Anyone doing IVF in July/August?

[Deleted User] · July 2017

Hey guys! So I had my saline sono today... good thing we repeated it...

The good news is, the procedure itself was totally fine!!! Thank God. I think before it was so crazy bc he was trying to check my tubes, too. This was so so way much less saline and totally nbd.

But.... she saw a polyp. Womp. So for now, we will probably just stick with my stimming schedule for August, then schedule the polypectomy prior to FET. Plus, that way we have time to see how retrieval/ fert/ blasts /PGS all went, in case we feel compelled to bank.

Either way, it's really fine, just lame to know we have one more little hiccup in the road ahead, and one more "nap" lol

dragonette505 · July 2017

@BusinessWife I feel you... i had to have TWO fibroid surgeries before being able to transfer... Nothing worse than that because of the downtime. Maybe your downtime will be shorter since its just a polyp!
I will probably be doing anther stimming cycle so who knows! maybe we will end up doing FET's at the same time too!

marioana99 · July 2017

ok, IUI done

. Much easier than last time, then 2 nurses had a hard time to put the speculum in and get to my cervix, this time super easy. I was done at 10 AM, and my left ovary started hurting around 8:30 (hopefully it was ovulation not just wishful thinking

). So now 2ww begins...
I don't know why I am strangely exited about this, although i am convinced an IUI won't work for me...but I guess it's always hope...

[Deleted User] · July 2017

Yay! @marioana99. That is awesome! Of course - you gotta have hope! ❤❤❤

@dragonette505 Oh dear, that does not sound fun. Yes - hopefully the downtime really shouldn't be long. And that way we can also have a minute to look at how the first retrieval went. If we do pgs on fewer than 10 we can still repeat the cycle and test more to bank. ;) so who knows what will happen till its happening, right?

funkykey · July 2017

BusinessWife said:
Guys, I am maybe being a drag, but I dunno. I guess now that things are really about to happen, I'm excited, but also just bummed we have to do any of it in the first place. plus with the MFI health with, now we get to go right into ivf for me, fx we don't really have any issues on my end, but then it almost feels like "cheating." Don't get me wrong, we had no idea if we would even find sperm, let alone still if we will get healthy blasts to freeze, but in the ivf world with so many of us women struggling and doing repeat cycles. - I'm sure I could just as easily have to repeat too, - but a part of me almost feels like an IF imposter or something, being an azoo wife. I dunno. Maybe that's stupid. I dunno why it has to still feel so isolating, even tho I know we are all here for each other and in it together. Sigh. I dunno.

@BusinessWife - oh man, sounds like you have been on the IF emotional rollercoaster! Just a point of clarification- you're hardly going straight into IVF or "cheating" or an "imposter"- I see from your sig you have been NTNP since May 2015, and actively TTC since November 2015! That is a long time!!! Don't let the mindf*ck of this give you IF Stockholm Syndrome!

Sometimes, in the thick of IF treatments, it's hard to remember how easy it is for some couples to conceive. I have tried very hard to avoid all conversations like that, or mentions of that IRL tbh. Mostly, I just talk about IF with people here, because it can be less painful.

But that means my perceptions of how easy/hard it is to conceive can be skewed. Like, I've had moments, if I'm being really honest, where I'm jealous of a PCOS woman who gets pregnant immediately after she's on the right dose of metformin or something, even after she's been trying for a year. I've been jealous of women who've gotten KU-ed after IUIs! I usually have to stop and remind myself that I feel that way because what I'm dealing with is very painful. If I weren't IF, would I be jealous of these women at all?! Of course not - absolutely not! I'd be happy for them!

IF is awful, it plays with your hormones and the stress and uncertainty can do a number on your sanity. I know that there must be women here who feel pangs of jealousy when someone gets more eggs than them, or someone has better quality blasts - I think, given the challenges we are facing, that that's normal and understandable, and I am so proud of everyone who says: "congratulations!" even when they feel like they've been stabbed in the gut!

And I know the flip side of that too - I don't think I mentioned, but when I came out of my ER, there was a woman in the waiting area, behind a curtain, who'd done the retrieval maybe 30 minutes before me, being told they'd retrieved just one egg from her. I knew I had at least eleven. I wanted to go and hug her, IV, hospital gown and all. She sounded so sad. It's so unfair! I felt guilty that I'd been so pleased with my total.

Anyway, I know how you feel - like feeling optimistic about your future, and then feeling guilty about that because you're aware of how sh*tty this is for others who are in the thick of it. And I don't think it's stupid - I think it's very sweet!

