PGAL Weekly Check-in 8/9

linds0503 · August 2017

How far along are you?

Any appointments coming up?

Questions?

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?

linds0503 · August 2017

How far along are you?
6 weeks 1 day

Any appointments coming up?
In 1 week were get to see if there is a heartbeat.

Questions?
My question has been asked before, but I really want to know if this fear goes away.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I was doing well. Everything has been going so much better than my mc. My betas were good, and we actually got to see the embryo on the ultrasound. But I woke up this morning with this sense of dread and guilt. I just feel like something I will do will cause this precious fragile creature to be lost. I know it is irrational, but I am having difficulty changing my thoughts our shaking this feeling this morning. Dh is just trying to tell me everything is awesome.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant? dh is the only one who knows, but he had basically been letting me call the shots. He said that he is outnumbered 2:1 right now.

hedgepig · August 2017

How far along are you? 5w6d

Any appointments coming up? U/S in just over two weeks.

Questions?

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm feeling surprisingly good - physically and mentally. I was expecting to be more anxious, but I guess my losses have taught me that there isn't anything I can do about it, so I shouldn't worry. I'm just trying to enjoy being pregnant!

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant? The only other person who knows is MH, but he has been really sweet when we've been working on projects that involve using chemicals (wood preservative), he has insisted that I don't handle the chemicals.

hedgepig · August 2017

@linds0503 I'm sorry then loss brain is getting to you right now. I'm a FTM, so I don't know if it goes away, but I suspect that a certain level of worry will persist to a greater or lesser degree for the rest of our lives... I hope that today gets better and you are able to get to your U/S without too much anxiety. It's great that YH is so positive and sweet.

ChloandCoco · August 2017

Hi ladies, first time posting in this thread and will post here every week because the PGAL brain is no joke.

@linds0503Unfortunately, I don't think the fear goes away completely. It might go away after having an US or hearing the heartbeat, but it will creep back in. I think it's better to go into a pregnancy knowing this and accepting that some days will be better than others. All the ladies on the PGAL thread understand what you are going through and are here to support you.
@hedgepig I hope you continue to enjoy this pregnancy and FX for a great US in two weeks!

How far along are you? 3w6d

Any appointments coming up? First US is on Sept 1st (23 days away), and then I meet with my OB on Sept 6th. I'm trying to keep myself busy until then, but I'll be a mess the week leading up to my US.

Questions? Do we need to add TW for living children in this thread? I edited my post to add them just in case.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I'm doing pretty good right now, it's finally starting to sink in that I'm pregnant again. I'm starting to have aches in my uterus and it's freaking me out, but I know it's just growing pains. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant? **TW When I was pregnant with DD I craved mini wheats and could eat them multiple times a day, END TW** so yesterday when DH came home after grocery shopping he gave me a box of mini wheats.

merrypotter · August 2017

How far along are you?
5 weeks today

Any appointments coming up?
I scheduled my first appointment for the 28th, which I'm happy about. Originally I wanted to go in earlier but then I decided I want to go in for my first US when I'll for sure be at a point where the baby and its heartbeat are visible. Whether I'm a little behind with my dates or not I figured that in 3 weeks there'll for sure be some visibility of this babe. *TW living child mentioned* With my son and my MC i went in at 5 weeks and was bummed/stressed during the in between appointments time. With my son, luckily, I only had to wait a week and half. With my MC I never even made it back to the dr before I lost the baby.

Questions?
anyone else obsessively take pregnancy test over the first week of finding out just to check you were still getting positives? I bought dollar store ones and got all positives but then found myself second guessing them. Then I took a clear blue digital one and just seeing it say "pregnant" was comforting.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
surprisingly good. I'm trying to keep a very positive mind set. Anytime I start to worry or have a cramp I just tell myself "today I am still pregnant". I really have been just taking it one day at a time.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
we don't plan on telling family for a few more weeks.. probably once I am in the second trimester. But my husband took me out to dinner the night I told him so that we could celebrate

the dinner conversation mostly consisted of us brainstorming baby names.

merrypotter · August 2017

@linds0503 unfortunately the fear doesn't really go away, for me anyway. I just try and push it to the back of my mind and ignore it. I've completely stopped reading things about loss and MC and solely try and focus on the positives. Hoping for a happy, heathy, and stress free 40 weeks for you!

merrypotter · August 2017

@hedgepig I'm actually surprised I haven't been experiencing much anxiety too. I'm such a natural worrier but I've really been focusing on just being positive so I feel really content right now. Of course some worry does creep in but I don't feed into by going online and reading things about MC like I did religiously with my previous loss! Can't wait to hear about your upcoming appointment!

looeeze · August 2017

@linds0503 I'm sorry, that's a terrible feeling to wake up to. I don't know if it ever goes away either, but I sure hope so. Your betas are great though- and you saw your LO on an US! I hope that brings you a bit of comfort. How far along were you with your loss?

