I am so not ready for this week. I need to be productive at work and I just don't want to and I really just don't even want to be here.
I'm also trying to decide if I want to spend the extra $85 and do a 16 week ultrasound to find out what we're having. Part of me thinks 20 weeks isn't too bad, once you hit 16 it's only another 4 but from where I'm sitting now at almost 14.5 weeks, 16 is so much closer.
ETA: Looks like we're going with the 16 week 3rd party u/s because my doctor's office can't get me in for my a/s until 21.5 weeks anyway and I'm far too impatient.
I want to do acupuncture consistently this pregnancy. Last time I did it at the end because DD was breech, and I loved it. This time around I want to do it as a more preventative/wellness effort. I'm trying to figure out when I want to start. Anyone planning to start/already doing acupuncture?
@RC1014 did the acupuncture help move baby out of the breech position? My best friend is due in September and her baby is breech. She has fibroids in her uterus, so her doctor won't try to manually move him and she is hoping he moves to the correct position on his own in the next few weeks.
Just wanted to share this article... found it really interesting. Curious what others thoughts are. Don't want to read the whole thing? Here's a snippet...this quote stood out to me:
"The popularity of gender-reveal parties speaks to how powerful and central this binary is to our sense of identity," Dalke told me. "Still, they make me a little queasy. By collapsing gender expression, gender identity, and sex, you're doing everyone a disservice, because no one buys into the whole package all the time." She adds that "you're especially doing a disservice to those who are intersex or transgender, who must spend their lives explaining it. It's frustrating that this is now a commercialized ritual, when it can be so alienating."
@RC1014 and @BelhurstBride Ehhh I'm a few minds of this. First, I would never refer to the sex as gender, due to the obvious fact that the two things are starkly different. I personally have never/will never do a sex reveal party... but generally, they don't bother me. It's just another step of celebrating the journey. I don't know... I wanted to know the sex both times if only because it helped me visualize the experience. I guess I see both sides. I think we should bring this up for UO Thursday!
Random for me: I just booked an elective ultrasound for Monday night (unrelated to sex determination as I already know that). I just have only had one US and it was at 7 weeks (a blob). I really want profile shots of the LO at this point in addition to the AS later. In the grand scheme of things, $99 is worth it to me... plus I can bring DD and see if she "gets" it
@RC1014 I have mixed feelings about the article. I won't be nor have I in the past done a gender reveal but I really don't care if someone else wants to. To say that you are totally self involved to throw one is going a little bit far. People want to celebrate anything and everything so let them.
I also don't think that having a ton of pink things at DDs baby shower has emotionally scarred her, she wasn't born yet. When she (if she ever cares to) see pictures of it later I cannot see how she will view it as non feminist because it was pink and celebrated me growing a baby.
So I guess I don't have enough of an interest to form a very strong opinion.
To each their own for the "gender" reveal parties. Personally, I'd never do one, but I'm not a party-throwing person at all. I do think they're more fun if the parents are just finding out at the party instead of knowing beforehand.
So I meant to bring this up and forgot again, but my last BMB never picked siggy challenge winners and I wasn't sure how to go about that for June. Since we still have time in July, does anyone want to fill me in on how that works or have any thoughts on how and if we should choose a winner?
See with my son all my stuff was handme downs from my exs sistera bc boys were all they had accept one girl. We didnt do a baby shower bc no one wanted to throw one and all we did was tell his family it was a boy. I wont be throwing a baby shower with this one either bc the people i consider family is in Missouri and my fiancée family are not close to him. We do was to do a sex reveal to our kids bc they are overly excited about baby but we dont make a huge parade out of it. To me its something very privet
@EmilyLove25 I also booked one for next week my husband goes to school full time and he hasn't been to any of my appointments so he hasn't been able to see LO or hear the heartbeat so this is his chance! I also had such a great experience doing an elective u/s last time, I felt the investment was worth it!
