Once we realized the people a few houses down had a kid near the same age as DS I would pay attention to (creep out my window) when they would normally spend time outside so we could also be outside at that time. I'm sure there are way less creepy ways to make friends, but it was effective! Making mom friends is hard, especially with social anxiety!
Alright..... Im super busy today so I wont be able to defend myself much but here goes....
Also.... I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I realize everyone is different and has their own parenting style. Annnnnnd this will be my first baby, so who knows, I might end up changing my mind in a few years but for now.... here is my UO/FFFC
I think its weird when Moms breastfeed their kids..... not babies... kids. When I see a 3/4 year old running up to their Mom for some boob it weirds me out. I also dont like how pushed breastfeeding is on everyone. Breastfeeding doesnt bother me at all, I will breastfeed but I feel like there are some (not all) women out there that are just trying to push it on everyone. I feel that way about a lot of things, Gays who try to push things down your throat, Christians or other religions (and Im Christian) like I understand everyone has their beliefs and Im happy for that, but it doesnt need to be pushed on people. I hope you guys get what I'm saying. Im not trying to offend, its just my opinion, and like I said, it could change since Im not a Mom yet.
I really want to go to Costco just to get a big bag of MnMs and eat all of them.
STUCK IN BOX!!
DH and I have been staring at those bags the last few times at Costco and last time I almost caved!! Now I most definitely will. Bring me all the candy and ice cream to boot! I have the worst eating habits right now.
@livingoffpbjs I also agree that breastfeeding kids is weird. That said, I wouldn't be above sneaking breast milk to my toddler in a sippy cup if they were sick, etc and I had a nursing baby. It's the actual nursing part that's weird after a certain age.
As to the rest...I am very much a keep-to-myself, live-and-let-live sort of person. You do you, let me do me. I don't care what goes on in your house, who you marry, or anything like that unless children are being hurt/neglected/abused.
I really want to go to Costco just to get a big bag of MnMs and eat all of them.
STUCK IN BOX!!
DH and I have been staring at those bags the last few times at Costco and last time I almost caved!! Now I most definitely will. Bring me all the candy and ice cream to boot! I have the worst eating habits right now.
Lol! My DH would definitely give me the side eye if I brought those home. He doesn't ever understand my sweet tooth.
@livingoffpbjs - I actually agree on the breastfeeding front. I don't even want to breastfeed although I will try it. I don't care when moms breastfeed in public and I do think they should be able to but I have a lot of friends who are super passionate on the subject and don't seem to realize that not everyone wants to breastfeed in public. They just assume since it's something they are passionate about, all other moms should be, too. I am personally just uncomfortable with it for myself. I know a baby needs to eat when it needs to eat but I would be uncomfortable popping my boob out to feed in public. I also get weirded out by extended breastfeeding. I'm in the same boat as you where I'm a FTM so yeah, I could change my opinion on that but right now this is how I feel. I know others feel differently and that's fine but these days it almost feels like if you choose not to breastfeed or you wear a cover or choose not to feed in public, you're the enemy or a bad parent and that's not okay.
I don't see anything wrong with extended breastfeeding. I wish I could have nursed DS longer. However, I do understand why people find it uncomfortable as our culture has made breasts pretty much exclusively sexual objects, but spoiler alert they're for feeding your kids! But I'm 100% on do what is best for you and your family, and breastfeeding/ extended breastfeeding doesn't fit into that equation for everyone.
I'm with @livingoffpbjs - I think breastfeeding after a certain age is weird.. I also will not just be whipping out my boobs in public to feed my twins. I'm very modest and will be covering up... I don't even think I'll be comfortable doing it in my own house if my mother or in laws are there... forget about if my dad is there. Aint happenin' - I'll take the babies to the nursery and feed them there. I know my mom will try to just walk in but I'm just not okay with that...again, being said prior to having them so ask me in about 6 months how/if this thought has changed
Also, I don't like the whole "YOU MUST BREASTFEED YOUR CHILD" you know what, if I can't, I can't - if I can, I will... as long as my child is getting fed and growing, I think that's what matters most.
