Day Care

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

I apologise if there is already a thread about this; couldn't find one easily.

What is everyone planning to do about day care /childcare when the time comes to return to work (if you are planning on doing so)? If you are using a day care service, what are things you look out for on tours? Any red flags you have noticed?

We are looking at day care in the DC / Bethesda, MD area -- unfortunately the most expensive childcare in the country. Most day cares have waiting lists over a year long, but because I signed up as soon as I found out I was pregnant, have been fortunate to have the choice of two options. Here is the dilemma:

One is extremely clean and seems to focus intently on safety. It doesn't have much personality but the babies seem well cared for. The other is $300/month cheaper and has more "charm" but also seemed less clean. In addition, we saw babies with blankets and one baby sleeping on his stomach at the cheaper place. I feel like these are red flags but want opinions about whether I am overreacting or not, since the baby:staff ratio is very low at 3:1.

We can afford the more expensive place but $300/month isn't pocket change either. What would you do???

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

I should add that we have just a few days to decide on this before our spot at the cheaper place is forfeited.

Maksim's Mom · August 2017

Hi! I'm lurking from another bmb but thought to chime in with our experiences. DS has been to 3 daycares due to us moving around for work. I have 2 main things to look for: 1. Safety (security of the building, surrounding area, passcode to enter the children's rooms, etc) 2. Hygiene and cleanliness (shoes off or shoe covers mandatory in infant room, general appearance and condition of the building like walls and floors, etc. Remember, your baby will be crawling around and putting stuff in their mouth eventually so a clean room is very important!

High price doesn't always mean best care so choose based on other factors.

i will add that there are many other things that moms find necessary and have their own criteria for choosing a daycare.

Take care!

mc123mc · August 2017

I had my first in daycare for about 6 months (3-9 months old) and then moved her to a nanny for various reasons. However during that time in daycare I did learn what matters, at least to me.

Cleanliness should be a HUGE priority. My daughter was sick a lot those first 6 months and it's just something that is going to happen but any illness you can avoid will make your life and your child's life so much better.

Napping is also a big issue the first year, year and a half. What I did not like about our daycare was that naps were always attempted on schedule but it seemed that they never really happened and our child slept terribly at daycare. That meant picking up a cranky child every day and that just broke my heart. When we learned that kids that are 12 months immediately get moved to 1 nap, I was not OK with that either. So I guess ask about how they handle scheduled naps, what they do if your child skips a scheduled nap, when they have to transition etc.

Also if you think this is going to be a long term solution, ask about potty training. What they do and don't do. I know that's been an issue for several friends as their children have turned 3.

And lastly, ask if you can bring the baby for an hour, or half hour and be in the infant room with her. Watch how the staff handles naps or feeding times. With the littles, someone is always needing a nap or a bottle!

Breath_Easy92 · August 2017

I use to work in a very upscale daycare nursery, I say speak with the owners get to know the classroom teachers and go with your gut. More expensive doesn't always equal better care. We had to spend a lot of time meeting "development requirements" which was ridiculous things like making sure they all finger painted once a week... yeah a 8 week old doesn't want to do that, they want to be cuddled or planing out when the best time for them all to listen to Mozart so we could talk about the different sounds, which in theory is fine but once again more appropriate for older babes in my opinion. They just never had any free time starting at a young age. I think it would have been better if we just loved on them more and looked after them and thier individual needs rather than foce them in to a schedule at such a young age, but to each their own. On the other hand I also worked at a lower income daycare, supplies where always short, always short staffed, less professional employees, and they were a little loose with the rules which sometimes was dangerous. So my point is, figure out which end of scale each place is and decide which you prefer. Everything has upsides and downsides. Plus, if your ever not happy I'm sure you can switch.

msashley2010-2 · August 2017

I have had my daughter in and out of different childcare facilities and I have quite a few dealbreakers. I've got daycare lined up for this baby at a location right next to my work so that I can pop in whenever I want. It'll be $175 a week and includes formula if the baby is formula fed.

I've got a few things that are extremely important to me.

One is security. I prefer to have a daycare that has lock codes on the door or some type of buzz in system to where strangers can't just beebop into the facility at their leisure. They should also have a system in place to where they check driver's licenses and identities if someone different comes to pick up the child. I'd also want to see what type of measures they have in place for older children if they are picking up or dropping off. (Rotations to double check that no children are left in the childcare van, etc?)

