STM+ 10/2 Check-in

ladythrice · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:

How are you doing?

Rants/Raves/Questions:

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?

ladythrice · October 2017

I need a check-in today! HALP!

Number of kids and ages:
2 kiddos, DS 2 (3 in Dec), DD 14 months

How are you doing?
I'm doing well in general but I'm struggling with DS. He's pushing boundaries and throwing some epic tantrums. To make it more difficult, he's 'mad at me' and only wants Dad to do anything. I know he's too young to mean anything by it but it feels so hurtful. I sat on the floor and cried yesterday while he was throwing a tantrum ("You go away mommy. I want daddy in here."). Afterwards he hugged me and said, "I'm sorry mommy. Daddy, look, her crying. Her sad." And that broke my heart all over again..... /sigh. Parenting is hard.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
I'm really struggling with how to handle the tantrums. They make me SO mad and hurt at the same time. I'm sure my hormones are exacerbating my reaction to them which sucks. I've 'one-click-ordered' three books on parenting toddlers

cuz I need a strategy to maintaining my cool and figuring out what to do for DS. I'm receptive to recommendations on handling tantrums!

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
My parenting experience is limited so my fave books are on eating and pooping lolol.
Baby Led Weaning
Oh Crap! Potty Training

kmalls · October 2017

@ladythrice parenting is so hard, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know you know this, but it's the age. 2-3-4 year olds are assholes. They just are. My DS is 2 years 8 months and he's starting to get the attitude. He freaks out when he doesn't get what he wants immediately and I can tell it's out of frustration. He's taking out some of his frustration on his little sister, which pushes my buttons to the max, and then I feel guilty when I sternly correct him or put him in time out. My mom got me the book "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen" and I keep meaning to read it, but I'm so freaking tired by the end of the day that I just can't put any more information into my brain. In conclusion -- just know I'm feeling your frustration/sadness too, and we'll get through it!

sparklingdiamond · October 2017

Number of kids and ages: 3 year old son

How are you doing? Still tired and feeling like a bad mom because I don't do enough with DS or feel like I spend enough quality time with him.

Rants/Raves/Questions: I still am trying to figure out when to tell DS about the new baby. We haven't really talked much about siblings before, so I am not sure if he will really understand what I mean.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book? Ummm I am not sure!

Dumbgurl04 · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
1 DD will be 3 at the end of this month

How are you doing?
Pretty good, DD's tantrums are not going great. She has been taken out of her room at daycare a few times last week, and I got an email today that she was removed. Who knew a tiny little thing could be capable of that.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
Well to maybe help answer @ladythrice. Since DD seems to have sort of the same issues with really bad tantrums (we think its because she recently moved to a new room in daycare fairly quickly then all the other times she moved and with the new sibling on the way, to many changes at once maybe?) I made this "chart" that has green, yellow, and red it hangs on our fridge and there is a magnet in whatever box she is at. If she is green then she can have her normal freedom, yellow she has a 10 minute time out and wont get a treat after her dinner, red is 20 minute time out and she loses her kindle, any treats after dinner. I put the timer on my phone so she can see it ticking down, if she gets up at all (and it's not for potty reasons) the timer gets turned off and will start all over again. She has seemed to respond pretty well to it but so far there have been a good amount of times where we have had to reset the timer because she gets up. Things I have read suggest not to raise your voice and maybe remind them how being good is better for everyone. I want to say I feel somewhat to blame with her throwing a tantrum when she doesn't get her way because through some of that 1st trimester it was just easier to give her what she wants to keep her quiet then while I was trying to keep from vomiting. Granted that is no excuse but hopefully she will start to learn from this.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
I enjoyed Bottled Up! It had mostly to do with infant feeding (mostly formula feeding) and how to deal with stigmas that are faced without telling someone to mind their own F*ing business.

lindsye · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
DD 1, 5; DD 2, 3; DS, 16 months

How are you doing?
So it seems that toddlerhood starts really early with my kids - DS is 16 months and is having full-fledged temper tantrums, hitting when he gets angry, throwing food he doesn't like... the works. The good news is that it seems to end early, too. For my kids so far, 1.5-3 is an absolute nightmare but they actually "improve" as human beings at 3.

