How can we maintain a pleasant BMB environment?

FrancisD. · September 2017

I've seen a few people on our board mention that they miss the 'old' 'snarky' days of the Bump, before all the new moderation happened. I remember those days as times when if anyone said anything slightly weird, or asked an obvious question, or disagreed with a popular member, whole cliques of people would swarm the thread and post belittling GIFs, calling the OP names and then following them to any new comments they might make. This is bullying, and pregnant women don't need it in their lives. It makes groups laugh, but individuals cry. I want to ask the question, so that those who don't like to overtly comment can be heard: What kind of BMB do you want? Do you want it to feel safe and nice, or do you want to attack anyone who sees things differently than you?

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

There is a difference in attacking and telling someone they are wrong. It's not bullying to point out facts and post a gif.

charlestonchew · September 2017

I find this post/poll very odd. Am I the only one?

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

charlestonchew said:

I find this post/poll very odd. Am I the only one?

Have you read the randoms thread? I'm sure that is where this is coming from.

mileswithmyles · September 2017

That was my thought, @sparkymcgeee

TBH, our BMB has been pretty tame so far and the back and forth in the randoms thread is nothing compared to what I've seen in the past on BMBs or even on TTGP.

charlestonchew · September 2017

@sparkymcgeee yeah I saw some of that. This post just seems...unnecessary and kind of whiny.

FrancisD. · September 2017

@sparkymcgeee That would be true if these were, indeed, incontrovertible facts - and if the GIF was an informative GIF describing a scientific argument. Unfortunately, it is bullying when the dispute is a matter of opinion, or when the majority is misinformed, or when the GIF is merely a sort of 'eye-rolling' GIF.

ivyvines6 · September 2017

While I can appreciate your efforts here, you can't control what other people post.

charlestonchew · September 2017

@FrancisD. I think this post is going to cause more drama than eliminate it.

mileswithmyles · September 2017

I think the term "bullying" is being used inappropriately here. While what comments were made might have hurt your feelings and you disagree with them, @FrancisD. I don't think it falls under that category.

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

charlestonchew said:

@FrancisD. I think this post is going to cause more drama than eliminate it.

Yep this because feeling your baby take practice breaths is not a matter of opinion. It's science. Show me any doctor that says it's remotely possible and I'll reconsider.

Poppy0419 · September 2017

I don't think you would like me in real life. I'm not here for the unicorns and rainbows. I want y'all to tell me if I've lost my ever loving mind and am talking crazy. I think if that constitutes bullying, a thicker skin may be in order.

cups4 · September 2017

The gif was supposed to be light hearted and I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings. Joel McHale is funny. I don't appreciate the bullying accusation, especially when the dispute is over scientific facts.

Eta- you also could have responded in the randoms thread instead of this poll

Kennedy0830 · September 2017

Kennedy0830 · September 2017

Considering my last BMB had someone accusing another of physically hurting their child for attention, I think we can all handle gifs where someone disagrees with you? TB without gifs is like nachos without cheese. Also, feel free to disagree. It's cool!

rowboat4 · September 2017

None of these options are "gifs aren't always bullying and intelligent debate/discussion is good for the soul"

sandbar517 · September 2017

FrancisD. said:

@sparkymcgeee That would be true if these were, indeed, incontrovertible facts - and if the GIF was an informative GIF describing a scientific argument. Unfortunately, it is bullying when the dispute is a matter of opinion, or when the majority is misinformed, or when the GIF is merely a sort of 'eye-rolling' GIF.

So you're saying the millions and millions of women who have been pregnant and medical professionals who all know it's EXTREMELY improbable that what these women are feeling are their babies breathing are "uninformed"? Please. If you are seriously this offended over a little eye rolling and the super minor snark that wasn't even directed at you, then this is clearly not the board you will be the most comfortable on during your pregnancy. I think the best answer to your poll would be "the best way to maintain a pleasant board would be to not post immature, passive aggressive polls when someone says something you don't agree with".

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

sandbar517 said:

I think the best answer to your poll would be "the best way to maintain a pleasant board would be to not post immature, passive aggressive polls when someone says something you don't agree with".

lincbeesmom · September 2017

*runs to random thread to see what happened before commenting here*

lincbeesmom · September 2017

Now that I am informed, I honestly think that you, @FrancisD. , managed to come out of that pretty painlessly. If this would have been three years ago, you probably would have been dragged through the coals for trying to make a very serious argument about feeling your baby breathe in the womb. Not saying that it is not your right to argue it, but sometimes you have to pick your battles and let things slide unless you are the one that is trying to start a heated debate about it.

createmagic14 · September 2017

Omg, you thought that (the random) was bullying? Seriously? You actually have no idea the meaning of that word. Suck it up, buttercup.

momo214 · September 2017

Someone should just post a poll on whether or not you could feel baby breathe. You know... just for kicks.

ivyvines6 · September 2017

momo214 said:

Someone should just post a poll on whether or not you could feel baby breathe. You know... just for kicks.