Child to employee ratio is something I would ask about as well.

I'd also want to know if they document feedings and diaper changes. It'd be good to have some type of system in place so that the employees would be aware of any changes that may be a concern.

Cleanliness is super important. I agree with PP about shoe covers for the infant rooms if they are going to be crawling around on the floor and what not.

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

Thanks for the advice, everyone! All of the licensed day cares in the area have kind of crazy requirements for staff training, etc (DC is trying to make having a bachelor's degree mandatory, which I find a bit absurd). The ratios for infants everywhere are 3:1, and both have things like shoe covers.

Neither place is some kind of 'luxury' day care, and neither is a dump, either (though for over $2k/month even for the "cheap" one I have pretty high expectations!).

The nap thing is worth looking into -- hadn't even considered that.

Still worried about the infant stomach sleeping /blanket use. Should I be, or is this typical??? Staff seem nice at both places and neither has crazy turnover. The more expensive place has better security and is generally more high-tech; the other is in a house which seems kind of nice in a way but also more potential issues with the space.

I get zero maternity leave so I will probably be leaving my baby there at 8 weeks (at least part time) and the idea of leaving such a tiny baby is freaking me out!!!

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

Also, switching can be hard considering how long the waiting lists are. Would probably take several months at least which is not good if the switch was bc of safety / hygeine. So hoping to get it at least close to right the first time!!!!

wannabeamongoose · August 2017

@msashley2010-2 @Maksim's Mom I never thought about shoe covers in the infant room. Our daycare definitely did not have that. The rooms were still very clean and well kept (they mopped and sanitized every day). Besides, at home people walk around with shoes on all the time and our dog drags god knows what through the house.

@Knottie1469136344 I'd go with your gut feeling. Cleanliness can be harder to see in older more "charming" buildings, so I'd ask about their cleaning practices. And if the sleeping arrangements feel like a red flag, then maybe that's not the best place for you.

Also, I know you don't want to get to personal with your name, but knottienumbers are super hard to tag. I'd seriously consider changing your name if you want people to be able to respond to you directly.

JustBored10 · August 2017

Just an FYI to all first time mothers. Daycare or not they WILL get sick!!! DS was never in daycare but as soon as he started Montessori school at 18 months he was sick almost every week that year. It is just how it goes as they are developing their immune system and you will be needing lots of sick time to be home.

hatrats · August 2017

DD has gone to a home day care since she was 4 or 5 months old, and I love the family so much. Of course, this one will be going there too. For me, honestly, it was a gut feeling thing. I met with our "day care mom" as I call her, and only checked with one other facility, and I just felt so at home and comfortable where I sent DD and am so grateful I found them. I like the fact that there is less structure honestly, and the kids aren't herded around from one activity to the next like cattle. There is a lot of downtime and unstructured play, and the babies all have their own nap schedules (older kids get moved to one big group nap on cots as she feels they are ready, not based on age).

If you are concerned about the sleeping, perhaps just bring it up and let them know how you are comfortable with your baby sleeping, and see how they react. I'd be more concerned with how they responded to my questions and issues.

cchenal07 · August 2017

My 8 yr old DS started at daycare at 3. So not a baby, but we looked at plenty in the process. Some of my questions we learned to ask along the way besides what was mentioned was will they keep to your schedule or will you need to adjust to theirs to not confuse child. We had to make sure DS napped at the same time as daycare or he turned into a little monster. What happens in bad weather? Do you still pay if you go on vacation or if your child is sick? What is the process if your child is sick there? Do they keep track of feedings, behavior etc. Are they all CPR certified? We decided with the new baby for an in home daycare. We live in a small town and looked at all options. I will be home for 16 weeks then baby will go to daycare. I was given many recommendations about the daycare and visited with her more than once. She was also a pediatric nurse before staying home for her kids. It felt right, trust your gut. Obviously security, safety, and cleanliness are top things but the above help with the what ifs. Do you have a facebook neighborhood moms page? Maybe somewhere you can ask honest moms about both places?

Maksim's Mom · August 2017

When I first had to leave DS at a Daycare he was 3 months old and I came to visit him every day during lunch at work. It's what I had to do to know he was ok. Eventually I didn't feel the need to do that. I wasn't trying to check up on the staff or anything. I just really wanted to see my baby and hold him. I had serious guilt about going back to work. Ugh. Anyway. First world problems.

