Wow! I'm super late to this party. I'm not sure how I missed it.
What number are you trying for? 2
Cycle/Month? 2/2
WTO/TWW? WTO
Ages of other child(ren)? DS is 2.
Any thoughts about this cycle? Eh, I think I O'd yesterday. If so we hit -1 & -2. DH's schedule is messing me up, but this timing is definitely better than last!
Any questions? Nope.
GTKY: leashes for toddlers: no freaking way or hell yes my kid is a runner? We don't have one for DS, but safety first! Do what you have to do!
@JNCPro3130 I saw your post in WTO. I've started just not mentioning my daughter in the daily threads, FWIW. What do you think about doing daily posts in this thread based on where you are (TWW/WTO)? I hate to section the board off more, but just a thought based on your post.
Me: 35, Hubbie: 33 Married DH: 2013 DD: Dec 2015 BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
@fishsticks-n-custard, I hope I didn't come off as rude. I'm not a confrontational person. I will do whatever everyone wants to do! I like the idea. What does everyone else think?
@fishsticks-n-custard I'd be on board. I hate having to constantly apologize for my son's existence in the dailies. Curious to see what @JNCPro3130 wrote, off to lurk the WTO thread!
I think we could at least do this thread weekly instead of monthly. It's hard to feel like you're really getting to know people when you're excluding a big part of your life. I can post about my kid with my other group, but it leaves me posting very superficially here.
I think a weekly TFAS thread would be great. However, I don't want it to become an "us" vs "them" thing. I think one of the great things about TTGP is the amazing resources people are for each other. There are some seriously knowledgeable ladies here in regards to charting, supplements, questions to ask your dr, and so much more. If the board becomes divided each side will lose a little of that.
It took us 11 months to get pregnant with DD *TW* and that includes an early MC and time on the bench. *end TW* For moms who may have gotten pregnant before without a lot of trying - it may be hard to understand the ache you feel in your heart each time you see that BFN, each time somebody asks you when you'll have kids, or each time a pregnancy announcement hits facebook. For some, seeing somebody mention their kid causes that same hurt. It isn't that you need to apologize for your LO existing - of course they are an important parts of our lives. But take some time to ask yourself - is what I post about my LO here important enough in my life right now to be worth causing somebody else's heart to ache even a little bit.
Me: 30 H: 30 Dx: PCOS Married: June 2013 TTC#1: January 2015 BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16 TTC#2: June 2017 BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
I like the idea of a weekly sibling thread. I personally have a hard time keeping up with threads longer than 2 pages.
And I get both sides of the fence. I got pregnant super easy with DD. TwThen had a late term miscarriage, a CP end TW and immediately got pregnant with DS. Now I'm struggling with IF.
At the same time, it is hard not to mention the kids sometimes. DS was super sick, almost in the hospital this week, so I am a worried, sleepy mess .
@becausescience, I feel like you're looking at me when you say that since you borrowed some of my words.
It took us more than a year to get pregnant with DD so I'm familiar with the pain of waiting for something you don't know if you'll ever get. I cried myself through lots of CD1s wondering if I'd ever get what I wanted most.
It's not that what's going on with my LO is more important than someone else's heartache, it's just that you'll never know the real me without that part of my story. No one knows that I fight back tears everytime my daughter kisses a baby doll or shares her toys with the 1yo next door. There are things that are painful about things not working out how you planned at all stages, and I think the pain olympics is a dangerous, divisive game. Everyone has pain and no ones struggles cancel out someone else's.
Anyway, I may need to step back for a little while. I'm not here to hurt anyone's feelings.
@lazycrane I'm not really speaking to anybody specially. I'm just getting a vibe from a few people, like if they can't post about their kid they don't want to participate in the dailies which isn't what I was reading from you. And it makes me sad because, I know, as do many of us where they are coming from.
Me: 30 H: 30 Dx: PCOS Married: June 2013 TTC#1: January 2015 BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16 TTC#2: June 2017 BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
@becausescience I don't plan on stopping posting in the dailies, but there are things about TTGP that relate to my daughter that I've avoided posting to avoid hurting people. It would be nice to have a more regular spot to post those things. Like a weekly TFAS.
ie. I've had it implied to me before in the dailies that I'm not committed because I don't temp regularly when in actuality, I almost never get 3 hrs of uninterrupted sleep between my work schedule and still nursing my 18 month old (who is a terrible sleeper). But I feel like I can't point that out without hurting someone.
Me: 35, Hubbie: 33 Married DH: 2013 DD: Dec 2015 BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
First - I just want to let you guys know that I'm sending hugs and love your way while the board is going through growing pains. Mentioning LOs has been a gray area for a really long time. I think it's leaving the gray territory and entering TW territory, though. Which, while it helps one population, also hinders another, which is really unfortunate.
Second - What are your thoughts on step-parents participating here? I realize it's quite different, but DSS is with us all but every other weekend, and I view him as my own flesh and blood. He's 8, so he doesn't interfere with certain aspects of TTGP (like temping, etc.) generally speaking, but I would like to have a place where I can share things he may have said regarding a sibling or something, without worrying about it hurting anyone or forgetting to add a TW. We won't be TTGP for another month or so, depending on how my cycles fall now that I'm off BCPs, but, I'd rather ask than just jump in and feel like an ass.
