PGAL tw *final update

Jyoung327 · September 2017

Why can't it ever be easy? I know for some people it is and some people it is not and I'm one of the latter.

Went for a 2 week followup ultrasound today. At my 1st one I should have been 6 weeks and measured 5w3d. I expected to be measuring 7 something with a definite hb today, instead measured 6w1d (although by lmp should be 8w). There was growth over the 2 weeks from just a sac to now a fetal pole, just no heartbeat. She said if it's really just 6w1d then it's normal to not see the hb, but with all the other info it becomes more abnormal. They drew my blood to check my hcg and see if, maybe, I'm just on the slower end of all the possible dates and this is still viable. I should know by tomorrow if my doctor thinks there is hope, or, if not, what my course or action would be.

I let myself get optimistic because I've been feeling so sick. Also so bloated. I've had no bleeding. Then again, with my first mc my body took four weeks to begin showing signs the baby had passed. I'm just lost. This was a bonus pregnancy in that I was supposed to start my fertility meds the beginning of the cycle that I got my bfp. So now it's 1, maybe 2 miscarriages, and 1 ectopic and 1 lost tube, and one beautiful miracle boy. I am trying to be grateful for him. He's all I need but I wanted more. I forgot how little control there is in all of this. And so much of it is just me waiting. I always feel like my body never works right and I just wanted it to be easy for once.

So I'm in limbo, maybe I'm miscarrying and maybe I'm not, but the wind is definitely out of my sails. I wish I could say I would be staying off these boards for a while to deal but it's a sick obsession of mine. So, in the meantime if praying is your kind of thing, please send some my way.

sparklingdiamond · September 2017

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I really hope you get some answers soon. Do you know your ovulation date? If so that is more reliable than LMP. Maybe you just ovulated later?

Jyoung327 · September 2017

sparklingdiamond said:

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I really hope you get some answers soon. Do you know your ovulation date? If so that is more reliable than LMP. Maybe you just ovulated later?

I do know, it was CD 18 which really only pushes it a couple days. I'm hopeful that conception was just later, but I got my bfps really early so it wouldn't make sense if that was the case

ngolimento · September 2017

I am really sorry you are going through this. Limbo is so agonizing. FX that your betas look good, and maybe it was just a bum ultrasound.

okayrunner · September 2017

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you get some clarity soon. Sending positive thoughts your way.

sapphires-and-diamonds · September 2017

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. The unknown is miserable, but I hope you can find distraction while you wait for answers. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.

hedgepig · September 2017

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this BS.

StephieMK · September 2017

I'm so sorry you're in limbo. T&Ps your way!

beach_mama · September 2017

I'll be thinking of you dear. I hope you get positive news tomorrow.

ladythrice · September 2017

Thinking of you and sending prayers ❤

saralee797-2 · September 2017

Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers!

irenejean · September 2017

So sorry you're going through this!

mikkimikey · September 2017

I'm so sorry you are going through this ((hugs))

rbbabe2b · September 2017

Oh no! The waiting is so awful. I really hope everything works out. Sending positive thoughts and looking forward to seeing some good news!

whatabout2ndbreakfast · September 2017

Thinking of you. So sorry that you are dealing with this

lesliegolem · September 2017

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Prayers and positive thoughts sent your way.

Jyoung327 · September 2017

Thanks ladies. It seems like waiting for doctors to call takes an eternity

stalkinghorse · September 2017

oh my goodness, I am so sorry. The not knowing is so hard, so scary. And you have already been through so much. Of course it's wonderful you have a baby, but how could you not be hopeful for a second. I am praying there is a reason for this mystery and that you know it very soon. You are in all our thoughts. Whatever happens, please show yourself some tender loving kindness, you need nurturing after all your challenges.

rklinge0 · September 2017

So sorry. The limbo was the worst. Thinking of you.

angiek1 · September 2017

I am terribly sorry for the pain you are going through. Prayers that you get positive news tomorrow

maureenmce · September 2017

@Jyoung327 I'm so sorry and I'm hoping for the best for you and sending prayers your way. I'm in limbo myself for similar reasons and have been for about a week and a half and it's the WORST. I really hope you get good news and soon.

Jyoung327 · September 2017

maureenmce said:

@Jyoung327 I'm so sorry and I'm hoping for the best for you and sending prayers your way. I'm in limbo myself for similar reasons and have been for about a week and a half and it's the WORST. I really hope you get good news and soon.

I hope you get better news than me @maureenmce the limbo is awful. Hoping you get a growth spurt.

Jyoung327 · September 2017

Update: finally got a call back from the doctor office. I was told id get a call yesterday morning so the fact I had to call twice and wait for simple bloodwork is very frustrating. My doctor thinks this is "early fetal Demise" as my hcg was 44,000 which I guess is not good for this stage. I have an ultrasound next week Thursday to confirm. Joy. My 5th ultrasound in one month of pregnancy. I've already met my Insurance deductible for this year from an ER visit so I was thinking I would do a d&c this time. I was scheduled for one with my first mmc but the night before it happened naturally, which was agonizingly painful especially cuz I had no idea it was happening

Mentally I'm not sure I could go through the natural passing again....anyone have pros and cons of doing cytotech with pain meds vs d&c? Both are foreign to me. I was hoping with a d&c my cycle would come back sooner and I could jump on the fertility med wagon and higher monitoring quicker. Also waa considering genetic testing if I did a d&c, do they do that automatically does anyone know, or do I have to specifically request a service?