As others have said, you will have your own red flags and standards so follow your heart and mind to pick a place. We're paying $1700 for our now toddler but that's pretty decent considering other daycares that cost over 2k.

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

Sure but while they are infants it is a lot riskier to get sick, @JustBored10. High fevers at that age can lead to blindness/deafness/permanent brain damage, and they won't have full immunity from vaccines right away. I will be a lot less worried when he is a toddler -- at that point most infections are just annoying.

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

@cchena07 haha I haven't really found a good moms group here, but if you feel like seeing some drama check out DCUrbanMoms, lol. Almost everyone is negative and if someone posts a positive review about a place people accuse them of being the owner of the day care!!!

IdleFancy · August 2017

@Knottie1469136344 The sleep safety issues you noticed would probably be dealbreakers for me, honestly. Maybe it's just being a FTM, but I feel hyper concerned about LO's sleep environment, especially when she's going to be with other people. You could always talk to them about your concerns and see what their response is, then judge from that!

jessieR358 · August 2017

JustBored10 said:

Just an FYI to all first time mothers. Daycare or not they WILL get sick!!! DS was never in daycare but as soon as he started Montessori school at 18 months he was sick almost every week that year. It is just how it goes as they are developing their immune system and you will be needing lots of sick time to be home.

Yes my son did 2 day a week mothers day out at 1 and he was sick ALL THE TIME. I nursed him for 17 months too. We almost pulled him out in the spring because he was sick for 5 weeks. It was awful. There were only 4 kids in his class too.

I think the sleeping with a blanket and sleeping on the belly are huge red flags to me. That's a huge no no in an infant daycare room. I also look at it as that's what they were totally ok with you seeing. What are they doing when no one is looking? That would be a deal breaker for me like someone else said.
But I agree that more expensive doesn't mean better. I would do another tour of both.

I work, but not everyday. I'm fortunate that my mom watches my son and will watch this baby. It's 2-3 days a week. She loves it.

tfrangul · August 2017

I used to do in home daycare before I moved. In had a structured but laid back environment. I also had very good relationships with my parents. As far as the sleep concerns you have, you may not have them once you realize you have a baby that will only sleep on their stomach like I did. I would ask them about it. Maybe the parents have requested the baby sleep with a blanket, especially if it's an inhome. My oldest also hated being swaddled with a passion so yes she slept on her stomach with a blanket! Good luck! We are looking for daycare also because we can't afford the center once the baby comes. I am heartbroken but it's the only choice we have.

Breath_Easy92 · August 2017

I didn't address this earlier because it's pretty easy to google... the stomach sleeping is only an issue in daycares if they cannot roll over and every daycare I've personally worked at would've fired me for putting a baby under 12 months in a crib with a blanket no questions asked. They can loose thier license for breaking safe sleep practices.

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

@Breath_Easy92 yeah, this room only went up to 9mo and this baby looked pretty young. I wasn't so concerned about the babies in the toddler room but the infant room made me nervous. Glad to see I wasn't off base with my doubts, but sad to think this happens.

Dmurphy10 · August 2017

In regards to the stomach sleeping/blanket. My daughter was rolling over at 3 months and would constantly sleep on her stomach, so it is very likely that the baby was fine on their stomach. The blanket is a whole different issue and I know the day care my daughter goes to does not allow a blanket until they are on a cot, which happens after 12 months.
If your child is in day care they are going to be sick often on matter how clean the facility is. I am not saying send your child to a dump because they will be sick anyways, but just realize you will spend most of their first year at day care with a sick baby.
I know one huge plus to our day care is that my pediatrician is located in the same building, this made it easy to run her over if I got a call from day care letting me know she had a fever and had to be picked up or picking her up/dropping off after a doctors appointment. You will spend a lot of time at the doctors office so location is important in my opinion.
Its important that at least in the infant room that they adhere to your childs schedule because not every baby will be on the same schedule when they start at a day care. I would absolutely ask about this and if they give you a write up on when your baby ate, slept, wet/dirty diapers and a little write up of anything "new" they might have done.
You will have a gut feeling when you see the facility and meet the teachers that will let you know if the day care will be the right fit for you.