I wish we had magic wands and we could fix this for everyone, and give everyone their own beautiful healthy baby! But all we can really do is just send our good vibes to everyone, and be kind when they are sad, and be happy for them when we are sad, even when sometimes all we want to do is crawl under a rock. And I think we're all doing that really well.

Like @dragonette505 says - I couldn't pick a better bunch of ivf sisters.

I'm sorry about your polyp, too - I hope it resolves fast!

@marioana99 - I'm feeling really hopeful for you too! FX!

Hopeful_mom · July 2017

Momifbysea said:

Just a quick rant...it is soooo hard staring at these meds for 2 months! I'm ready to shoot up already, lol!

Im sitting here at work with a venti decaf latte, dreaming of when I can have caffeine and wine again. I told DH last night, you know what sucks? It's all the rules of pregnancy without a guarantee of the pregnant part! Come on August!!!

so this reminded me of when my friends were having a baby and arguing over a name...and I guess my added argument was everything the woman has to go through and give up during pregnancy to hopefully have a healthy pregnancy....as he's sitting and having a beer. Get ready for it he said and I quote "you're only an incubator!" I literally lost me SH*T!!! He likes to argue with me and i'm not even his wife! Anyhoo it was pointless but when you don't get KU right out of the gate no one realizes how many times you stop having wine at dinner in hopes that you are in fact KU. I can't tell you how many times I haven't had sushi as a precaution. People this sure no biggie for a year...people stop smoking and start right up after they have the baby...yes i know its bad for you, just adding in what people give up. If you've never been through IVF you just dont have a clue.

allycheer00 · July 2017

@dragonette505 I think I get what you're saying. I feel like I need a tape recorder at every appointment because there is so much information and I forget easily.

@BusinessWife It's always something. I'm glad this one went better for you, though.

@marioana99 Woohoo for an easy procedure!

The 5 day report on the first 5 to fertilize is 2 are of good quality and were biopsied. The other 3 arrested between Wed and today. They will let me know about the 4 late ones tomorrow but so far they're still growing! I hope at least 2 make it.

dragonette505 · July 2017

@allycheer00 That's awesome! If you get a couple more from the second group youll be in business!!

bionerdsteph · July 2017

Nothing new for me just waiting until my next AF to start FET transfer prep so I'm lurking. At least I'm about to get on a plane for home after a week of 10 hours days of information over load in Boston with crappy weather. I did learn a lot- DO NOT eat too much salt, it's a huge risk factor for autoimmune diseases. Excess salt messes with your gut bacteria which knocks your immune system off balance and increased the likelihood of autoimmunity!

Hearing you all talk about New York makes me miss it a little. I was there for grad school and it's a fun town, but I'm definitely a west coast person. Rain in the summertime is so wrong.

@BusinessWife I had to have a lawn of polyps removed and it wasn't bad, I had a teeny tiny bit of crapping the next day and that was it.

I've had a lot of experience on emotional roller coasters. Roll with it, feel the feels and then move on. Just bc other people have it worse dosent mean what you're experiencing isn't painful and hard. Being in the cancer world is a constant reminder I have it pretty good being almost 9 years cancer free, doesn't mean IF isn't hard though. I had a friend getting a port put in her head so they could inject chemo straight into her spinal fluid bc she has tumors metastasis there while I was getting the news that our embryos were not as good as hoped. I still wallowed for a day, then got over myself.

ReesaAnne16 · July 2017

Hi all,
I feel like if I'm going to stalk this group anyway, I should join it.

I used to be a very active member of TTGP and T-TTC in 2015-2016 but after our 6th failed IUI I needed a break. It's nice to see some familiar faces (hey @BusinessWife & @funkykey !!) but sad you are still here, waiting...

I had a laparoscopy performed in April where they found 3 very minor spots of endometriosis and removed them. We also switched RE clinics around then, and because of DH's high DNA fragmentation, she recommended IVF with ICSI. She told us, with ICSI our odds are similar to a couple without DNA frag (still not sure I believe her, but I'm hoping she's right)

We elected for a mini (low-stim) IVF, because we have ethical concerns with creating excess embryos (I don't judge anyone who chooses otherwise, but we feel very strongly about this).

Our goal is to retrieve 5 eggs to ICSI, and do 1 fresh day-5 transfer and freeze any remainder (if we're blessed with extra).

