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PGAL Check In (week of Sept. 20)

justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
in March 2018 Moms
This is a safe space for those who are pregnant after a loss. General TW for this thread.


How far along are you?


Any appointments coming up?


How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)


GTKY: What's a movie you could watch over and over and not get bored of?
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Re: PGAL Check In (week of Sept. 20)

  • justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
    edited September 2017
    How far along are you? 13+2


    Any appointments coming up? I have my NT scan tomorrow. I'm so nervous. I don't know what to expect. I met with a Genetics Counsellor last week who essentially told me the exact opposite of what my OB told me. So right now I'm just praying we see a healthy heartbeat. 


    How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): I'm doing okay. Aside from being nervous. In addition to having my NT scan tomorrow, tomorrow is also the 1 year anniversary of the day we found out about our MMC. So I know it's going to be an emotional day. I'm going into this NT scan hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. 


    GTKY: What's a movie you could watch over and over and not get bored of? I love Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde in terms of cute movies I could watch on repeat. But my favourite movie is Frequency and every time I watch it I notice something new in it. 
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  • pettycrockerpettycrocker member
    How far along are you? 15wks


    Any appointments coming up? Nothing until 10/2, they scheduled an u/s that day, Idk if it's just a growth scan or early anatomy scan? 


    How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Sleeping like crap, insomnia has been kicking with vengeance lately. On the plus, I have been feeling lots of baby wiggles, which is so early for any of my kids? Then again this is my first boy, my girls were very lazy, this baby is super squirmy. Also, in spite on having anterior placenta, we were able to pick up a good HB with the doppler we have at home (sonoline B) since last week, I like to sit and listen to the HB a few times a week, I just find it very soothing and encouraging. 


    GTKY: What's a movie you could watch over and over and not get bored of? Empire Records, Kill Bill 1 and 2 


    Spontaneous pregnancy #1
    DD1 July 31, 2011

    Trying for #2 since Oct 11
    732973 Clomid Cycles
    2 IUIs 
    3 Fresh IVFs= 1 Ectopic treated with MTX
    Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
    Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
    Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
    Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!! 



    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • eller-2eller-2 member
    @justkeeptrying, I'll be thinking of you today and tomorrow.  I hope it's a perfect scan and that you can layer some happy memories onto the sad date. <3

    @kalawa @pettycrocker, yay for flutters and baby wiggles, even if they aren't frequent yet!  I never felt my first baby... I can't wait to feel this one.  
    <img
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  • kalawakalawa member
    @chasingroygbiv so happy to hear your anatomy scan went well! Every pregnancy I always get an achy/full feeling around week 14 and onwards. Hopefully it's just another non concerning symptom for you as well.
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  • senora76senora76 member
    @mintea I feel you on the work thing - having a really hard time getting up and going everyday. I don't even have a strenuous job. I am so completely exhausted and am stuck on stupid I just cannot focus...I don't wanna focus, then I go home and just wanna lay on the couch.
    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
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  • kiki75kiki75 member
    How far along are you? 15+4


    Any appointments coming up? Just had an OB appointment yesterday. Everything was good. Nothing too exciting. She did move my due date back to March 10. She had been going back over my chart from the RE and deciphered what they were getting at as far as EDD. HR was 150something. 


    How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
    Sorry I haven't been around much. I've been on the road for work a lot recently so I've been able to lurk some but haven't been able to respond much. I'm glad to be home for a couple weeks to try to get caught up with work and life.

    I am so thankful to have a doppler at home. There are days that I just need to hear that heartbeat. After each of the last trips I've taken, doppler is about #3 on my list after I walk in the door.  I would have been much more anxious going into yesterday's appointment if I didn't have that.

    Does anyone else struggle with telling people? I keep thinking, "Okay, after the next appointment goes well..." We did tell part of H's extended family this weekend and I'm thinking about telling his dad and my parents that they can tell whoever they want now. I'm trying to decide on when to tell work. I'd like to wait until after the anatomy scan but I'm not sure that's going to work since I have one more trip before then and will be with someone who is a horrible secret keeper. 