@izza2 I fully support blended families participating here.
@garnetandgoldgrace I got an app through our Amazon fire box but you can stream the workouts other ways too. Here is a link to the website: https://www.lesmillsondemand.com There are a bunch of workouts and you can try it for 10 days before committing. For BodyPump you typically need a bar with different weights, hand weights, and a mat. A bench is used sometimes too but I make do without.
Me: 30 H: 30 Dx: PCOS Married: June 2013 TTC#1: January 2015 BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16 TTC#2: June 2017 BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
@izza2 I'd love to have your participation here as well.
@fishsticks-n-custard FWIW, If I were in your shoes, and someone actually implied that I wasn't committed to TTC for not temping regularly, I would just concisely explain why. You have a crazy schedule and you are up nursing your kid who isn't sleeping- that's the reason. End convo. To me, that's something that is relevant to the conversation. You can add a TW if you want, and as long as you aren't bitching about being awake with your baby, just stating it as a fact, then I feel like that would be fine.
@nanilani04 I'd like to be pointed in the direction of any thread where you have actually had to apologize for your son's existence. Links??
It's hard to feel like you're really getting to know people when you're excluding a big part of your life. I can post about my kid with my other group, but it leaves me posting very superficially here.
@LazyCrane Talk about your kid with your other group then. And talk about your kid here in TFAS. It's not like you can't talk about your kid at all on TTGP. It's just about knowing your audience and being sensitive to someone else's journey too. Do you insist on inserting your child into every conversation with your childless friends? (Probably not.) Or do you find other stuff that you have in common with them to talk about? Same thing here- you CAN get to know the other ladies on the board. It doesn't have to be superficial just because it doesn't involve your child. It doesn't have to be either step away or stay and hurt someone's feelings. What other interests do you have? Crafting? Working out? Travel? Shows? Books? TV? Surely you do! There are a variety of conversations that happen around here that are anything but superficial that don't involve children. I've been posting here for several months and I've probably mentioned my daughter outside of this thread maybe 4 times? Each time, I've tried to be matter of fact and make sure that it's relevant and necessary to the topic. Yet, I really don't feel like that has prevented me from getting to know any of the other ladies here or them from getting to know me, and I genuinely feel like I've made some good friends. The ladies here are smart, strong, interesting, funny, and snarky, yet empathetic. They will also sit with you in really shitty times and support you hard if you give understanding and support back.
@fishsticks-n-custard, I had issues with this board when trying for my second. I felt very much like you weren't taken seriously if you didn't temp. Honestly, I know my body generally well, and can almost always pinpoint by symptoms when I am ovulating ( little bit different lately, since I stopped ovulating and am taking clomid which messes with symptoms, but still...). At the time, that wasn't good enough, so I decided to temp. Still, I thought the attitude was ridiculous. You try it have a baby by having sex. The other stuff isn't always necessary. Side note, I did make a comment in FFFC that temps missing on chart bothers me. Which it does, but I have serious OCD issues, it doesn't mean I don't think the person is trying.
It's hard to feel like you're really getting to know people when you're excluding a big part of your life. I can post about my kid with my other group, but it leaves me posting very superficially here.
@LazyCrane Talk about your kid with your other group then. And talk about your kid here in TFAS. It's not like you can't talk about your kid at all on TTGP. It's just about knowing your audience and being sensitive to someone else's journey too. Do you insist on inserting your child into every conversation with your childless friends? (Probably not.) Or do you find other stuff that you have in common with them to talk about? Same thing here- you CAN get to know the other ladies on the board. It doesn't have to be superficial just because it doesn't involve your child. It doesn't have to be either step away or stay and hurt someone's feelings.
Ok.
Obviously all conversations with my childless friends don't revolve around my child. But they don't involve trigger warnings either, so it's not really an apples to apples comparison in my eyes.
I think I've mentioned DD twice...once when intro'd and once another time, so it's not like I'm running around throwing her in whenever I can. It just means I'm answering halfway a lot of times. Like when the GTKY asks what shoes I'm wearing I just say gym shoes and don't elaborate that they'll get stolen as soon as I slip them off. I think that's a funny anecdote, but it's not something I share because it doesn't seem worth the trigger warning.
Sure, I can read and get to know others. But I'm leaving out a lot about myself...like my sense of humor or the hardest part of this round of TTC for me (which until today I had the opportunity to share once a month).
Obviously I am in the minority and I will carry on as I have been and either get used to it or fade away, but I took the opportunity to vent here and I've tried to be respectful and not inflammatory I hope I'm not coming across as combative.
I agree with @kbamomma33 here. My son is everything to me. EVERYTHING. But he's not all I have going on in my life. I posted in the dailies for a good 6-7 months before moving onto mostly posting in the IF thread. I never had an issue casually mentioning my son during "major" times such as when he had surgery for his ear tubes. Everyone was super supportive and friendly when I mentioned that. I also never had an issue throwing in my opinion if someone is getting excited in the TWW to say oh hey, when I got my positive test I had cramps/ spotting, etc...