In June, I stimmed with high dose letrozole, Gonal-F 75U, and I had 5 great looking follicles developing on the right side (unfortunately, my left ovary has not been responding the last few cycles, so I likely have some diminished ovarian reserve as well, even though my AMH is OK) BUT on the day of retrieval, it was discovered I had ovulated already, and no eggs could be retrieved. It was devastating news, as I know you have all had at some point in time.

We took July off, and we're planning to start again in Aug. AF is due next weekend, then I start BCP for a few days to line my cycle up with some travel I have, and then stims start Aug 10th.

I will be on the same stims, but my doctor added cetrotide this time, to prevent early ovulation. I hope it works and that we actually get to a transfer this time.

I'm rooting for you all! Thanks for reading my novel if you made it this far

[Deleted User] · July 2017

@ReesaAnne16. Hey, girl!!!! HEY!!!!!
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/ga/9j9x0coxndpu.gif" alt="">
So happy so see you again! Except here obv, after such a tough cycle already... (((hugs))) fx for all good things this cycle! I hear you on not wanting to be over stimulated. We still hope to have a big-ish family, so we'll see how it goes. My doctor assured me if we have several frosties, we can take all the time we need up to age 55 to keep going back to transfer. I am going to feel like a baby-making machine!!! Lol (if we're lucky ;) )

@funkykey @bionerdsteph. @allycheer00 Thanks ladies, I know you totally totally get it, and are saying what I'm feeling so much better than I am right now. Ugh.... I guess its just been a rough week. Hoping to shake it off and start off fresh Monday, after hopefully a relaxing + productive weekend!

dragonette505 · July 2017

@bionerdsteph are you studying autoimmune conditions or looking into your own?
@ReesaAnne16 great to have another Summer Stimmer! Looks like you will be starting right around the same time as a bunch of us!

ReesaAnne16 · July 2017

Hey @BusinessWife Thank you, that gif made me smile so much

I've been following you and I was so thrilled that your DH's procedure went well and there were sperm to freeze yay! I'm sorry about the polyp

How long ago was your last imaging? I didn't think polyps could pop up like that. I hope it doesn't set you back to long as far as timing your FET.

[Deleted User] · July 2017

@ReesaAnne16. Thanks, :/ it definitely sucks after riding the high of so much good news. The last one was 8/23/16 so what's that? 11 months? I really don't know much about this stuff... I guess a year is about long enough then maybe, since I think that's about the timeframe they say they want you to repeat it at. So I probably shouldn't be so surprised. We'll just have to see how it goes, scheduling-wise!

gfgrump · July 2017

Hey all,
Been in a pd the past two days shop just getting caught up on everything. There was a lot so i wont even pretend to be keeping it all straight.
But.know im cheering for all of you, esp thpse just getting started.
@ReesaAnne16 welcome. Sorry youre dealing with a bunxh of crap and fx this is tour cycle.

marioana99 I am sending you all the good vibes. Getting converted sux, but with 2 biggies in there, you got a good shot. I'm really hopeful for you.

@allycheer00 fx for more good news tomorrow. 2 today isn't bad. I was thinking about you all day since we had our ER on the same day.
Unfortunately, I have NO NEWS on my embabies. I'm hoping that at least means there's more than one, because if there were none, they would have called by now, right? right? They originally told us they'd call saturday, I was hoping it would be today though. I was all stressed and checking my phone every five minutes all day long. This PD I was at was about coaching teams and it's all about norms and being present, yada yada. So as we're setting our norms and process check for the day, someone says something about not being on your phone. So I decided, well I just be transparent. I say, "well just to put it out there, I'm waiting for a really important call from doctor, which is why I'm checking my phone so much. Nothing against you guys, etc." As I'm saying that, I burst into tears. And so then, I tell them, I'm doing IVF and I"m waiting to hear about my embryos. I'm sorry I don't know why I'm crying." And then I was just really off for the rest of the day. But I did have a nice chat with this woman in my group who now has two adopted kids after trying for 10 years. They never did IVF, but just tried naturally for 10 years. Holy shit. But anyway, her story ends happily. I gotta believe all of ours will too.
This journey is just so much. I think it was just all the emotion of the summer, not crying at all, and just feeling this stress of waiting to hear how many and then just bam! It all hit me. Anyway, I definitely relate to all that you guys posted in the past day or two. Fx I get good news tomorrow and we can finally test and transfer!

bionerdsteph · July 2017

@dragonette505 I work in cancer immunology but was just at a continuing education kind of thing that was a what's the latest research & movement in all areas of Immunology. Is your name from the band?

