@rainafire77 internetz are hard, good thing you added that clarification lol.
Andrea (31), married Aaron (36) September 2012
Parents to fur babies Tiki and Gizzmo and 2yr old Georgia IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI EDD: Feb 5, 2018
@SarahFoley725 wow! Sounds like this week just isn't letting up for you! BUT I'm glad you got it sold! Hopefully things calm down for you soon and you can relax. I don't know if it's the whole evacuation or pregnancy or just everything but I've been completely exhausted lately (my husband too which is even more weird), so I can't imagine how you must feel now! Hang in there Mama!
@Aeml1985 No way!!! That is cream cheese frosting!!! I knew your 2.5 year old would do great! Kids are usually pretty good with doctors who aren't putting needles in their bodies!
@chucksmom15 I'm in NW Ohio. Is that within driving distance of you? And exciting for feeling flutters. Aren't they just the best!?!
We don't live in Ohio but my husband is from the Cleveland area. He went to Ohio State. We are flying in for the game. I surprised him with tickets. He's only given me one flutter so far. I'm impatiently waiting for more!!
Two years ago, DH did his DNA testing with one of those "learn where you came from" places. He got his results and was surprised that he didn't have any native American blood when his father is supposedly 1/4 or 1/8 Cherokee. We joked about it being proof of the "every white American has a fake Cherokee princess" myth and his mom swore up and down that there was no way that anyone but his dad could be his dad.
Fast forward to last night. He gets a call from his mom who said to go back on the DNA site. Apparently some guy matched his DNA as my DH's biological father. His mother admitted that she had a relationship with this guy for a week or two while she was broke up with the man DH thought was his dad. He had contacted her and wanted to know my husband since he's apparently biologically this guys son. My husband is devastated and in total shock. He's almost 43 years old. Now he doesn't know if he should tell his dad the truth or if he wants to contact this other guy. It will be devastating to the whole family, especially since I'm carrying a potential only grandson. His stepmom will think this is a big deal because blood is very important to her & if DH isnt blood, she may very well want to cut us all out.
DH is still trying to process all of his emotions and I don't know what to do. I mean, he's 43 now. His father has been his father his while life. How can he just turn that off? I just don't know what's going to happen but I feel like a bomb is going to go off soon and I don't know who's going to get hit hardest.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@rainafire77 holy hell. I don't even know what else to say! Your poor DH! Is he close with his mom and dad? That's so devastating!
Andrea (31), married Aaron (36) September 2012
Parents to fur babies Tiki and Gizzmo and 2yr old Georgia IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI EDD: Feb 5, 2018
@rainafire77 Woah! That's crazy. And so traumatic for your DH. I guess I would say that he should just take some time before making any decisions. He's under no obligation to anyone here. In fact, he may benefit from talking with a counselor. I wonder if his dad will be completely surprised. Sometimes people know or have suspicions, but decide they are happier not knowing.
@rainafire77 that has to be incredibly difficult for your husband. In my opinion, the man that believes himself to be his biological father and the man who actually is both deserve to know the truth. I don't necessarily believe in keeping secrets, aka lying by omission, in these situations. I've never personally been in a situation like this, but I don't think anyone has a right to keep these things from someone to try and save their feelings. It may not even be what they would want. They should all get to deal with it in their own way instead of be in the dark. That's my two cents. I'm sorry for the situation. It sounds terrible.
@rainafire77 holy hell. I don't even know what else to say! Your poor DH! Is he close with his mom and dad? That's so devastating!
He is with his mom but he & his dad only recently developed a good relationship. Lots of water under that bridge but they were finally at a place where they were talking and a family. Now this.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
Wow, @rainafire77. That is a lot for your husband to take in. I agree with @olitwinturbosnprincess that this may be a good chance to take some time to soak in this information and talk to a counselor. That is A LOT to process--especially since you said that they have just recently developed a relationship. Sending you and DH lots of positive thoughts through this.
@rainafire77 Wow, that's huge. My thought is that your H's dad still raised him, biological or not. I hope that's enough to keep their relationship intact. I think talking to a counselor would help if your H is having trouble processing it. *hugs*
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
@rainafire77, that must be so difficult to process from out of the blue. My dad knew he was adopted his whole life and it took him over 50 years to decide to reach out. Sending both of you positive thoughts through this whole process.