@EmilyLove25@agalvarado I just scheduled one, too! But mine is to see what we're having. My doctor can't get me in for my 20 week anatomy scan until 21.5 weeks and we want to know before we go on vacation at the end of August. So anyway, I'm going next Friday at 16 weeks followed immediately by a 90 minute massage.
@RC1014 Meh, this is probably a UO but I think the biggest problem with a gender reveal party is saying gender over sex. I think people feel uncomfortable saying, "We are having a party and announcing the sex of our baby" or can imagine getting an invitation to a "sex reveal party" (sounds scandalous).
I don't care enough to get annoyed with gender reveals. We didn't do one with DD and won't do one this time, but I don't judge people who do and would happily attend one.
Random happening for me: I forgot I had a doctor appointment yesterday!! I thought for sure it was happening on July 20th not the 18th! Ah pregnant brain, I love you.
Oh lordy. Can we take a minute and talk about mother in laws? Mine is overwhelming me with baby stuff. Like, she's bought or dug out of storage, almost every single piece of baby furniture we could need, and sprung it on us. Crib, cradle, high chair, changing table....
I haven't even SEEN these things, and I'm disappointed, it's my first baby, it's probably my only baby, and everything is getting picked out for me. Not to mention she's not leaving anything for my mother to do!
Today she texted me to say she had found a "BIG BEAUTIFUL HUTCH" for my "plates" and I'm just... I can't. I can't right now. I don't want a hutch. I don't need a hutch. I don't have room for a hutch. I don't have remotely similar taste in furniture as she does. And I don't want any more furniture that I don't need gifted to me without warning! I'm losing my mind. So I preggo freaked out and yelled at her, and now DH is mad at me because she's just trying to help, and she comes from a poor background so he feels like I should appreciate that she's trying to give us expensive things for free so we don't struggle like she did. And she's kind of a hoarder, so it's impossible for her brain to understand "something is a good bargain, but I still don't want it."
Am I being an ingrate? Or is it ok for me to tell her to back-the-heck-off before I commit a murder?
@auntieraindrop is there any way to politely decline her gifts? Or do they show up at your house without warning. My MIL used to do this but she would tell us while we were at her house and we got to the point we would always conveniently forget to take it home with us.
@auntieraindrop set those boundaries sooner than later. "Wow, that's so nice, but we don't need a hutch" or "oh wow this is really generous. Thank you so much. I'm excited to pick out some items on my own, too!"
It's huge pieces of furniture. Plus DH thinks I'm being ridiculous turning down free things we need anyway because I want to go shopping. He makes me sound like a spoiled brat. I feel like everything special is being taken out of baby shopping for me.
I appreciate all the feedback on the post I shared. I guess where I'm coming from is I don't want to shame any one who chooses to do it, or attend one, I was kind of just curious what people's thoughts were on the gender appropriation that comes with it.
@auntieraindrop, if it's safe, quality furniture I personally think it's a little silly not to take it. Even crappy baby furniture is so overpriced and you're going to use it for such a short period of time.
As long as it isn't made out of MDF or veneered and it isn't a drop side crib you can repaint it to match whatever decor you had in mind. If it is MDF or veneered you might still be able to paint it but if you prefer to purchase solid wood just tell her that.
If you truly don't have a use for something you're going to have to calmly explain that that to her, but if no is the answer to everything she offers you're going to have a hard time not looking a little bit like a spoiled brat.
@auntieraindrop My MIL is moderately similar but lives
across the country (thank goodness). I have a hard time saying no when people
want to give me things, so I truthfully would probably take them and then hide
them… that said, I would pick one or two things you will take (and AFM I would
totally take something like a high chair where it is pure utility and you might
want more than one anyway) and act VERY excited about them, but I would then
say you already picked out a crib etc that fits the theme (lie even if you don’t
have one!) you have for the nursery. I’ve never YELLED at my MIL, but hormones
are crazy things… and I was VERY short with her once when she was telling me
how dirty DD was. We are all human! Also, FYI, as things move further along you'll organically start nesting and putting your stamp on things, and I bet DH will fall in line. You have every right to be excited re: the shopping!
