1. I have a dd who turned 2 at the end of May. 2. I originally wanted 3, hubby was on the fence after having dd about another and I hate to admit but when she went in for open heart surgery I said I was done, too. Tw we had a surprise pregnancy last fall and it got me back on board with wanting another but sadly it ended in nmc. End tw If this ends with a live birth,hubby will get a vasectomy. Both of us are on our board with that. 3. My family spacing had more of an effect on how close I wanted kids. I am one of 3 and there is a 5 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. Hubby's side has a 21 year gap between 4 kids. I am a lot closer to my brothers than he is to his siblings. I won after pointing this out.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? Yes 2, 4 yo and 2 yo girls
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? 3. I've always wanted 3. DH wanted 2 but agreed early on to 3 and even moreso now that we have 2 girls. He'd be perfectly happy with another girl, but I know he would really like a boy since he was really involved with boy scouts and such growing up. I'm pretty sure we're having another girl. The pregnancies have been VERY similar and on DH's side of the family in this generation there are so far 6 girls and 0 boys. In his generation there were 7 girls and 2 boys. He's just got girl genes.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? Not really aside from us both wanting to not have only children. We both had one sibling, and we knew we wanted our children to at least have one other to grow up with.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? My husband is also one that has agreed to a vasectomy. This will be my third c-section, so I might've just got a tubal while I'm at it since I'm sure I'm done, but I'm delivering at a catholic hospital, and they won't do them. The only hospitals in network with my insurance right now are actually all catholic hospitals that won't do them... So, DH will get snipped as soon as I'm fully recovered.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? DS is five and DD is two.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding?If all was well and good, I'd have four. But we are financially comfortable with three.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? Absolutely. I'm an only child. I've always daydreamed of having a huge family of my own to celebrate holidays, etc. This is super lame, but I always envision being Diane Keaton's character in The Family Stone, and having this house full of adult kids with their families and quirky dynamics overtake my home.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I have mentioned this before but my MIL is dead set against anyone having more than two children (though, she herself had three. She freely admits her third was a "mistake"). I dread announcing this pregnancy as a result.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? Honestly I am a bit jealous of people who have the mental stamina and finances to have a large family. Just two children in daycare will cost more than our mortgage every month, and I don't even have the choice to not work because my workplace provides our insurance (husband's doesn't). I swear the unless you belong to a religious organization that is willing to help, or are rich, 1 to 2 kids is just all you get, wether you want it or not.
I agree with the daycare costs. We currently pay more for daycare than our mortgage. It's insane. That's why we've spaced our children out 3is years. My DS will be going into Kindergarten and this little nugget will take over his daycare $$. It's insane. I also am the insurance provider, as my husband is an independent contractor. I feel you on this one!
@Dumbgurl04 that's DHs job. We've both discussed and agreed. And frankly? After carrying, birthing, and breastfeeding three kids, his body can handle one damn outpatient procedure. It is mind-blowing to me that women, who are not already going in for a CS, would elect to have their tubes tied.
Exactly. Not to mention the fact that BC has been exclusively my responsibility for as long as I've needed it. 15 years of reversible methods that all come with side effects is enough. Now he can just get one outpatient procedure and be done with it.
Love this thread! It's great reading everyone's responses.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? DS is 2.5 and DD is 10 months.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? Three! This is our last. I'm relieved I can finally say that because I was truly worried I'd never feel "done." After our first and second children I knew immediately that I wanted more, and it weighed on me that we may have to stop having kids when I was still hoping for more. But no. After this not-so-easy first tri I know I am well and truly done.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? No, it was more my relationship with my husband. He's an unbelievable partner and father and I feel confident we can handle more than 1 or 2 kids together. He's great. Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I'm a little bummed that I'm not more excited to announce this time around. My close friends know and they've been awesome, but I'm also anticipating a lot of "AGAIN?" comments when we go public and I really don't want to hear it. The midwife who did our intake appt at the OBs office was surprised to hear this pregnancy was planned, and we heard more than a few "omg you guys are crazy!" comments from the nurses. I'm trying hard not to take it personally, but it does wear on me. We're happy, so everyone else should be, too!
ETA: in regards to birth control after this one, I just started to consider a tubal ligation because I'll be having a repeat c-section. It'll probably come down to what our insurance will make us pay, though. If a tubal isn't feasible then DH will FOR SURE be getting snipped. Like others have said, it's the freaking least he can do.
@kmalls, I don't get why people lose their damn minds about 3+ kids. It's so weird to harrass or slander parents who want that. I mean, I'm pretty sure it isn't for me, but neither is being an astronaut, and I'm not going to harsh on people who do that. Has nothing to do with me.
