Just for fun... GTKY (kinda)

ivyvines6 · September 2017

I'm bored. What is the WORST pregnancy or parenting advice you've received? Or if this is your first, what the worst you've overheard?

ivyvines6 · September 2017

I think one of my favorite gems was pregnancy related. My OB at the time was telling me to stop having sex because it could trigger spontaneous labor, then when he asked if I was planning on breastfeeding told me to start pinching and tugging on my nipples to "toughen them up." Why is this stupid? Good question. See nipple stimulation has also been shown to induce spontaneous labor by increasing the levels of oxytocin in your body. (And it doesn't work anyway, and it's just not a thing.)

(edit for spelling)

mileswithmyles · September 2017

The first OB I saw told me not to run because (and this is a direct quote) "you could jolt the baby."

ivyvines6 · September 2017

mileswithmyles said:

The first OB I saw told me not to run because (and this is a direct quote) "you could jolt the baby."

Yes, because that's exactly how that works.

zaclina · September 2017

No bad advice to offer, but I did mention needing to eat bc I was getting nauseous to my father. He's like "yeah, I get that way too when I drink a lot of coffee." I just stared at him. For a long, sarcastic time.

Shima42 · September 2017

This isn't the worst advice I've heard given to a parent, but it's the worst I've heard come from an actual childhood educator. Two ladies, one a specialist in development, the other a counselor for at-risk parents, both going on and on about how you should feed a baby rice cereal after 6 months or they won't sleep through the night. They also mentioned that you should make sure to give them food cut up into small pieces "so they can get the nutrition," even if the baby didn't have teeth.

Anyone ever heard, "Food before one is just for fun?" What it means is that babies desperately need the vitamins provided by breastmilk or formula, and that any food or beverage you give them should not prevent them from drinking their breastmilk or formula. Ergo: do not try to get them to 'fill up' on cereal, cow's milk, water, juice, or crackers. Food before the age of one is just for practice, not sustenance.

You cut the food up into small pieces (smaller than a half-inch-square cube) so that the baby doesn't choke to death if they inhale it - not so that they can get 'the nutrition,' which is something they should be getting from breastmilk or formula.

nanifrog · September 2017

At daycare, the teacher in the 3s taught a policy that if a kid hit, the other kid should hit back. We pulled our kids out pretty quickly.

Also, sticker charts for my older daughter and basically any tips and tricks that work for typical kids. Special needs means stickers are stupid.

ivyvines6 · September 2017

I thought of another one: Don't let your baby use you as a pacifier. TF you think pacifiers were designed for? It's to replace you. I get needing a break now and then, but telling a mom who's got no problem nursing their LO to sleep, every time, and a kid who won't use a pacifier, is not helpful.

ivyvines6 · September 2017

@Shima42 Yeah I don't understand the want to hurry up and start solids with babies... Don't you realize that once you start feeding them they want it more often??? BLW for the win! A lot of older advice like that was from the time of formula being mainstream, and breastmilk being deemed subpar. The difference between what my grandma went through, and my mother went through, to what I've gone through is astonishing in those regards. Parenting advice changes so much through time.

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2017

Worst advice ever? Was I needed to spank the problems out of my child. Who has a learning delay and an official diagnosis.
I also had a pediatrician tell me to feed my child "tons of" butter in everything I fed her to fatten her up, and ice cream after every meal. I make TINY babies, but they always hit their curve. But this dude told me "failure to thrive" meant just that. He never recommended healthy fats like avocado or hummus or peanut butter, etc.

Also "sleep while the baby sleeps" is probably the worst advice ever. Because it won't happen. Also, babies sleep like crap.

Pearlvirus · September 2017

Shima42 said:

This isn't the worst advice I've heard given to a parent, but it's the worst I've heard come from an actual childhood educator. Two ladies, one a specialist in development, the other a counselor for at-risk parents, both going on and on about how you should feed a baby rice cereal after 6 months or they won't sleep through the night. They also mentioned that you should make sure to give them food cut up into small pieces "so they can get the nutrition," even if the baby didn't have teeth.

Anyone ever heard, "Food before one is just for fun?" What it means is that babies desperately need the vitamins provided by breastmilk or formula, and that any food or beverage you give them should not prevent them from drinking their breastmilk or formula. Ergo: do not try to get them to 'fill up' on cereal, cow's milk, water, juice, or crackers. Food before the age of one is just for practice, not sustenance.