@hedgepig I really appreciate your philosophy right now. I def needed to read that, thank you.

How far along are you? 6w

Any appointments coming up? U/S in a week

Questions? Why aren't I as tired as the rest of you?! I feel like my energy levels are just fine.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I go back and forth between being excited and terrified. At my last U/S (5w1d) we only saw the gestational sac, no yolk sac or fetal pole. I know it was early but I keep having dreams that my doctors force me to get a d&c cause there's nothing viable and I have such a sense of dread about the whole thing.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant? MH has always been super considerate and takes on more than 50% of housework, but now he's doing like 75% without saying a word. I haven't done any dishes in two weeks because every time I walk by the sink, the smell makes me sick.

lolablue3 · August 2017

How far along are you?
Going by my LMP, 6w 2d. At my u/s yesterday I measured 5w 5d.

Any appointments coming up?
Next Wednesday I go back in for another u/s and more blood work.

Questions?
None at the moment

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm doing a lot better now that I've seen a heartbeat. I was a little worried about measuring a couple days behind, but that's pretty common.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
Nothing yet! Except for a lot of nice text messages.

lolablue3 · August 2017

How far along are you?
Going by my LMP, 6w 2d. At my u/s yesterday I measured 5w 5d.

Any appointments coming up?
Next Wednesday I go back in for another u/s and more blood work.

Questions?
None at the moment

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm doing a lot better now that I've seen a heartbeat. I was a little worried about measuring a couple days behind, but that's pretty common.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
Nothing yet! Except for a lot of nice text messages.

looeeze · August 2017

@ChloandCoco Hey girl! So happy to be in a BMB with you.

@toniherdt I peed on like 10 sticks. And smart of you to avoid the stress of an early US. I wish I hadn't had mine yet, it only put tons of bad thoughts in my head.

@lolablue3 Yay for a heartbeat! FX for your next US.

sunshinedays-2 · August 2017

@linds0503 I have really really good days and really bad days. I try to enjoy the good ones and when the bad ones hit I've been mostly preoccupying myself with work or reading. That helps to take my mind off of it a bit and avoid spiraling.

@looeeze My energy levels are pretty decent too! Pretty much the only tiredness I'm feeling can be directly traced back to waking up 4 times a night to pee.

How far along are you?
5w3d

Any appointments coming up?
Not until the 29th

Questions?
Does anyone have any mindfulness apps or practices they really like? I used to meditate but fell out of it and I think I really need something to center me right now.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Some days are better than others. Struggling with my upcoming loss milestone of 6w2d because it was a MMC and I didn't actually find out until 7w and didn't MC naturally until almost 10w. I don't have an ultrasound until 8w2d this time around and I'm really struggling with the fact that anything could be happening and I wouldn't know it. Which is why I really want to get some mindfulness (and ideally positivity) into my life right now.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
My friends made me designated driver hahaha

linds0503 · August 2017

@ChloandCoco I have no problem hearing about people's living children or successful pregnancies. In fact it gives me a sense of hour when I realize that most women experience loss, but can have healthy pregnancies too.

@looeeze I had a blighted ovum, so the re suspected the embryo stopped developing in the 4th week. I am further than last time. I just think coming out of fertility treatment there is so much emphasis on what your body is doing wrong and what you need to do better that it makes something that is out of your control feel like your fault.

Thank you for all your support ladies!

ChloandCoco · August 2017

@linds0503 I had a blighted ovum too, it was diagnosed a 6w5d because I started bleeding.

looeeze · August 2017

linds0503 said:

*snip*
@looeeze I had a blighted ovum, so the re suspected the embryo stopped developing in the 4th week. I am further than last time. I just think coming out of fertility treatment there is so much emphasis on what your body is doing wrong and what you need to do better that it makes something that is out of your control feel like your fault.

I didn't have an RE but I still feel this, especially after my mc. You put it into perfect words. I suppose I could try focusing on the things my body is doing right instead.

ChloandCoco · August 2017

@toniherdtI POAS everyday (internet cheapies), I told myself that once I run out I'm not allowed to buy anymore.
@looeezeI'm so happy we are in the same BMB! FX you see a wiggly baby next week!
@lolablue3Yay for seeing the heartbeat!
@sunshinedays-2Is it possible to ask your doctor to move your US to an earlier date to help ease your anxiety?

ngolimento · August 2017

How far along are you?
five weeks tomorrow

Any appointments coming up?
Not until the end of the month

.