When I announce on FB, it's going to be less cutesy announcement stuff and more informative. I think I am actually going to do a section to preempt all the obnoxious questions and comments - no this is not a hurricane baby, I was already pregnant and miserable when that craziness went down; no this is not a surprise; yes this is our last LAST baby, etc. I think I would rather do it that way than answer the same annoying questions 800 times when I see my entire extended family at Christmas.
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@ngolimento I feel like, in general, people view pregnant women as fair game when it comes to opinionated comments, and family size fits into that. For example, when I'm pregnant I constantly get comments about my size, the way I'm carrying, questions about breastfeeding, etc -- personal comments that people would never make to anyone that wasn't pregnant. Same with family size. For whatever reason people take it super personally when it has nothing to do with them. Me having 3 kids is not a judgement or commentary on those who have 1 or 2 or 12 (or zero!) so enough with the opinions, already!
When I announce on FB, it's going to be less cutesy announcement stuff and more informative. I think I am actually going to do a section to preempt all the obnoxious questions and comments - no this is not a hurricane baby, I was already pregnant and miserable when that craziness went down; no this is not a surprise; yes this is our last LAST baby, etc. I think I would rather do it that way than answer the same annoying questions 800 times when I see my entire extended family at Christmas.
@lindsye that's actually a great idea. Just nip the questions in the bud before they're asked 4975 times and I break out the snark.
@ngolimento I feel like, in general, people view pregnant women as fair game when it comes to opinionated comments, and family size fits into that. For example, when I'm pregnant I constantly get comments about my size, the way I'm carrying, questions about breastfeeding, etc -- personal comments that people would never make to anyone that wasn't pregnant. Same with family size. For whatever reason people take it super personally when it has nothing to do with them. Me having 3 kids is not a judgement or commentary on those who have 1 or 2 or 12 (or zero!) so enough with the opinions, already!
This is definitely the truth. Not only do they feel they have carte blanche to make comments but even to touch your stomach without asking. And you're right: somehow my family planning choices make people defensive about theirs. A relative of mine who had only one kid actually told me "I guess you're going for quantity over quality" and then laughed. Hilarious, dude.
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@kmalls totally agreed. He went on to say that they tried to have more kids but couldn't, and while I'm obviously very sympathetic to that situation, it's still not fair to take it out on me. Because we've got quality AND quantity. (Trying to type that with a straight face considering the morning we've had, but anyway.)
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1. I have a dd who turned 2 at the end of May. 2. I originally wanted 3, hubby was on the fence after having dd about another and I hate to admit but when she went in for open heart surgery I said I was done, too. Tw we had a surprise pregnancy last fall and it got me back on board with wanting another but sadly it ended in nmc. End tw If this ends with a live birth,hubby will get a vasectomy. Both of us are on our board with that. 3. My family spacing had more of an effect on how close I wanted kids. I am one of 3 and there is a 5 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. Hubby's side has a 21 year gap between 4 kids. I am a lot closer to my brothers than he is to his siblings. I won after pointing this out.
@rklinge0 My baby brother (now 22...) had open heart surgery as a newborn. My mom has always said that if he had been her first instead of her fourth he would have been her only. I can only begin to imagine the stress a parent feels dealing with what you did.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? DS is five and DD is two.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding?If all was well and good, I'd have four. But we are financially comfortable with three.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? Absolutely. I'm an only child. I've always daydreamed of having a huge family of my own to celebrate holidays, etc. This is super lame, but I always envision being Diane Keaton's character in The Family Stone, and having this house full of adult kids with their families and quirky dynamics overtake my home.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I have mentioned this before but my MIL is dead set against anyone having more than two children (though, she herself had three. She freely admits her third was a "mistake"). I dread announcing this pregnancy as a result.
@ngolimento I feel like, in general, people view pregnant women as fair game when it comes to opinionated comments, and family size fits into that. For example, when I'm pregnant I constantly get comments about my size, the way I'm carrying, questions about breastfeeding, etc -- personal comments that people would never make to anyone that wasn't pregnant. Same with family size. For whatever reason people take it super personally when it has nothing to do with them. Me having 3 kids is not a judgement or commentary on those who have 1 or 2 or 12 (or zero!) so enough with the opinions, already!