@auntieraindrop there is absolutely nothing wrong with turning down free furniture. Maybe if buying on your own puts you in a poor financial position but otherwise, I don't think you're spoiled because you want to choose/buy your own baby's furniture.
I appreciate all the feedback on the post I shared. I guess where I'm coming from is I don't want to shame any one who chooses to do it, or attend one, I was kind of just curious what people's thoughts were on the gender appropriation that comes with it.
Sorry for interrupting the conversation. I feel pretty much the same about the gender reveal. I think it's really uncomfortable.
@auntieraindrop, if it's safe, quality furniture I personally think it's a little silly not to take it. Even crappy baby furniture is so overpriced and you're going to use it for such a short period of time.
As long as it isn't made out of MDF or veneered and it isn't a drop side crib you can repaint it to match whatever decor you had in mind. If it is MDF or veneered you might still be able to paint it but if you prefer to purchase solid wood just tell her that.
If you truly don't have a use for something you're going to have to calmly explain that that to her, but if no is the answer to everything she offers you're going to have a hard time not looking a little bit like a spoiled brat.
@auntieraindrop one thing I did was ask my MIL if we could keep furniture there since they babysit all the time and we're over there every Sunday all day. They have a really old pack&play that's not in great shape, but it works for a quick nap. They had a crib as well but it was a drop-side and she got rid of it when I told her we weren't able to use it. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to buy your own!
I think we're going to get the parts necessary to fix the crib so it will be safe and immobile, since it is like a "family crib" all the nephews on that side of the family have slept in. It is also nice and in good condition, except for being drop side.
I think I'm going to ask her to hang onto the cradle, because it's like heavy solid wood and it's made to use bumpers with. I'm afraid without bumpers it will be too hard and I refuse to put padding in it.It might be ok for a quick nap at Nana's house, or someone else in the family might want it, because it is also a "family" piece.
The high chair we're turning down, it's been in the garage a long time and the fabric parts do not look very clean.
Jury is out on the changing table. Hubby wants it, I don't. I don't like the storage underneath and would rather use a regular dresser. He thinks dresser + changing table is better. We'll I guess figure that out as we go.
@RC1014 Gahhhh, this is a can of worms for me so I thought I would be better off keeping my mouth shut, but what the heck. I think the article is thought-provoking and a good tool for SOME people (namely, those who are interested) to ask themselves the question of why they care so much about the sex of the baby - most will still care (or not care), but I think any type of tool that makes us more intentional/reflective is useful. I don't think this article is going to be a vehicle for changing how our society perceives gender. My personal slippery slope issue is that the gender reveal party is very much linked to finding out the sex of the baby in general. For me, I'm team green (which isn't easy) because in graduate school, we examined studies that found that when sex is known, baby and mom are subject to gendered comments by others ("How is our big, strong boy doing?" "Can't wait to meet that sweet little girl"), and this can influence mom's brain chemistry, thereby influencing prenatal development (but we are still learning about how exactly it impacts it). For me, that mattered because I don't want LO to be subject to anyone else's expectations (much less my own biases). BUT I could completely go either way depending on my mood. It depends on an entire host of factors and beliefs that you have regarding genes vs environment, social determinants of gender, etc. So, that's why I didn't have a comment - because I am still learning and formulating my opinions. And I think that gendered thinking is going to impact LO plenty - it's just a matter of when, but it's probably easier for me to address once LO is actually here and can speak. lol.