You cut the food up into small pieces (smaller than a half-inch-square cube) so that the baby doesn't choke to death if they inhale it - not so that they can get 'the nutrition,' which is something they should be getting from breastmilk or formula.

That is terrible advice! But I'd also like to point out:

1) There is no conclusive evidence that eating solids improves sleep.
2) I follow BLW and don't do purée or chop things into tiny bits either. Long strips is best because they can easily pick it up and gnaw on the other end.
3) It actually is important to introduce solids, but it's to reduce the likelihood of food allergies. It has been shown the best way to reduce your chances is to give your baby allll the things as an infant - yes even peanut butter and strawberries.

mommabmb · September 2017

yesthisiskim0401 said:

Worst advice ever? Was I needed to spank the problems out of my child. Who has a learning delay and an official diagnosis.

This was going to be my answer. It looks like behavior issues to anyone outside of the situation, but you can't see the trauma my son has been through and the effect on his brain. Not all illnesses are visible. Why mental health and childhood trauma in this day and age of information is so hard to understand... I just don't get it.

Don't get me wrong- we sometimes spank at our house (bio kids only- put down the phone) but honestly? -it isn't very effective. Teaching kids to feel empathy and guilt when they hurt others? That is much more valuable. And doesn't require you to pull the car over.

zizzabell523 · September 2017

1. All my in-laws said DD was ready for cereal at 3 months. Um, what?! DD was EBF until I felt comfortable giving her cereal.
2. They also didn't give much support when my milk supply started drying up and didn't seem to notice how upset I was over having to switch to formula at 10 months.
3. I also got the most confusing advice to "sleep when baby sleeps" but to also "do chores when baby sleeps".
4. Also, "don't hold the baby for long, you'll spoil her" but at family gatherings I was pressured to play "pass the baby" and let everyone hold her and then she wouldn't sleep because she wasn't being held. Hmmmm.

My mama bear instincts were kicking in hard when DD was tiny and what made it worse was none of my in-law family would respect my wishes. (My side of the family lives 400 miles away) I almost threatened to not go to any functions because I was such an emotional wreck.

MissusTexas · September 2017

My grandma, who was my biggest BF supporter, told me to toughen up my nipples- the only bad advice I think she's ever given me! Good thing I didn't listen.

I thought I was pretty crunchy with my first and was planning not to offer a pacifier (based on the advice of crunchy moms in a FB group) but we didn't even make it out of the hospital without one. I'm so, so glad that my kids took pacifiers- best inventions, ever. They also nursed for almost 2 years each, so pacis didn't disrupt BF.

Also, anyone who ever told me to keep the baby awake more during the day so she would sleep better at night. It never worked although I did try it because, trust me, you will try ALL THE THINGS!

mileswithmyles · September 2017

For parenting advice, a lot of people told us that DS would take forever to potty train because he's a boy. We did the three day method and it was actually fairly easy and he did really well with it. I think potty training depends more on the individual kid and whether or not they are ready. Along those same lines, people said not to use pull ups at night time or naps when potty training because it would confuse them. It wasn't a problem for us and it saved us from having to change his bedding multiple times and day.

suchaglencoco · September 2017

Not advice per say, but when I was pregnant with my twins, random people would ask how far along I was, tell me I'm way too big, then when they found out it was twins, would tell me I'm way too small and should eat more. K. Thanks.

We were also made to believe our lives would be just awful for the first year because "2 at once is 2 times everything". Well duh! I now tell expectant twin moms that I know/see that it isn't half as bad as people with singletons make you believe it will be. Yes it's double the amount of bottles, but you feed them at the exact same time. You do 2 diaper changes, but you get so fast with them that it doesn't seem to be that long.

fraufarbissina · September 2017

Yes to getting so many comments about my size while pregnant! I went to the dentist one day and the hygienist said I was carrying big. I went to the eye doctor the very next day and the lady at the desk said I was carrying small. Both comments were followed by "when I was pregnant....." so I learned to not take offense and just let people talk about themselves.

