I know I haven't been on in awhile. Been pretty discouraged so I've been hiding in my own world. Lets see, I had my first round of Clomid ending in a BFN. The timing did not work out between AF and my doctors so I was unable to do another round this cycle, been prescribed a higher dose for next cycle.
TW***Went home for a visit for Easter. I thought I could make it through, I really did. But as soon as my little sister walked in towing her adorable toddler, her scrumptiously cute baby, and her current giant baby bump I shut down. We arent close enough for me to actually say anything so I was polite but quiet. I then went onto the front porch for some air and sobbed my heart out. It didn't help that my dad was there. He tried to give me some advise, apparently after graduating college, getting married and waiting until almost thirty I am still not ready for motherhood in his eyes. I promptly told him that while he had had many things to overcome in his life this was not one of them and he did not know how it felt or how hard it was. He then told me his spiel about how it was my body's way of telling me it wasn't the right time, which was when I started crying hysterically. Between everyone under the sun asking when we are going to have a baby, and my dad acting like I subconsciously don't want one, I just lost it. Because I do want it, sooo bad. And to see someone who did not want the three she has is just soooo hard. Wow, long rant, so sorry! Fyi in the end I got it together long enough to be the aunt everyone loves. I played with the toddler for hours, I walked the baby when my little sister looked like she was gonna pull her hair out, I maintained my reputation of awesome aunt C. and I enjoyed my time with them. TW End
1. TCC for 14 months 2. Diagnosis- Unexplained infertility 3. Rx Plan- Trying Clomid, OB will refer me to a Fertility Spec. if it does not work.
@Charligirl28 I am so sorry you had such a rough Easter and that your father said something so insensitive and hurtful. It's so impossible for some people to understand how this feels and so frustrating when they say something like that thinking that will make you feel better.
I'm sorry, but if infertility was the bodies way of telling someone they are not ready then teen pregnancies and crack babies would not be a thing. Some people just don't think before they speak and make the hurt so much worse.
Well I'm still pretty much just lurking around here and not really posting because we're still waiting til we decide we can afford to do ivf. However, I have a question for you ladies. Today is CD 9 for me at left completely on CD 5, but yesterday and today I have had some slight brown spotting every so often which I know just means old blood but I've never had spotting after af. I guess I'm just wondering if it could be because I'm not doing fertility meds this month and my body is just being weird? I know none of you ladies can tell me what it is for sure and I'm not worried about it because I don't think its anything of concern. I guess I'm more just wondering if it continues how long I should just let it go before I say something to my doc since its not a continuous bleed and just very little bits here and there.
Good luck with the move, @sunflowermama428. Are you doing TI or IUI this time?
@Charligirl28 I'm sorry about Easter. That's such a hard position to be put in. I agree with @hoffmanr7 that a lot of people don't think before they speak, and also a shocking number of people have no real idea of how the reproductive system works. For the most part, I've stopped talking to people who have not dealt with IF if they're inclined to put forth their opinions about what I should or should not be doing. For instance, my SIL. It's unfortunate, but people who have not dealt with IF just do not get it. There was an article in the NY Times about a clinic in NYC that was doing a lottery for free IVF, and the comments (mostly by people who had never dealt with IF or apparently known anyone who had) were just cruel. Anyway, I digress, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that you have lots of support here, and creepy internet hugs to you.
@kaitlink33 Hmm I've never had anything like that so I can't give you a better idea of what it might be, but if it continues I think it's worth bringing up with at least a nurse.
@Charligirl28 - I'm so sorry. A BFN after a first medicated dose is always tough, and then having to wait a whole cycle to start again for bureaucratic reasons is tough too. Bah.
But mostly I'm sorry about your conversation with your dad. If my dad told me that IF "was my body's way of telling me it wasn't the right time", I would have lost it, and not with tears. I would have been so rage-y.
I swear, I am not someone who is quick to anger IRL, but the way some people talk about IF makes me so mad. I'd be like: "If you get sick Dad, are you going to try to cure it? Or are you going to think it's your body's way of telling you it's time to die? Are you actually thinking about what you're saying with all this 'everything happens for a reason BS', or are you just using all these trite platitudes because that's easier than actually developing empathy?" Or at least, that's what I'd want to say - not sure it would come out so smooth or measured, or if I'd just be yelling...
And I've gotta say @hoffmanr7 - those people for whom it's impossible to understand how this feels, I think they're being a**holes. It shouldn't be so difficult for them to try to put themselves in someone else's shoes. That should be the rule for how people treat each other, not the exception. .
@kaitlink33 - I'd give it at least 2 cycles before worrying - clomid has totally changed my cycles, I suspect it will take me a couple of months to regulate again. I mean, unless you start bleeding more/seeing massive clots on like CD12. Then I'd check it out sooner, but a little brown spotting mid-cycle, I'd document, but wouldn't worry unless I'd seen it for a couple of cycles.