The most firm things I can agree with? I think the question of gender reveal celebration being superfluous or necessary gets us to think, and thinking about how we influence our children's gender with our own expectations is good thinking. And, I also SOMEWHAT agreed with the part of the article that talked about mom as a vehicle for giving birth, and that sex identification isn't some accomplishment. Why don't we celebrate a baby's first steps or first words the way we celebrate a "gender" reveal? Finally, I did agree that gender reveal offers some levity during a precarious time. I'm a FTM and a PGaL who is waiting for genetic results (FUN)...SO, the thought of a gender reveal party right now sounds like an absolute treat for anticipating LO - something I personally haven't gotten to do yet (or maybe personally let myself do...oh, psychology...). With all of the serious concerns about baby's development, a nice distraction of pink or blue filling in a cake, surrounded by several loved ones, sounds like paradise right now.
@auntieraindrop I loved the advice from @EmilyLove25 (emphasize your love for a few pieces) and @schaze (could this be for when LO comes over to your place?). And I totally agree with @rc1014 that NOW is the time to set boundaries, and to do it firmly but politely. Otherwise it will just grow and you will be behind bars
@auntieraindrop I'll add also that we are living in a small 2 bedroom apartment, so taking any big heavy furniture would be extremely impractical for us. MIL wanted us to have a giant dresser/changing table combo that was ridiculously heavy, and we had to say no. We ended up buying a much smaller one from a family friend. I seriously come up with any excuse not to take stuff you don't want from anyone
@auntieraindrop, with both girls we just stuck a changing pad on top of a dresser and that worked just fine. We had zero need for another piece of furniture in their room.
I used a floor for changing while we were downstairs, but I have friends who set up a changing table downstairs and raved about it. If you have the space you might find that handy.
Maybe suggest that your MIL keep the high chair to use at her house- that way you don't have to drag something over each time you're there. My parents ended up buying a used high chair to keep at their place for convenience.
As for the cradle, I was in the same position. My father's family had an antique one they really wanted me to use. I didn't think it was safe for regular use, so I set it up in my living room to use as a baby parking station. It was a beautiful piece of furniture that looked fantastic in our living room, and was handy to use.
Yesterday I received the home-study version of hypnobabies! Thank you to the STMs+ who suggested it a few weeks back. I'm very much looking forward to starting the course and getting into a positive mindset on labor.
@auntieraindrop that is frustrating and always harder when it is your MIL. On top of everyone else's advice I just recommend talking to DH to help him understand how you are feeling about not getting to pick out anything for your own child, especially if it maybe your only child. Maybe if he understands that it's important to you to be able to choose things for your child and have both grandmothers involved he will be supportive and talk to his mom about waiting to see what y'all need and what you or your mom are getting for the baby. He could maybe take on the communication with his mom so it doesn't stress you out, remind him that a happy less stressed mom is better for the baby and him
We're going to tour a daycare in the morning! It's in a great location and sounds like a really good program so as long as we feel good about it after the tour we're going to get on the waiting list.
I'll fully admit, I don't understand transgenderism at all. I've read and read, and still can't wrap my mind around it. I've taken classes and had a transgender teacher. But with that said, I'm not judgey about it either. I don't try to stop things and those that I've met are great people. I guess because I don't understand this that I don't have an opinion on sex reveal parties (I personlly think of them as gender reveal, but I say sex because I know that's the polite and non hurtful term). The only real opinion I have is that they are a bit silly, but I think engagement parties are silly too. It's all just a bunch of parties that lead to one event... why so many?
I came here to post a question about sunscreen but I got sidetracked by the article posted by @RC1014. Thought provoking, sure, but also assumes a lot, like that all reveal prties are the same extremely gendered everything and all to outdo someone else you saw on FB.
My feelings have totally changed since I have finally become pregnant with what may be my first take home baby after five previous miscarriages. I used to think these type of parties were pretty self-indulgent and silly. Now, I totally want one. And I'm grateful that I have an awesome group of supportive friends who are willing to throw us one. (We are not throwing ourselves a party, there will be no gifts, and we will be finding out the sex along with everyone else... at the party.)