I just consider my audience. My husband and I had an in home date night due to sitter issues and family not being around. I talked about it and left it at my husband and I stayed home and watched a movie and had meats/cheese/wine. Does everyone need to know my son was asleep upstairs to really get to know me? If I go for a walk with my husband and son after work, as far as the dailies are concerned I got outside after work and went for a walk bc it was nice out tonight.
Everyone on here has been nothing short of absolutely amazing and supportive and the last thing I'd want to do is push someone over the edge when they're having a shitty CD1 by saying oh my son had a bad night and I'm tired. I've dealt with a loss, and trying for a long ass time for him, and trying for over a year now for a second and I'd also kill to be up at 3am, tired with a newborn.
I don't think it's limited the relationships I've had with the ladies on this board and I don't think that they're not getting to know the real me. I have a kid but my attitude, sarcasm, and personality is being shown without bringing him up just to bring him up.
Again...something big then by all means, mention it. Just throw a TW on there. No one is going to judge unless you're constantly just bringing them up for randomly comments.
I'm alittle late on the convo. But I like the idea of doing wkly posts. I don't feel like it'll end up an us vs them thing at all. No one is saying that once it goes wkly, we'd stop posting anywhere else.
I can totally see both sides of it all. It took us alittle while to get pregnant with ds. But we're now having issues having a second. And when I see things on social media by others, I get upset. So I can understand why mentioning a kid could sting for some people. However, I understand when someone said they felt like they couldn't answer GTKY completely. Sometimes something I'm going to say should involve my son but I leave that part out cause it's not super relative.. and it feels weird to do that.
me:35 DH:34 DS: born oct 2012 TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16 BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17 BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18 fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
@LazyCrane I don't read your comments as combative and you should absolutely be able to vent here. I see where you are coming from about feeling like you have to leave parts of yourself out and I understand why that might feel isolating and frustrating to you.
You mentioned that you have another group that you participate in where you can talk freely about your child. There is also this thread, which is a safe space for anyone TFAS to talk about anything they want- kids related, whenever they want.
I just think that it's important to be mindful that some of the other ladies on this board should be able to have a safe space too- one where they don't have to try and dodge a bunch of TWs or filter through non necessary comments about everyone's children. I imagine that could feel pretty isolating and frustrating to them as well.
TL;DR I'm sorry if I stirred something up. I honestly see both sides. Since it was brought up, I wanted to share my side of things.
I'm sorry if I started a conflict over mentioning children. In everything I do, I try to see the other side of the coin. Have I struggled to get pregnant? No. Have I had MC/losses? No. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. As I mentioned in the WTO thread, *TW* I have friends who have struggled tremendously. One lost twins and then a second pregnancy. Another lost triplets at 23 weeks. Another lost a full term baby. I cried with them. I didn't understand. It's heartbreaking. *end TW* I can only imagine how difficult it must be to hope month after month yet see others achieve pregnancy so easily. I'm sure it's frustrating, heartbreaking, ALL THE EMOTIONS!
My only point was that IF has a completely different board (as it should). Losses has a completely different board(as it should). Trouble TTC has a board(as it should). It just feels, at times, like this board is turning into a second T-TTC board. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but in the rave section of the dailies sometimes I want to say something about DS.
I think doing a weekly TFAS thread would be a great compromise. We get to talk freely about our children without risking hurting a fellow TTCer who might be having a hard day.
@becausescience. Very thoughtful and well-written. I am fine with doing a monthly or a weekly thread, whatever is agreed upon. I enjoy participating in the dailies too.
@LazyCrane. Please do not leave or post less often. I value what you have to say and enjoy reading your posts. I too struggle with holding back a part of who I am (or how I spend most of my day), but I think the TFAS thread offers an outlet, as well as my friends in every day life. I think we just need to limit the discussion of our LOs or focus on other interests in the daily thread. Please stay.
Wow, just catching up -- a lot happened here today!
I've actually struggled with this topic a lot lately. It's hard for me to participate too much outside this thread because it's like I have some dirty little secret I'm trying to hide from everyone. I totally get why others don't want to see updates that involve kids, but at the same time, keeping that huge part of my life under wraps feels stifling and, frankly, a bit marginalizing. I don't even feel comfortable posting in the IF thread despite having my first fertility (or lack thereof)-related appointment tomorrow. It's a tough corner to be in, for sure.
I guess for me, I'll be content with being a fringe poster on this board as a whole. I never ever want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I'll just kinda lurk in the shadows!
@LazyCrane I have to agree with you... I know I am probably not making friends by mentioning my son on dailies. And I have also pulled back a little. I want to be involved and I want to be helpful. But it is what it is. You can't please everyone-- don't get me wrong, I try to be short and sweet when I mention DS and not complain about anything parenting related. I think before I type but I also want to be genuine!!! I admit I'm still learning these rules, but I really try to be helpful and supportive and so I hope that is what holds more weight here.
