Announcing to family

cbutler0045 · July 2017

I recently had a MC at the beginning of June and just got my BFP the other day. I hadn't told the grandparents because we were all going on a vacation and we were going to surprise them then, but then I MC the week before we left. My MIL is also my midwife so when she found out I was pregnant was when I called freaking out because I was bleeding and then my own parents found out after I told them about my miscarriage. I'm obviously excited and want to tell them all soon, but for some reason I am finding comfort in the thought of telling my MIL like right now. I know she can't stop a miscarriage, but I also know that she can do blood work and see where my levels are at and make me feel more at ease. My DH asked if I wanted to meet up with her this weekend and tell her. I guess I'm just rambling at this point, but when do you all plan to tell your loved ones??

pbandjmom · July 2017

I am RIGHT there with you. I had a MC in late May, literally 3 days before we went on a big, family, European vacation. We had to tell our in-laws about the pregnancy and miscarriage right before we all left.

Now I am going on vacation again with them in two weeks. I kind of want to tell them because I feel like they understand our journey, but it also seems early and at this point my husband and I just "want to have our own business" and not let others into it..

Anyway.... LSS, I think we will wait until about 8-9 weeks and I'll be faking some drinking on vacation with everyone. I absolutely understand wanting to tell those close to you right away, though. I flip flop back and forth each day.

nond135 · July 2017

Tell her if you are comfortable telling her! There is no right or wrong answer there, and if there is some comfort in it and possible real practical help go for it. We waited until we saw a heartbeat with my first two before telling immediate family and waited until second trimester to tell anyone else. This time, if my stomach doesn't give me away, we are going to wait till second trimester to tell anyone but mainly because I have a 4 year old now that I don't really want knowing until we are in safer territory. I don't want to have to explain a miscarriage to her.

hedgepig · July 2017

@cbutler0045 I totally get where you're coming from! I think the question you're asking - when and how to announce your pregnancy is one that we will all be dealing with in one way or another, and for that reason I think this is a good example of a thread to start up outside of the weeklies because it applies to everyone. Also for that reason, do you think you'd be willing to change the title to something like "Making the Big Announcement" or "How Are You Going to Announce?" so that everyone on the board will feel welcome and encouraged to come here to post and talk about announcing? It would be much more fun to have everyone able to post all in one place

Similarly, since it's our first week and we don't have any of the weekly posts going yet, I will start the PGAL thread early/late. I'm so sad to see how many of us have gone through losses, so that is a good safe place for everyone to talk about loss specific issues.

Edit: Clarification.

lund · July 2017

Thanks for handling the board organization @hedgepig

hedgepig · July 2017

AFM, no one knows that we were TTC (*TW* except for the 3 people who we had to tell when I MC'd last time - my boss, a coworker and my brother */TW*), mostly because I really want the announcement to be a surprise, but also because we're generally really private people and I don't really want all the attention (read: questions) right away. We would consider announcing after 8 weeks with a good U/S, but, more likely we'll wait until the 1st trimester is done, just to be safe.

pghren · July 2017

With my first loss we waited till 8 weeks to tel people but then the loss came at 9. This time I already told a close local friend, and I'm planning to tell family after results of the second blood test which I should hear about Tuesday.

For me it was harder asking for emotional support when I had only just told people the good news. Plus I found it stressful hiding it.

dirtyboots · July 2017

We waited until I was around 10 weeks with my first to tell family. However, this go around we are telling this coming Sunday. It's DS #1 birthday party and the family will be all together. I will be 5 weeks at that point. The reasoning behind why we aren't waiting this time is #1 we hated keeping it secret so long last time. #2 if, God forbid, we were to loose the baby the family would have been aware of the pregnancy before hand and would be better emotional support and will have been able to share in the life.

holly321 · July 2017

We told my parents last night after finding out. I am not sure when we are telling other people. With our loss, I was showing and literally everyone knew I was pregnant, so I guess I just don't see the point in bothering to wait, because with the pregnancy after my loss, I never really felt "safe.". But, I have a 4 and 6 year old, who I am not ready to tell, so I am not telling other people besides very close family and friends, until we are ready to tell them.

