned over to FB, since that seems sort of redundant to me, plus TB is just obnoxious to use. Can others chime in and say how that's worked with your previous groups?
I would say right now as we form the group over there and figure all that out we will be mostly just active here. It is bound to happen that after everyone is over there and the babies are born this group (on TB) will die off, as most all other BMB groups do.
Me 29 I Him 26 Married 4/22/16
TTC 9/2015 **TW** BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w) TTCAL 6/15/16 BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
It could be. Its hard to keep it straight but i thought at one point it was mentioned that if werent active here as well then you shouldn't be on the fb group?! I could be wrong. I know the admins they have are trying to figure everything out for rules and stuff. But i seriously doubt most of them would disappear from here to go to there.
I am not planning on dumping the bump just to go to fb. I plan on using both cause alot of what is done here might not make it onto the fb group And/or be different than here and some people doesn't want to join fb group and stay on bump and i plan to try to stay connected to everybody I can on both platforms but that may just be me :-/
@Tennis11785 please come with us. There are several girls in my A15 group that have an account just for the group. They have a generic profile pic. Some post lol but some don’t. It’s just a way to keep up with you and lo even without pics.
I'll volunteer to be an admin if more are still needed!
@Tennis11785 I second what @dkizz82 suggested about a second profile without your personal info/DH's info. Something to consider, at least. I'll definitely keep hanging around here for a while since I Bump from the computer and it's a bookmark I'm used to opening each day. I'm a creature of habit, so it will take this place being a total ghost town for me to abandon it!
@Tennis11785 I felt the stranger danger with my first BMB with DD and did not join the Facebook group. I don't know if I have gotten more laid back or if I just feel more comfortable because our board seems to have a lot less people, but I probably will join this time. But, my last BMB did not die as soon as the FB group was created. People still used both, at least for a while.
Married May 2014 DD born August 2016 Baby #2 due December 2017
I’m pretty late to the game here on this thread but better late than never right! I’m super excited for the Facebook group I loved having it with my first daughter- I’m not super active on TB but I’ve definitely thrown in my hdbd photos and a few other posts. Looking forward to more activity on fb when our babes are here
@Tennis11785 please please please consider your options. i applaud you for trying to balance the never-ending compromises of a relationship. i think it would be a huge loss to you if you did not join us - it really will start to die out here and once the LOs are here and we are all lacking in sleep and have crazy questions is when the group really shows its worth.
several ladies in my other BMB had fake accounts, which worked fine. i would like to point out that just because you join a secret group, you are NOT facebook friends with anyone in the group. i can't click on your name and see anything more than your privacy settings allow. the only new information will be your name and profile picture. perhaps this will help calm your DH and allow you guys to further your discussion of privacy issues.
all my fingers and toes crossed that you're able to join us. does this mean you're also totally out for labor buddies? because i was prettttty sure you'd end up being one of mine since we're in the same region. ::cue sobs:: ::please be my friend::
Met: September 2005Married: October 2008 DS: 09/2014
Maybe we got lucky but no catfish psychos made it to the FB group. It would probably freak me out more to have people creating fake accounts just to join... Some of the ease is that you understand these are real people on the other side.
Like stated, what you show and share is private in a secret group. You don't have to friend people. There are plenty of ladies that don't share about husbands and pictures of their kids and still contribute to the group... You can dictate your level of participation and comfort. Also, now that we've been in a group for 4+ years, most people have at least one other person they've met IRL. There is someone in our area that chooses not to join any of the get togethers even though she participates daily, and that's totally fine too.
If the need for more admins is out there, I volunteer as tribute. Also want to give my nod of approval to some that have offered (not that it's needed lol): @ktcakes87, @MJDSquared, @failuretofly, @Marley629
@tennis11785 I understand your DH's hesitation, but I hope you guys can come to a compromise!
I'm with @tamaraaaa we're lucky we didn't have any crazies. There are obviously people I mesh better with than others, but that's life in general. There's a girl that went back, removed everyone she had added as a friend and now has her shit on lockdown. It was due to something IRL, but she was upfront about not accepting friend requests from others and no one thought anything of it.
