I am so sad to be posting here but I have heard great things about the community here. I am coming over from the March '18 board. Today I went in for my dating u/s and there was no heartbeat. I was measuring at 7w4d. I have a d&c scheduled for Friday.
I am trying to put on a brave front because I don't want my husband to be afraid to try to get pregnant again. We were excited to be expecting and that this one would only be 1.5 years younger than his/her older brother. I feel sh*tty for dwelling on a petty detail like sibling age. I never thought we would be in this position.
Any advice or things to expect for Friday and the days/weeks following would be much appreciated. I am hoping to start trying again as soon as I am cleared.
Re: Reluctant Intro *TW*
i treated myself to really soft, comfy Victoria secret underwear and a sweat suit. It was big and comfortable. I blasted the ac and let myself stay in bed until I felt ok enough to leave it. I had a D&e @20 weeks and it was more difficult emotionally than physically.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months. Hopefully FET after that.
#BitterHagPartyOf1
Emotionally - I felt really "empty" after. It was hard walking into the OR knowing that I had a baby in my ute (albeit not alive) and then 20 minutes later everything was gone. I would just take it easy and not try to do too much at once. I went to Walmart beforehand and scavenged through the $5 movie bin and basically laid in bed for the next two days. I was like you in that I wanted to TTC again right away, so I found the time waiting for my hcg to go back to 0 and for me to have 2 periods to be torturous. Just take this time to let yourself feel all the emotions you need to feel and try to find some peace.
*TW children mentioned*
I also found that spending a lot of family time with DH and my kids helped me to refocus. They were definitely my comfort.
Edited to fix typo
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
I am supposed to have a physical with her tomorrow that was previously scheduled months ago. I am guessing that will have to be rescheduled as well which is upsetting in itself because it was going to be my last appointment with my OB (besides Friday) before she leaves the practice. And I absolutely adore her.
Hi there! I also came from March '18. I'll admit, I am also struggling with the sibling age gap. I had wanted a 2-3 year gap, and was due 9 days after DS's 3rd birthday, which I was pretty damn happy with. Now that is obviously out the window, so I am trying to accept that it will happen when it happens and it's OK to not follow the "perfect vision" I had for my family. It's still hard.
I had a D&C and I will say it honestly went very smoothly. I had a bit of a panic attack when they took me back, but then I don't even remember them putting me under and woke up feeling fine. I had been bleeding for 12 days up to it, which happened to pick up the day before, so you could still have the procedure even though you're bleeding. For me, I just wanted to get that part over with and didn't want to wait longer to see if I passed the tissue on my own. I didn't bleed much after and went out and about the next day.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I realized in my haze of receiving the news I never asked for, nor was given, an ultrasound picture of the baby. I am hoping somewhere in my file they have a digital image. I cannot imagine I am the only one to have been told such news and didn't have the clarity to ask for a copy. This is bothering me so much. I don't want this baby to be forgotten and I have no other tangible thing to hold on to.
I am so sorry you are here, too. I hope our stays are short.
It's been a very confusing week. The fear of the unknown is front and center for me. I never thought I would be in this position.
Baby Boy - 3/2015
MC - 8/2017
EDD - 8/2018
*TW* child mentioned. I also found myself upset at first about the age gap, because I would have been due the same month DS turns two, but I've come to grips with the idea that I can't control that, and they will be great siblings whenever the 2nd one comes along.
Stay strong. Hugs to you!
*TW children mentioned*
After a surprise pregnancy with my first, we had secondary infertility TTC my second. The way it worked out was that there is a 4 year, 11 month gap between them. I obsessed over that age gap while TTC and looking back now, I stressed myself out way too much over something that is fairly trivial. My kids are two peas in a pod. They are closer than any other sibling set in our extended family that are closer in age. Sometimes, when I wake them up in the morning for school, I find them bunked in with one another holding hands while sleeping. Being spaced farther in age has absolutely no bearing on the kind of relationship your kids will have with one another. I still have to remind myself of my own situation every now and then, as we are struggling with secondary infertility again and right now my youngest is 6, which means another big age gap. But, I see how great a bigger age gap can be, and I'm trying not to stress.
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
And I also totally agree that we are also grieving what we had in mind for the future. I had found out we were having a boy and had even seen him a few times in the ultrasound, so I was definitely already picturing my life with a little baby boy. @13 weeks we found out he probably had down syndrome, and that was difficult news at first but then DH and I started to visualize what our life would be like with a kid with down syndrome, and we were not only accepting it but getting excited by all the potentials baby boy would have to offer us and the world.
My girls are 2 years apart and they are super close, but it was really difficult having a newborn and toddler. Fast forward to now, my pregnancy that resulted in my MC was unplanned. The age gap was going to be 7.5 and 4.5 years. We were going to have to start over again as we had sold all our baby stuff, but we were excited. My girls were even more excited about the baby. Each week my oldest wanted to see how big the baby was and how it had grown. She was too young to understand when I was pregnant with her sister. Since the mc we have decided to go for a third. I think about how long it took us to get pregnant with my first, 18 months, and I wonder how long it might take this time if it happens at all (I'm now 35). I have to remind myself that there are pros and cons for a small or large age gap, but they will always be siblings and will have a bond. And age doesn't matter as much when they get older.
Sorry for writting a novel!
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
@mrsjcrane I love the sentiment that our feelings are our own. That's a great reminder!
Edited for spelling