MrsFox1315 · July 2017

We have told our parents and 2 of my closet friends, and I think we're telling our siblings this next week. I waited until the second blood test, but for us personally we have always felt that it would be something we shared early.

justkeepswimming8 · July 2017

Our plan is to tell our parents and siblings before anyone else. We are waiting for DH’s brother to come in town in August and we are going down to Texas to tell my parents before mid September. For DH’s family, we are secretly putting our 15-month old nephew in a shirt that says “I’m going to be a big cousin” and having him walk up to someone. My dad’s birthday is next week so his “birthday” present will be some way of telling them I’m pregnant (book, coffee mug or shirt, not sure yet). First grandchild on my side and second grandchild on DH’s side. After both our parents and siblings know, we (or our parents) will start telling extended family and DH will post something on FB after first trimester/we find out the sex (he wants to, I don’t care if we do or not).

rbs2015 · July 2017

Please hold, trying to get used to this posting thing

rbs2015 · July 2017

Why won't it let me respond more than like one sentence??

rbs2015 · July 2017

Ok here we go -
My mom found out before DH, just like last time with my now 21 month old daughter. We live out of state and the in laws are visiting around 8 weeks. The plan was to tell them then, but since MIL is so unpredictable we may wait until I'm 12 weeks via FaceTime. When we told her with my daughter, she was upset she couldn't tell her friends right away.. advice? I'm gonna have a Reese's cup now!!

It let me post! The emojis were holding me back

sjn00 · July 2017

We are telling my inlaws today. I waited until 12 weeks to tell them with our 1st and they felt really excluded. I will be 4 weeks tomorrow, so it is super scary early but, we want to be able to talk about it and its hard when no one knows lol.

looeeze · July 2017

@rbs2015 Oof, that's tough. Personally, I always think it's pretty rude when ILs or friends or whoever make someone else's pregnancy about themselves and telling their friends. When you told your MIL about your daughter, did she keep it to herself even though she was upset?

holly321 · July 2017

We changed our mind and told the inlaws and kids today. DD is excited, DS not so much.

whatabout2ndbreakfast · July 2017

We were planning on waiting to 8 weeks to tell the family. Last time was a bit unplanned and i didn't get to tell my parents in a cute way so planning on putting ds in a bug brother shirt and seeing how long it takes them to realize. Last time we waited until 16 weeks to tell non-family but i don't think we will be waiting that long this time

luna8433 · July 2017

I told my mom today. She knew we were ttc and asked last week when I didn't know. So I sent her this picture (she lives in another state). She happened to be with my sister who said I think she is pregnant. My mom just thought I was sending a picture of DS playing. She didn't see the book. I am going to wait to tell everyone else.

kindbytealikat · July 2017

We waited 12 weeks with our first but I think this time around I'd like to tell after our first US. ****TW I however could use some help with how to tell my sister. I didn't think about this fact when timing TTC. My due date is the exact date my sister was due with my nephew she lost at 20weeks

edit to add tw

kindbytealikat · July 2017

luna8433 said:

I told my mom today. She knew we were ttc and asked last week when I didn't know. So I sent her this picture (she lives in another state). She happened to be with my sister who said I think she is pregnant. My mom just thought I was sending a picture of DS playing. She didn't see the book. I am going to wait to tell everyone else.

Ok I may steal this idea. I am planning to try a Big Brother Est. 2018 shirt but getting DS to stand still for a picture may be close to impossible.

luna8433 · July 2017

I want to take another one when I announce to fb and close family. I want him either reading the book or at least see his face. But this one was fine for my mom. There is a little critter book about a new baby too. I tried other shots but it was hard to get him to sit still. I also want to photo shop the due date on the book.

pbandjmom · July 2017

I have no idea quite yet. We may tell them over Labor Day weekend when we will see a lot of family. I told DH on our 9 year wedding anniversary by wrapping up the test, but my 3.5 year old was also there. He told her that two lines means she gets a baby.

next day i had to go buy her a baby alive so she would stop asking where her two lines baby was. Hoping she keeps her mouth shut now...

whatabout2ndbreakfast · July 2017

@sandbridge1030 that's funny -I'm thinking we will wait to tell ds or he may tell everyone for us.

rbs2015 · July 2017

@looeeze Thanks for your words! It is a little tough and tricky. She did keep it to herself, but it was definitely a weird place to be and I felt uncomfortable the whole time. I think the more I reveal about her, the more I'm convincing myself to wait to tell her, for my own sanity.

Dumbgurl04 · July 2017

Since this will be the last new grandchild for my parents and for DH mom we want to do something special. Last time we told them once we got a BFP, this time they have no idea. I found this cute little picture frame that you can put the ultrasound picture in and it has a little poem about a new grand baby on the way. So once we have our first appointment I'm going to mail them the picture frames. I think it will be nice for them and I can't wait for that phone call when they find out.