Preface: I am hesitant to fully jump into this loaded convo, b/c I don't think there's any cut and dry answer how to make everyone 100% happy. I am not trying to point fingers at anyone in particular or be hurtful, and I apologize if I put my foot in my mouth or end up really stepping in it. The nature of the beast that is IF is that the ladies dealing with it end up hanging around the TTGP board longer and hence have more opportunity to cultivate the board culture to their wishes. Not saying it's right or wrong, it is what it is. I agree with @JNCPro3130 that TTGP feels like a redundant IF board a lot of the time leaving those of us who don't fall exactly into any other category feeling a little out of place at times even when TTGP is the correct fit for our situations. I'm not lobbying to make sweeping changes to the norms on the board and try to adhere to the community standards to the best of my ability, but here is my attempt to share my observations and feelings. Sorry in advance for the novel!
@kbamomma33 I did not mean that I had to say literally "I'm sorry my son exists," but to me labeling him as a trigger warning is basically the same thing. I play along b/c I don't make the rules here, but it hurts my heart a little every time I do so. He is an innocent human being who has never hurt anyone here, and it's difficult to lump him in with other understandably triggering events like rape. As someone upthread astutely observed, minimizing mentions of your child is one thing (I'm fine with that) but labeling him/her a trigger warning is another.
I acknowledge that I don't have the same perspective as the long-timers on this board and I don't blame anyone for any heartache IF may be causing them (I'm sure it's worse than I can even imagine), but pregnancy is not a zero sum game. If Person B gets pregnant before Person A, she is not stealing Person A's spot in line. Sometimes life seems unfair, but there should be no shame over expecting a wanted child. Can't we all just root for each other in all scenarios?
And to wander down this philosophical path a little further (any questions in this paragraph are seriously meant to be rhetorical, please don't anyone try to answer), it also makes me uncomfortable that there is a litmus test in the TTGP Grad thread as to whose BFPs are worth celebrating. Maybe not intended as such, but that's how it comes across. I'm not talking about pure drive-bys who don't post anything except they got a BFP, but ending up pregnant is the ultimate milestone of TTC so why can't any and all successes be celebrated by the community, regardless whether the mom-to-be was trying for a month, a year, or ten years? It feels like there is more value on a child to be born to an IF grad and anyone trying for less time is somehow less deserving. I'd assume the name of the thread should be TW enough if someone doesn't want to see that sort of news.
I could go on a bit, but I've rambled long enough. To reiterate, my intent is not to hurt anyone or upend how TTGP operates, just the various thoughts on this subject that have percolated in my mind since I started lurking/posting.
@nanilani04 No one is placing more value on an IF child. It may seem as though they get celebrated more because they have likely been around longer and have made more friends here that are rooting for them. Also, they have most likely been down a road that you couldn't possibly imagine to get their BFP. Think of a healthy 20 year old running a marathon vs an 80 year old running a marathon. The 20 year old planned and trained hard to get to the finish line while the 80 year old planned, trained hard, but still wasn't sure if they would ever make it to the finish line. The 80 year old gets more excitement and people cheering them on. This may be a bad example but the point is that no one is downplaying your accomplishment of getting a BFP. Feel free to check out the Trouble TTC for a Sibling board where you can talk freely about your children. https://forums.thebump.com/categories/trouble-ttc-sibling
Me: 28 | DH: 33 EDD: March 24, 2018 - angel baby at 21 weeks
Preface: I am hesitant to fully jump into this loaded convo, b/c I don't think there's any cut and dry answer how to make everyone 100% happy. I am not trying to point fingers at anyone in particular or be hurtful, and I apologize if I put my foot in my mouth or end up really stepping in it. The nature of the beast that is IF is that the ladies dealing with it end up hanging around the TTGP board longer and hence have more opportunity to cultivate the board culture to their wishes. Not saying it's right or wrong, it is what it is. I agree with @JNCPro3130 that TTGP feels like a redundant IF board a lot of the time leaving those of us who don't fall exactly into any other category feeling a little out of place at times even when TTGP is the correct fit for our situations. I'm not lobbying to make sweeping changes to the norms on the board and try to adhere to the community standards to the best of my ability, but here is my attempt to share my observations and feelings. Sorry in advance for the novel!
@kbamomma33 I did not mean that I had to say literally "I'm sorry my son exists," but to me labeling him as a trigger warning is basically the same thing. I play along b/c I don't make the rules here, but it hurts my heart a little every time I do so. He is an innocent human being who has never hurt anyone here, and it's difficult to lump him in with other understandably triggering events like rape. As someone upthread astutely observed, minimizing mentions of your child is one thing (I'm fine with that) but labeling him/her a trigger warning is another.
I acknowledge that I don't have the same perspective as the long-timers on this board and I don't blame anyone for any heartache IF may be causing them (I'm sure it's worse than I can even imagine), but pregnancy is not a zero sum game. If Person B gets pregnant before Person A, she is not stealing Person A's spot in line. Sometimes life seems unfair, but there should be no shame over expecting a wanted child. Can't we all just root for each other in all scenarios?