Well since BF was brought up, I have never tried to breastfeed because I simply didn't want to. I went straight to formula with both of my kids and will with #3. I am all for breast feeding if that's what you want to do but I agree that if you're child is unbuttoning your shirt and pulling out your boob, it's time to stop.
DD1: 2/28/12 DD2: 9/12/13 Baby #3: Due January 2018
@mudge85 girllll yes with the whole YOU MUST BREASTFEED YOUR CHILD issue. I struggled, and had so much guilt when we couldn't get it to work. And yes, I admit that I gave up and in too early, at 2 weeks with pumping, but mentally I couldn't do it. Pre-pregnancy I have been diagnosed with depression, so I was already really concerned about how I would do after the baby was out, and man... feeling like a shitty mom because I couldn't mentally hack it, sucked. This time I'm trying to prepare as much as I can for it, but if it doesn't happen, and we don't connect, thats ok. DS and I have a great connection even if he wasn't BF.
I get why some women do extended breastfeeding, but i'm pretty sure that it's not for me. For some reason (and this might be naive or stupid to say) I feel like it would be a bit awkward once the kid has a full set of teeth to still be running to the boob. I'm also going to be a FTM so my opinion may change also. Since I'm having twins, right now i think my plan is to pump for the most part (and supplement with formula is needed).
Also, when i think of extended breastfeeding, now all i can think of is that boy Robin on Game of Thrones that was still on the boob when he was like, 8 or 9?
With others on the pressure to breastfeed. I did it and really loved it, but the first couple weeks were horrible. I had a nurse make me feel like crap for giving DD formula because she wouldn't latch. Thank God for lactation consultants, that's all I'll say!! The one I saw was super understanding and didn't make me feel like less of a mom for supplementing. That said, it's not for everyone and fed really is best, no matter how it happens!
Mine is inspired by the UO thread and the birth control topic- I waited until marriage to have sex with my H. It's something that was really important to both of us and our religious beliefs, and I wouldn't have had it any other way!
Well damn, I really thought I was going to get a lot of flack for this. Happy I havent though ;P
and yesssssssssssss @caseyw8784 thats what i see when I see grown kids being breastfed.
also agree its the actual breastfeeding at the older ages that weird, not that they are drinking breast milk. My plan for now is to breastfeed but at a certain age I think Ill pump and then do bottles.
I never even thought about the fact that I might not be able to, honestly dont want to have to pay for formula lol
FFFC: I'm still breastfeeding my daughter, who will be 3 next month. She asks for it once a day or so, usually in the morning. She stopped nursing in public on her own about a year ago.
Edit it to add that if she wanted to nurse in public I would let her, she just became more private I guess? about it as she got older and only asks for it at home when we are cuddling, watching tv etc.
I think breastfeeding at all is weird. I'm totally going to do it and don't feel judgy about it, but I personally have gotten a lot of sexual pleasure from my breasts over the years and now having another human regularly sucking on them is definitely something I'm going to have to get used to.
As for my FFFC: I have wiped back to front my entire life and realized this week that I'm going to have to change that. I basically can't reach far enough anymore.
@caeilievalor Nooooooooooooooooooooooo never back to front!!!! lol I actually feel like im having problems front to back and it would be easier the other way around. ugh pregnancy is hot lol
Also, I really dont have any feeling in my nipples, but I can see that if I did how I might think that would be weird. Im sure it wont be though
(Edited to add: I do agreed with @missblaze that it's... not a very good way to phrase that in general. Outside of the giggling I got from the phrasing, I don't know that I've ever met a gay person who tried to convert me to their way of life.)
Also, I think age of breastfeeding and breastfeeding promotion tactics (many of which are emotionally manipulative and based on shaky af science) are two entirely different topics. Like, my son was almost three when he weaned on his own. I would have liked it sooner, personally, but he was where we was.
I think every family needs to individually decide what infant feeding will look like for them and what best meets the needs of both the parents and the child.
I don't see anything wrong with extended breastfeeding. I wish I could have nursed DS longer. However, I do understand why people find it uncomfortable as our culture has made breasts pretty much exclusively sexual objects, but spoiler alert they're for feeding your kids! But I'm 100% on do what is best for you and your family, and breastfeeding/ extended breastfeeding doesn't fit into that equation for everyone.