[Deleted User] · July 2017

@Dwmmd. (((Hugs))) fx no news is good news! I hear so much if what you were saying. Here we are too coming down from FINALLY getting the amazing news we needed to hear about DH!!! ...and then it just turned into a really "off" week somehow. Idk. Fx for an awesome report on your embies very soon! ❤

helloworld9 · July 2017

@Dwmmwd - It's so hard when we have to keep IVF such a secret from everyone. I haven't told my mom, my coworkers, no one. Just a couple friends who live in NY and know other people who do. I feel like in large cities people get it, but for smaller communities where people are hush hush, it's not something I want to willingly bring up. But you are so strong!

@allycheer00 - I hope all of your embryos make it!!

@ReesaAnne16 - I hope your next IVF goes well!

@bionerdsteph - I'm also waiting for my FET. But I'm going to keep OPK-ing during my cycles before then!

@Hopeful_mom - So true... no one understands the struggle until they've faced infertility themselves. Even then, it's not even a _whole_ lot of people, right? Like 85% of the world has no problem at all...

@funkykey - I think it's hard to manage emotions during IVF too. Like, it's easy to get jealous of everyone's hauls or whatnot, but at the same time, no one who goes through treatments should ever have to feel grateful spending tens of thousands of dollars on something that should be practically free. Sigh. But I know exactly where you're coming from.

@marioana99 - I hope your IUI works!! The TWW is brutal.

allycheer00 · July 2017

@dwmmwd I was going to page you yesterday but then I remembered you said you get your report today. Hope you've heard from them or will hear from them soon. I was convinced that they didn't call because I still had some in the game. I'm sure that's the same for you! I think it's therapeutic to talk about it and a good cry is necessary for your emotional health. My anxiety was on 10 yesterday. A coworker, in front of everyone, asked why my face was so red and I just went into explaining the whole process. At the end of my story, everyone looked at me with shocked faces. It was good to let people know how hard this journey is.

AFM, as I'm typing out my response, the clinic called. 2 more embryos have been biopsied and frozen. They were also high quality. The samples will be sent out in Monday so I'm hoping to know something in 2 weeks. Also, just waiting for my period. Oh, the lovely waiting game.

allycheer00 · July 2017

Hi @ReeseAnne16! Ovulating early seems to happen more than the specialists admit. I know the cetrotide will do the trick this time! Your stims are just around the corner. Exciting!

gfgrump · July 2017

@allycheer00 awesome 2 more! So you've got 4 now right? Any from before? And you're just doing pgs? No pgd right? My friend, (the one who ended up naturally preggers) sent 4 for testing and had 3 normals. And shes 40, so i think you have a good chance with 4.
Ah yes, the waiting game. Good times. Do you think the timing will work out for august or it wpuld need to be a sept transfer?

No updates over here. Will def let you all know when i hear something. Im sure it will be another anxious day but i think im going to a ukulele meetup so that should help take my mind off things. Its like impossible to bit feel happy when playing the uke! Highly recommend.

funkykey · July 2017

@ReesaAnne16 - bah!!! I am both happy and sad to see you back!

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/zv/r9t8gxjggla9.gif

(Obviously, the use of gif was inspired by @BusinessWife - haha. I loved your gif too, and probably haven't used them enough!)

@ReesaAnne16 - I'm sad your June cycle didn't work, but hoping this next one does!!

@BusinessWife - hoping next week you feel a little more like:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/2b/l2da2v30r0sy.gif

(Couldn't resist a gif for you too - LOL!)

@Dwmmwd - oh man, waiting like that would be torture! I might have cried too!

The day after our ER procedure, we had to go to a family wedding. We didn't stay late or anything, and I was pretty drugged up, but I felt like sh*t. So bloated and gross and tired. Anyway, my sister was there with her baby, and my husband was playing with the baby, so my sister and her husband could eat their meals. A woman who works with my aunt & my dad, an old family friend, comes up to me and whispers to me: "I saw your hubby, he's so good with babies. When are you going to get pregnant?" And I totally brushed her off, like: "When the time comes." I didn't want to get into it, and I think it's a very rude and inappropriate question besides.

Anyway, earlier this week, I had to go see my dad for something, so I swung by his work. This woman comes up to me again, and starts pushing it. Like: "When are you going to get pregnant?" I brushed her off again, said something noncommittal, and she goes: "No, really, you don't have that much time girl." Or something like that. And I totally snapped - I looked at her dead on and was like: "I'm infertile." And then walked away.

