FFFC

kmalls · September 2017

Confess your deepest secrets here!

kmalls · September 2017

Ugh fine, I'll start:

I get irrationally annoyed at some of the comments in the breast pump thread. I know nobody is trying to be hurtful (truly, I know that, and this is totally my own issue), but the comments about producing "OMG FREEZERS FULL!!" and being able to supply breast milk for months and months even after stopping breastfeeding definitely cut deep. As someone who struggled to pump MAYBE 10 ounces on a good day if I was lucky, I see those comments and I'm all:

keeksie84 · September 2017

I got irrationally mad yesterday in a teacher training. I was paired up to work with a woman who was not the brightest bulb and couldn't figure out how to do a SIMPLE assignment. She then asked my why I was so cranky...I couldn't answer "because you're a f***ing moron" so I just walked away. I was still mad about it 10 hours later when I got home that I took it out on my poor SO and had to apologize for it later. Ugh.

beach_mama · September 2017

The 'my SO is awesome' thread makes me want to vomit. I do awesome things for MH and family everyday and don't get a parade or recognition for it (nor do i think it's warranted). Sometimes i do special things for him...sometimes he does special or thoughtful things for me.

I also hate the phrase "furbaby".

jenotontx · September 2017

@kmalls I'm sorry girl, I can understand why you would feel that way.

Hopefully this doesn't come off too heartless but this has been bothering me for awhile, not just today if you get what I mean. I completely understand that when someone is going through a hard time they want to reach out for support but it urks me when it's that person's very first/only post on the board. I would never ever flame someone in a time of need/crisis but I'm an anxious person and seeing posts about TW** (mc, bad test results, ect) is difficult for me. I do genuinely care about the people who contribute on this board and if they are going through something difficult then I certainly want to support them.... It's just the people who have never contributed other then posting a bad news thread that make me

I know that I can choose not to read a thread, it's just so hard to resist (which I realize is my own problem). I'm sure this will continue to happen, so I just have to deal but I still felt the need to confess my feelings about it.

kmalls · September 2017

@JJMNO1616 I totally get what you're saying and I'm right there with you. Although I'd never respond with anything but support (at worst I'd just not respond), it's really tough when a brand new poster contributes ONLY bad news. Every miscarriage rips out my heart, and it's a bit draining to read stories from people you have absolutely no connection with. That's not to say I don't sympathize, but sometimes I'm just at a loss for words.

irenejean · September 2017

@JJMNO1616 and @kmalls I'm right there with you.

ngolimento · September 2017

@beach_mama I am 1000% with you! That thread makes me really twitchy. Like being nice to your spouse when they are going through physical difficulty to give you something precious is something they should get a parade for. It's the same twitch I get regarding chores too. I do SO much around the house, never getting a thank you or recognition, but when my spouse empties the dishwasher I'm supposed to treat him like a drooling moron who did a particularly spectacular trick? Should I give him a doggie buscuit too?

Bleh, I hate that our society raises boys to not pitch in, and to not feel good when they are being helpful to the whole. It's all guns blazing solo leading, super stand out big grand achievements or your dick falls off or something.

angiek1 · September 2017

MY FFFC is that I'm pissed a friend used a baby name I said I really liked. That said, what makes me more annoyed is I have always thought name staking is super lame and here I am being all huffy about it.

riversdoctor · September 2017

I guess I’m an uo on the s/o post. I feel like there are plenty of vent and negative posts that I really enjoy the positive posts and expressing gratitude for the mundane!

ngolimento · September 2017

@kmalls I'm probably one of the people that unintentionally occasionally hurts you with comments regarding breast milk, and it truly is something I wrestle with when I post on the subject.

On one hand, I don't want to hurt people who struggle with production, but on the other hand, I don't want to be completely excluded from the conversation and be ashamed of it. I usually am careful about how I phrase it, but I want to participate because over-production has its own difficulties to overcome (certainly not as many as the opposite end of the spectrum, but trying to get time to pump that much in the American workplace is stressful as hell).

kmalls · September 2017

@ngolimento don't even worry about it, like I said it's my own issue. That's why I really didn't chime in on that thread -- everyone has their own battles, you know? Overproduction is certainly something you should talk about no matter what.

mikkimikey · September 2017

@kmalls I probably hurt you as well. With my daughter I STRUGGLED, and trust me, I sobbed when I had to switch to formula (I was a single mom and financially struggling as well, so it hit me hard). But with my son, it was he exact opposite. So don't count yourself out already--it could be completely different for you! Every experience is different!