Also, yes, this. My breasts are absolutely, 100% sexual objects for me -- but that doesn't make the act of breastfeeding a sexual act. The discomfort a lot of people seem to feel about it is entirely related to the dissonance of having put the two things in different categories: a child (non-sexual) at a nipple (sexual).
@caeilievalor I honestly think that I'm not going to enjoy breastfeeding at all. I'm gonna do my best, but there is a lot more that is way more important to me than that. Even though it is awesome for babies, I have made it very clear to DH that if it is impacting my mental health, I will choose my mental health over breastfeeding.
@missblaze I didnt mean it literally lol. I meant with anything. Thats why I also said " Gays who try to push things down your throat, Christians or other religions", they were just examples. Im sure theres a way I could word it better but I didnt mean just gays in that sense. Any type of lifestyle that is pushed down someones throat. And i wont get into it but if you knew my lifestyle you would know I dont mean anything badly about gays or anyone's sexual orientation ;P
I think breastfeeding at all is weird. I'm totally going to do it and don't feel judgy about it, but I personally have gotten a lot of sexual pleasure from my breasts over the years and now having another human regularly sucking on them is definitely something I'm going to have to get used to.
I was worried about that as well, when my son was born -- and it honestly doesn't really tend to overlap too much. Once in a while there was a funny sensation if he hit a spot (and I do know that some women have more trouble with it than others), but generally the two sensations were rather different.
That said, I did come out of breastfeeding with less sensitive nipples. That's been a bummer.
(I swear, I am actually sorry for the rapid succession of posts. I read, comment, then keep reading. >_>;)
@missblaze yeah that part really threw me but I wanted to chime in on the BF discussion so I ignored it. On another day I probably would have addressed it but I posted right before leaving to run a bunch of errands and didn't want to be away if I needed to argue so I'm glad you called it out
@gusgus14 Yeah, I had to. I'm totally down with confessing that statements like that really piss me off. (Doesn't make me dislike you as a person, @livingoffpbjs. I just can't stand that POV.)
I have a lot of thoughts on this stuff (and there was a LOT going on in that post! Love.)
1) Living in Europe made me so much more open about my body. I think our socialization is more powerful than we can even begin to understand. I thought I'd be uncomfortable being nude, breastfeeding, etc. when I was younger and looking into the future but I totally understand that for me, NOW, (I hope) I won't be afraid to breastfeed wherever convenient. I'll feel shy around my mom and dad, but more out of their discomfort than anything else. When it comes to strangers, I just lost all energy for personally caring after living abroad, though I do still see myself wanting to limit others' discomfort. I've heard a lot of women say they went through this change after giving birth, too (the "IDGAF" attitude after witnessing how amazing our bodies are).
2) Penises also have sexual and non-sexual functions, and nobody seems to have trouble confusing those --> why is it so hard for us and what does that say about how women are perceived/valued?
3) I also don't like when people push lifestyles on me/others bc I think it's completely ineffective. But, I have to admit that I'm pretty verbal when people are openly racist or discriminatory. I admit it - I'm close-minded towards people who choose to be ignorant. I think it's one thing if someone was never exposed to open-minded ways of thinking and is willing to learn, but I have a really hard time being around people who are downright discriminatory. I don't necessarily try to push my ways of thinking in those cases because I know I may not be impactful, but I won't stay silent. To be fair, I think that is a form of pushing my beliefs on people. That said, I also pick and choose my battles.
4) I think there are some things we don't "know" until we have kids, and some things we do. I 100% know that I will not continue BFing once my child has teeth. I'm personally not excited to BF but I want to try my best, like many of you - maybe I'll love it. That said, my top parenting value (at this time) is that the best outcomes for me and LO will be related to limiting the primary caregiver's stress/anxiety - so if I'm more stressed BFing, I'll stop. If I'm more stressed by giving up, I'll keep going. I don't want to pressure myself in any way, shape, or form, because I want to feel "good enough" and competent as much as possible so I can limit transmitting my anxious tendencies to my LO.