I want one because everything about the cycle that got us here was planned and scheduled with no real surprises. The BFP was a surprise of course, but that's about it. And even then, there were so many people waiting to hear, I sent a group text to most of them. Plus, I've had several BFPs before, so it's not like I started celebrating at that's point.
But now, now I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate the life I'm growing. I want to celebrate the love and support we have been shown. I want to celebrate the success this pregnancy seems to be. And I want to celebrate the milestone of finding out the sex.
I won't call our party a gender reveal, though most will. I've said it's a party where we find out the sex. We did buy two pairs of baby Pumas (one pink, one blue) and the couple hosting (who will know the sex) will incorporate one of the pairs somehow for a reveal (we are thinking of a piñata!) but the rest of it will just be a normal backyard bbq. No games, no boots or bows on the invites, just having people join us in celebration. And I'm totally ok with that.
All this to say, as my own opinion evolved on the topic, I've been reminded: assumptions and judgment don't do anyone any good. We don't always know the reasons why people have these parties and who the hell should care, if it's not affecting you directly. You don't have to like reveal parties for yourself, but don't lump everyone who does into one basket.
I'm a feminist. I'm a liberal. I understand and support LGBTQ people in the fight for equity, recognition, and acceptance. I know anatomy doesn't equal gender. I understand intersex, non-binary, and gender identity issues affect many. And I definitely think there's far too much BS that still comes from gendered language and antiquated norms for boys and girls.
But I can be/think all those things and still want to have a party to share and celebrate with those I love what my little Baby Avocado is going be.
This quote bugged me: "We're affixing a label to a child who hasn't even had a chance to enter the world and assume that identity."
The idea of damaging a kid with a label too early is a bit of a reach. We all, in different ways, label these babies somehow. Frankly, it's necessary. And when they are old enough to voice/exhibit their differences or preferences, we can alter those labels accordingly.
TL;DR summary: To each their own!
ETA: this post is mostly responding to the article, not anyone here. Just wanted to give a different perspective.
Me: 40, DH: 35 / Married: 2009; TTC #1: 2013
2013 - 2015: 5 pregnancies —> 5 miscarriages
TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016
2016: 3 medicated TI cycles —> 3 medicated IUI cycles: All BFN
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Re: Randoms Week of 7/17
I'm also trying to decide if I want to spend the extra $85 and do a 16 week ultrasound to find out what we're having. Part of me thinks 20 weeks isn't too bad, once you hit 16 it's only another 4 but from where I'm sitting now at almost 14.5 weeks, 16 is so much closer.
ETA: Looks like we're going with the 16 week 3rd party u/s because my doctor's office can't get me in for my a/s until 21.5 weeks anyway and I'm far too impatient.
"The popularity of gender-reveal parties speaks to how powerful and central this binary is to our sense of identity," Dalke told me. "Still, they make me a little queasy. By collapsing gender expression, gender identity, and sex, you're doing everyone a disservice, because no one buys into the whole package all the time." She adds that "you're especially doing a disservice to those who are intersex or transgender, who must spend their lives explaining it. It's frustrating that this is now a commercialized ritual, when it can be so alienating."
https://www.marieclaire.com/culture/features/a28016/gender-reveal-parties/?dom=fb_bst&src=social&mag=mar
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Random for me: I just booked an elective ultrasound for Monday night (unrelated to sex determination as I already know that). I just have only had one US and it was at 7 weeks (a blob). I really want profile shots of the LO at this point in addition to the AS later. In the grand scheme of things, $99 is worth it to me... plus I can bring DD and see if she "gets" it
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
I also don't think that having a ton of pink things at DDs baby shower has emotionally scarred her, she wasn't born yet. When she (if she ever cares to) see pictures of it later I cannot see how she will view it as non feminist because it was pink and celebrated me growing a baby.
So I guess I don't have enough of an interest to form a very strong opinion.