@rainafire77 that has to be incredibly difficult for your husband. In my opinion, the man that believes himself to be his biological father and the man who actually is both deserve to know the truth. I don't necessarily believe in keeping secrets, aka lying by omission, in these situations. I've never personally been in a situation like this, but I don't think anyone has a right to keep these things from someone to try and save their feelings. It may not even be what they would want. They should all get to deal with it in their own way instead of be in the dark. That's my two cents. I'm sorry for the situation. It sounds terrible.
@rainafire77 that sounds so hard! I agree with this though. If his dad would cut him out for this he's not worth having around anyway. And I especially would not want him around my own children. Blood isn't everything.
@rainafire77, I'm sorry that all this has come up for you and your husband! It sounds like an especially fragile and difficult situation. I think the professional counselor sounds like a really healthy idea, if possible. I'd also like to say that one organization's DNA results don't necessarily make it so... I can't speak to the accuracy of the testing that was done, but I wouldn't rush into an assumption without having another lab do testing.
@rainafire77, I'm sorry that all this has come up for you and your husband! It sounds like an especially fragile and difficult situation. I think the professional counselor sounds like a really healthy idea, if possible. I'd also like to say that one organization's DNA results don't necessarily make it so... I can't speak to the accuracy of the testing that was done, but I wouldn't rush into an assumption without having another lab do testing.
That's what I said too and if it were some random guy I'd say there was a mistake. But since his mom knew him, admitted to sleeping with him around the time she got pregnant, that would be one hell of a coincidence.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@rainafire77 oh my gosh that's shocking, I'm so sorry for your husband. I agree with everything @the_other_mother said. I think both his father and his biological father deserve to know the truth. I really hope his stepmom doesn't try to cut you guys out, that would be despicable of her if she did. So sorry you guys are going through this.
@rainafire77 has he confronted his mom yet? How does she feel about all this?
Andrea (31), married Aaron (36) September 2012
Parents to fur babies Tiki and Gizzmo and 2yr old Georgia IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI EDD: Feb 5, 2018
I feel like it would just open a new wound on old circumstances. But I'm also team don't hurt if you don't have too. Especially if your H has finally gotten a good relationship with his dad. He will probably love him anyway so why add the hurt?
I never knew my real dad and had I not know the whole time I was growing up that the man I called dad wasn't my dad I wouldn't have wanted to know that. And if my dad could have lived life thinking I was really his, I don't think finding out later would do anything but hurt him. it hurt him when my real father tried to reconnect with me and we had many talks about it and when the day came he still wasn't ready for it so I didn't go through with it.
this is such a tricky situation because there are so many what ifs. I hope your H finds peace in whatever he does and understands that no matter how this turns out, this was out of his control and life is just hard that way. At least this new LO might help bring everyone together. Maybe the timing was perfect even though it doesn't feel like it.
@Aeml1985 She called him last night & told him the whole story. She came by today (was already planning on it for other reasons) while I was at work and he said that he & I would talk tonight so I have no idea what's going on. Glad DD is going to the first home varsity football game of the season tonight so DH & I can talk uninterrupted.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@rainafire77 WOW. I can't imagine how hard it must be for your husband to process this. (The situation is straight out of a Pearl Jam song, by the way...) I agree that speaking to a counselor about it is probably a good idea. I also agree with @SunflowerMama428 about not hurting someone if you don't have to. I guess the big question is, what does your DH hope to get out of telling the father who raised him? And is that likely to be the reaction or result he does get if he tells him? What an emotional and traumatic result to what he probably thought would be a fairly predictable test.
@rainafire77 damn. I have no good advice. It's so much to process I can't imagine the anxiety. My husband has had some pretty significant issues arise throughout our relationship and I know how tough it is to watch someone you love process something difficult. I'm so sorry for all of you!
@rainafire77 I'm so sorry. I feel like things that upset our spouses are sometimes harder to deal with than things that upset us. I hope whatever he decides to do brings him some peace.
Thank you so much for listening guys. DH is going to talk with his bio father via email only. DH made it clear through his mom that he does not want to be contacted on social media or called or texted and he will reach out on HIS terms when he's ready. As for his dad, he's going to wait to talk to him. Right now, it would absolutely crush him. I told H to talk to his younger sister who he's really close to and who has a super level head on her shoulders. She's amazing. She's his sister from his mom's side & they went through a lot growing up. I think she can help direct him in the right way to go on this. H is not a big fan of counselors or therapists but his sister will probably talk straighter shit to him than anyone and he'll listen to her which is good. He's still on an emotional rollercoaster right now but he's doing better tonight than he was last night.