2) Penises also have sexual and non-sexual functions, and nobody seems to have trouble confusing those --> why is it so hard for us and what does that say about how women are perceived/valued?
I've got a hunch...
Though I don't think penises > breasts is quite the right equivalency? I know a lot of people will falsely equate peeing in public to breastfeeding in public ("it's a natural bodily function, riiight?" these sorts of people say) so its one that's drawn at times.
I think it's a better analogy just so say: dude nipples are blase, and no one bats at eye at them. But holy shit, a woman's nipple is VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS OH NO THINK OF THE CHILDREN. THINK OF THE POOR MEN WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.
I do agree with the pressure and everyone needs to breastfeed thing. One of my friends couldn't get her daughter to latch probably and this lactation consultant she was seeing was very against supplementing with formula. My poor friend fed her LO through this crazy dropper thing for weeks. Fed is best and mommies mental health should be a top priority and sadly it's not.
Non BF confession. I've spent at least an hour in the bath every night all week. One day i told hubby I was going to wash the dog (she needed it) but I gave way to temptation and soaked me instead. Houses without bathtubs should be illegal...
@auntieraindrop funny you say that! My camper house does not and I haaaate it. So does DH. He could really use a good hot soak for his muscles right now and can't. And we have a 10 gallon water heater so no long hot shower either!
In other news I may or may not have consumed half this bag of mini MnMs today...
My thoughts on the Bf part of the discussion-I did bf DS until I had to quit at 1 year (I needed antibiotics for an illness). I also did the public thing more as DS got older and I stopped giving a shit. Having a baby took a lot of my modesty away. Just because I got comfortable with bf in public, does not mean that everyone else is comfortable with it, which was probably the only thing that kept me from feeling totally free about it. I always worried in the back of my mind that someone would shame me for it. Have your comebacks ready ladies if you plan to whip it out wherever/whenever. My interaction with the public while breastfeeding was mostly positive and sometimes a little weird. Some situations though, duty calls and mama instinct says baby basic needs are greater than someone else's opinion. I have a hard time with the older kids nursing as well and my opinion is based on teeth. DS started biting around when we quit. I wanted to nurse longer but didn't know if I could go on with the random times he would bite for fun. I would like to have gone until DS was 2 though.
To me a full set of chompers means that you are ready for "big kid" food and no longer need breast milk. It's how animals of all sorts wean their offspring. They bite, mom stops staying still for feeding time. I think extended breastfeeding is more for comfort sake (both mom and child) than nourishment.
To the "pushing a lifestyle" comment...I get annoyed when people focus solely on one aspect of who they are, no matter what it is (unless you are an animal lover, then gimmie ALL the animal pics!) I have friends that post Praise Jesus/Amen/he is risen/stuff and also people who post This is the Gay pride parade I went to/ gay support bracelet I bought/ article on homosexuality in nature article I read..EVERY SINGLE DAY...MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.... can you please tell me your favorite color, or what you ate for lunch? Just something else about you than what you talk about non-stop?
I was not ready for public breast feeding last go round. I made DH take me to the mall and breastfed there (with cover) before he went back to work. I was scared I would never leave the house if I didn't start. I cried. BUT I got over it, I could breastfeed and push a cart and just go about life and feel in love. I am conservative and never felt comfortable not using a cover.
As for teeth, DD's started coming in at 3 months and by 6-7 months she had almost a full set. We stopped breastfeeding at 5-6 months due yo supply issues but it caused me to spiral into depression because I wasn't ready, I was just tired and frustrated.
As for the lifestyle, I just prefer a people first language. I would never say an autistic child, aphasic patient, gay person, vegan person, etc. Instead, I say a child with autism, a patient with a aphasia, my friend that is gay, my friend who is a vegan, etc. I think this promotes understanding that this is just one part of a much bigger person. I know everyone does not feel the same.
As for the lifestyle, I just prefer a people first language. I would never say an autistic child, aphasic patient, gay person, vegan person, etc. Instead, I say a child with autism, a patient with a aphasia, my friend that is gay, my friend who is a vegan, etc. I think this promotes understanding that this is just one part of a much bigger person. I know everyone does not feel the same.