@funkykey I've been doing different things for a couple years (femara, Clomid, gonal f) and never had this, but like I said this month we're not doing anything so I'm not sure if that's why but I've skipped cycles of meds before and it hasn't done this either. I'm having some mild cramping so I'm just worried af is trying to show again.
@hoffmanr7 Thank you for the "Creepy Internet hug" It really brightened my day . People really do not understand. I cant count the number of the keep the faiths, just relaxes and it will happen's. It is enough to make someone scream!
@funkykey I had not read that article, thanks so much for the link! I completely understand the rage, I wish I was a person with rage lol. I mostly just cry when i'm upset which makes it hard to prove a valid point or coherent thought.
@hoffmanr7 I know right?! That explanation makes no logical sense considering the amount of unwanted pregnancies in the world. If it were that easy noone would get pregnant unless they wanted to.
@kaitlink33 I wouldn't worry, I think the Clomid can change your cycle. My period was definitely different after this first cycle. If you arent on anything this cycle it could be your body trying to get back into sync.
@Bababatty thank you and we are on our own this time. My first husband had low count and motility so we went straight to ivf and my current husband is normal so they just gave me three scripts for clomid and told me to make an appointment if I'm not pregnant in three months I'm use to so much monitoring so I have so much anxiety about not knowing what's going on with my body.
@Charligirl28 I'm so sorry about the comment your dad made... very insensitive. My mom (who also had TTC mind you...) said if we weren't pregnant in 3 months something must be wrong with one of us. Thanks, mom, really. FX for you, I know it's not easy and it's frustrating especially with little support.
Me: 34 - SO: 40 TTC #1 since 8/2016 FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries) Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
@Charligirl28 I'm so sorry to hear you had a rough easter. I've been told the same thing and it does really hurt. Unfortunately I do think it's some peoples way of trying to be supportive - they just have no idea how insensitive and hurtful it comes across
Me: 26, DH: 26 TTC #1 since July 2016 Dx: PCOS, on Metformin since Feb 2017
Got my beta back today and my HCG was only 18. The nurse said it to give up hope because she's had lots of babies come out of this number. I am prepared for a chemical pregnancy but hopeful this one is it. As always thank you everyone for the support!
Me 36 DH 34 - Married May 2010 DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation TTC since December 2014 Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good 2 snow babies
Me: 34 - SO: 40 TTC #1 since 8/2016 FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries) Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
@GoldenKeys I think it's time to officially graduate me. I had my first ultrasound on the 1st and Ive got two little beans! Thank you all for all of the wonderful support, encouragment, laughter, and advice yall have provided the last year and a half. This has been the most trying time of my life for sure. I still can't believe I'm having twins! They don't tell you though, how much anxiety comes with pregnancy after a loss. But we are hopeful that these little gems are around for good. I've made it further than with my previous pregnancy, so hopefully the risky parts are behind me.
I love you all and am praying believing and hoping that all of this wonderful community gets their gift this year!
Trigger warning
me: 28 dh: 34 married since October 2015-started trying immediately dx: PCOS, anovulatory rx: provera metformin progesterone *TW* BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis 1 clomid cycle (March 2017) BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017 di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia *End TW* BFP Sept.2019
Me: 34 - SO: 40 TTC #1 since 8/2016 FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries) Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
Re: TTTC Checkin 05/02/2017
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
TW***Went home for a visit for Easter. I thought I could make it through, I really did. But as soon as my little sister walked in towing her adorable toddler, her scrumptiously cute baby, and her current giant baby bump I shut down. We arent close enough for me to actually say anything so I was polite but quiet. I then went onto the front porch for some air and sobbed my heart out. It didn't help that my dad was there. He tried to give me some advise, apparently after graduating college, getting married and waiting until almost thirty I am still not ready for motherhood in his eyes. I promptly told him that while he had had many things to overcome in his life this was not one of them and he did not know how it felt or how hard it was. He then told me his spiel about how it was my body's way of telling me it wasn't the right time, which was when I started crying hysterically. Between everyone under the sun asking when we are going to have a baby, and my dad acting like I subconsciously don't want one, I just lost it. Because I do want it, sooo bad. And to see someone who did not want the three she has is just soooo hard. Wow, long rant, so sorry! Fyi in the end I got it together long enough to be the aunt everyone loves. I played with the toddler for hours, I walked the baby when my little sister looked like she was gonna pull her hair out, I maintained my reputation of awesome aunt C. and I enjoyed my time with them. TW End
1. TCC for 14 months
2. Diagnosis- Unexplained infertility
3. Rx Plan- Trying Clomid, OB will refer me to a Fertility Spec. if it does not work.
Married: 2014
TTC #1: Since 2/2016
I'm sorry, but if infertility was the bodies way of telling someone they are not ready then teen pregnancies and crack babies would not be a thing. Some people just don't think before they speak and make the hurt so much worse.
sending you a big creepy internet hug
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
@tops-2 Beautiful!
Good luck with the move, @sunflowermama428. Are you doing TI or IUI this time?