And to wander down this philosophical path a little further (any questions in this paragraph are seriously meant to be rhetorical, please don't anyone try to answer), it also makes me uncomfortable that there is a litmus test in the TTGP Grad thread as to whose BFPs are worth celebrating. Maybe not intended as such, but that's how it comes across. I'm not talking about pure drive-bys who don't post anything except they got a BFP, but ending up pregnant is the ultimate milestone of TTC so why can't any and all successes be celebrated by the community, regardless whether the mom-to-be was trying for a month, a year, or ten years? It feels like there is more value on a child to be born to an IF grad and anyone trying for less time is somehow less deserving. I'd assume the name of the thread should be TW enough if someone doesn't want to see that sort of news.
I could go on a bit, but I've rambled long enough. To reiterate, my intent is not to hurt anyone or upend how TTGP operates, just the various thoughts on this subject that have percolated in my mind since I started lurking/posting.
mileswithmyles said:
LazyCrane said:
I 100% agree with your last 2 paragraphs @JNCPro3130.
I was going to expand but I'm a little drunk and don't want to mince words on a sensitive topic. Maybe tomorrow.
Me, too. To the agreeing, not the drunk part, but this IPA I am drinking may get me to that zone pretty soon.
JNCPro3130 said:
TL;DR I'm sorry if I stirred something up. I honestly see both sides. Since it was brought up, I wanted to share my side of things.
I'm sorry if I started a conflict over mentioning children. In everything I do, I try to see the other side of the coin. Have I struggled to get pregnant? No. Have I had MC/losses? No. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. As I mentioned in the WTO thread, *TW* I have friends who have struggled tremendously. One lost twins and then a second pregnancy. Another lost triplets at 23 weeks. Another lost a full term baby. I cried with them. I didn't understand. It's heartbreaking. *end TW* I can only imagine how difficult it must be to hope month after month yet see others achieve pregnancy so easily. I'm sure it's frustrating, heartbreaking, ALL THE EMOTIONS!
My only point was that IF has a completely different board (as it should). Losses has a completely different board(as it should). Trouble TTC has a board(as it should). It just feels, at times, like this board is turning into a second T-TTC board. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but in the rave section of the dailies sometimes I want to say something about DS.
I think doing a weekly TFAS thread would be a great compromise. We get to talk freely about our children without risking hurting a fellow TTCer who might be having a hard day.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
My only point was that IF has a completely different board (as it should). Losses has a completely different board(as it should). Trouble TTC has a board(as it should). It just feels, at times, like this board is turning into a second T-TTC board. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but in the rave section of the dailies sometimes I want to say something about DS.
*Lurker* *TW* So when I had my first loss after five months of trying, I should have pissed off to the TTCAL board where I didn't have any friends when I was at my most vulnerable? Other people in this very TFAS thread who have had losses shouldn't have come back and should have gone away to another board because "eeeew loss moms, amiright?!"
At what point do you think the infertiles should buzz off, leave their friends here and go to another board. Six months? Nine? Twelve? What about your secondary IFers in this thread? Should they go away to the boards where they now "belong"?
It's funny to complain about feeling marginalized while marginalizing others.
When I had my losses, I just wanted and needed my friends. Not a bunch of strangers. Oddly, I wasn't in the mood for making new friends. When I finally qualified as infertile, I just wanted and needed my friends. I didn't want to go talk to a bunch of strangers. Those boards are great for people who were never part of TTGP. But to imply that loss moms or IFers don't belong here? Maybe it's time to put yourself in their shoes for a hot minute.
We celebrate all grads plenty. But when people have a dozen people trying to get and keep them pregnant, rather than it being just between them and their partner, heck yes we're going to throw a party. I've never been annoyed that they got a ticker tape parade. Not even from when I first started. I was delighted for them and happy to join in the celebration.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
This is understandably and undoubtedly a sensitive issue and falls all over the gray area of TTC. Personally, I fall in TTC, TFAS, TTCAL (in the past) and there are people who fall into more categories than that. We all belong. Find what helps, supports, and encourages you. And it's our job as a community to help, support, and encourage even if we don't fall nicely into one of those categories. While we need general community rules we don't need to secure down every little detail because it's impossible. We are women who can sympathize and/or empathize. And that's important
@cards10 - This isn't just a matter of "we all belong, find your niche." The PPs were way out of bounds and incredibly rude. It's not that simple.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
My only point was that IF has a completely different board (as it should). Losses has a completely different board(as it should). Trouble TTC has a board(as it should). It just feels, at times, like this board is turning into a second T-TTC board. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but in the rave section of the dailies sometimes I want to say something about DS.
*Lurker* *TW* So when I had my first loss after five months of trying, I should have pissed off to the TTCAL board where I didn't have any friends when I was at my most vulnerable? Other people in this very TFAS thread who have had losses shouldn't have come back and should have gone away to another board because "eeeew loss moms, amiright?!"
At what point do you think the infertiles should buzz off, leave their friends here and go to another board. Six months? Nine? Twelve? What about your secondary IFers in this thread? Should they go away to the boards where they now "belong"?
It's funny to complain about feeling marginalized while marginalizing others.
When I had my losses, I just wanted and needed my friends. Not a bunch of strangers. Oddly, I wasn't in the mood for making new friends. When I finally qualified as infertile, I just wanted and needed my friends. I didn't want to go talk to a bunch of strangers. Those boards are great for people who were never part of TTGP. But to imply that loss moms or IFers don't belong here? Maybe it's time to put yourself in their shoes for a hot minute.