Dumbgurl04 · September 2017

@kmalls I haven't even looked at the breast pump thread. I formula feed from day one so needing a pump isn't something I need to worry about. I'm so glad though that this community is at least supportive when it comes to that. I think @ngolimento started a thread about breast feeding support and tips already which is awesome. I either skim or don't read those threads cause I don't want to become annoyed but someone's comments who might not even see there comments as a trigger for another.

psuxray07 · September 2017

It annoys me (mainly on fb as I don't really see it here) when people post an US picture and it's like you can't even tell it's a baby. Like, you don't even know what you're looking at, or a lot of people post the frontal view. It looks like an alien. You are posting a straight on shot of your baby's skull/facial bones/eye sockets. Use a profile picture!

Also, not sure if this is FFFC really, but the way TB counts pregnancy drives me crazy. It says I'm 12w3d...no, it's 12w2d...and it will soon tell me I'm 12w7d when it's really 12w6d. No one says that ever lol

kmalls · September 2017

mikkimikey said:

@kmalls I probably hurt you as well. With my daughter I STRUGGLED, and trust me, I sobbed when I had to switch to formula (I was a single mom and financially struggling as well, so it hit me hard). But with my son, it was he exact opposite. So don't count yourself out already--it could be completely different for you! Every experience is different!

I appreciate that, @mikkimikey, but I just want to be clear that I'm not ashamed or sad about formula feeding at all. Physically, breastfeeding just doesn't work for me, so I pump. I hate that I've never been able to produce much and my frustration stems from how hard I have to try to provide even just a bottle or two per day. I've had two babies in the last two years that I've formula fed and supplemented with breast milk -- and that's ok!

I'm 100% not trying to call you out, I just really feel like it's important for me to state that formula feeding isn't the end of the world.

sjn00 · September 2017

I get really annoyed with lurkers from other months coming here and chimming in on our conversations. Go away and mind your own months business!!

lesliegolem · September 2017

@sjn00 yea I have to agree with that. It's like wth where did you come from? You have your own board did you really read every post and comment there so you're bored and need to go elsewhere? Not trying to sound like a douche but it is a little odd unless the issue being discussed is that rare it hasn't been discussed on their board. Which I highly doubt.

ngolimento · September 2017

@sjn00 we have had an unusually high concentration of lurkers from other boards. I don't mind so much myself, but I do wonder just what kind of board culture they have that pushes people to scour other boards for something interesting to look at. There has been a lot of trolls from other boards hitting us too, which is weird. Maybe when they hit other boards, they get people wishing them glitter and "baby dust".

lindsye · September 2017

@ngolimento at least most of our trolls are entertaining, though. A good laugh goes a long way on a long day. The one posting about miscarriage was an obvious exception - I don't know how anyone can think that's ok - but I'll take ultrasonographic confusion about foot vs scrotum any day.

kmalls · September 2017

Meh, I don't mind lurkers from other months. I lurk too and will occasionally chime in if the thread is particularly ridiculous.

lindsye · September 2017

@kmalls our board does get seriously dead some days. So far I've been too lazy too seek out entertainment elsewhere on other boards but I'm sure I'm not above it. Or maybe sometime in the next couple months the June BMB will get a "hey you guyz, is that a leg or is my son just really, really blessed in the penile department???"

psuxray07 · September 2017

Lurkers annoy me too. Like...why? The thought never crossed my mind to go looking on other boards. I think mostly they just scan for drama.

jenotontx · September 2017

@psuxray07 I was just going to say I lurk sometimes for drama lol

sjn00 · September 2017

In my June 14 BMB we had June 13 come in and say hey every once in a while and welcome the new June group. But not ramdom people like this lol. Idk why someone would go out looking for drama to be apart of, especially since they arent going to stick around outside of the drama because its not their BMB.

jenotontx · September 2017

@sjn00 I have no intention of being part of the drama I just like to lurk. I guess if I was lurking and there was an interesting convo taking place about something I have an opinion on I may choose to chime in but I have never done that. Mostly I just love tit, sit back, and enjoy the entertainment.

dhhteachermommy · September 2017

IMO lurkers from other BMB are just impressed with how on point you ladies are. Cannot tell you how many times you have made my day with your GIFs and responses. I barely have time to post and read on this board let alone other boards though so what do I know lol!

lovesclimbing · September 2017

Lurker here.

I'm from June '17 and it's dead as a doornail and has been since everyone decided to bail for the FB group. (I hate FB groups and could rant for awhile on why I cannot comprehend why people think they're easier than here, but I won't.)

I enjoy reading drama but don't chime in. I only post when I think I have something valuable to add to a conversation or when it's about cloth diapers because I love talking cloth!