This is how I feel. As a yankee now living in the south I *constantly* find myself asking my husband "Why does it matter that it was a black guy???" I mean unless your descriptor of a person is highly pertinent to the conversation, why use it? If you're telling me about how your neighbor is a jerk because they let their dog go to the bathroom on your lawn, why do I need to know that they live with autism/that they're gay/that they're Asian?
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Re: FFFC
@maueraa07 good for you! And you're right it is hard
Also.... I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I realize everyone is different and has their own parenting style. Annnnnnd this will be my first baby, so who knows, I might end up changing my mind in a few years but for now.... here is my UO/FFFC
I think its weird when Moms breastfeed their kids..... not babies... kids. When I see a 3/4 year old running up to their Mom for some boob it weirds me out. I also dont like how pushed breastfeeding is on everyone. Breastfeeding doesnt bother me at all, I will breastfeed but I feel like there are some (not all) women out there that are just trying to push it on everyone. I feel that way about a lot of things, Gays who try to push things down your throat, Christians or other religions (and Im Christian) like I understand everyone has their beliefs and Im happy for that, but it doesnt need to be pushed on people. I hope you guys get what I'm saying. Im not trying to offend, its just my opinion, and like I said, it could change since Im not a Mom yet.
As to the rest...I am very much a keep-to-myself, live-and-let-live sort of person. You do you, let me do me. I don't care what goes on in your house, who you marry, or anything like that unless children are being hurt/neglected/abused.
I'm with @livingoffpbjs - I think breastfeeding after a certain age is weird.. I also will not just be whipping out my boobs in public to feed my twins. I'm very modest and will be covering up... I don't even think I'll be comfortable doing it in my own house if my mother or in laws are there... forget about if my dad is there. Aint happenin' - I'll take the babies to the nursery and feed them there. I know my mom will try to just walk in but I'm just not okay with that...again, being said prior to having them so ask me in about 6 months how/if this thought has changed
Also, I don't like the whole "YOU MUST BREASTFEED YOUR CHILD" you know what, if I can't, I can't - if I can, I will... as long as my child is getting fed and growing, I think that's what matters most.
DD2: 9/12/13
Baby #3: Due January 2018
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Also, when i think of extended breastfeeding, now all i can think of is that boy Robin on Game of Thrones that was still on the boob when he was like, 8 or 9?
and yesssssssssssss @caseyw8784 thats what i see when I see grown kids being breastfed.
also agree its the actual breastfeeding at the older ages that weird, not that they are drinking breast milk. My plan for now is to breastfeed but at a certain age I think Ill pump and then do bottles.
I never even thought about the fact that I might not be able to, honestly dont want to have to pay for formula lol
Edit it to add that if she wanted to nurse in public I would let her, she just became more private I guess? about it as she got older and only asks for it at home when we are cuddling, watching tv etc.
As for my FFFC: I have wiped back to front my entire life and realized this week that I'm going to have to change that. I basically can't reach far enough anymore.
Also, I really dont have any feeling in my nipples, but I can see that if I did how I might think that would be weird. Im sure it wont be though
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(Edited to add: I do agreed with @missblaze that it's... not a very good way to phrase that in general. Outside of the giggling I got from the phrasing, I don't know that I've ever met a gay person who tried to convert me to their way of life.)
Also, I think age of breastfeeding and breastfeeding promotion tactics (many of which are emotionally manipulative and based on shaky af science) are two entirely different topics. Like, my son was almost three when he weaned on his own. I would have liked it sooner, personally, but he was where we was.
I think every family needs to individually decide what infant feeding will look like for them and what best meets the needs of both the parents and the child.
Reality is more muddled than that.
I was worried about that as well, when my son was born -- and it honestly doesn't really tend to overlap too much. Once in a while there was a funny sensation if he hit a spot (and I do know that some women have more trouble with it than others), but generally the two sensations were rather different.
That said, I did come out of breastfeeding with less sensitive nipples. That's been a bummer.