And yes to all the advice about when to start solids! When my daughter was 3 weeks old my boss said to start putting cereal in her bottle (she wasn't using a bottle yet) so she'd sleep through the night. I told her I planned on EBF for 6 months but she still gave me the same advice every time we talked. And my daughter started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks while EBF so ha! (Her sleeping habits went to shit at 4 months but that's a different story)

cups4 · September 2017

omg I had totally blocked this from mind. A coworker (in his 50s) who has 6 kids said that I should be giving cereal in the bottle during the day and then only giving water at night starting at 6 weeks because they don't need to eat, they are just waking unnecessarily. I told him doctors today would never recommend that and he said all 6 of his kids slept through the night and that at 6 weeks and that is what his doctor told them to do and was a pompous ass that he knew the secret to changing my life and I was an idiot for not following his advice.

sandbar517 · September 2017

@cups4

sandbar517 · September 2017

I always get a little annoyed when people tell you "housework/cleaning/laundry can wait". There is definitely something to be said about giving up the guilt of not having a magazine worthy house at all times after Baby is born, but seriously? No, sometimes the dishes can't wait. Sometimes you need clean underwear. Sometimes you have other people in your house that still need to eat.

Saratiff · September 2017

@yesthisiskim0401 I'm not trying to flame but bear with me.... maybe this me in the medical field trying to cut doctors some slake or I'm a mom whose kid fell off the weight curve for a bit.... but my daughter stopped eating at about 15 months. Literally only wanted milk. From a growth perspective kids need fat for healthy brain development. My pedi said of course healthy fats are the way to go but if you need to douse eveything in butter in order to get her to eat that's fine. If he had just said your kid needs more fat for healthy brain development you should really get her to eat more avacados I might have punched him in the face because meal times were already stressful enough without me worrying about her brain development.

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

Yes to @Pearlvirus. She speaks truth about the solids.
I had these grand plans when I was pregnant with DD and I discovered I'm pretty attachment when it actually came down to parenting.
BLW is a go. It's just smart to me. I don't do solids of any kind until 6 months though.

Worst pregnancy advice is sleep now because you won't sleep when the baby comes. Well duh but that's not how sleep works. It's not a reserve you can pull from. And you sleep like crap while pregnant too so it's useless.

My best advice for people is just do the best you can and get through the first 6 weeks when it's the hardest. Ask for help. Sleep when you can realistically sleep and just go easy on yourself because it's hard. Especially if you're adding number two to the mix. I don't really remember anything from the first 5 weeks or so with number 2.

ETA: Words

Saratiff · September 2017

Now my DD had colic for 15 weeeks... screaming 12 hours a day. I knew she wanted mommy and my inlaws would keep telling me I was rewarding her screaming behavior and I should just let her cry.... yeah no thanks Satan ( or at least that's how I felt)

Saratiff · September 2017

FWIW after the colic ended they apologized because her temperament was so different they conceded she must have been in a lot of pain

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

Ugh, colic is the worst. DD had it too and it was awful.

suchaglencoco · September 2017

@sandbar517, ugh yes! DH is a super clean freak and it's rubbed off on me. Dishes get done every night, laundry is done twice a week and gets put away within 24 hours, our house gets picked up constantly even if the kids run behind us and mess it up again. The kids know before nap and bedtime we clean up toys and they are required to help pick up as it is their mess.
I know we may be the oddballs, but we just like to have our chores caught up on as much as possible and we like a clean house.
I also think it's a lot easier for us to stay caught up since I stay at home. I can quick switch the laundry or mop the floor while they play nicely. If I also worked full time, I'm sure our house would be in shambles or we'd stay up until 11 cleaning or picking up. I give working moms a ton of credit for running a household!

Saratiff · September 2017

@sparkymcgeee I feel like it was just preparing us for toddlerhood

and like childbirth I feel like I don't even remember it clearly

suchaglencoco · September 2017

Can we also add in the advice from non parents?
Like the ones on social media who think it's ok to chime in on one of your photos to tell you you're doing something wrong. Or that you shouldn't do this or feed them that. Listen, some days I don't have enough fight in me to make them a nutritious lunch they'll refuse to eat. Some days, they'll just get mac n cheese because I know they'll both eat it without complaining.

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

suchaglencoco said:

Can we also add in the advice from non parents?
Like the ones on social media who think it's ok to chime in on one of your photos to tell you you're doing something wrong. Or that you shouldn't do this or feed them that. Listen, some days I don't have enough fight in me to make them a nutritious lunch they'll refuse to eat. Some days, they'll just get mac n cheese because I know they'll both eat it without complaining.