For example, in a breastfeeding thread on one of the boards, a poster recommended a nipple shield used while nursing. I used one and it saved nursing for me. I had never heard of them before my midwife said I should use it, so I chimed in to second the PP to add another voice in support in case people see one recommendation and are like, "what? Never heard of this, sounds weird."

jenotontx · September 2017

@lovesclimbing Sorry to hear the FB group isn't your thing! I think the FB app is a lot more advanced then TB so from that perspective I can see why people would like Facebook. I'm almost always on my phone and I find TB app not to be very user friendly. I wouldn't want to transfer over to FB until it gets a lot further along but I do get it. Also, one of my best friends irl was on your BMB! Hope your little one is doing well.

sjn00 · September 2017

@lovesclimbing nipple shields actually ruined my nursing.

okayrunner · September 2017

I am a May 14 Mom, and I absolutely love my FB group, but I was definitely reticent at first. I think it was part of a natural progression of the bond we go through doing this together. Our group has about 30 ladies, so it was fairly small, and we've lost two along the way. That said, I've met several of the girls IRL, and even spent the night at one of their houses when traveling 12 hours alone with DS.

sparklingdiamond · October 2017

@okayrunner. I was on May 14 too and could never get on the FB group even though I always posted regularly. Made me sad

okayrunner · October 2017

@sparklingdiamond - I was in the reject group that didn't make the cut in the first go round. I think it was a lot smaller than the first group and much more laid back.

sjn00 · October 2017

I love my June 14 group and its because of them, I came back for April 18. We are at 80 now, but we are all so close. I feel really blessed to have them in my life, and in real life too. I hope this group can grow to be the same!

lovesclimbing · October 2017

JJMNO1616 said:

@lovesclimbing Sorry to hear the FB group isn't your thing! I think the FB app is a lot more advanced then TB so from that perspective I can see why people would like Facebook. I'm almost always on my phone and I find TB app not to be very user friendly. I wouldn't want to transfer over to FB until it gets a lot further along but I do get it. Also, one of my best friends irl was on your BMB! Hope your little one is doing well.

Thank you! She's doing well! I don't use the app and never have. I use the mobile site in safari and have 0 problems. Among the things I like here that FB doesn't have is anonymity, the ability to easily see what each topic is about by reading the thread title, and the ability to close the page and come back and still see what you haven't read before.

@sjn00, sorry to hear that. I was able to use it and make nursing a little less painful and allow my nipples to recover. Once they got better, I'd stop using it and then resume once the pain had increased again. (Breastfeeding was awful for me for about 2.5 months. At 3.5 months, it's still not perfect but better. I no longer use it and haven't for about a month.)

keeksie84 · October 2017

@okayrunner and @sparklingdiamond, wait, how does one not make a cut for a FB group? Is there someone policing it? This is my first pregnancy and I'm having a hard time getting the feel of this BMB. I feel like it's a hard thing to break into.

geojaminee · October 2017

sjn00 said:

I love my June 14 group and its because of them, I came back for April 18. We are at 80 now, but we are all so close. I feel really blessed to have them in my life, and in real life too. I hope this group can grow to be the same!

Same! My F16 group is small when we went to FB (there's 28 of us I think) and we've had tons of IRL meetups. I'm friends with my wedding anni group too and my BMB has had way more IRL meetups then my wedding group has!

kmalls · October 2017

keeksie84 said:

@okayrunner and @sparklingdiamond, wait, how does one not make a cut for a FB group? Is there someone policing it? This is my first pregnancy and I'm having a hard time getting the feel of this BMB. I feel like it's a hard thing to break into.

@keeksie84 with my F15 group, two very regular posters chatted via PM and came up with a list of 40ish other regular posters and invited them (via PM) to a Facebook group. Once we were on FB, we voted on a few more members to add that hadn't been on the original list.

Very early in the pregnancy there was a FB group created for whoever wanted to join, but we felt more comfortable waiting until about 6 or 8 weeks before we were due to start sharing personal information!

ETA: as for "breaking in" to this BMB, just keep interacting with people! I feel like those who get the most out of every BMB take the time to read people's posts and actually respond to them thoughtfully, rather than just posting all about themselves all the time.

ngolimento · October 2017

That's how our FB group was made in my old BMB, @Kmalls. I was one of the regs that co-admin-ed the group and invited other regs. If someone had never posted and was unrecognizable, the group voted as a whole not to invite them. We were careful to not make decisions without the group after we set it up. I personally used an alt FB profile I set up for The Knot years ago. It turned out to be a good move because there were some seriously horrible people in that group and I was able to make a clean exit when I realized how bad it was.

keeksie84 · October 2017

@kmalls, thanks for the info. I'm realizing that TB is a lot easier to navigate on a desktop. I've been using the app and it's been a challenge.

geojaminee · October 2017

Also, Re: the difficulty of TB mobile, that's what that video chat survey was about. They're considering changing interfaces to more of a "group messaging" or chat room type layout as opposed to this forum style. At least for mobile anyway.

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