I'm sorry to be such a downer.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
I agree while heartedly with @SunflowerMama428. Wow, this would really be a lot to process for him and I know how difficult it is to watch your SO go through something together.
As a general side note, I hate those DNA tests. I really don't understand why people do them. What good can come from that curiosity. Like if I find I'm 21% Irish how will that change my life for the better?
DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018
I agree while heartedly with @SunflowerMama428. Wow, this would really be a lot to process for him and I know how difficult it is to watch your SO go through something together.
As a general side note, I hate those DNA tests. I really don't understand why people do them. What good can come from that curiosity. Like if I find I'm 21% Irish how will that change my life for the better?
You know he did think it would be interesting. Just like this ads say. That's the only reason he did it. A friend did a DNA test because she was adopted. Ended up connecting with her birth family who ended up being kinda scummy people. Talked to her yesterday and she said another friend did one only to discover she was the product of incest. I'm adopted too and was considering doing the DNA test but I'm at a point I have zero desire to learn where I came from. Not if it brings all of this pain along with it.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
DNA tests can be fun if you're interested in your ancestry, but they do caution it can unearth harsh truths. I read an article in the Washington Post about a woman who found out her dad was switched at birth. I got one for my dad and we found some distant cousins but no skeletons in the closet!
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
@noodles15 I'm sorry! Kids can be so mean. I hate bullying. I can probably start crying at the idea of someone being mean to DS. I can't imagine if it really happened.
AFM: I had a huge event tonight. It went perfect. If I wasn't pregnant I could drink while working the event but since I have the fetus I filled my wine glass with cran juice and sighed.
Re: Randoms 8/27
IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI
EDD: Feb 5, 2018
@gymmonkey95 that is so exciting! DD has been walking for 5 months almost and it seems like there was never a time she couldn't do it!
Two years ago, DH did his DNA testing with one of those "learn where you came from" places. He got his results and was surprised that he didn't have any native American blood when his father is supposedly 1/4 or 1/8 Cherokee. We joked about it being proof of the "every white American has a fake Cherokee princess" myth and his mom swore up and down that there was no way that anyone but his dad could be his dad.
Fast forward to last night. He gets a call from his mom who said to go back on the DNA site. Apparently some guy matched his DNA as my DH's biological father. His mother admitted that she had a relationship with this guy for a week or two while she was broke up with the man DH thought was his dad. He had contacted her and wanted to know my husband since he's apparently biologically this guys son. My husband is devastated and in total shock. He's almost 43 years old. Now he doesn't know if he should tell his dad the truth or if he wants to contact this other guy. It will be devastating to the whole family, especially since I'm carrying a potential only grandson. His stepmom will think this is a big deal because blood is very important to her & if DH isnt blood, she may very well want to cut us all out.
DH is still trying to process all of his emotions and I don't know what to do. I mean, he's 43 now. His father has been his father his while life. How can he just turn that off? I just don't know what's going to happen but I feel like a bomb is going to go off soon and I don't know who's going to get hit hardest.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI
EDD: Feb 5, 2018
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
IF veterans; #1 conceived on second clomid+HCG+IUI, #2 conceived on 1st Letrozole+HCG+IUI
EDD: Feb 5, 2018
I feel like it would just open a new wound on old circumstances. But I'm also team don't hurt if you don't have too. Especially if your H has finally gotten a good relationship with his dad. He will probably love him anyway so why add the hurt?
I never knew my real dad and had I not know the whole time I was growing up that the man I called dad wasn't my dad I wouldn't have wanted to know that. And if my dad could have lived life thinking I was really his, I don't think finding out later would do anything but hurt him. it hurt him when my real father tried to reconnect with me and we had many talks about it and when the day came he still wasn't ready for it so I didn't go through with it.
this is such a tricky situation because there are so many what ifs. I hope your H finds peace in whatever he does and understands that no matter how this turns out, this was out of his control and life is just hard that way. At least this new LO might help bring everyone together. Maybe the timing was perfect even though it doesn't feel like it.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
I'm sorry to be such a downer.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
As a general side note, I hate those DNA tests. I really don't understand why people do them. What good can come from that curiosity. Like if I find I'm 21% Irish how will that change my life for the better?
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
AFM: I had a huge event tonight. It went perfect. If I wasn't pregnant I could drink while working the event but since I have the fetus I filled my wine glass with cran juice and sighed.