Questions?
None really. The only thing I am questioning is how the heck has this trimester seemed so long? I don't remember it going so frickin slow last time.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Ok. I am a moron for trying a personal trainer and new exercise routine in first tri. I'm also not enjoying chasing around a 2 year old while I want to just nap the entire day. Oh well, this too shall pass.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant? Nothing yet. Only a couple people know so far. I believe my BIL Will find out this Friday. Hopefully he can keep it from his sister, who is the biggest drama llama in existence.

linds0503 · August 2017

linds0503 · August 2017

toniherdt said:

@linds0503 unfortunately the fear doesn't really go away, for me anyway. I just try and push it to the back of my mind and ignore it. I've completely stopped reading things about loss and MC and solely try and focus on the positives. Hoping for a happy, heathy, and stress free 40 weeks for you!

@toniherdt I think that is a good idea. I feel like I sometimes go out of my way to read posts about women currently going through loss or who have stories that are leaning that way.

pghren · August 2017

@sunshinedays-2 my first mc was a mmc we didn't know until 9 weeks that they had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I feel the same way about not knowing what is happening at any given moment. I'm really hoping that my us goes well in 2 weeks. I scheduled it a week later because I knew we have a better chance of seeing more with a 7 week us than a 6 week one. I'm crossing my fingers that seeing the heartbeat will reassure me that they're alive and growing safely in there

How far along are you?
5w4d

Any appointments coming up?
us isn't for 2 weeks

Questions?
I'm seeing my mom and grandmother this weekend. I could tell them in person or wait till after the ultrasound in 2 weeks. They can be kinda prickly, and my mother hasn't dealt with my mc's well (she pretty much acts like they never happened) Seeking advice.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I got WIC benefits yesterday, and it was really pregnancy affirming. Plus my house is now full of foods I can tell DH not to eat (he's jealous of the cheese), and entirely too much milk...

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
When I was out running errands with my friend a few days after I told her, it started to rain as we were loading the car. She was like get in! I don't want you getting sick!

ngolimento · August 2017

@allowachick, I totally get your feelings on your mom. My family is extremely Midwestern, and really go by the rule of "we don't acknowledge difficulties and sadness". My parents haven't said a word about my miscarriage last month. Basically it's like it didn't happen.

My only advice is to just roll with it. It likely makes her hurt, and she doesn't like to hurt, so she ignores the topic. She is extremely unlikely to change, so trying to get her to talk about it will just upset you both. I personally just look for an emotional outlet elsewhere.

hedgepig · August 2017

@ChloandCoco I don't feel like there's a need for TWs for children, but if anyone does feel like that, she should definitely speak up!
@looeeze I'm glad I could help a bit. My energy levels change daily - some days I'm falling asleep trying to do work, or driving, but other days, or even the same day, just a different time of day, I feel fine. Those are are awful dreams to be having.... I think if I were having bad dreams like that I would be having a harder time too. Hugs, friend.
@lolablue3 Yay for a heartbeat!
@sunshinedays-2 I'm worrying about my second loss milestone too... I found out that I was going to MC when I went for my first U/S at 11 weeks, and didn't actually complete the MC for another week or so. The baby had stopped growing at 8 1/2 weeks. This time I'll have my first U/S at 8w1d, and I'm afraid that I won't feel like I'm able to trust that it's real, because it's before the point when the baby stopped growing the last time. At time he same time, I'm so happy to get an earlier U/S that I wouldn't want to push it off any longer. Also, I know that it's just superstition to put so much emphasis on what happened and when in the past. So, I guesa I don't have anything helpful to say except that I understand some of your feelings..
@toniherdt Yay for making an appt... I can't wait for all of us to get past our first appointments and then past the first trimester

pghren · August 2017

@ngolimento I'm glad I'm not the only one whose family is like that. DH finds it so weird. She also didn't deal with the news of our engagement well. When we called her she said "oh..." She responded well the first time I told her I was expecting, but this time, after everything that's happened, I don't know what to expect from her anymore.

ngolimento · August 2017

Well, today just turned shitty. I'm spotting and cramping.

ChloandCoco · August 2017

@ngolimento FX it's just a little bit of spotting and it stops quickly!

looeeze · August 2017

@ngolimento FX its a nothingburger. How bad is the spotting?

pghren · August 2017

@ngolimento fx that nothing's wrong

lolablue3 · August 2017

@ngolimento FX that everything is ok

linds0503 · August 2017

@ngolimento I hope it is nothing. Can you get an appointment to get reassurance?