I was shaking and so upset. She came up to me after and was like: "I'm so sorry, I had no idea, I didn't know." And I snapped again, like: "I don't want to talk about it. I don't like talking about it." I was proud of myself for not saying: "Of course you didn't know, because it's none of your f*cking business! Learn some f*cking manners!"

She's a nice woman and I know she feels bad, but I'm still upset about it, like that the whole thing happened at all. I'm a private person, and I'm so upset that she was so rude and didn't let it go and pushed like that!

This whole thing is so stressful, and encounters like that are totally not needed, you know? I'm so sorry that happened to you about the phone! My mom used to say: "Be nice, because you never know what someone is going through." and I wish more people had had that advice, you know?

(last one, I promise)

@allycheer00 - two more? Wonderful news! So excited for you, and I hope the run-in with the coworker wasn't too awful. It is good to be transparent sometimes, but it's nicer when it's on your terms and you're feeling strong.

[Deleted User] · July 2017

@funkykey 1. Never stop giffing!!! :D
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/l3/oda4hj9wux9c.gif" alt="">

2. I'm so sorry about that whole thing with that woman. Gosh. You are literally describing my worst nightmare. We too have a family wedding coming up - AF before stimms is due Aug 16th; wedding is Sept 2nd. :/ Not looking forward to that because I'm sure I'll look/feel awful - if not half-pregnant, and I just don't want to deal with the comments, either... (((big hugs)))
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/2l/9rd6vxmjqnhe.gif" alt="">

ReesaAnne16 · July 2017

funkykey said:

(last one, I promise)

This is what I feel like doing to at least 1/3 of my clients daily...
"Oh your dog is having seizures again? Oh you're only giving his medication once a day instead of twice a day as prescribed?!?"
"Ok, so you're not giving your cat the medication I prescribed for vomiting because you're afraid it will make her vomit more??!?"
It's endless...

Sorry about the jerky lady, it sounds like you handled it really well, and it's amazing how many people do this! There needs to be a PSA about infertility, maybe a facebook ad or something that tell people how wrong and hurtful it is to ask about a couple's plans to procreate in any way, shape or form.

funkykey said:

And I know the flip side of that too - I don't think I mentioned, but when I came out of my ER, there was a woman in the waiting area, behind a curtain, who'd done the retrieval maybe 30 minutes before me, being told they'd retrieved just one egg from her. I knew I had at least eleven. I wanted to go and hug her, IV, hospital gown and all. She sounded so sad. It's so unfair! I felt guilty that I'd been so pleased with my total.

I don't think you should feel guilty about this situation at all! I literally was that other woman last month, so I'm telling you it's OK to celebrate the few little victories that come along. You should totally be celebrating 4 frozen embabies! That's awesome!! IF leaves us so little to celebrate most days, that we truely have to seize any silver lining or tiny blessings that are presented to us

Holls214 · July 2017

@BusinessWife after many years of the when are you going to have kids question... I did make a long post on Facebook about what we were going through. It was extremely hard but no more questions are asked and people were very supportive. Of course I didn't go into too much detail but it felt very freeing. I decided to do it after I flipped on one of my good friends for telling me you'll know when you have kids... argh people are so dumb.

ReesaAnne16 · July 2017

allycheer00 said:

Hi @ReeseAnne16! Ovulating early seems to happen more than the specialists admit. I know the cetrotide will do the trick this time! Your stims are just around the corner. Exciting!

Thank you! The saddest part, is that I had this sinking worry for several days that it was going to happen, because my lead follicle was bigger than it ever had been on any of my IUI cycles and the retrieval was scheduled for CD15 which is the latest I ever ovulate (usually its CD13 or CD14). I didn't use OPK's because I told myself "This is all my doctor does all day is time these things; I need to trust her...."

I even asked the nurse as she was prepping me if she had ever seen someone who ovulated early (She was like 70, so she has seen a lot) and she said only once or twice, it's rare. I feel like I willed it into being by worrying about it.

My doctor told me it's extremely uncommon, but then she made a comment to my nurse saying "We have to change the min-stim protocol..." that made me think that maybe this happens more than they let on.

Hopefully the cetrotide works, I'm glad to hear of other people on it.