We celebrate all grads plenty. But when people have a dozen people trying to get and keep them pregnant, rather than it being just between them and their partner, heck yes we're going to throw a party. I've never been annoyed that they got a ticker tape parade. Not even from when I first started. I was delighted for them and happy to join in the celebration.
@kiki75 I feel like the bolded part is directed at me, as I was the one who used the word marginalized. Please don't take what I was saying as complaining, I was simply sharing my experience on this board. I completely understand the frustration and hurt of seeing offhanded comments about children to those who are struggling to conceive, and I 100% sympathize with that and actively work to not make anyone uncomfortable.
At the same time, there are many comments that have been made about not wanting to hear about kids. Taken one at a time those comments are certainly nothing I'd even blink at. But reading them several times over, particularly in the last 24 hours, does lead to an overall vibe of "keep that part of your life quiet" -- whether that vibe is meant or not.
To reiterate, I do not feel any need to complain about the board. I understand the feelings of everyone struggling. My intention is never to marginalize or upset anyone.
Re: TFAS July Check-in
DH: 30
TTC #2 Since April 2017
What number are you trying for? 2
Cycle/Month? 2/2
WTO/TWW? WTO
Ages of other child(ren)? DS is 2.
Any thoughts about this cycle? Eh, I think I O'd yesterday. If so we hit -1 & -2. DH's schedule is messing me up, but this timing is definitely better than last!
Any questions? Nope.
GTKY: leashes for toddlers: no freaking way or hell yes my kid is a runner? We don't have one for DS, but safety first! Do what you have to do!
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
How about this format? Anyone want to add something?
Month/cycle:
TTA vs TWW vs WTO:
CD/(DPO):
R/R:
CS/Q:
GTKY:
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
@fishsticks-n-custard I like the format!
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
It took us 11 months to get pregnant with DD *TW* and that includes an early MC and time on the bench. *end TW* For moms who may have gotten pregnant before without a lot of trying - it may be hard to understand the ache you feel in your heart each time you see that BFN, each time somebody asks you when you'll have kids, or each time a pregnancy announcement hits facebook. For some, seeing somebody mention their kid causes that same hurt. It isn't that you need to apologize for your LO existing - of course they are an important parts of our lives. But take some time to ask yourself - is what I post about my LO here important enough in my life right now to be worth causing somebody else's heart to ache even a little bit.
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
And I get both sides of the fence. I got pregnant super easy with DD. TwThen had a late term miscarriage, a CP end TW and immediately got pregnant with DS. Now I'm struggling with IF.
At the same time, it is hard not to mention the kids sometimes. DS was super sick, almost in the hospital this week, so I am a worried, sleepy mess .
It took us more than a year to get pregnant with DD so I'm familiar with the pain of waiting for something you don't know if you'll ever get. I cried myself through lots of CD1s wondering if I'd ever get what I wanted most.
It's not that what's going on with my LO is more important than someone else's heartache, it's just that you'll never know the real me without that part of my story. No one knows that I fight back tears everytime my daughter kisses a baby doll or shares her toys with the 1yo next door. There are things that are painful about things not working out how you planned at all stages, and I think the pain olympics is a dangerous, divisive game. Everyone has pain and no ones struggles cancel out someone else's.
Anyway, I may need to step back for a little while. I'm not here to hurt anyone's feelings.
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
ie. I've had it implied to me before in the dailies that I'm not committed because I don't temp regularly when in actuality, I almost never get 3 hrs of uninterrupted sleep between my work schedule and still nursing my 18 month old (who is a terrible sleeper). But I feel like I can't point that out without hurting someone.
Married DH: 2013
DD: Dec 2015
BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018
First - I just want to let you guys know that I'm sending hugs and love your way while the board is going through growing pains. Mentioning LOs has been a gray area for a really long time. I think it's leaving the gray territory and entering TW territory, though. Which, while it helps one population, also hinders another, which is really unfortunate.
Second - What are your thoughts on step-parents participating here? I realize it's quite different, but DSS is with us all but every other weekend, and I view him as my own flesh and blood. He's 8, so he doesn't interfere with certain aspects of TTGP (like temping, etc.) generally speaking, but I would like to have a place where I can share things he may have said regarding a sibling or something, without worrying about it hurting anyone or forgetting to add a TW.
We won't be TTGP for another month or so, depending on how my cycles fall now that I'm off BCPs, but, I'd rather ask than just jump in and feel like an ass.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@garnetandgoldgrace I got an app through our Amazon fire box but you can stream the workouts other ways too. Here is a link to the website: https://www.lesmillsondemand.com There are a bunch of workouts and you can try it for 10 days before committing.
For BodyPump you typically need a bar with different weights, hand weights, and a mat. A bench is used sometimes too but I make do without.
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
@fishsticks-n-custard FWIW, If I were in your shoes, and someone actually implied that I wasn't committed to TTC for not temping regularly, I would just concisely explain why. You have a crazy schedule and you are up nursing your kid who isn't sleeping- that's the reason. End convo. To me, that's something that is relevant to the conversation. You can add a TW if you want, and as long as you aren't bitching about being awake with your baby, just stating it as a fact, then I feel like that would be fine.