I'm just really over hearing about the million reasons women have to shame other women.
I use Hypnobabies! http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies!
EDD: 1/6/2018
Eva Jane: 7/23/2014
So I meant to bring this up and forgot again, but my last BMB never picked siggy challenge winners and I wasn't sure how to go about that for June. Since we still have time in July, does anyone want to fill me in on how that works or have any thoughts on how and if we should choose a winner?
Meh, this is probably a UO but I think the biggest problem with a gender reveal party is saying gender over sex. I think people feel uncomfortable saying, "We are having a party and announcing the sex of our baby" or can imagine getting an invitation to a "sex reveal party" (sounds scandalous).
I don't care enough to get annoyed with gender reveals. We didn't do one with DD and won't do one this time, but I don't judge people who do and would happily attend one.
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
I haven't even SEEN these things, and I'm disappointed, it's my first baby, it's probably my only baby, and everything is getting picked out for me. Not to mention she's not leaving anything for my mother to do!
Today she texted me to say she had found a "BIG BEAUTIFUL HUTCH" for my "plates" and I'm just... I can't. I can't right now. I don't want a hutch. I don't need a hutch. I don't have room for a hutch. I don't have remotely similar taste in furniture as she does. And I don't want any more furniture that I don't need gifted to me without warning! I'm losing my mind. So I preggo freaked out and yelled at her, and now DH is mad at me because she's just trying to help, and she comes from a poor background so he feels like I should appreciate that she's trying to give us expensive things for free so we don't struggle like she did. And she's kind of a hoarder, so it's impossible for her brain to understand "something is a good bargain, but I still don't want it."
Am I being an ingrate? Or is it ok for me to tell her to back-the-heck-off before I commit a murder?
As long as it isn't made out of MDF or veneered and it isn't a drop side crib you can repaint it to match whatever decor you had in mind. If it is MDF or veneered you might still be able to paint it but if you prefer to purchase solid wood just tell her that.
If you truly don't have a use for something you're going to have to calmly explain that that to her, but if no is the answer to everything she offers you're going to have a hard time not looking a little bit like a spoiled brat.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
@auntieraindrop My MIL is moderately similar but lives across the country (thank goodness). I have a hard time saying no when people want to give me things, so I truthfully would probably take them and then hide them… that said, I would pick one or two things you will take (and AFM I would totally take something like a high chair where it is pure utility and you might want more than one anyway) and act VERY excited about them, but I would then say you already picked out a crib etc that fits the theme (lie even if you don’t have one!) you have for the nursery. I’ve never YELLED at my MIL, but hormones are crazy things… and I was VERY short with her once when she was telling me how dirty DD was. We are all human! Also, FYI, as things move further along you'll organically start nesting and putting your stamp on things, and I bet DH will fall in line. You have every right to be excited re: the shopping!
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
I think I'm going to ask her to hang onto the cradle, because it's like heavy solid wood and it's made to use bumpers with. I'm afraid without bumpers it will be too hard and I refuse to put padding in it.It might be ok for a quick nap at Nana's house, or someone else in the family might want it, because it is also a "family" piece.
The high chair we're turning down, it's been in the garage a long time and the fabric parts do not look very clean.
Jury is out on the changing table. Hubby wants it, I don't. I don't like the storage underneath and would rather use a regular dresser. He thinks dresser + changing table is better. We'll I guess figure that out as we go.
The most firm things I can agree with? I think the question of gender reveal celebration being superfluous or necessary gets us to think, and thinking about how we influence our children's gender with our own expectations is good thinking. And, I also SOMEWHAT agreed with the part of the article that talked about mom as a vehicle for giving birth, and that sex identification isn't some accomplishment. Why don't we celebrate a baby's first steps or first words the way we celebrate a "gender" reveal? Finally, I did agree that gender reveal offers some levity during a precarious time. I'm a FTM and a PGaL who is waiting for genetic results (FUN)...SO, the thought of a gender reveal party right now sounds like an absolute treat for anticipating LO - something I personally haven't gotten to do yet (or maybe personally let myself do...oh, psychology...). With all of the serious concerns about baby's development, a nice distraction of pink or blue filling in a cake, surrounded by several loved ones, sounds like paradise right now.
