PGAL Check In (week of Sept. 20)

mdfarmchick

@chasingroygbiv are you feeling any better??

Also has anyone else had any Braxton Hicks?? I’ve had them two days now out of the last few and it’s kinda making me worry that it’s too early or something. 

senora76

@chasingroygbiv ditto mdfarmchick - how are you?

@mdfarmchick ive had them after i orgasm (sorry TMI) and we are just overall freaked out to even DTD these days - I have a placenta previa again... but yes I get them from any kind of stimulation LOL I had a ton throughout my last pregnancy and considering my pregnancies are in close succession, I am not super worried... but we are laying low in the sex department... for this and a number of reasons.

I turn 41 Wednesday...that damn date is looming...I think that will make me officially the oldest mom here...everyone keeps asking me what I want to do to celebrate and the answer is nothing... I just want that Tay Sachs test back on Jose... an all clear would be the best birthday gift of all.

jessbruxanovaa

How far along are you? 

15 weeks today 

Any appointments coming up?
Not for another couple of weeks

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Being 15 weeks along I am feeling more at ease. I still get a bit worried when I'm cramping or even if my daily cup of coffee is doing any harm to the baby. I keep laying really still to see if I feel any quickening and nothing yet. STM here so I've read I could feel it sooner but 15 weeks might still be too early. 

GTKY: What's a movie you could watch over and over and not get bored of?
There are so many movies I love that I don't think I could pick a favorite but one movie that I could watch every day is the first Resident Evil movie. I've always enjoyed all of the games but the first movie is the only good one in my opinion. Never grow tired of it. 

chasingroygbiv

@mdfarmchick @senora76 Thanks for asking. Feeling about the same. Doctor got me in right away this morning. Cervix closed but checked for BV (said it could definitely happen since I’ve been on antibiotics and what not) and by the looks of patient portal it is positive, but I’m waiting for a call back. Come on, lady parts. 

Also, yes to Braxton Hicks. They’ve been coming and going for about a week now I would say (I’m 19 weeks). I had them ALL the time with DD, no exaggeration. Doctor said I had an irritable uterus. 

syssa-o

So I'm not a sappy person but I'm sappy right now. I've shared before that our daughter passed away. When we first found out it was twins, my mind right away went to maybe our baby girl wanted another chance - I'm not a spiritual person so it was a fleeting thought. 

Anyway, this afternoon, my son (2.5) says "mom can Leah come live with us again?"

I said "Leah lives in our hearts baby"

He says, "no mommy, Leah is back in your belly. "

I go check on him before bed 10 mins ago and he says he wants to kiss babies goodnight. 

He says "goodnight Leah, goodnight baby brother"

Ugh my heart  

senora76

@syssa-o that is so sweet- i cant tell you how many times i asked Mars to come back to us and bring a friend... I really thought we'd have twins too... but as far as I know there is just one in there... its a nice thought to think Leah came back and brought a friend ❤️ I came home
and got the mail (something my husband has always done since we lost Mars)... There was an oriental trading catalog called "first birthdays" with all these baby party ideas... The Social Security Office and Insurance and Gerber etc may have slowed their correspondence down but there are still these zingers that leave me a puddle.... 

syssa-o

@senora76 oh no those are the worst reminders.... I had signed up for every sample in the book and each time I got one it was a dagger. Hope you're doing okay. 

When is Mars' birthday?

mdfarmchick

@senora76, @chasingroygbiv thanks. That helps actually. Although I am sad to report neither time has been around sex because I am just not feeling it lately. I had them the entire church service Sunday and they’ve hit a few times when I’m not doing anything strenuous at all. I have an appointment Wednesday so I’ll ask but Dr. Google says if it’s your second+ then they are normal earlier than 20 weeks. It just feels like a long time until March and my brain is worried that I’ll go into early labor or something. It’s crazy the things I worry about now but didn’t with my first.

bb3vj3n

@senora76 those are the WORST.  I'm sorry.  I remember back in May, I had been doing better after our loss, but it was coming up on my due date and I was feeling a little down that we were going to pass this milestone without even being PG again, and a package arrived addressed to me.  I opened it and it was full of baby things... formula, bottles, a card etc.  my husband walked in while i was opening and just swooped up the box and took it away. I called the company that sent it and asked to be removed from all future mailing and it was actually a very difficult process- not just as easy as deleting my info. I ended up in contact with the head of their marketing  department manager insisting that there needed to be an easier way considering how many women experience a loss - she had never even considered how awful  it could feel for us to receive these. They promised to create a better system that would allow people to change their preferences and i hope they followed through. I won't mention which company this was..... but it was a BIG ONE. I couldn't believe they had never considered it before.  i know the intention of the box is for it to be a nice and personal gesture, something most brands Lack these days - but it they need to be prepared to change a customers settings with more east.

senora76

thanks @bb3vj3n @syssa-o My husband is like DO NOT GET THE MAIL, wait for me to get it - there are a lot of things we still get for Mars- its unbelievable... He said it doesnt trigger him to the degree it does me, so just wait for him to get home to look at the mail... 