@nanilani04 I'd like to be pointed in the direction of any thread where you have actually had to apologize for your son's existence. Links??
@LazyCrane Talk about your kid with your other group then. And talk about your kid here in TFAS. It's not like you can't talk about your kid at all on TTGP. It's just about knowing your audience and being sensitive to someone else's journey too. Do you insist on inserting your child into every conversation with your childless friends? (Probably not.) Or do you find other stuff that you have in common with them to talk about? Same thing here- you CAN get to know the other ladies on the board. It doesn't have to be superficial just because it doesn't involve your child. It doesn't have to be either step away or stay and hurt someone's feelings. What other interests do you have? Crafting? Working out? Travel? Shows? Books? TV? Surely you do! There are a variety of conversations that happen around here that are anything but superficial that don't involve children.
I've been posting here for several months and I've probably mentioned my daughter outside of this thread maybe 4 times? Each time, I've tried to be matter of fact and make sure that it's relevant and necessary to the topic. Yet, I really don't feel like that has prevented me from getting to know any of the other ladies here or them from getting to know me, and I genuinely feel like I've made some good friends. The ladies here are smart, strong, interesting, funny, and snarky, yet empathetic. They will also sit with you in really shitty times and support you hard if you give understanding and support back.
Side note, I did make a comment in FFFC that temps missing on chart bothers me. Which it does, but I have serious OCD issues, it doesn't mean I don't think the person is trying.
@izza2, of course you are welcome to post!
Obviously all conversations with my childless friends don't revolve around my child. But they don't involve trigger warnings either, so it's not really an apples to apples comparison in my eyes.
I think I've mentioned DD twice...once when intro'd and once another time, so it's not like I'm running around throwing her in whenever I can. It just means I'm answering halfway a lot of times. Like when the GTKY asks what shoes I'm wearing I just say gym shoes and don't elaborate that they'll get stolen as soon as I slip them off. I think that's a funny anecdote, but it's not something I share because it doesn't seem worth the trigger warning.
Sure, I can read and get to know others. But I'm leaving out a lot about myself...like my sense of humor or the hardest part of this round of TTC for me (which until today I had the opportunity to share once a month).
Obviously I am in the minority and I will carry on as I have been and either get used to it or fade away, but I took the opportunity to vent here and I've tried to be respectful and not inflammatory I hope I'm not coming across as combative.
I agree with @kbamomma33 here. My son is everything to me. EVERYTHING. But he's not all I have going on in my life. I posted in the dailies for a good 6-7 months before moving onto mostly posting in the IF thread.
I never had an issue casually mentioning my son during "major" times such as when he had surgery for his ear tubes. Everyone was super supportive and friendly when I mentioned that. I also never had an issue throwing in my opinion if someone is getting excited in the TWW to say oh hey, when I got my positive test I had cramps/ spotting, etc...
I just consider my audience. My husband and I had an in home date night due to sitter issues and family not being around. I talked about it and left it at my husband and I stayed home and watched a movie and had meats/cheese/wine. Does everyone need to know my son was asleep upstairs to really get to know me?
If I go for a walk with my husband and son after work, as far as the dailies are concerned I got outside after work and went for a walk bc it was nice out tonight.
Everyone on here has been nothing short of absolutely amazing and supportive and the last thing I'd want to do is push someone over the edge when they're having a shitty CD1 by saying oh my son had a bad night and I'm tired. I've dealt with a loss, and trying for a long ass time for him, and trying for over a year now for a second and I'd also kill to be up at 3am, tired with a newborn.
I don't think it's limited the relationships I've had with the ladies on this board and I don't think that they're not getting to know the real me. I have a kid but my attitude, sarcasm, and personality is being shown without bringing him up just to bring him up.
Again...something big then by all means, mention it. Just throw a TW on there. No one is going to judge unless you're constantly just bringing them up for randomly comments.
I can totally see both sides of it all. It took us alittle while to get pregnant with ds. But we're now having issues having a second. And when I see things on social media by others, I get upset. So I can understand why mentioning a kid could sting for some people. However, I understand when someone said they felt like they couldn't answer GTKY completely. Sometimes something I'm going to say should involve my son but I leave that part out cause it's not super relative.. and it feels weird to do that.
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
You mentioned that you have another group that you participate in where you can talk freely about your child. There is also this thread, which is a safe space for anyone TFAS to talk about anything they want- kids related, whenever they want.
I just think that it's important to be mindful that some of the other ladies on this board should be able to have a safe space too- one where they don't have to try and dodge a bunch of TWs or filter through non necessary comments about everyone's children. I imagine that could feel pretty isolating and frustrating to them as well.
I'm sorry if I started a conflict over mentioning children. In everything I do, I try to see the other side of the coin. Have I struggled to get pregnant? No. Have I had MC/losses? No. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. As I mentioned in the WTO thread, *TW* I have friends who have struggled tremendously. One lost twins and then a second pregnancy. Another lost triplets at 23 weeks. Another lost a full term baby. I cried with them. I didn't understand. It's heartbreaking. *end TW* I can only imagine how difficult it must be to hope month after month yet see others achieve pregnancy so easily. I'm sure it's frustrating, heartbreaking, ALL THE EMOTIONS!