@Charligirl28 I'm sorry about Easter. That's such a hard position to be put in. I agree with @hoffmanr7 that a lot of people don't think before they speak, and also a shocking number of people have no real idea of how the reproductive system works. For the most part, I've stopped talking to people who have not dealt with IF if they're inclined to put forth their opinions about what I should or should not be doing. For instance, my SIL. It's unfortunate, but people who have not dealt with IF just do not get it. There was an article in the NY Times about a clinic in NYC that was doing a lottery for free IVF, and the comments (mostly by people who had never dealt with IF or apparently known anyone who had) were just cruel. Anyway, I digress, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that you have lots of support here, and creepy internet hugs to you.
@kaitlink33 Hmm I've never had anything like that so I can't give you a better idea of what it might be, but if it continues I think it's worth bringing up with at least a nurse.
But mostly I'm sorry about your conversation with your dad. If my dad told me that IF "was my body's way of telling me it wasn't the right time", I would have lost it, and not with tears. I would have been so rage-y.
I swear, I am not someone who is quick to anger IRL, but the way some people talk about IF makes me so mad. I'd be like: "If you get sick Dad, are you going to try to cure it? Or are you going to think it's your body's way of telling you it's time to die? Are you actually thinking about what you're saying with all this 'everything happens for a reason BS', or are you just using all these trite platitudes because that's easier than actually developing empathy?" Or at least, that's what I'd want to say - not sure it would come out so smooth or measured, or if I'd just be yelling...
I've dragged this one out a few times, but just in case you haven't seen it:
https://nymag.com/thecut/2016/09/ask-polly-why-do-women-obsess-about-babies-and-fertility.html
And I've gotta say @hoffmanr7 - those people for whom it's impossible to understand how this feels, I think they're being a**holes. It shouldn't be so difficult for them to try to put themselves in someone else's shoes. That should be the rule for how people treat each other, not the exception. .
@kaitlink33 - I'd give it at least 2 cycles before worrying - clomid has totally changed my cycles, I suspect it will take me a couple of months to regulate again. I mean, unless you start bleeding more/seeing massive clots on like CD12. Then I'd check it out sooner, but a little brown spotting mid-cycle, I'd document, but wouldn't worry unless I'd seen it for a couple of cycles.
@funkykey I had not read that article, thanks so much for the link! I completely understand the rage, I wish I was a person with rage lol. I mostly just cry when i'm upset which makes it hard to prove a valid point or coherent thought.
@hoffmanr7 I know right?! That explanation makes no logical sense considering the amount of unwanted pregnancies in the world. If it were that easy noone would get pregnant unless they wanted to.
@kaitlink33 I wouldn't worry, I think the Clomid can change your cycle. My period was definitely different after this first cycle. If you arent on anything this cycle it could be your body trying to get back into sync.
Married: 2014
TTC #1: Since 2/2016
@Charligirl28 I'm sorry you had such a rough Easter. I wish I had more to offer but I don't.
@funkykey thank you for sharing that article!
Me: 34 - SO: 40
TTC #1 since 8/2016
FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries)
Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks
Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
TTC #1 since July 2016
Dx: PCOS, on Metformin since Feb 2017
DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
TTC since December 2014
Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy
FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks
FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks
FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days
FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days
Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good
2 snow babies
Me: 34 - SO: 40
TTC #1 since 8/2016
FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries)
Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks
Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
@GoldenKeys I think it's time to officially graduate me. I had my first ultrasound on the 1st and Ive got two little beans! Thank you all for all of the wonderful support, encouragment, laughter, and advice yall have provided the last year and a half. This has been the most trying time of my life for sure. I still can't believe I'm having twins! They don't tell you though, how much anxiety comes with pregnancy after a loss. But we are hopeful that these little gems are around for good. I've made it further than with my previous pregnancy, so hopefully the risky parts are behind me.
I love you all and am praying believing and hoping that all of this wonderful community gets their gift this year!
Trigger warning
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin progesterone
*TW*
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan
DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia
*End TW*
BFP Sept.2019
@mrswifeytoad congrats!
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
@mrswifeytoad CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Me: 34 - SO: 40
TTC #1 since 8/2016
FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries)
Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks
Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks
@Charligirl28 I'm sorry to hear about your Easter. I know exactly how you feel.
@worldtravler0522 Good luck on your next betas girl!
@mrswifeytoad Congrats! That is awesome!
@mrswifeytoad congrats. Twins!! So exiting.
Me: 36 DH:35
Married: 7/10/2016
TTC#1 - May 2016
BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016
BFP 5/5/2017 - CP
IVF #1 - June 2017 - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo. 7/9 Beta #1 - 161
9 months. Two MC, one at 6 weeks and one at 5 weeks.
Recently diagnosed with Factor V Leiden. A blood clotting gene.
Currently taking baby aspirin while TTC, then hormone supplements once I get a BFP. Possibly Lovenox further in.
Married for 7 years, TTC for 4 years
dx: Diminished Ovarian Reserve
2 Clomid IUI's + 4 injectable IUI's= 5 BFNs and 1 mc