TW other person's success

My friend, who had to go through 3 stims and 3 fresh transfers before conceiving her twins, told me prior to my retrieval that no matter what happens, it will be a good learning experience. I was kind of annoyed by her comment initially, but then after the failed retrieval, I was thankful for her perspective; this next stim will be better, I know it.

dragonette505 · July 2017

@bionerdsteph nope! Didn't know they were a band! I got the name because I was obsessed with all of the wizard of oz series as a kid. On one of her adventures she met a nest of baby dragons called dragonettes:) So interesting what you are hearing. I have 2 autoimmune conditions and my function med docs haven't said to cut out salt (I tend to be low sodium anyway and I don't cook with salt) but for some reason they say to only season with natural salts that are less processed
@Dwmmwd I think it takes a lot of courage to be open irl about this struggle
@allycheer00 that's the best news!!
@funkykey you are totally bawse for straight up saying I'm infertile! I'm hugging and high fiving from afar. That will effing teach her!
@BusinessWife being bloated at a family event I should the worst. I just went through it and I was terrified someone would ask. Especially when it's just your belly that's big

allycheer00 · July 2017

@dwmmwd I just have 4 from this 1st cycle. I emailed the nurse about transfer yesterday and she said it's usually 3 weeks after AF starts. So, hopefully, end of August! I can't believe they haven't called you yet! I would be DYING! Random fact, I've never even touched a ukulele. So you play it well?
@funkykey Some people are really clueless. Like you can just snap your fingers and, poof, you're pregnant. Doesn't work like that for most people. You gave her an answer the first time. Grr, pushy people! In the beginning I said I wasn't going to say anything but I have a big mouth so I knew I wouldn't last long. People are really excited about our journey. They're asking me all the time for updates because they have no idea how involved it is. I know I've learned alot!!
@Holls214 A Facebook post had to take alot of courage. I applaud you!
@ReesaAnne16 My RN said the same thing the day of trigger shot. It never happens. She's seen it maybe twice.
@BusinessWife Can you find an outfit that will hide the bloat well?

gfgrump · July 2017

Its funny. Im kind of ok with being open about it but i notice it makes other people uncomfortable. But my husband otoh is like nit at all into telling people. His family doesnt even know. Wheras my parents are paying for it so needless to say, involved. And of course im very fortunate to have that support.

@funkykey i cant believe that woman! I'm sure she feels bad now, but hopefully shes learned something. I know i said some dumb things before i was in this world, but that seems extreme.

No. Not good at the uke at all. Just picked it up this summet. But its been a nice distraction.

Still no news...

gfgrump · July 2017

You guys we got 6! One day 5 and then 5 more today! I cant believe it! We have 9 to test. There's gotta be one good one in there right? One more hurdle passed. Going out on monday to be tested and should have the results in 1-2 weeks.
Wheeeeeee

allycheer00 · July 2017

@dwmmwd No news was good news! 6 is great for a total of 9?! That is awesome! And now we wait.

ReesaAnne16 · July 2017

Yay!!! Great news @Dwmmwd

Hopeful_mom · July 2017

helloworld9 its very hard going through IVF and keeping everything hush hush! And thats exactly what i did - even from my parents. I wanted to protect with everything I was going through. TW* getting my BFP and then knowing it was twins i was so excited to tell them but wanted to wait till 12 weeks and then at 10 wks i was so sick for a month an my mother was starting to worry so much that i told her 1/2hr before i starting MS in her house. She was so happy and excited for what 10 min. It still breaks my heart that she never got the joy of any of it with me just all the sadness (TW) now she is in it with me and hope she can enjoy the next one all the way through!

@allycheer00 - woo hoo 2 more to the party!! hoping they all come back for u!

@funkykey i can't even imagine that moment, i'm so sorry! I guess thats the one good thing with not being married and old now too...i dont get that question from too many

I will say I did have that outburst with my mother as i was stressing from my appointments and being infertile. She had no clue and was trying to cheer me on to get the show on the road...and I just blew up at her saying how it wasn't going to be easy and so on...but it was my mom so thats a different story.

bionerdsteph said:

I've had a lot of experience on emotional roller coasters. Roll with it, feel the feels and then move on. Just bc other people have it worse dosent mean what you're experiencing isn't painful and hard. Being in the cancer world is a constant reminder I have it pretty good being almost 9 years cancer free, doesn't mean IF isn't hard though. I had a friend getting a port put in her head so they could inject chemo straight into her spinal fluid bc she has tumors metastasis there while I was getting the news that our embryos were not as good as hoped. I still wallowed for a day, then got over myself.

I have to say you do bring me back to reality and I get mad myself for letting infertility take over my life. The endless nights of crying and sorrow is too many to count already. I pray all the time that I'll be healthy enough to have a child and be able to care for them as well. You give a new meaning to the word strong!! Did you say you work with immunology now?