Mars would be 1 on November 15... the days are getting shorter, and cooler and its starting to feel like him... I already have told my work I need a personal day... Jose is calling im sick too- we don't know what we will do that day but already that day is looming... I was so huge pregnant last year at this time and so full of hope... I made a really funny halloween costume... It was the happiest time of my entire life... and that baby... my surprise mid life post divorce Spanish lovechild with the ginger hair and black marble eyes...oof we miss him so much....happiest baby ever....my panic attacks are considerable these days... the weather is triggering me

syssa-o

@senora76 I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I scheduled myself as normal on Leah's birthday thru to her death day and I regret it. Be gentle on yourself as those days come. I found I had such vivid recalls those days and o really should have taken some time off from the real world at that time. 

chasingroygbiv

Take time for yourself and don’t stretch yourself too thin for the next several weeks. Your heart needs time. No one knows how much time, and maybe there will never be enough time. Don’t rush, take that day off. Be with DH. Maybe do something in memory if it feels right to do that day. Plant a tree, make a special picture frame, visit  a zoo, walk through a park, heck— eat junk food and watch Netflix! The tough thing about grief is there’s no book of “how to get through it.” We just do our best to keep on going for the reasons left behind here on Earth.  @senora76

syssa-o

I have my fetal echo in 2.5 hours. I am on edge right now and can't even think straight. My rational side says that the hearts will be okay. My emotional side says I watched my "perfectly healthy" baby die and anything can happen. I should not have come down alone for this but I guess I thought I was tougher than I am?

justkeeptrying

@syssa-o, I know this doesn't help much. But you aren't alone. We are all there with you cheering you on. Thinking of you! Please keep us posted!

syssa-o

@justkeeptrying thanks! I know a lot of my feelings right now have to do with the fact that I didn't sleep last night so I am running on fumes. They had to take14 vials of blood from me an hour or so ago and I stopped them at 12 because I almost passed out. Today is just wearing on me

mdfarmchick

Thinking of you @syssa-o. Keep us updated please. 

@senora76 Huge hugs. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you are more than strong enough to make it through that day. Remember Mars. Talk about him. Do whatever feels right for you

kalawa

@syssa-o Thinking of you today. Go DT and have a nice meal, in a nice AC'ed restaurant if you can. Do something for you for an hour. 

eller-2

Also thinking of you, @syssa-o.  

And more hugs, @senora76.  I'm sorry it's been tougher than usual with weather changes and significant dates approaching.   

senora76

Thanks to everyone for your support. Really need it now...

@syssa-o thinking of you... I'm praying to Mars for your strength and calm and praying to your Leah that her baby siblings are safe and healthy.  Keep us posted.

chasingroygbiv

Positive vibes your way @syssa-o Update when you’re able! 

syssa-o

Just got in! Legit longest day. The ultrasound took almost an hour to check them both and the girl was stone faced. She left and said the doctor would come talk to me, and the doctor came in and said she wanted to see it herself so she did another 45 mins of ultrasound at this point I was thinking the worst. MY ABDOMEN IS SOOOOORE. that being said, everything is forming appropriately at this point! There are no major structural defects and so we can take a huge breath of relief. We have another one on November 2 that will check all the small details. But for now, it looks good!!

chasingroygbiv

Sooo glad!!! Eat some ice cream and watch Netflix, girl! You deserve it. @syssa-o

SP128

@syssa-o such awesome news. What a relief that must be

senora76

@syssa-o so wonderful!  I've been checking in here all day and was starting to get worried!  I'm so glad everything went well!  They totally beat the crap out of my belly in the NT last week... why do they have to push so hard?!

kalawa

@syssa-o Awesome news! Now go sleep, and eat haha!

bb3vj3n

@syssa-o awesome news!

SoFlaMommie1128

@syssa-o wonderful news!! 

eller-2

@syssa-o, so glad it was a good appointment and babies look perfect!

mdfarmchick

@syssa-o that’s great news!