    GTKY: What's a movie you could watch over and over and not get bored of? Talladega Nights, Duets
        
    Me: 34 DH: 38
    Married: June 2011
    TTC since Feb 2016
    BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 
    BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
    BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
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  • justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
    @kiki75, basically every time I tell someone I'm pregnant, I panic that something is going to happen. We have been very slowly announcing this time around. I plan on going public after our 16 week appointment. And most people will know after tomorrow if our NT scan goes well. We lost our last baby at 15 weeks, so I'm hoping I'll feel reassured enough after our 16 week appointment to tell. But I, too, have pushed back our announcement date. Normally I am itching to tell. But I'm finding it easier now to not. 
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  • SP128SP128 member
    @kiki75 You are not alone.   I'm having a hard time telling people.  Only the same couple of people know from when I first got my BFP.  Pretty much the people I know that can provide me with the support I'll need if things go bad.  Over the weekend, I was thinking I could tell people, but I had an u/s on Monday.  My PGAL brain was like "what if something happened?"  I'm 14 wks + 4 days today.  I was originally aiming for announcing at 20 weeks after the anatomy scan.  However, I'm not sure if I will make it that long.  Now I'm contemplating announcing at 16 weeks. Plenty of time for me to chicken out still!  Oh.... and the parents don't know!
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
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  • minteamintea member

    @kiki75, yes! I am having such a tough time telling people this time. Like harder than with my daughter who was my rainbow baby after my loss. For me this time, though, I feel like it's less because I am nervous about a loss and more that I am nervous about people's reaction to having three kids. I work with a lot of older, professional women who had to really fight to be taken seriously in the workplace and I worry there's a bit of judgment from them. I wish it didn't bother me but it does.

    Also, for better or for worse my previous pregnancies have left me with very little abdominal tone so I always have a gut. So while I previously had to tell because the bump was getting obvious, now I feel like people are used to me looking distended lol. It sort of has me curious about how far along I could get without someone commenting.

    DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018

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  • mdfarmchickmdfarmchick member
    How far along are you?
    16 weeks. Give or take. Next week maybe we can clear that up at my appointment. 

    Any appointments coming up?
    One week from today. And then I'll have to schedule my anatomy scan I think. 

    How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
    Honestly I’m tired a lot still. I have thrown up this week but it has been less. I’m trying to not take the Zofran because my brain says that the Zoloft is a bigger help right now. I think a lot of my anxiety and anxiousness comes from our house not being as organized and minimalized as I’d like—that’s what happens when you move countries in your third trimester and buy a house and get all your crap two weeks before you have a baby ((ie, DS)). My patience level is a lot lower than it was on the Zoloft, but we’ve started nesting over here and I think ticking off projects and getting things organized and donated will help just as much as the meds. 

    GTKY: What's a movie you could watch over and over and not get bored of?
    Umm... Moana? Because we’ve watched it approximately 500 times so far??
    Its very rare that I watch an adult movie anymore, and even rarer if I don’t fall asleep during. I feel so far removed from watching movies for pleasure now. If I have a spare hour, you’ll find me reading books. :smiley:
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  • senora76senora76 member
    Ladies I am incredibly exhausted and slept terrible - obsessing over the TaySachs carrier stuff...  What IF Jose is a carrier too?  He is from Spain and I know how rare that is, but what if?  My PGAL brain is flipping out because bad shit happens to my offspring. what if Mars somehow had Tay-sachs?  My head is spinning... I live in a world with no natural order and I'm terrified of us losing another child. We just can't take another hit...  The sleeplessness is leaving me wrecked - having a hard time making through the work day...

    Someone distract me - who had their appt today?
    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
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  • mdfarmchickmdfarmchick member
    @senora76 okay, when my thoughts start to take over like that I remind myself of the facts. I cannot change whether he has it or not, but worrying isn’t doing me or the baby any good. If he is a carrier, then we cross that bridge when we know. Try to take some deep breaths. Wouldn’t they have found that on an autopsy for Mars? I’m sending you all the love today. Try to focus on the good. How are your bigs  doing in school? Do they have anything exciting coming up? Play sports?

    As for distractions, I don’t have an appointment until next week but there is a cool front going through here this weekend. I’m trying to decide the best way to enjoy the rare 70’s in September. You live in SoCal right? Are you getting any cooler weather?
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  • senora76senora76 member
    @mdfarmchick thank you!  Yes SoCal and we had a lovely rain filled morning - I always think of Mars. We had a very rare rainy season from the time he was born until we lost him... so I just love the rain.  I got out of the office for lunch and I texted my husband "i love this weather" and at the same time i got a text bubble saying the exact same thing from him. We are so connected and sometimes it feels like Mars is right around us. And the walk outside in the rainy overcast did me a lot of good!