bnmort8 · August 2017

We did a lot of research in our area most daycares were $200 a week, crazy!!!!! I don't see that being worth it when their so little and just sleeping. eating, and changing. I know they need more people to care for the infants but for me personally can't see spending that much. I get 4 months of maternity leave but when I go back to work my MIL has offered to watch baby till she is one. My job has a flex spending account for daycare but only for $5000 which is not much when I have to pay $200 a week. But at the age of one they are learning more and I know social skills are very important too so seems more realistic to pay that amount then.

jessieR358 · August 2017

My son was a stomach sleeper. I was totally ok with that at home. Most state licensed daycares do not allow stomach sleeping or anything in the crib. That's my red flag. Mine wasn't even allowed to sleep on his stomach at Mother's Day out. If he rolled over no problem, but there was no putting him down on his stomach. It makes me nervous they aren't following safe sleeping practices.

Breath_Easy92 · August 2017

@knottie1469136344 yeah that's kind of what I meant by go with your gut, I don't want to sway your choice though. I just want you to be informed.

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

@bnmort8 I probably have a warped sense of day care costs since even the subsidized day cares around here are $1200+/mo (unsubsidized ranges from $1600-$3000+), so wow does $200/wk sound good! That said, I wouldn't have felt that way back when I lived in the Midwest and have no idea how lower / middle class people afford childcare around here (thankful we waited til we both made a reasonable salary to have kids, but even with good incomes we will be scraping by I think).

Anyway, in our area the cost is especially high for infants because each caregiver only looks after 3 babies max. The price goes way down when the kids get older because the ratios are more like 5-6 kids/person then. If you think $200/wk is a lot, see if the price decreases later on. It might. Good luck whatever you choose!!!!

Maksim's Mom · August 2017

Jeez I wish I only had to pay $200 a week

infant class is $300 more a month than toddler 1-3. It's insane but necessary since we have no other options. So monthly we pay $1700 month for our toddler. Once I govack to work after having this baby we will be paying a horrifying $3700 a month for both kids. Yikes

jessieR358 · August 2017

Maksim's Mom said:

Jeez I wish I only had to pay $200 a week infant class is $300 more a month than toddler 1-3. It's insane but necessary since we have no other options. So monthly we pay $1700 month for our toddler. Once I govack to work after having this baby we will be paying a horrifying $3700 a month for both kids. Yikes

Oh my goodness! I would quit working. That's not even worth it to me.

hatrats · August 2017

@Maksim's Mom Holy $*!& that's unreal. You'll probably all hate me but I pay just over $300 a month for 3 days a week day care (I think it works out to something like $25-30 a day), and it will only go up maybe a hundred per month to add on sibling. Like I said, our lady is an angel sent from heaven (she said she doesn't go up much for siblings, because who can afford to pay full price for more than one kid in day care??). Also I live in the south in a low cost of living, but low-wage area. But centers do cost a lot more here than I'm paying for in-home. I imagine that's probably the case in most places.

wannabeamongoose · August 2017

@hatrats I am amazed that you are paying that little, even for in-home day care. It's hard to imagine a provider make a living off that. Although now that I do the math, if they have 5 kids, 5 days a week, at $25 a day, they could make about $30k. So maybe in an area with a low cost of living. But still...

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

I find the variability in day care costs astounding. We are probably going to pay $2400/mo for infant care (ew!) which is 3x my mortgage in IN -- crazy. My SIL was complaining about $800/mo day care for 2 kids and I almost lost it, haha. But cost of living is so so different it is almost impossible to compare.

Having a baby in such an expensive place definitely makes you re-evaluate your life choices though. I understand why so many people move or stay home when so much of your salary goes into childcare. The appeal of Europe and Canada are also growing. Sigh!

hatrats · August 2017

@wannabeamongoose She has about twice that many kids regularly and a couple of after-school kids and a few other school age ones during the summer. But she has her mom working with her full time, and always has at least one other person there - generally her mom's best friend or another family member like her son or daughter-in-law helping out. Her house is split level so she can divide up the kids by ages to do certain things and have one person on each floor with each age group.

missyrosek · August 2017

@Knottie1469136344 FTM in Northern Va. here! Our top two choices are a daycare children's center in Reston or an in-home daycare that already cares for the child of a close friend. We toured a ton of places and had no idea what to look for. We quickly learned that there was instinct involved. There were places that just didn't "feel" right -- we didn't like the look of the room setup or didn't click with the employees.