@ladythrice, I'm sorry you're having a rough time with your son. Obviously you have to respond appropriately when they act like little assholes but I think a lot of it is just waiting them out. My DD2 started screaming for close to an hour at every nap/bed time at 2 YO and it lasted until 3. I tried *everything* I could think of from charts and positive reinforcement, punishment and negative reinforcement, psychoanalysis about possible fears/underlying problems and I was at my absolute Wits. End. It was a year of absolute misery every time she had to sleep. Then she turned three and just outgrew it. Mind. Blown.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
OMG toddlerhood sucks! I know it's a time of huge growth and development but oh man... all those wins sure are hard-won.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
Embarassing but I haven't read a proper parenting book since I've had kids... five years ago.

Doubly embarassing because I am a reader. I have done tons of reading on various parenting issues, but it has all been in the form of blogs/essays, etc - never a proper book. Sign of the times? Sure, we'll call it that.

kaymaroo · October 2017

@ladythrice 2-3 year olds are the WORST. I remember when DS was 3 just calling my sister crying because of the tantrums and attitude. When her daughter turned 3 she was the one calling me about it all.

I am no expert at all, but what got me through is this: tell yourself on repeat that they DO NOT mean it and remind yourself they're just seeing what works to push your buttons. When DS would tell me I'm mean or whatever I would calmly reply "Okay, you still have to listen". His favorite was telling me I'm bossy, and I'd always answer "That's because I'm your boss." Seeing that it didn't get any kind of a rise out of me put an end to it pretty quickly. Later, post-tantrum, I would tell him that that hurt my feelings and he would apologize and feel bad for awhile. Easier said than done to stay calm, but if you can I do think it helps. But most importantly, just remember that it gets better. This stage sucks but it's not forever. Stock up on chocolate, bath bombs, whatever brings you comfort, and just look forward to the day they turn 4.

kaymaroo · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
DS, 5yo (almost 6!)
How are you doing?
Pretty good lately. Feeling a lot better and finally letting myself get really, really excited about baby.
Rants/Raves/Questions:
It's starting to sink in that I'm starting the baby stage all over again. For the past two years DS and I have been in a really good place and he's been a pretty easy kid. I'm getting scared to go back into the helpless newborn phase and then all the challenges that come with toddlers and then threenagers. I don't know if I'm ready for this!
GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
TBH I haven't read a parenting book since DS was brand-new. I've relied more on my mom group and friends and family for advice.

whatabout2ndbreakfast · October 2017

Number of kids and ages: DS is going to be 2 at the end of November.

How are you doing? It's getting better but I'm still so tired.
I'm a little scared for the tantrums to come reading this!

Rants/Raves/Questions:
@sparklingdiamond I am also struggling with telling DS. I have told him, but he doesn't really understand and answers no when asked if he wants a sibling. I think it will be easier further along to explain and I didn't push it. I tried telling him that I grew him in my belly and he laughed at me haha.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book? I have no parenting books!

ekendall09 · October 2017

Number of kids and ages: DD 4.5 yo

How are you doing? good, feeling mostly myself and getting excited to have a newborn again. (I wasn't sure this would ever happen)

Rants/Raves/Questions: We're good overall. No real challenges and we had a great transition to her kindergarten enrichment program in the Sept. Moving to the new school when we moved towns has been a blessing, she just loves it. Shes getting excited for the baby and asks me each week how big it is.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
I'll join admitting that I really haven't read much. DD is a sensitive gal and its worked through the years really talking her through what she's feeling or if shes upset. I used the 3-day method for potty training and it worked well and did some reading on baby led weaning last time around.