ReesaAnne16 hey! I feel like we were on some IUI boards together...gosh I forget i did 7 of those before IVF...ugh wish I wouldve just started the ivf process. Welcome back, Sorry you need to be here but you're with a fine bunch! And like the others have said the cetritode should do the trick. I've had a lead follie on a few cycles and it did work and i didn't ovulate. my big follie being empty after ER is a completely different story...hope you dont have to experience that one.

Holls214 you are very brave - no way i could do the FB thing. I'm very open with you ladies as you get it and know the struggle, and i want to help and share my input...but in the real world i'm a very private person...

Dwmmwd still no new? I thought for sure once i got updated I was going to see it...I'm going with no news is good news!! I'm glad my family knows now...its better having the support. I still feel bad and worry for my mom, I know some how she just thinks its her fault. She hates that i have to go through this...I just keep reminding her its not and this was why i didn't tell her from the beginning. She gets mad that i didn't tell her from the start. I also think i didn't cause I dont like to believe I have a problem...yea mom I'm old so that BS they tell you about being able to have kids through your 40s yea not so much. It really is just different for all!! They should teach you that your really as old as your AMH is!

Holls214 · July 2017

@Dwmmwd yay congrats on your news! Fingers crossed for lots of good tests and a fast waiting period for you.

@Hopeful_mom we did 7 iui also. Looking back we should have stopped at 3, but oh well. Thanks the Facebook post took a long time to write but felt pretty good after.
AFM- I started my period yesterday and started estrogen too. I'm hoping it will calm my crazy hot flashes down. Happy to be finally doing something again.

helloworld9 · July 2017

@Dwmmwd - That's amazing!! I feel really good for you, with 9 to test.

@Hopeful_mom - I think waiting for 12 weeks is safe. I'm even thinking (if I magically get to that stage) of even waiting until like 24 weeks. I don't want to risk anything, and I've had a [TW-- BFP before but resulted in early MC --end TW], and a part of me was glad not telling my mom but then there's another part of me who wants to talk to someone about it. It's a secret and burden I keep to this day. Your story is very heartbreaking. There is a part of me too that doesn't want to tell my mom because I know it hurts her knowing I'm hurting. She knows we've been TTC since 2015 and I have given some indication that I'm sad it's taking so long.

@Holls214 - That's brave, coming out on FB. I don't think I have the guts! I'm glad you had support!

Hopeful_mom · July 2017

Dwmmwd as i was posting I missed ur great update! 9 is a great number, hoping you have many normies coming your way!! One hurdle down now another to go!

funkykey · July 2017

@Dwmmwd - aaah! Great news!!!

@ReesaAnne16 - I don't think you should feel guilty about this situation at all! I literally was that other woman last month, so I'm telling you it's OK to celebrate the few little victories that come along. You should totally be celebrating 4 frozen embabies! That's awesome!! IF leaves us so little to celebrate most days, that we truely have to seize any silver lining or tiny blessings that are presented to us

I agree, I agree... I mean, maybe "guilt" isn't the right word, but some days, when I'm having a good day, and I see someone else who's just had the wind knocked outta their sails, it just makes me wince. There's so much pain in this process, and I wish it were easier for everyone!

Also, really hoping you have a totally different experience this coming month!

Bababatty · July 2017

Catching up….

@marioana99 I was also sorry to see your update about both the poor response and the early ovulation. I’m glad you were able to convert it to IUI at least, so lots of luck to you. If this doesn’t work, are you going to talk to your RE about how to resolve these issues going forward?

@Hopeful_mom I hope you’re able to find a good deal on the PIO.

Also to your friend’s husband—REALLY? an incubator? Wow, sir. Wow. I’d be furious at him, especially if I was his wife. That’s so demeaning.

@BusinessWife I’m sorry for the late response but I wanted to reply because we’re also dealing with MFI and no known issues on my side. I have to say that i do understand the “imposter” feeling. It feels a bit weird to be doing all the stimming and DH not really doing anything. (Well, that’s not true because he did do everything he could—which was taking clomid—and it helped quite a lot on the motility but ultimately no pregnancy.) For a long time we avoided doing IVF and instead did the IUIs, even when it was clear that they were almost certainly not going to work, because it felt like too much—like hitting a nail with a sledgehammer, I said a lot. It took us a year to get to the point where we were comfortable and excited about doing IVF. All of which is to say that even though there are many fewer people doing IVF for MFI reasons, it’s ok and not cheating, because this is the treatment the medicinal powers that be have found for all of us regardless of IF cause, even if it does involve the most amount of work on the ladies’ part.