@auntieraindrop I loved the advice from @EmilyLove25 (emphasize your love for a few pieces) and @schaze (could this be for when LO comes over to your place?). And I totally agree with @rc1014 that NOW is the time to set boundaries, and to do it firmly but politely. Otherwise it will just grow and you will be behind bars
I used a floor for changing while we were downstairs, but I have friends who set up a changing table downstairs and raved about it. If you have the space you might find that handy.
Maybe suggest that your MIL keep the high chair to use at her house- that way you don't have to drag something over each time you're there. My parents ended up buying a used high chair to keep at their place for convenience.
As for the cradle, I was in the same position. My father's family had an antique one they really wanted me to use. I didn't think it was safe for regular use, so I set it up in my living room to use as a baby parking station. It was a beautiful piece of furniture that looked fantastic in our living room, and was handy to use.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
My feelings have totally changed since I have finally become pregnant with what may be my first take home baby after five previous miscarriages. I used to think these type of parties were pretty self-indulgent and silly. Now, I totally want one. And I'm grateful that I have an awesome group of supportive friends who are willing to throw us one. (We are not throwing ourselves a party, there will be no gifts, and we will be finding out the sex along with everyone else... at the party.)
I want one because everything about the cycle that got us here was planned and scheduled with no real surprises. The BFP was a surprise of course, but that's about it. And even then, there were so many people waiting to hear, I sent a group text to most of them. Plus, I've had several BFPs before, so it's not like I started celebrating at that's point.
But now, now I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate the life I'm growing. I want to celebrate the love and support we have been shown. I want to celebrate the success this pregnancy seems to be. And I want to celebrate the milestone of finding out the sex.
I won't call our party a gender reveal, though most will. I've said it's a party where we find out the sex. We did buy two pairs of baby Pumas (one pink, one blue) and the couple hosting (who will know the sex) will incorporate one of the pairs somehow for a reveal (we are thinking of a piñata!) but the rest of it will just be a normal backyard bbq. No games, no boots or bows on the invites, just having people join us in celebration. And I'm totally ok with that.
All this to say, as my own opinion evolved on the topic, I've been reminded: assumptions and judgment don't do anyone any good. We don't always know the reasons why people have these parties and who the hell should care, if it's not affecting you directly. You don't have to like reveal parties for yourself, but don't lump everyone who does into one basket.
I'm a feminist. I'm a liberal. I understand and support LGBTQ people in the fight for equity, recognition, and acceptance. I know anatomy doesn't equal gender. I understand intersex, non-binary, and gender identity issues affect many. And I definitely think there's far too much BS that still comes from gendered language and antiquated norms for boys and girls.
But I can be/think all those things and still want to have a party to share and celebrate with those I love what my little Baby Avocado is going be.
This quote bugged me: "We're affixing a label to a child who hasn't even had a chance to enter the world and assume that identity."
The idea of damaging a kid with a label too early is a bit of a reach. We all, in different ways, label these babies somehow. Frankly, it's necessary. And when they are old enough to voice/exhibit their differences or preferences, we can alter those labels accordingly.
TL;DR summary: To each their own!
ETA: this post is mostly responding to the article, not anyone here. Just wanted to give a different perspective.
Me: 40, DH: 35 / Married: 2009; TTC #1: 2013
2013 - 2015: 5 pregnancies —> 5 miscarriages
TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016
2016: 3 medicated TI cycles —> 3 medicated IUI cycles: All BFN
Donor Egg IVF Transfer: May 1, 2017
May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714
EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL!
E. L. A. born 12/7/2017