@allowachick I am sorry your mom isn't helping you process your feelings that is not very helpful. I hope you have a supportive friend. dh and I are waiting until after we see the heartbeat to tell family, but that is more to do with that we want people to be able to get excited, and we aren't quite ready for that yet.

pghren · August 2017

@linds0503 I'm considering waiting till we see the heartbeat too. I feel like that way it might feel more real to people.

hedgepig · August 2017

@ngolimento Ugh, that's scary... FX it's nothing!
Edited to ask: How was your temp this morning?

sunshinedays-2 · August 2017

@allowachick It's hard right! I'm glad you have an earlier appt to get some reassurance! Also, my mom struggled with my MCs too, I think because she has never had one herself and didn't know what to say

@ChloandCoco I was barely able to get them to be flexible enough to find a time that my DH could attend but I think I might call back and see if there were any cancellations. I tend to be overly polite in these situations and sometimes I just have to work up to standing up for myself

@ngolimento My family is uber midwestern too and I totally understand what you mean. FX that it's nothing! I'll be thinking of you!

@hedgepig I completely understand the sentiment. It seems like there is no one perfect time to have that ultrasound they are all both too early and too late. Is your OB open to the possibility of a follow-up ultrasound for peace of mind?

hedgepig · August 2017

@sunshinedays-2 Possibly, although they seem pretty non-intervention, which I like. But if I insisted, they'd probably do it.

ngolimento · August 2017

Thank you for the good wishes everyone.

@looeeze so far it's really light, but fresh blood. I do tend to bleed during pregnancy (very pissy cervix), but every time it happens it freaks me out, especially if I start cramping.

@hedgepig part of why I am freaking out is that my temp dipped a bit today. Not under coverline, but enough to make me twitchy. I did pee on a stick and got a very dark line, so that makes me feel better.

mispanda · August 2017

@ChloandCoco I don't feel like you need a TW when mentioning other children.
@ngolimento hopefully it's just normal pregnancy spotting. But I understand the freaking out, I know I would do the same thing.

How far along are you? 6+2

Any appointments coming up? I had an ultrasound today and I got to see our little bean and see the heartbeat. It was amazing but I still have a lot of anxiety.

Questions? I'm question free, but I'm sure I'll think of one once I post reply.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm good just have a hard time being positive. Things are good right now and I should be happy but I can't help but think of what could happen.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
No. DH isn't really that kind of person to do anything sweet or a kind gesture. I wish he was though.

linds0503 · August 2017

@mispanda I think it is hard for all of us to let go of our anxiety. Today I noticed that the more I forgot about being pregnant by staying busy, the better I felt.

holly321 · August 2017

I hope it is fine if I post here... My miscarriage was 5 years ago and I have since had a child, but between yesterday being my due date for my loss, my spotting and low-ish progesterone, I am not doing the best.

@linds0503, the fear doesn't really go away. When I got pregnant with DS after my loss, feeling him move made it a lot easier. But I remember being about 30+ weeks pregnant, and he wasn't moving much and I could not feel him from the outside, I had a complete panic attack, illogically thinking he wasn't in me somehow.

How far along are you?
6 weeks today
Any appointments coming up?
I have an ultrasound next week. I am hoping I will have a few in the first trimester like I did last time.
Questions?
None at this time

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
So, I didn't know the guidelines for progesterone changed, mine was 5.8 last week, and is now 7.2. It all sounds do low. When mine was 9 years ago, I had to take supplements. While I am still freaking out a bit about it, I am glad I found the new guidelines want it about 4.1.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
My boss is being super sweet. She asks everyday how things are going. Which, isn't like her.

looeeze · August 2017

@holly321 you definitely go here! I'm sorry you're feeling the PGAL brain and I hope it goes away soon.

SCK2411 · August 2017

@ngolimento I hope it's nothing but normal pregnancy bleeding. Will be waiting for good news!

@allowachick My mom also didn't deal with my MC well. She's totally a push-it-under-the-rug type and just ignores feelings. I decided this time I'm going to wait til my second trimester or til it becomes obvious (whichever happens first). My EDD from my MC is coming up soon so things are already hard enough.

How far along are you?
5w6d

Any appointments coming up?
Had an US today and saw a heartbeat. Going back next week for another US to get a better idea of size and EDD

Questions?
None yet

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Mostly ok. Seeing the heartbeat definitely calmed me down some but I saw a heartbeat last time as well. I also have cramping and while I know that it's likely just growing pains, it still worries me every time.

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant?
So far only DH knows. Two nights ago I was exhausted and went to bed at like 9. I woke up at 11:30 starving so DH went out and bought me a deli sub and fries

Duckybears · August 2017

How far along are you?
6 weeks today

Any appointments coming up?
first ultrasound is Monday!

Questions?
Not right now

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I've had most of my miscarriages just before or on 6weeks exactly (including my most recent one in May.) feeling extra nervous these past few days, but I'm really glad we will go in for an ultrasound Monday so I won't feel this way until 8-9weeks. I've had one loss past 6 weeks, so I probably won't feel completely calm until our 10week u/s but this is the second big hurdle to get through. (CP was the first)

GTKY: what is something funny our sweet that someone had done since finding out you are pregnant? Only DH knows, we're not talking about it too much yet until we feel "out of the woods."

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