(I swear, I am actually sorry for the rapid succession of posts. I read, comment, then keep reading. >_>;)
I use Hypnobabies! http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies!
EDD: 1/6/2018
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EDD: 1/6/2018
Eva Jane: 7/23/2014
1) Living in Europe made me so much more open about my body. I think our socialization is more powerful than we can even begin to understand. I thought I'd be uncomfortable being nude, breastfeeding, etc. when I was younger and looking into the future but I totally understand that for me, NOW, (I hope) I won't be afraid to breastfeed wherever convenient. I'll feel shy around my mom and dad, but more out of their discomfort than anything else. When it comes to strangers, I just lost all energy for personally caring after living abroad, though I do still see myself wanting to limit others' discomfort. I've heard a lot of women say they went through this change after giving birth, too (the "IDGAF" attitude after witnessing how amazing our bodies are).
2) Penises also have sexual and non-sexual functions, and nobody seems to have trouble confusing those --> why is it so hard for us and what does that say about how women are perceived/valued?
3) I also don't like when people push lifestyles on me/others bc I think it's completely ineffective. But, I have to admit that I'm pretty verbal when people are openly racist or discriminatory. I admit it - I'm close-minded towards people who choose to be ignorant. I think it's one thing if someone was never exposed to open-minded ways of thinking and is willing to learn, but I have a really hard time being around people who are downright discriminatory. I don't necessarily try to push my ways of thinking in those cases because I know I may not be impactful, but I won't stay silent. To be fair, I think that is a form of pushing my beliefs on people. That said, I also pick and choose my battles.
4) I think there are some things we don't "know" until we have kids, and some things we do. I 100% know that I will not continue BFing once my child has teeth. I'm personally not excited to BF but I want to try my best, like many of you - maybe I'll love it. That said, my top parenting value (at this time) is that the best outcomes for me and LO will be related to limiting the primary caregiver's stress/anxiety - so if I'm more stressed BFing, I'll stop. If I'm more stressed by giving up, I'll keep going. I don't want to pressure myself in any way, shape, or form, because I want to feel "good enough" and competent as much as possible so I can limit transmitting my anxious tendencies to my LO.
Live and let live.
Though I don't think penises > breasts is quite the right equivalency? I know a lot of people will falsely equate peeing in public to breastfeeding in public ("it's a natural bodily function, riiight?" these sorts of people say) so its one that's drawn at times.
I think it's a better analogy just so say: dude nipples are blase, and no one bats at eye at them. But holy shit, a woman's nipple is VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS OH NO THINK OF THE CHILDREN. THINK OF THE POOR MEN WHO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.
Fed is best and mommies mental health should be a top priority and sadly it's not.
In other news I may or may not have consumed half this bag of mini MnMs today...
I have a hard time with the older kids nursing as well and my opinion is based on teeth. DS started biting around when we quit. I wanted to nurse longer but didn't know if I could go on with the random times he would bite for fun. I would like to have gone until DS was 2 though.
I think extended breastfeeding is more for comfort sake (both mom and child) than nourishment.
To the "pushing a lifestyle" comment...I get annoyed when people focus solely on one aspect of who they are, no matter what it is (unless you are an animal lover, then gimmie ALL the animal pics!) I have friends that post Praise Jesus/Amen/he is risen/stuff and also people who post This is the Gay pride parade I went to/ gay support bracelet I bought/ article on homosexuality in nature article I read..EVERY SINGLE DAY...MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.... can you please tell me your favorite color, or what you ate for lunch? Just something else about you than what you talk about non-stop?
As for teeth, DD's started coming in at 3 months and by 6-7 months she had almost a full set. We stopped breastfeeding at 5-6 months due yo
supply issues but it caused me to spiral into depression because I wasn't ready, I was just tired and frustrated.
As for the lifestyle, I just prefer a people first language. I would never say an autistic child, aphasic patient, gay person, vegan person, etc. Instead, I say a child with autism, a patient with a aphasia, my friend that is gay, my friend who is a vegan, etc. I think this promotes understanding that this is just one part of a much bigger person. I know everyone does not feel the same.