Everyone is a perfect parent until they are one. I deal with it daily from my know it all coworker. I won't do this, that and the other. Okay, have kids and then we can talk.

jessnoel89 · September 2017

My MIL told me that feeding DS sweet potatoes before he turned one would make him allergic to sweet potatoes. That was her theory with any foods we tried to give him. Anything eaten before he turned one he would be allergic to later in life.

sandbar517 · September 2017

Ah, yes, the non-parents. I had an older (50s) woman with no kids telling me how I *needed* to find a back up baby-sitter in case my MIL ever gets sick or whatever. Oh, yes, I'm sure there are tons of people out there just waiting and hoping they get to babysit my twins with no advanced notice! Insert eye roll here. Um, no, that's why I switched to this uber-flexible job so I don't have to leave my children with someone I don't know and/or trust. "Use one of those websites, like care.com" Yeah, why don't you just shut it and keep your stupid opinions to yourself. If you want to pay for a private nanny for me (and a back up), feel free. Otherwise, just move along please.

jessnoel89 · September 2017

Ugh yes the non moms who are experts on child raising make me nuts. My friend and my cousin are both teachers and babysit regularly so they feel it is their place to correct my parenting. As someone who used to teach and babysit I tell them all the time it is not the same as being a parent. So irritating.

Pearlvirus · September 2017

Can we add advice from moms with unicorn babies? Just because yours STTN the first night home from the hospital does not make you an expert on baby sleep - it just makes you lucky.

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2017

Saratiff said:

@yesthisiskim0401 I'm not trying to flame but bear with me.... maybe this me in the medical field trying to cut doctors some slake or I'm a mom whose kid fell off the weight curve for a bit.... but my daughter stopped eating at about 15 months. Literally only wanted milk. From a growth perspective kids need fat for healthy brain development. My pedi said of course healthy fats are the way to go but if you need to douse eveything in butter in order to get her to eat that's fine. If he had just said your kid needs more fat for healthy brain development you should really get her to eat more avacados I might have punched him in the face because meal times were already stressful enough without me worrying about her brain development.

My DD was eating really well. And she stayed on her curve. If she fell off her curve, or started refusing to eat, I would understand. That was not the case.

suchaglencoco · September 2017

@sandbar517, refresh my memory, how are your twins? 3?
We're kind of a freaks how now when we go in public. People are just fascinated by multiples for some reason. I can't wait until next year when I have the twins running around like maniacs while holding a newborn. People will think I'm nuts.

Ceridwen77 · September 2017

I will jump on the "sleep when baby sleeps" bandwagon. No, that's when I'm going to clean, do laundry, make dinner, or maybe even take a damn shower.

My MIL was the worst though. I can't even remember all of her gems because I blocked them out, but there was a time she ridiculed me about our car seat and said "well we never used car seats when we had kids". Yeah lady there's been no advances in safety for children in the last 30yrs so we should just drive around with them rolling in the back seat. Insane.

sandbar517 · September 2017

@suchaglencoco, they turned 3 in May, yeah. The questions have mostly stopped, we still get "Are they twins?" a lot, but mostly I just say yes and keep walking. But when they were infants, ugh. The questions were endless and super annoying. I'm sure people will think I'm crazy when they see me with a newborn and the girls, but I'm also sure I don't care LOL

arteduc8 · September 2017

Oh man, MIL advice could have its own thread.
1. 3-4 months pregnant at the in laws house for Christmas and told "we all know too much now" and that I "need to toughen up" with pregnancy. I had heartburn, nausea, and a killer sinus infection.
2. That when my 10 month old went on a nursing strike that she was probably done nursing and I should move on. Um, ever heard of teething?!? She was back to nursing in about a week and still is.
3. When baby was 3 months old and mostly STTN in her Pack n Play in our room, she told me I needed to put the clean laundry away that was on the bed in the guest bedroom (mind you that room was closed, so she was snooping) so that DH could get a good night's sleep for work. He jumped in and stated he's sleeping fine and had no need to sleep elsewhere.
4. She told me I needed to cut my baby girl's bangs. My daughter has beautiful long curly hair. Curls and bangs don't mix. I know. I have curly hair. I firmly told her no.
5. There's more, but those are the biggies. I hate unsolicited parenting and spousal advice.

onesmallcoconut · September 2017

My MIL told me with my first to singe my nipples slightly on a warm lightbulb to make those initial breastfeeding sessions less painful.
Uhhhh

edited for gif lol

rachelg777 · September 2017

@onesmallcoconut omg... what!?

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2017

@arteduc8 I could tell endless MIL stories. Why do they have to be the worst.
@onesmallcoconut that made me want to throw up in my mouth just thinking about.

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