Also, I’m very sorry about your polyp. So many polyps going around! I’m glad you’re able to stim still, at least.

@Momifbysea Re: the coffee and wine—last night on the way home DH and I walked by a bar and there were all these youngins (in reality, they’re probably all around the same age as me, haha, but I feel like this whole IF process has aged me and made me wise) drinking their beers, and I just REALLY wanted a delicious beer, too. So I made DH stop at the store with me and get some sparkling water, which I’ve found helps because it’s more exciting than regular water. I’m totally with you on how annoying it is to be acting KU (in part) and not being guaranteed being actually KU.

@allycheer00 Hooray for for your good quality, fertilized embies! Four is great!!

@ReesaAnne16 Welcome back! I remember you from T-TTC and I think a few IUI threads back in the fall? I’m sorry you’re still here, but happy to have you on this thread. I’m learning that early ovulation seems to happen quite a bit, shockingly, which is frustrating! I’m sorry you had to go through that and all the disappointment. Glad you’re adding in the cetrotide. Good luck!

@funkykey I’m really impressed at your ability not to go off on that woman. Her persistence despite your very polite brushoffs was not ok. I’m glad she feels bad and I hope she’s learned now that telling ladies they’re running out of time is NOT okay, let alone pestering people to know what their conception plans are.

@Dwmmwd I’m glad you were able to be so open with your colleagues about your IVF. Good for you! We’ve been pretty open, and it is freeing. Although only my parents know exactly where we are right now (because they are also helping and I tell my mom everything anyway). My in-laws have no idea we’re doing IVF because DH and I are tired of talking about it. Also and more importantly, CONGRATULATIONS on you 9! Hooray!!

AFM I had my first check-in u/s and blood work yesterday morning. I have around 15 follicles that are 10 or higher (I lost count), most seem to be from 11-15. The RE seemed happy with that and I’m guessing my blood work came back fine because I’m continuing the Follistim and Menopur at the same dose, and added in Ganirelix last night. Back on Monday for another check-in. But of course we had some issues with the prescriptions since my RE is only sending is as much as I need between appointments. This time they never sent the Ganirelix, so we had to call the emergency line and then sit in the pharmacy for almost 1.5 hours waiting for it to be sent over. I’m going to talk to the doctor on Monday about how we can stop this from happening because it’s not the first time they’ve screwed up a prescription, and it’s incredibly stressful and a waste of time. We’re paying a lot of money OOP for this and I’m not going to have it fail because they can’t get the prescriptions right.

To top it off, we panicked last night doing the Menopur mixture—as DH was about to inject the diluent, I noticed there was nothing in the powder vial. Of course we figured out later that a drop must have gone in from the Q-Cap and the powder dissolved right away, but in the moment we concluded there was nothing in there ever. So we mixed the other vial and did the shot. I called this morning to see if we could still use the screwed up vial (they must be really sick of me calling the emergency line) but no such luck, so back to the pharmacy I go. Sigh. I feel like such an idiot because we’ve been doing this for six days now and haven’t had any issues.

TL;DR: More prescription drama.

[Deleted User] · July 2017

@Bababatty. Thank you so much for saying that. I think when the time comes for all the injections and going under <i>TWICE</i>, DH is going to struggle with feeling incredibly guilty that I'm going through all this stuff only because he had the azoo. So it's a constant thing just reminding him how much I love him, we are in this together - he DID have to go under the knife so I'd say he did his part! Lol etc. etc. Possible TMI

<div class=" Spoiler">I am always singing silly songs around the house, which oftentimes these days are silliness about how much I love boning his gigantic ---- lol. Gotta make sure a man sees his overwhelming manliness does not go unnoticed in these circumstances!!! Or about just what a very good and nice man he is lol. About his work ethic etc. Lol Maybe a bit ridiculous, but I haven't heard him getting too awfully down on himself for quite a while, so maybe it's working???</div>
So sorry about the prescription dramz - but sounds like good things are brewing in the ovary department! Fx for more good news Monday!

@Dwmmwd. If I didn't say already, Congratulations!!!!!
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/z6/du8ur3138ok4.gif" alt="">

helloworld9 · July 2017

@bababatty - About the Menopur... yes that scare happened to me too once! I looked at the bottle and was like, where is the powder?!? But then I realized the same thing, that a drop of liquid must've left the needle because that powder dissolves in a split second. Because I looked at all the vials when I take them from the box and I was sure that if there was no powder in one I would've given the pharmacy a mouthful to give me a free replacement!

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