@kmalls EXACTLY! At what point in my life is it acceptable to freely discuss my boobs, bodily fluid production, my body shape, and how much I weigh?! N.O.N.E. At no point! Not even when I'm pregnant.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? DD is almost 4.5
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? I'm going to say still deciding. This could very well be the last one (only one for SO) but my heart is open and I don't want to truly make a final decision right now.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I have two brothers and honestly can't imagine not having siblings. This coming from the same person who said I was happy with one and done because I truly felt content after DD birth.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I hate the I feel as though finances dictate family size. DD will be 5 (give or take a week) when this LO is born and while it wasn't really planned this way i'm thankful i'll be down to just before and after school costs with her (only maybe a couple months of two in full daycare overlap). I feel like I would definitively want more than just 2 if daycare cost wasn't a factor. Boston area is some of the highest childcare costs and while I know the daycare cost is temporary I feel like having 2 full-time and 1 after school would be impossible. Sigh.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? a two year old son
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? Still deciding. Part of the decision depends on the gender of baby #2. Part of it depends on how we feel with two kids and if we are up to the challenge of more.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I wouldn't say growing up but now I think about it a lot. This is because I might be the only child out of three that has kids. So there is a lot of attention and pressure on us. My parents won't get as many grand kids and we live states away from them. This is the same for my husband's side of the family too. Also, my father is ill with Alzheimer's and it is helpful to have more kids to help support my mom and dad. And for us kids to support each other.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I agree with what others say about childcare costs and cost of living. It's sad that has to be such a big factor when deciding how many kids to have.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? 8 year old son and a 5 year old son
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? This will be our last (famous words, I know) but it took us awhile to get a pregnancy to stick, and our oldest son has major physical special needs, and I know we can't afford, and we can't take care of, anymore. If life waa perfect, I would have 10!
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I don't know, maybe? I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. I guess I don't know any different!
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? Not really. I haven't told anyone who I am not really close with yet. I know I will get some judgement because of the challenges of our oldest son, but I have learned to let that stuff slide off. I can't make everyone happy and I have no desire to tey.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? I have two daughters. 10 and 7.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? We've decided this will be our last. It was definitely a surprise! I'm going to get my tubes tied.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I was an only child and was always content being an only child. But life happened and I love have more than one!
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I love families of all sizes and completely understand why some people want tons and others want one or none!
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? We have two--my daughter is 11 and my son will be eight tomorrow!
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? We were thinking three a long time ago, but it didn't work out (miscarriages) so we had been ok with two. SURPRISE!! Baby #3!!
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I was one of three, my husband was one of two so we were good either way!
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I'm waiting for the "was this one planned??" Which a) yes and no and b) it's none of anyone's business!! But everyone will have their comments and opinions!
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? This will be our first.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? I'm leaning heavily towards one and done but we will see what happens after this one. DH has always pictured 2 I think but is open to an only. Either way, 2 would be our absolute max.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? Wanting just one is more just knowing myself and what I see our life being. I have one sibling and DH is one of 3, which is where the 1-or-2 struggle comes from. We both know the benefits and the drawbacks of siblings.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? So many opinions on family size. I'd say 90% of people I've mentioned having just one to have been all "you CAN'T have just one!! A kid NEEDS a sibling!!!" I've stopped telling people after that. No matter if you have zero or 2 or 10 kids, there's always at least a few someones who feel like they can tell you you're doing it wrong.
Re: the snip/TL, we wouldn't do it after just one unless we had a good amount of time after baby is born to really decide. If we have a second baby and I'm having a section, I'll get my tubes tied. Otherwise DH will be getting a vasectomy, whether he knows it yet or not. I've done all the work of birth control for the past 15 years, I'm not gonna continue with that noise until menopause. Your turn, buddy!
Re: GTKY: What's your ideal family size?
2. I originally wanted 3, hubby was on the fence after having dd about another and I hate to admit but when she went in for open heart surgery I said I was done, too.
Tw we had a surprise pregnancy last fall and it got me back on board with wanting another but sadly it ended in nmc. End tw
If this ends with a live birth,hubby will get a vasectomy. Both of us are on our board with that.
3. My family spacing had more of an effect on how close I wanted kids. I am one of 3 and there is a 5 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. Hubby's side has a 21 year gap between 4 kids. I am a lot closer to my brothers than he is to his siblings. I won after pointing this out.
Yes 2, 4 yo and 2 yo girls
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding?
3. I've always wanted 3. DH wanted 2 but agreed early on to 3 and even moreso now that we have 2 girls. He'd be perfectly happy with another girl, but I know he would really like a boy since he was really involved with boy scouts and such growing up. I'm pretty sure we're having another girl. The pregnancies have been VERY similar and on DH's side of the family in this generation there are so far 6 girls and 0 boys. In his generation there were 7 girls and 2 boys. He's just got girl genes.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have?
Not really aside from us both wanting to not have only children. We both had one sibling, and we knew we wanted our children to at least have one other to grow up with.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size?
My husband is also one that has agreed to a vasectomy. This will be my third c-section, so I might've just got a tubal while I'm at it since I'm sure I'm done, but I'm delivering at a catholic hospital, and they won't do them. The only hospitals in network with my insurance right now are actually all catholic hospitals that won't do them... So, DH will get snipped as soon as I'm fully recovered.