As for the "official facebook" announcement. I'm going to dress DD up as a sith lord from Star Wars and have a sign next to her that says "Every Master needs an apprentice. Mine arrives April 2018". We did Star Wars announcements with DD so I think it would be fun to do them for this one as well.

kindbytealikat · July 2017

@Dumbgurl04 I will pretend I didn't see that Star Wars idea. My DH would love it and make me do it. I think it's an awesome idea though just not what I have already planned

dirtyboots · July 2017

Well we told the family today. My side was excited. DH side, for being so excited for #1 were pretty netural/negative about #2. We got as long drawn out "wooooww" and a comment about how having kids close together is hard. Well having kids in general is hard sooo feel free to keep your negatively to yourself, thank you.

sweetpea236 · July 2017

I think I'm the only person on the planet that told most of my close friends and family 4 days before my missed period . I figured if I MC I would still be telling all of them. I guess I'm just that kind of person, holding stuff in like that makes it harder for me to deal with. I did the same thing with my last pregnancy as well, heh.

whatabout2ndbreakfast · July 2017

Oh @dirtyboots I'm sorry that's the reaction you got from the ILs!

Dumbgurl04 · July 2017

hahaha @kindbytealikat you should hear my idea for our gender reveal it's also star wars themed

hurricane1212 · July 2017

Dumbgurl04 said:

Since this will be the last new grandchild for my parents and for DH mom we want to do something special. Last time we told them once we got a BFP, this time they have no idea. I found this cute little picture frame that you can put the ultrasound picture in and it has a little poem about a new grand baby on the way. So once we have our first appointment I'm going to mail them the picture frames. I think it will be nice for them and I can't wait for that phone call when they find out.

As for the "official facebook" announcement. I'm going to dress DD up as a sith lord from Star Wars and have a sign next to her that says "Every Master needs an apprentice. Mine arrives April 2018". We did Star Wars announcements with DD so I think it would be fun to do them for this one as well.

The BF is a little Sith Lord obsessed. I love all of this!!

ekendall09 · July 2017

We'll probably tell people as we see them and it makes sense to after the US. I told my family within the first 12 weeks with DD. I never announced it otherwise. Not sure i'll we'll do any sort of announcement this time around. I've only told my SIL so far since we talk daily and they will be TTC in the next 6 months too.

dirtyboots · July 2017

peppersmith22 said:

Oh @dirtyboots I'm sorry that's the reaction you got from the ILs!

It was a disappointing reaction, especially with how excited they were for #1. Oh well. Like my mama friend said "haters gonna hate".

looeeze · July 2017

We told my parents this weekend. TW since I mc'd two months ago they were not as pumped as the first time, which I guess is understandable but would've been nice ENDTW also my dad said "i know already" and I said "how" and he looked at my stomach and thighs and gave me a look. At which point, I promptly gave him a hard chewing out. No pops, that's not why I've gained weight. I stopped taking my ADD meds a few months ago and piled on 15 lbs and also remember how you told me I was too thin and needed to gain weight? NOW I HAVE AND YOU'RE GIVING ME THOSE LOOKS?! Helllll no.

My mom just said, "oh exciting. just be very careful." Thanks mom.

kindbytealikat · July 2017

looeeze said:

We told my parents this weekend. TW since I mc'd two months ago they were not as pumped as the first time, which I guess is understandable but would've been nice ENDTW also my dad said "i know already" and I said "how" and he looked at my stomach and thighs and gave me a look. At which point, I promptly gave him a hard chewing out. No pops, that's not why I've gained weight. I stopped taking my ADD meds a few months ago and piled on 15 lbs and also remember how you told me I was too thin and needed to gain weight? NOW I HAVE AND YOU'RE GIVING ME THOSE LOOKS?! Helllll no.

My mom just said, "oh exciting. just be very careful." Thanks mom.

Ugh "be very careful" why is there such a stigma with MC that it's something the carrier did....I wish that would go away. I'm sorry she said that hugs.
@dirtyboots sorry that reaction sucks

hedgepig · July 2017

@looeeze Ah jeeze, that sucks. *TW* I gained about 10 lbs before/after my MC and have gotten an "are you pregnant" as a result. */TW* Don't let it get to you, they're probably just trying to guard against potential pain. I know I am doing this too, even though I wish I wouldn't.

MrsFox1315 · July 2017

@sweetpea236 we told our parents before my missed period and my close friends and siblings the week after. If we MC I'd want them to know either way, so I decided there was no reason to wait.

ndgraham · August 2017

I get awful morning sickness. Its really all day and all time sickness. So we told the people we see are the regular. Especially for when I start skipping events, and gatherings.

As for when we are announcing to Facebook. We are thinking of waiting until we find out gender. But we don't know. Still playing around with the idea of when and how.

WildIrishRose89 · August 2017

We'll announce to super close family after the ultrasound confirms the due date. Everyone else will wait until the 2nd trimester or I'm showing enough that people start guessing...

pghren · August 2017

I had said we were gonna wait till after my betas, but now it's after my betas and I still don't feel ready. I also got lucky and got a script for an early us as early as 6 weeks to see the heartbeat. Now I'm considering waiting until then since it's not that far away

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