As far as toddler tantrums unfortunately I think the gals above are right in that it happens and we can't always control it. As I stated above its worked well to talk through things with DD..."its ok to be sad, I understand you're upset, etc etc." She responds well and I try and stay calm. Hugs, toddlers can be hard! You aren't alone!

sparklingdiamond · October 2017

@peppersmith22 I bought a couple of books, so hopefully that will help. I guess if we just keep talking about it, they will eventually understand :-)

bchalm · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
DD is 19months
How are you doing?
Everyday gets a little better. Also feeling guilty about not doing as much with DD. Morning sickness had me riding the couch for a few weeks. DH has really picked up the slack, and not just by doing extra chores but almost literally taking over. It's nice because he works 60+ hours a week.
Rants/Raves/Questions:
As we are startingto tell close friends and family something is bothering me that didn't three first time is the "were you trying?" Like really? You might as well ask about our sex life? Were we DTD with BC and if so what kind? Three first person to ask was my mom. And it immediately infuriated me. Cause we weren't but now she occasionally refers to the baby as an accident. THIS WASN'T A ONE NIGHTSTAND! I'm married with a 1.5 year old. Maybe it wasn't planned but we are so excited and don't liked the baby being referred to as an accident. It sounds like it was a mistake and I would never say that our even consider it a mistake. Anyways, I know it's actually silly but it just bothers me.
GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
Another non book reader.

beach_mama · October 2017

number of kids/ages:

2 daughters; 4.5 and 2.5

How am i doing?

Ok i guess. Today is a good energy but damn these headaches! I increased my fluids and i still got one today. Lame.

Rants/raves/questions:

I'm reading all the posts about difficult toddlers and literally LOLing. DD2 is a monster sometimes. Others she's so sweet! We are rapidly approaching 3yo and i know it's going to get tougher.

Gtky: parenting books

hollar to all my non-parent-book-reading peeps.

mikkimikey · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
DD 11 yrs and DS 8 yrs

How are you doing?
I am doing well. I have my NT scan in a few hours so I am nervous/excited about that!!

Rants/Raves/Questions:
I got my kids' school pictures back today and they are HEAVEN!!! My son actually did his REAL smile instead of his "Chandler Smile" (Friends reference!!!). My parents have already claimed a bunch of pictures (they're obsessed with their grandbabies!)

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
"Go the F*ck to Sleep" (mainly the one narrated by Morgan Freeman on YouTube)

riversdoctor · October 2017

Toddler-tantrum strategy first, biggest thing I have learned through child development training (so not parenting books, but classes on how the brain develops) is that they almost always stem from frustration at their expressive and receptive language mismatch. (They understand what they want but can’t use their language to get it, or negotiate etc). And if pitching a fit gets your attention then they are likely to continue that as a language to get what they want (you’re attention). With my own 2, and the 4 i nannied in the past I usually make sure they are safe, and then walk away and refuse to even look at them until they are calm. Usually followed by a huge hug and practicing words to ask what they want or find alternatives if they can’t have what they want.

Number of kids and ages:
2 and 5
How are you doing?
Tired
Rants/Raves/Questions:
I know we need to cut back on activities (I teach swimming lessons, coordinator for financial peace university, dd does learn-to skate, gymnastics and story hour so each night of the week is packed!) on top of working full time. I’m incredibly grateful for Dhs help but I’m still so tired it hurts!! But I don’t know what/ where to cut back
GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
Honestly never found a good one. But I found that the parenting classes offered by My daughters Montessori school were incredibly helpful to get dh and I on the same page.

kmalls · October 2017

Halp! We've transitioned DD (almost 12 months) from formula to cow's milk, so she's now eating way more "regular" food. Only problem is that I can't remember what food I should give her! I guess I blacked out this stage with DS, all I can remember him eating is silver dollar pancakes and organic kid's yogurt

Any suggestions? I'm heading out to Trader Joe's today to get inspired. What did/do your kids love at that age? Breakfast I've got covered, but lunches and dinners are a mystery!

whatabout2ndbreakfast · October 2017

@bchalm Why do people think it's okay to ask if you were trying/if it was on purpose? We've also been married over a year and DS is almost 2, and DHs family asked us if it was on purpose.

@kmalls DS loved sweet potatoes and carrots and soft veggies at 1 year. Puffs and yogurt too haha.

ekendall09 · October 2017

@kmalls I used to just make more of whatever I was eating. (lazy) I know at her daycare that provided lunch they used to do pasta/meatballs, ham, peas/veggies, pizza, lunch meats, etc. I tried not to overthink it and we did a baby led weaning approach. She loveee rotisserie chicken or salmon and sweet potato or butter nut squash.

ngolimento · October 2017

Number of kids and ages: 1kiddo, 2.5 yrs

How are you doing? Better, but starting to get more and more nervous about our financial situation. It's going to be really tough to add another mouth to our family. I am a planner, and extremely responsibile, so I feel really down that things hashed out this way.