    I need to just put it aside and feel positive that its unlikely he is a carrier... just wish these results didnt take a week or longer to come back!


    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
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  • mdfarmchickmdfarmchick member
    I know it’s hard and I’m definitely thinking of you. Maybe Mars sent you a little rain to remind you it’s going to be okay, @senora76
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  • justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
    @senora76, I'm glad you said you'll be getting the results sooner than expected. I would be driving myself crazy with all these thoughts too. Try not to panic until you have something factual. But I know easier said than done. 

    As for a distraction, I had my NT scan today and it went perfectly!! We had a gracious and loving technician. She let my husband and son come in for the ultrasound, she showed us the entire scan, and she even printed pictures for us. All of these are unheard of where I live. 

    All was well. Baby had a strong 153bpm heart rate. She focused on the abdomen due to previous history of Gastroschisis, and all looked good. Fluid levels are all in normal range. Baby measuring on track, maybe even a smidge ahead. 

    I am so happy right now. This is exactly what my PGAL brain needed today as it's also the anniversary of our first loss. Relieved to have some positive thoughts today. 

    Oh, and I swear I saw a penis but DH says I'm crazy. 
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  • chasingroygbivchasingroygbiv member
    I hope you get answers ASAP @senora76 I am a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis (as is DD now) and I worried myself sick (literally) until we got DH’s results back. I wish I could tell you not to worry, but we all know that’s so much easier said than done. Did genetics tell you anything about the chance of DH having it? Sorry if I missed that. Try to keep yourself busy. Do happy things, watch happy shows, happy music, etc. The more I sat around, the more my mind went to bad places. Hugs, hugs, hugs! 
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  • kalawakalawa member
    @justkeeptrying so happy to hear you had a great NT scan! And glad you got some pictures! 
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  • senora76senora76 member
    edited September 2017
    @justkeeptrying what wonderful news!  Honestly I think you can see the sex parts by this point...so you might not be so crazy after all! On Monday they told us no evidence of a penis LOL 

    Thanks @chasingroygbiv it sucksss... I think his chances are like 1 in 300... His DNA according to Ancestry show he is mostly Iberian, with some British, Italian, African, and only 4% Irish and 0.1% European Jew...  so he really is made 96% of low incidence groups... It is unlikely but he's a Ginger Spaniard with type O- blood so he's basically an alien... LOL and anything goes with him... TRYING to stay hopeful...
    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
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  • chasingroygbivchasingroygbiv member
    Hang in there, so many positive vibes your way.  @senora76
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  • chasingroygbivchasingroygbiv member
    Have we talked about monitors like the Owlet, Angel Care, etc? Will any of you be investing in these? Recommendations or ones to avoid? I’ve heard some have more false alarms than others, but I never remember which that is. 
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  • bb3vj3nbb3vj3n member
    @chasingroygbiv I will not be purchasing - but i completely understand why some do. 

    I think a false alarm would put me into coronary arrest! ive heard from many that Owlet is the best in the market currently .... but I've also heard that babies are really good at getting the sock offand setting of the alarm.

    I personally am not ready to feel that type of stress or fear on an ongoing basis.  I know that bad things can happen, and that sadly, a few women here can attest to that. I just personally want to focus on the joy and not live in constant fear.  Being part of this particular group, I know first hand that that is easier said than done and I judge nobody that gets some peace of mind and comfort from these items. I however will not be purchasing. 