I will add that I think I'd feel more comfortable if everyone used their primary accounts because, well, what's to say that @tennis11785 or someone else isn't a catfish (I don't think you are! just for the sake of the argument)? Everyone using their real names I think holds everyone else a little more accountable? IDK I just think if real people are putting their real information out there it's kind of weird that someone might not be. I perhaps in the minority on that train of thought though.
@Tennis11785 Since I don't have a fb either, and I just joined TB, I was sad too that everyone was going to leave! I hope that's not the case immediately. Whose anecdotes will I read at 4 in the morning if everyone is gone?
I am really sad there will be ladies not joining us on FB eventually. I don't plan to leave TB right away, but I'm sure it will happen eventually. FB is just so much easier.
Me 29 I Him 26 Married 4/22/16
TTC 9/2015 **TW** BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w) TTCAL 6/15/16 BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
anewadventure Can you explain labor buddies again? We did not do this on my other BMB so I am a little confused! (and admittedly too lazy to find your original post)
@flowerpower5838 in one of my BMB FB groups we had labor buddies. We didn't organize it by region, but just kinda picked someone who had due dates separate from ours, so we could be there for each other. Some of the ladies communicated via pm, others exchanged phone numbers. When it was labor time you could message or text your labor buddy updates/progress/pictures and they would share it with the group and keep everyone in the loop about how you are doing. I really enjoyed it because me and my buddy would just send a few quick texts back and forth, and it was actually really nice having her there.
As for a solution for @Tennis11785. I know in our FB group we also had a few who came over with accounts that had their bump name and just a generic profile picture. In the first few months this was fine, as we all were putting feelers out there as to what we were comfortable with. But as the group grew closer together and more info was shared, eventually they also shared their names and pics etc. Its worth a try! I hope you can join us
I didn't even think of creating a secondary FB account, but I guess depending on how comfortable others are with it that might be an option. I hate to miss out of all of your updates and keep the convos going as we figure out the world with our LOs!! And while I very much hope some of the convo still happens here, I totally understand that it's just a matter of time before this board will feel like an actual ghost town because so much is happening over on FB.
I'm gonna try and bring it up again soon with H and see if I can talk him off the ledge a bit. I know he's just trying to be cautious.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Facebook is a great idea! I'm a member of a previous bump Facebook group and we're all like sisters now, I find Facebook a lot easier to follow and get to familiarise with people more when they use their actual name rather than a user name, I find posts hardly ever get missed either so someone always has an answer or 20 to their question, I think it's best to do it a little before our babies are due so we can get to know each other a little better by sharing concerns, pics, funny stories, life's stresses then once our babies come along we can be even more excited for each other and actually know a little about the person who has just announced they're in labour
Hey guys, just chiming in on this subject with a couple questions ....was just curious , from everyone's posts on here, I gathered having the Facebook group is to make our interactions easier? If so , I totally agree, I get so bummed when I realize I've missed posts on things I've commented on or asked about. Also am I missing something on being not worried about becoming friends on Facebook with you all? Is there really that big of a "stranger danger" thing I'm completely naive to? dont get me wrong, I don't approve requests on FB from strangers, and my profile is set to private. But has there been something that's happened in the past that I'm just not aware of?
@ShyTonia Other BMBs have dealt with catfishes. One was someone using another person’s pictures. Someone was savvy enough to figure it out and used reverse Google image search to find the real person and reach out to her to let her know someone was using her pictures.
Others have faked personal tragedies and members have sent them money and then it came out that they made it up.
Re: Future Facebook
My husband is SUPER stranger danger. And while he totally gets why I'm a part of this board and thinks its been a great resource for me (both in terms of the things I've learned and the relationships I've made), he has made it clear that he is VERY uncomfortable with giving my personal information out to people here and/or joining any Facebook group that makes mine (and by default his) identity public.
I'm sure you're all totally normal people and I know you'll take great strides to avoid catfishes from joining. But in his words "there are some crazy people out there. And a lot of them hide behind computers and have really bad intentions."