My only point was that IF has a completely different board (as it should). Losses has a completely different board(as it should). Trouble TTC has a board(as it should). It just feels, at times, like this board is turning into a second T-TTC board. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but in the rave section of the dailies sometimes I want to say something about DS.
I think doing a weekly TFAS thread would be a great compromise. We get to talk freely about our children without risking hurting a fellow TTCer who might be having a hard day.
@LazyCrane. Please do not leave or post less often. I value what you have to say and enjoy reading your posts. I too struggle with holding back a part of who I am (or how I spend most of my day), but I think the TFAS thread offers an outlet, as well as my friends in every day life. I think we just need to limit the discussion of our LOs or focus on other interests in the daily thread. Please stay.
I was going to expand but I'm a little drunk and don't want to mince words on a sensitive topic. Maybe tomorrow.
I've actually struggled with this topic a lot lately. It's hard for me to participate too much outside this thread because it's like I have some dirty little secret I'm trying to hide from everyone. I totally get why others don't want to see updates that involve kids, but at the same time, keeping that huge part of my life under wraps feels stifling and, frankly, a bit marginalizing. I don't even feel comfortable posting in the IF thread despite having my first fertility (or lack thereof)-related appointment tomorrow. It's a tough corner to be in, for sure.
I guess for me, I'll be content with being a fringe poster on this board as a whole. I never ever want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I'll just kinda lurk in the shadows!
@izza2 I agree. You're totally welcome here
@all I agree with a weekly thread here as well.
@kbamomma33 I did not mean that I had to say literally "I'm sorry my son exists," but to me labeling him as a trigger warning is basically the same thing. I play along b/c I don't make the rules here, but it hurts my heart a little every time I do so. He is an innocent human being who has never hurt anyone here, and it's difficult to lump him in with other understandably triggering events like rape. As someone upthread astutely observed, minimizing mentions of your child is one thing (I'm fine with that) but labeling him/her a trigger warning is another.
I acknowledge that I don't have the same perspective as the long-timers on this board and I don't blame anyone for any heartache IF may be causing them (I'm sure it's worse than I can even imagine), but pregnancy is not a zero sum game. If Person B gets pregnant before Person A, she is not stealing Person A's spot in line. Sometimes life seems unfair, but there should be no shame over expecting a wanted child. Can't we all just root for each other in all scenarios?
And to wander down this philosophical path a little further (any questions in this paragraph are seriously meant to be rhetorical, please don't anyone try to answer), it also makes me uncomfortable that there is a litmus test in the TTGP Grad thread as to whose BFPs are worth celebrating. Maybe not intended as such, but that's how it comes across. I'm not talking about pure drive-bys who don't post anything except they got a BFP, but ending up pregnant is the ultimate milestone of TTC so why can't any and all successes be celebrated by the community, regardless whether the mom-to-be was trying for a month, a year, or ten years? It feels like there is more value on a child to be born to an IF grad and anyone trying for less time is somehow less deserving. I'd assume the name of the thread should be TW enough if someone doesn't want to see that sort of news.
I could go on a bit, but I've rambled long enough. To reiterate, my intent is not to hurt anyone or upend how TTGP operates, just the various thoughts on this subject that have percolated in my mind since I started lurking/posting.
EDD: March 24, 2018 - angel baby at 21 weeks
and also @haylsbayls -
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
*TW* So when I had my first loss after five months of trying, I should have pissed off to the TTCAL board where I didn't have any friends when I was at my most vulnerable? Other people in this very TFAS thread who have had losses shouldn't have come back and should have gone away to another board because "eeeew loss moms, amiright?!"
At what point do you think the infertiles should buzz off, leave their friends here and go to another board. Six months? Nine? Twelve? What about your secondary IFers in this thread? Should they go away to the boards where they now "belong"?
It's funny to complain about feeling marginalized while marginalizing others.
When I had my losses, I just wanted and needed my friends. Not a bunch of strangers. Oddly, I wasn't in the mood for making new friends. When I finally qualified as infertile, I just wanted and needed my friends. I didn't want to go talk to a bunch of strangers. Those boards are great for people who were never part of TTGP. But to imply that loss moms or IFers don't belong here? Maybe it's time to put yourself in their shoes for a hot minute.
We celebrate all grads plenty. But when people have a dozen people trying to get and keep them pregnant, rather than it being just between them and their partner, heck yes we're going to throw a party. I've never been annoyed that they got a ticker tape parade. Not even from when I first started. I was delighted for them and happy to join in the celebration.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
At the same time, there are many comments that have been made about not wanting to hear about kids. Taken one at a time those comments are certainly nothing I'd even blink at. But reading them several times over, particularly in the last 24 hours, does lead to an overall vibe of "keep that part of your life quiet" -- whether that vibe is meant or not.
To reiterate, I do not feel any need to complain about the board. I understand the feelings of everyone struggling. My intention is never to marginalize or upset anyone.