Mentally i just know it's over so I'm just wanting it to be done. I hate this part.

sparklingdiamond · September 2017

I am so sorry to hear this update. Can they not fit you in for an u/s sooner?

beach_mama · September 2017

my heart breaks for you. I have no experiences to share but lots of love to give.

ngolimento · September 2017

I am so deeply sorry. I felt the same way you do and did a D&C with my first loss. At that time they did not automatically do a DNA test, but it was a long time ago.

linds0503 · September 2017

I am so sorry. I only used misoprostol/cytotec, and it worked as it was supposed to. But these are what I understand to be the pros and cons. Misoprostol pros: if it works it happens quickly and you get to decide when and where you are going to miscarry, it is cheap, and there is no risk of urine scarring Cons: painful, doesn't work for all pregnancies, sometimes incomplete, you have to deal with seeing the remnants. I feel like for me it was about an 8hr process of painful contractions, but I had been told to take it at night, which was ridiculous as I got no sleep. I have heard from a lot of women that they were pleased with their d&c, especially in regards to not feeling pain or seeing the remnants. Pros: everything over quick and relatively painlessly Cons: risk of urine scarring.

linds0503 · September 2017

Sorry for a double reply. As far as your cycle coming back, I don't think one method is better than another as long as everything is gone. I had a follow ultrasound to the cytotec to make sure everything was gone. Everybody's body is different in how long they take to get back to normal.

As far as genetic testing, my RE offered it with the cytotec. I would have had to collect the sample myself however. I chose not to because ours was a blighted ovum, and only our first miscarriage.

maureenmce · September 2017

@Jyoung327 I'm so, so sorry to hear this update. I don't have experience with either, but my doctor told me to think about the options in advance of my follow up viability appointment Monday, and if we get bad news, I'm leaning toward D and C. Like you, I'm thinking it would mean everything will just be over with quickly and we can return to TTC again sooner. (I'm just worried with the medication option there may be remnants and I just want to know it'll be absolutely over and done.) Again, I'm so sorry and I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way as you go through this.

itsrandiyo · September 2017

Sorry to hear that update. Mine happened naturally so no advise there, just sorry for your news.

okayrunner · September 2017

I'm so very sorry to hear this news. Thoughts and prayers.

saralee797-2 · September 2017

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

cards10 · September 2017

@Jyoung327 I'm so sorry you are going through this.

*TW* My first MC was a MMC. I was supposed to be 10w but found out at our first u/s that baby was only measuring 5w. I was definitely not expecting that and like most people was just ignorant to pregnancy losses. I had no idea what this meant or what the next step was. I chose to do cytotec thinking it would be less traumatic than going in for a procedure I knew very little about. But I have also heard positive feedback about others having D&Cs so I know that's not everyone's feeling of it.

*TW* Pros: I chose to use the meds on a Friday evening (happened to be the day I got the Rx) so it happened mostly Saturday I had the weekend to recover with MH being home with me (more emotional need than physical); I was early enough that there was no trauma of seeing remains; I don't remember having to take pain meds, maybe some Tylenol.
Cons: there was cramping and passing blood clots. Not too painful but it was just a day-long reminder of what was happening and it was sad.

I wish no one ever had to go through this! Make sure you talk to your dr about your options and maybe they can help you alleviate concerns. Also, talk to your family and friends who will help you if you need more support. Wish you the best in this extremely tough time.

bossmom11 · September 2017

@jyoung327 I am so sorry to hear this. I don't have any experience to share. Thinking of you!

stalkinghorse · September 2017

I am so so sorry to hear of this. Especially the long delays.

I tried first with the cytotec and had to come to the doctors office three times before we decided I needed a D&C. That was over ten days. Unfortunately, I had to go back to work right after so no anesthesia for the D&C which was just awful.

I highly recommend doing a D&C with proper anesthesia. It will force you to go home and grieve and heal in peace. I much preferred it to the waiting and not knowing of the cytotec. And once it was over, I felt like I was much more on the path of trying to conceive again.

One word of advice is to try to help guide your spouse a bit ahead of time with very specific things he or she can do to help comfort you. it's really important for your body and spirits that you take the best possible care of yourself.

Jyoung327 · September 2017

@stalkinghorse thank you for the advice! My first I passed the whole sac intact with no meds but I understand that's not always the case and so I worry that id have an experience like you where I would still need medical assistance and essentially have to go through it multiple times. That's what has me leaning toward the d&c, although there I worry about scarring because idk what my scarring is like already from having a tube removed. Sigh. I did have a hsg after my tube was removed and things were clear. It's so shitty having to look at my calendar and think hmm when's a good day to schedule this experience? Thanks for the kind words- dh is experienced here and knows how to roll with the emotions

stalkinghorse · September 2017

@Jyoung327 NO ONE should have to look at a calendar and plan this. It's just an awful thing to have to look at. I was really worried about the scarring as well and I basically had to pry the risks out of my dickhead doctor (since replaced). Does your doctor have a strong opinion one way or the other? Gosh, I am so sorry either way. You have clearly already been through so much and it's just so many things to give yourself anxiety over. Please take good care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jyoung327 · September 2017

Not to keep dragging this issue through the mud but it is my life as of late so, had my final ultrasound this morning which confirmed baby did not grow since last week and still no heartbeat. Scheduled for a D&C tomorrow. I will miss this board, I was so excited to be here, but I hope you all have very healthy and stress-free pregnancies and all the best come April.