Rants/Raves/Questions: I am really pissed at my workplace and how they handle abrasive fumes. At least once a year something noxious gets placed under the building air intake (why the eff is it on ground level anyway?!), and the employees all sit for hours while management tries to figure out if it is dangerous. And if you choose to leave early because it is making you cough or dizzy, it is an unauthorized absence. I had to leave yesterday, and I am not looking forward to the consequences.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book? Not really a fan of parenting books. It's kind of like religion: nobody knows wtf they are actually talking about, and everyone is just guessing. What works for one child is useless for another.

kmalls · October 2017

ekendall09 said:

@kmalls I used to just make more of whatever I was eating. (lazy) I know at her daycare that provided lunch they used to do pasta/meatballs, ham, peas/veggies, pizza, lunch meats, etc. I tried not to overthink it and we did a baby led weaning approach. She loveee rotisserie chicken or salmon and sweet potato or butter nut squash.

@ekendall09 thanks! We've been doing a lazy version of BLW but now that she's not on any formula, I feel extra pressure to supply her with good food. I need to relax!

ladythrice · October 2017

@riversdoctor that is pretty much our strategy, take him to his room and just let him fight it out. Our challenges come when 1. we have to leave the house or 2. he just screams incessantly. This weekend we had an fit that lasted over an hour of him screaming in his room. If we stood in the doorway to try to talk to him or hug him or do anything he'd scream at us to go away.

@kmalls, my kids have always enjoyed the following: deli meat, cheese sticks/cheese chunks, soft cooked finger sized sweet potato, steamed broccoli, pouches, puffs, gold fish, allthefruit, pasta, meatballs, chicken nuggets etc. Neither one has been a fan of steak and freshly cooked chicken (breast/thighs). I just don't understand it. My husband is the one that cooks all meat in our house and he obsessive watches the temperature and its almost always perfectly cooked... but my kids hate it. This is something I'm trying to fix lol.

@Ngolimento, okay, what do you do again? Your employer sounds horrific...

ladythrice · October 2017

Thank you all for your advice! I'm surprised that I'm the only nerd that resorts to binge buying books on things when I don't know the answer

.

I'm happy to report that last night's tantrum went well...ish... lol. We got home and he was mad that Dad beat us home

. So he started screaming. /sigh. We tried to appease him by doing what he was asking "Dad get me out of car, no, I want Mommy, no I want Daddy, no I do it..." But there's no appeasing that... So I finally took him out of the car and he kept screaming. We entered the house and we calmly explained we know you're frustrated but that's not how you talk to us. If you continue to scream you're going to scream in your room. Took him to his room and I sat in the hallway and he just screamed and thrashed in his room yelling at me to go away, so I did. He stayed in his room oddly enough, just screaming. I gave him about 10 minutes while we started dinner then went back up. He actually calmed down when I went in there, enough to stop screaming and tell me what he wanted. So... progress? /sigh.

My books arrived yesterday. I forgot to get them out of the mailbox b/c of the screaming child... lol. Ohh the irony.

irenejean · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
DS is 2

How are you doing?
Tired, but good.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
Toddlerhood is rough! The tantrums were epic about a month ago, and for now we're back to manageable tantrums. I'm glad because I don't have the energy for the epic meltdowns right now.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
I'm an avid reader, and love all the books. I have a friend who is a parent of two and a therapist, so I asked for her recommendations when it came to parenting books. The only one I've read so far was 1-2-3 Magic, it has discipline tips for children as young as 2. I was motivated to read it because as I mention above, the tantrums/meltdowns were getting really bad. DH and I both read it and got some really useful tips. when DH gave DS his first time out in the middle of a tantrum, DS actually cooperated after it was done. It has some really basic tips, but being new to parenting a toddler, it was a good read for us.

ladythrice · October 2017

@Irenejean that's one of the books in my mailbox!

sapphires-and-diamonds · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
1 - 3y boy
How are you doing?
I don't know. I am up then I am down in every aspect. I need a vacation and a bottle of wine.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
I am calling my Dr's office today to see if my NIPT results are in. It's been 10 days...come on people!