The two places we've narrowed things down to are the places we could see ourselves leaving our daughter, if that makes sense. I will be on leave until January, so we have a little more time to make a final decision (we put deposits down on both six months ago).

Good luck making your decision!

Sugargirl1019 · August 2017

Regarding the sleeping practice, I would probably go and ask them specifically - I saw babies sleeping on their stomach with blankets. What are your policies regarding safe sleep? And see what they say. You may find "that baby is actually rolling over on his own", "mom insists we give his blanket" or whatever. It may be worth the information just so you can make an informed choice. I would also be firm in my child will be put to sleep on his back, and don't send a blanket with them to sleep with. If kids share blankets, ew, I'd imagine that's a great way to spread germs.

tfrangul · August 2017

So yes what @Sugargirl1019 said is what I was getting at with my post! She just said it better

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

Thanks everyone! Really great advice here. Hope you all find good childcare options, whether it is with family, in-home care, daycare, nanny/governess, or staying at home.

jenn622-2 · August 2017

I have a very random work schedule so I don't think formal day care options will work for me since they all seem to require a set schedule. I work from home most days and have to travel a couple days a week. I plan on having a nanny or "mothers helper" come by for a few hours on days where I'm working from home so I can actually get work done and maximize my time with the LO. Luckily, my SO has pretty flexible hours so I think he can come home early on days where I have to work outside of the home. As a FTM I really have no idea how this will work yet but I'm going to do my best to try to work while at home with baby...

While an in-home nanny sounds like a great idea at least at a daycare there are some sort of regulations and several pairs of eyes that could pick up the slack if one day care provider is doing something wrong or just not paying attention. Relying on 1 single person is kind of scary!

Ive been looking at care.com where a couple of friends have had success and it looks like $15-20/hr is the going rate out here! I think it will still be difficult to find someone that is willing to take a job that doesn't have a set schedule.

coastalmomma2 · August 2017

I went back to work when DS was six months, and we looked into a wide variety of daycare options. Overall, I think the most important thing is to go with your gut. Reading your responses, it really seems like the sleeping issue may be a deal breaker for you. If so, I'd trust that. That being said, the sleeping arrangements could be addressed through a discussion of your concerns.

For me, the most important criteria in choosing a daycare facility were:

1. Security. As others have mentioned, having a gate and access code, clear policy on who can pick up the baby, cameras in the different rooms, etc.
2. Location. Somewhat related to security for me. Also, I wanted somewhere close to work so if I needed to pick up DS in the case of an emergency, I would only be 5-10 minutes away.
3. Attentiveness and care of staff. It was important to me that staff interacted with DS from a young age. In a few of the more corporate daycares I observed, staff didn't really seem to interact much with the infants. The facility I chose had teachers who spoke to the babies and actively played with them. As pps have suggested, look to see what their record keeping system is too. In our case, DS' teachers marked every time he ate, slept, had a dirty diaper, etc. That was so valuable to me at pick up.

We also looked into having a nanny. I initially wanted DS to have more one on one time, but there are challenges with depending on only one person. If DS' teacher is sick or on vacation at daycare, another teacher covers. That isn't an option with a nanny, and I did not want to use the precious few sick days I had on daycare coverage. Also, it has been a great experience for DS to have been socialized with a variety of kids from a young age. He has been at the same school with the same kids for almost three years, so he has bonded with many of his peers. In hindsight, that is something else I would look for in a daycare center: the ability to keep my child there for several years.

Good luck! It is not an easy decision by any means.

Breath_Easy92 · August 2017

What do y'all think is a fair price for a friend who will watch the baby one day a week at her house? I was thinking 50$ a day?

Knottie1469136344 · August 2017

@Breath_Easy92 is your friend already home with a kid? If so, $50 is probably OK but if not, I would pay more.

jzill · August 2017

On the stomach sleeping thing, the daycare may have a policy to turn the baby over only a certain number of times before leaving them to sleep on their stomach, our daycare does this 3 times. But I'd agree the blanket is a red flag. You might check your state's requirements on that because I think it is prohibited in some states.

Breath_Easy92 · August 2017

@Knottie1469136344
yes she's a stay at home mom and she offered to watch him because she wanted to "make a little spending money" in her words. And she wouldn't be doing anything special with him he will be running errands with her and her other kids and she'll still be going about her day just with one extra little one.

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