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)? DS is five and DD is two.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? If all was well and good, I'd have four. But we are financially comfortable with three.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? Absolutely. I'm an only child. I've always daydreamed of having a huge family of my own to celebrate holidays, etc. This is super lame, but I always envision being Diane Keaton's character in The Family Stone, and having this house full of adult kids with their families and quirky dynamics overtake my home.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I have mentioned this before but my MIL is dead set against anyone having more than two children (though, she herself had three. She freely admits her third was a "mistake"). I dread announcing this pregnancy as a result.
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
DS-9/2012
DD-7/2015
Do you have any children already? If so, how many? Age(s)?
DS is 2.5 and DD is 10 months.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding?
Three! This is our last. I'm relieved I can finally say that because I was truly worried I'd never feel "done." After our first and second children I knew immediately that I wanted more, and it weighed on me that we may have to stop having kids when I was still hoping for more. But no. After this not-so-easy first tri I know I am well and truly done.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have?
No, it was more my relationship with my husband. He's an unbelievable partner and father and I feel confident we can handle more than 1 or 2 kids together. He's great.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size?
I'm a little bummed that I'm not more excited to announce this time around. My close friends know and they've been awesome, but I'm also anticipating a lot of "AGAIN?" comments when we go public and I really don't want to hear it. The midwife who did our intake appt at the OBs office was surprised to hear this pregnancy was planned, and we heard more than a few "omg you guys are crazy!" comments from the nurses. I'm trying hard not to take it personally, but it does wear on me. We're happy, so everyone else should be, too!
ETA: in regards to birth control after this one, I just started to consider a tubal ligation because I'll be having a repeat c-section. It'll probably come down to what our insurance will make us pay, though. If a tubal isn't feasible then DH will FOR SURE be getting snipped. Like others have said, it's the freaking least he can do.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
DD is almost 4.5
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding?
I'm going to say still deciding. This could very well be the last one (only one for SO) but my heart is open and I don't want to truly make a final decision right now.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have?
I have two brothers and honestly can't imagine not having siblings. This coming from the same person who said I was happy with one and done because I truly felt content after DD birth.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size?
I hate the I feel as though finances dictate family size. DD will be 5 (give or take a week) when this LO is born and while it wasn't really planned this way i'm thankful i'll be down to just before and after school costs with her (only maybe a couple months of two in full daycare overlap). I feel like I would definitively want more than just 2 if daycare cost wasn't a factor. Boston area is some of the highest childcare costs and while I know the daycare cost is temporary I feel like having 2 full-time and 1 after school would be impossible. Sigh.
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? Still deciding. Part of the decision depends on the gender of baby #2. Part of it depends on how we feel with two kids and if we are up to the challenge of more.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I wouldn't say growing up but now I think about it a lot. This is because I might be the only child out of three that has kids. So there is a lot of attention and pressure on us. My parents won't get as many grand kids and we live states away from them. This is the same for my husband's side of the family too. Also, my father is ill with Alzheimer's and it is helpful to have more kids to help support my mom and dad. And for us kids to support each other.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I agree with what others say about childcare costs and cost of living. It's sad that has to be such a big factor when deciding how many kids to have.
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d99dc" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? We were thinking three a long time ago, but it didn't work out (miscarriages) so we had been ok with two. SURPRISE!! Baby #3!!
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? I was one of three, my husband was one of two so we were good either way!
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? I'm waiting for the "was this one planned??" Which a) yes and no and b) it's none of anyone's business!! But everyone will have their comments and opinions!
How many children do you hope to have, in an ideal world? Or are you still deciding? I'm leaning heavily towards one and done but we will see what happens after this one. DH has always pictured 2 I think but is open to an only. Either way, 2 would be our absolute max.
Did your family size growing up impact how many kids you want to have? Wanting just one is more just knowing myself and what I see our life being. I have one sibling and DH is one of 3, which is where the 1-or-2 struggle comes from. We both know the benefits and the drawbacks of siblings.
Any other rants or raves or general chat about family size? So many opinions on family size. I'd say 90% of people I've mentioned having just one to have been all "you CAN'T have just one!! A kid NEEDS a sibling!!!" I've stopped telling people after that. No matter if you have zero or 2 or 10 kids, there's always at least a few someones who feel like they can tell you you're doing it wrong.
Re: the snip/TL, we wouldn't do it after just one unless we had a good amount of time after baby is born to really decide. If we have a second baby and I'm having a section, I'll get my tubes tied. Otherwise DH will be getting a vasectomy, whether he knows it yet or not. I've done all the work of birth control for the past 15 years, I'm not gonna continue with that noise until menopause. Your turn, buddy!
Married: 10/3/15
TTC: May 2017
BFP: 7/20/17
EDD: 3/29/18