    @justkeeptrying so glad the NT went well.  I meant to comment sooner by i haven't been super active these last few days... just been lurking 
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  • kalawakalawa member
    @chasingroygbiv I may be in the minority here, but I dislike all the new technological monitors. I have always used just a noise monitor, set on low. My anxiety is too high for anything else. I have heard a lot of negatives from the monitors giving false alarms multiple times. I would never sleep. That being said, I did hear from a friend that the owlet gave off a false alarm less often then the angel care. Also, apparently you can use it longer. She said the angel care became useless after 3 months because her baby moved too much. 
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  • senora76senora76 member
    edited September 2017
    @chasingroygbiv Ironically in 2003 when I had my first child, I was so paranoid about SIDS I did get the old school angelcare monitor with the heartbeat sensor for Zane. He ended up co sleeping with us, but when he went down for naps I'd always turn it on - no false alarms. With Vance I was a bit more lax. When it came to Mars, I didn't have any fear of SIDS but I was fascinated with the new technology so I did get a snuza, but I never once used it because it clipped on to the diaper and wasn't supposed to be used for co-sleeping.  I know co-sleeping is controversial as well, however, Mars did not pass away while he was co-sleeping with us in my arms. He passed away at daycare, in a crib with no blankets and no pillows and no toys on his back in the proper "anti-SIDS" style.. and to be honest... I wonder every single day if he would have drifted off to death if he was in my arms. He was used to sleeping in my arms or Jose's arms... I wonder if he would have felt our bodies close to him if he would have drifted off the way he did...I obsess over this daily, but I digress.  I realize I am a special case here - We will be investing in an owlet. I don't know if we will use it regularly, or what, but it is a $300 risk we will take. We still plan on co-sleeping with this next baby - I had a beautiful cosleeping relationship with all three of my sons, and although we didn't get to experience Mars past infancy, my older sons (14 and 11) have a wonderful confidence about them, as well as a great relationship with sleep (and no, they don't still sleep in my bed! LOL)
    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
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  • minteamintea member

    I've been thinking of getting the Owlet. My thoughts on the monitors has changed. With DD1 I thought the monitors were unnecessary and stress-inducing. With DD2 I bought a Snuza but, similar to @senora76, we coslept so we didn't really ever use it. I also found it to be a hassle getting it clipped on to the diaper well when we did use it, and in those handful of times we did have a false alarm. The Owlet is tempting, though.    

    DD #1: 2012; MMC: 2014; DD #2: 2015; It's a boy! 3/31/2018

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  • pettycrockerpettycrocker member
    I was looking at that Owelet. I love our Snuza Hero and I think we will reuse it for DS. I'm not sure if I want to invest in another monitor when we still have the Hero, but that Owelet looks great. 


    Spontaneous pregnancy #1
    DD1 July 31, 2011

    Trying for #2 since Oct 11
    732973 Clomid Cycles
    2 IUIs 
    3 Fresh IVFs= 1 Ectopic treated with MTX
    Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
    Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
    Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
    Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!! 



    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • SP128SP128 member
    I'm thinking of getting the Owelet too.  I mentioned it to DH a couple of weeks ago and he grilled me on the functionality of it and asked if it was just a gimmick for that price.  My girlfriend has one and swears by it.  She said the low o2 alarm went off and she went to wake up her son.  She said it took a couple minutes to rouse him and they were close to calling 911.  She swears it saved his life.  I asked about the false alarms because the Amazon reviews all said that.  She said that they used to get a lot of false alarms but switched to a newer model of the base and no more false alarms.  
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
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  • mdfarmchickmdfarmchick member
    I’m with @bb3vj3n... I think that the monitors would just freak me out and make me never sleep. Ha. No judgment on anyone who does—it’s just not for me. That being said, of moms in our last BMB, the majority had the best luck and least number of false alarms with the owlet. 

    I’m so glad you had such a wonderful experience and positive scan @justkeeptrying <3
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  • chasingroygbivchasingroygbiv member
    Happy vibes wanted if you could send them. Last week I asked my MFM about this fullness/ache in my pelvic floor, he wasn’t concerned unless any preterm labor symptoms occurred. I’m going to ask to be seen tomorrow only because this feeling is now basically constant and I don’t want it causing effacement or dilation or something. Hopefully it’s just from all of my muscles and that *region* being used to stretching, but I need to know for sure. It’s just very uncomfortable but doesn’t sound like SPD.  :/
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  • kalawakalawa member
    @chasingroygbiv you know your body best. Better to be safe right. 
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  • senora76senora76 member
    @chasingroygbiv better safe than sorry...maybe u have a UTI?
    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
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  • chasingroygbivchasingroygbiv member
    I do currently have one, it’s my second one (or the same that hasn’t gone away). Tomorrow is my last day of antibiotics so if it’s coming from that I’m going to say it’s not going away.  :/ I’m going to ask them to check for BV, too, in case it could be that, the urine test wouldn’t have picked that up. @senora76
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  • senora76senora76 member
    @chasingroygbiv i had the same feeling in my last pregnancy- and had a few UTIs always followed by yeast infections... it was the worst... hope u find some relief soon :smile:
    Mama to:
    Zane William 9/17/03
    Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
    Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
    Nova Marsela 3/14/18
    Report Reply
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