I am also on the toddler tantrum train. DS is a straight up jerk most days and I feel like he's destined for juvenile detention.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
Ummm I don't think I read any. Well I have read some stories out of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul. Does that count?

ladythrice · October 2017

@sapphires-and-diamonds I feel you on the needing a drink thing. DS's biggest tantrum this weekend happened before our planned date night with my BILs/SILs (we had a fancy night planned for the 6 of us). We canceled last minute because of DS. My sister still came over and DH and I went out super late, just to get an appetizer and a drink for DH. I've never been more jealous of his ability to drink while I've be pregnant... ever! Such a stressful night and all I wanted was one drink.

sapphires-and-diamonds · October 2017

@ladythrice What a bummer! At least you did get out for a bit, even if you couldn't have a drink. I am also jealous of H being able to unwind with a drink.
DS had a ridiculous one at the zoo this past weekend. He kept screaming for his water, then when given his water he would throw it and scream that he did not want it. This went back and forth for over half an hour. People were looking at us like "why aren't they giving their kid some water??"

Also, I swear if I hear "I not love you, go away" one more time I am for real going away...

ngolimento · October 2017

@ladythrice I work for a bank in their credit approvals dept. Not the workplace you would expect industrial fume exposure.

lolablue3 · October 2017

Number of kids and ages:
3 kids - 7, 5 and 4

How are you doing?
I'm still so tired. My boobs are getting huge and they hurt a little. Softball will be over this week or next, so that should help the exhaustion. My schedule has been a little insane.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
I found out yesterday that baby is a girl! I have two girls and one boy, and I know my son is going to be pissed when we first tell him. He's a sweet boy, just really really wants a brother. I'm glad we are finding out now to let the idea sink in with him a little before baby gets here. I want to do a fun reveal with the kids and my immediate family.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?

I don't actually have one.

growingournest · October 2017

Number of kids and ages: DS is 2.5

How are you doing? I am so tired. My house is a disaster. After a full day of teaching young kids and caring for DS when I get home, I just have nothing left to get anything done after bedtime. Cue the mom guilt.

Rants/Raves/Questions: Not really a rant or question, but as excited as I am, I'm also starting to be anxious about how DS is going to react to having another baby in the house and not getting as much attention.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book? I think the only one I read was the "What to Expect..." book. I rely a lot more on mommy blogs, forums, and advice.

lindsye · October 2017

@lolablue3 whether our fourth is a boy or a girl someone is going to be mad! My son (youngest) is still too young to get it/care, but of my daughters, one really wants another sister and one really wants another brother. We're going to do a reveal cake to make it more fun for them, but I know that somebody is going to be crying!

okayrunner · October 2017

3 y/o son

Like a lot of us, I am exhausted. I feel like I am not operating 100 percent in every area of life. It's making me worry about my ability to handle number two.

My insurance is so frustrating. Every procedure I am getting for this pregnancy is costing a small fortune, and I think I'm going to need to switch to a HMO next year and hopefully save some money.

I haven't really read any actual parenting books except BLW. I do a lot of online research.

beach_mama · October 2017

@lindsye i love that idea! We're planning to take DD1 to the a/s. She is so darn excited about the baby in general. DD2 is too young to understand...otherwise I'd be stealing your idea.

lolablue3 · October 2017

@lindsye that is a cute idea! I found confetti cannons that I think we will use. I'll probably get a special cake made too.
All three of my kids want a baby brother. I don't think the girls will be disappointed though. At first they wanted another girl. The girls share a room and my son wants someone to share his room with so bad.

sjn00 · October 2017

I dont know how I always miss this thread.

Number of kids and ages:
1 daughter. 3.

How are you doing?
Freaking tired!!! I feel like I am neglecting my kid so much because I just dont have the energy to do anything. And we dont have the money to put her in any activities.

Rants/Raves/Questions:
Nah.

GTKY: Favorite parenting book?
I havent read any.

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