So if it was just me, I'd be all in. But I can't in good conscious join something that is going to reveal information that makes my husband so uncomfortable. Because our info is inherently linked and it wouldn't be fair if I didn't take his feelings into account.
So whenever you guys peace over to Facebook, it will be goodbye for me :-(
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
@elevenchick92686 Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the being present and active rules were about being accepted into the FB group and then just actively participating there. I hadn't planned on using both FB and TB once the majority of us transitioned over to FB, since that seems sort of redundant to me, plus TB is just obnoxious to use. Can others chime in and say how that's worked with your previous groups?
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
I am not planning on dumping the bump just to go to fb. I plan on using both cause alot of what is done here might not make it onto the fb group And/or be different than here and some people doesn't want to join fb group and stay on bump and i plan to try to stay connected to everybody I can on both platforms but that may just be me :-/
@Tennis11785 I second what @dkizz82 suggested about a second profile without your personal info/DH's info. Something to consider, at least. I'll definitely keep hanging around here for a while since I Bump from the computer and it's a bookmark I'm used to opening each day. I'm a creature of habit, so it will take this place being a total ghost town for me to abandon it!
TTC #1 since 12/2015
BFP 4/4/17, EDD 12/4/17
Married May 2014
DD born August 2016
Baby #2 due December 2017
several ladies in my other BMB had fake accounts, which worked fine. i would like to point out that just because you join a secret group, you are NOT facebook friends with anyone in the group. i can't click on your name and see anything more than your privacy settings allow. the only new information will be your name and profile picture. perhaps this will help calm your DH and allow you guys to further your discussion of privacy issues.
all my fingers and toes crossed that you're able to join us. does this mean you're also totally out for labor buddies? because i was prettttty sure you'd end up being one of mine since we're in the same region. ::cue sobs:: ::please be my friend::
Met: September 2005 Married: October 2008 DS: 09/2014
Like stated, what you show and share is private in a secret group. You don't have to friend people. There are plenty of ladies that don't share about husbands and pictures of their kids and still contribute to the group... You can dictate your level of participation and comfort. Also, now that we've been in a group for 4+ years, most people have at least one other person they've met IRL. There is someone in our area that chooses not to join any of the get togethers even though she participates daily, and that's totally fine too.
@tennis11785 I understand your DH's hesitation, but I hope you guys can come to a compromise!
I'm with @tamaraaaa we're lucky we didn't have any crazies. There are obviously people I mesh better with than others, but that's life in general. There's a girl that went back, removed everyone she had added as a friend and now has her shit on lockdown. It was due to something IRL, but she was upfront about not accepting friend requests from others and no one thought anything of it.
I will add that I think I'd feel more comfortable if everyone used their primary accounts because, well, what's to say that @tennis11785 or someone else isn't a catfish (I don't think you are! just for the sake of the argument)? Everyone using their real names I think holds everyone else a little more accountable? IDK I just think if real people are putting their real information out there it's kind of weird that someone might not be. I perhaps in the minority on that train of thought though.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Married 4/22/16
**TW**
BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
TTCAL 6/15/16
BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
As for a solution for @Tennis11785. I know in our FB group we also had a few who came over with accounts that had their bump name and just a generic profile picture. In the first few months this was fine, as we all were putting feelers out there as to what we were comfortable with. But as the group grew closer together and more info was shared, eventually they also shared their names and pics etc. Its worth a try! I hope you can join us
I'm gonna try and bring it up again soon with H and see if I can talk him off the ledge a bit. I know he's just trying to be cautious.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
If so , I totally agree, I get so bummed when I realize I've missed posts on things I've commented on or asked about.
Also am I missing something on being not worried about becoming friends on Facebook with you all? Is there really that big of a "stranger danger" thing I'm completely naive to?
dont get me wrong, I don't approve requests on FB from strangers, and my profile is set to private. But has there been something that's happened in the past that I'm just not aware of?
Others have faked personal tragedies and members have sent them money and then it came out that they made it up.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17