I see what you did there

firefliesandfjords · September 2017

One of the things that launched the growing of a thicker skin for me was when I was being overly dramatic about my wedding on the Knot in 2011, and I was told, complete with classic snark, that I was being ridiculous. Sometimes we all need a reality check. Even more often, people post ridiculous misinformation and people find it imperative to inform others reading the posts of the evidence based truth, and rightly so. Sometimes the misinformation is relatively harmless... But it's still wrong. And sometimes the misinformation is downright dangerous. I don't think someone calling that out is bullying. I would rather have a snarky GIF thrown my way than have smoke blown up a certain orifice if I'm throwing around misinformation, regardless of whether or not it could potentially hurt someone. Why would someone want pats on the back for spreading false info?

TLDR: I miss the snark, people need to relax. Don't post false "facts" if there isn't empirical evidence to back it up, or you'll get called out - LIKE YOU SHOULD.

Poppy0419 · September 2017

Because they finally taught me. This one is for you @FrancisD.

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

Poppy0419 said:

Because they finally taught me. This one is for you @FrancisD.

That's one of my favorites. It was my siggy for a while.

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2017

You can't take gifs away from me. Not even when I'm dead. I will gif from the grave. The ghost of YTIK will be one bitchin gif-er.

Gif said with love.

yesthisiskim0401 · September 2017

As for your issues with "snark". I don't think it's healthy for a bunch of women to bottle up true opinions and feelings. I think the "snark" is being misinterpreted, because I find it to be the natural flow of any group of people.
Asking to remain civil is a novel idea. But asking for only safe and nice, then following it up with such an extreme negative is pretty snarky, yourself, no? Makes it sound like your poll wasn't being asked out of genuine interest, but your own way of being snarky towards a vast majority of women here.

kmalls · September 2017

**lurking from April**

lololol this thread is AMAZING. I've written out like 12 responses to this ridiculousness but I can't even find the right words to express myself. Congrats, @FrancisD., your poll is an absolute passive-aggressive gem.

ivyvines6 · September 2017

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

It certainly seems like she's totally fine giving but just can't take it.

courtinthewebb · September 2017

FrancisD. said:

I've seen a few people on our board mention that they miss the 'old' 'snarky' days of the Bump, before all the new moderation happened. I remember those days as times when if anyone said anything slightly weird, or asked an obvious question, or disagreed with a popular member, whole cliques of people would swarm the thread and post belittling GIFs, calling the OP names and then following them to any new comments they might make. This is bullying, and pregnant women don't need it in their lives. It makes groups laugh, but individuals cry. Do you want it to feel safe and nice, or do you want to attack anyone who sees things differently than you?

I feel like a "safe" environment is not one where a large group of hormonal pregnant women are forced to bottle up their feelings every time they disagree with someone. Bottled up feelings lead to explosions. Explosions of shit. Do you really want shit everywhere? I didn't think so...

cups4 · September 2017

sandbar517 · September 2017

@cups4

rachelg777 · September 2017

Me this morning.

Jlr025 · September 2017

This made my morning. Anyways agree with everyone else if you think that snark was bad enough to create a poll about bullying then the issue lies with you and not the group. Time to get some thicker skin or find your own "safe" board where it's all sunshine and rainbows.

thunderberry · September 2017

What the heck even is this poll?? I hate bullies trolls on the internet as much as the next person but nothing I've seen in this forum has come close to bullying. Except maybe this passive aggressive crap.

SLC1102 · September 2017

finally. Was waiting for some shit like this.

ellelepa · September 2017

Poppy0419 said:

I don't think you would like me in real life. I'm not here for the unicorns and rainbows. I want y'all to tell me if I've lost my ever loving mind and am talking crazy. I think if that constitutes bullying, a thicker skin may be in order.

Side note, I was thinking of Poppy for one of our girls names. Love love love it.

ellelepa · September 2017

This poll is reminiscent of when you go to a website and a popup appears trying to get you to subscribe to something and the choices are:
YES! I want this free way cool product.
I don't like free stuff, I prefer to pay.

sparkymcgeee · September 2017

The best part to me was that she gave horrible horrible options. Essentially the last one came down to "Bullying is my lyfe!" Like at no point was there an option that said, "that didn't seem like bullying" or "thick skin is important".

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