I have tried to make one or more of these my actual UO but really, they are just my general opinions!
First, I think knowledge is power. With that said, true knowledge comes from reliable sources. I have always been studious and therefore read and studied a lot of materials when PG for the first two times. I am enjoying not needing to read up as much this time, but I was a bit embarrassed that I needed to ask my OB at what point they do glucose screenings because I have forgotten from the first two and did not make it long enough with the 3rd to even be tested before his arrival!
I don't hate anyone for starting the FB, but it does make me sad as I feel I am missing out on a bit of more personal discussions. I had a REALLY bad experience on my March 2013 board and was ultimately kicked out of the FB group because I posted a picture of us and our son on a golf cart ride when he was like 5 months old. It was on our farm...not on a street or road, but I was called ALL sorts of names. The 2nd reason I do not join is that DH and I share a FB page and although I share EVERYTHING with him I respect the feelings and privacy of others who might not be comfortable of the idea that he could potentially see their posts. (Not that he would ever even care to read them, but you get my point)
I love our board and have found so much support and fellowship here. I do not get to respond as much as I would like, but I still feel accepted and welcome.
I feel like I'm half lurker. I don't post often unless I feel like I have something to say to actually contribute. I try to click like. The app is always glitching on me which I find super annoying, so I'm definitely more active on FB simply due to ease of use.
I totally understand people not being able to keep up here. It only doesn't go over well when people come here totally for themselves and don't even try to get involved otherwise.
On that note there's also a huge difference to me between lurkers and not-as-regular-regulars.
If you only ever post in the u/s thread, you're a lurker. If you post 5 times in one day and then we never hear from you ever again, you're a lurker. If you belong in another month and are only here for the drama you're a really obnoxious lurker.
@cottingham3 Sept12 was like that, too. People getting kicked out, AEs, all the drama. I was more reserved on jumping in back then, and there were 8-10 moms in my city that did IRL get togethers once a month or so. By the time I was "in" on the BMB, I realized they were never going to actually let me "in" to the real life getogethers that I thought would nice as a FTM, just because I was too late, and I got kind of irritated. Like, we haven't even had our babies yet I can't meet you all for lunch??? ETA There are still things I just wouldn't say/post here because of that experience. Ie. You will never see me post a photo of my kid in a carseat because even though I pay great attention to carseat safety, people were BRUTAL about the tiniest details. I don't even remember what exactly, but things like, "Uhhhh, that looks WAY too thick for baby to be wearing in the carseat, don't you love her!?!?!?" And mom would respond like, "It's one layer of fleece..." but it didn't matter, by that point you were flamed to high heaven and the damage was done. There were literally 5-6 girls who had a photo of mean girls in the signature
@riversong15 we also want to avoid sharing pics of LO on FB. I don't share personal pics a lot (anymore) on social media and in thinking about LO I just am not comfortable with it. I've created a photosharing site on shutterfly that I'm using to share updates on LO and ultrasound photos with just close family. I'll probably just keep it that way. It is hard b/c our family lives two states away.
@DuchessOfCambridge literally giggled out loud at the yogurt part. Then had to explain to DH that I was giggling over yogurt as a maternal sacrifice.
I totally agree, balance is key in all of this! Plus a healthy dose of sass to people who want you to guess if they're having a boy or a girl. I just cannot.
I think it's tacky and cheap to have a birthday cookout and ask people to bring stuff, especially when it's not that many people. A big 4th of July gathering with lots of friends? Sure, make that a potluck. But your own birthday? I'm side-eyeing.
This might just be because when DH and I have parties we make sure we provide everything. But whatever, this is my UO.
@DuchessOfCambridge I'm with you! My neighbors have gatherings lots of times a year and for every single one (including birthdays), they ask others to bring a dish. I feel obligated to go and I don't always want to bring something, too. I have gatherings just a few times a year, and provide everything. Most people will bring some beer or wine, and that's cool (or, I'll call a closer friend who I know is on their way in an emergency to pick up mustard that my dopey self forgot to get). I'm a little anal as a hostess, though, for the most part.
My UO (apparently) is that I love dairy! Give me all the dairy items! Cheese, ice cream, milk, yogurt! If it comes from a cow I'll eat it (with the exception of beef, I don't eat beef or pork.)
@SweetMelissa4 right. For my birthday I asked everyone to a bar and they paid for their own drinks, but DH and I provided appetizers all night. Maybe this is a me problem? I don't know, but I'm not a fan.
@ariasbabyblog I love cheese! Not all cheese but most cheese!
@kwaldy@DuchessOfCambridge I do not drink milk. I actually haven't had I since I was about 3.... it's kind of a phobia. For that reason I also don't eat yogurt. It creeps me out. I never tried salt on melon but I do eat tomatoe and salt. Yumm Whenever we have a BBQ even if it's small people want to bring stuff and I'm such a food perfectionist it drives me crazy because I don't want other peoples food there.
Wow to all the crazy/mean prior BMBs! I don't feel like we're like that here at all and I'm so glad! I can see sending someone a kind PM about something like car seat safety, especially if there was a glaring issue in the picture. But not a group flame. Mom shaming is not ok!
@bcashaw I like trashy tv too. Certain shows---it's sometimes nice to watch something where you don't have to think.
We always bring something (wine, beer, liquor) but typically the host says no. It's weird to show up empty handed but also weird to host something and tell people what to bring if it wasn't mutually agreed upon in the first place.
@ElizabethSchuyler I was asked to bring mashed potatoes. I said sure because I would always say sure, but mentioned that would end up making me late because work and if they were ok with that. They then said no they'd rather have me on time so I'm off the hook, but other people are bringing utensils and things and I just think it's odd.
We do as people to BYOB because I don't drink and religiously I cannot pay for alcohol, but I would also never expect them to buy hot dogs for me to eat since they do not eat hot dogs. That is my exception to this UO.
Yogurt, I LOVE. Only vanilla or plain flavored though. and I love cheese, I live in WI so we eat it with every meal. But again I am picky with what kinds.
My UO is I think HDBD pictures that include your face are weird on TB. That's wayyy too personal for me. Plus no one really cares what you look like (face wise), they just want to see the bump!
@MississippiCatfish My Sept 13 BMB was like that too. After a short time on Facebook it ended up branching out into 3 or 4 different groups. The mean girls started a group just to bash people and another group was started to allow in people they either wouldn't let in or they kicked out for whatever reason. It was so much drama so I tended to stay in the background because I hate drama.
My UO is I think HDBD pictures that include your face are weird on TB. That's wayyy too personal for me. Plus no one really cares what you look like (face wise), they just want to see the bump!
This seems really strange to me. "Hey, I didn't ask to see your face. That's weird. Just your body." I don't get it.
My UO is I think HDBD pictures that include your face are weird on TB. That's wayyy too personal for me. Plus no one really cares what you look like (face wise), they just want to see the bump!
This seems really strange to me. "Hey, I didn't ask to see your face. That's weird. Just your body." I don't get it.
Same! I love when people include faces. I can put faces to screen names and they feel more real. Also, I admit to being waaaaay more interested in peoples' background/houses than the person. I'm snoopy.
S12 was nuts. I was flamed to hell and back for a few things that I'm still a little bitter about. I also learned a lot too, so maybe it all balanced out?? *tw* I was actually really nervous to jump in on this board, but I decided to do it because it was one way of staying positive that this was my rainbow baby after the m/c. It helped a lot, I think, because I got to associate being part of a bmb with having a healthy baby and pregnancy like I did with DS.
I ended up struggling to keep things and people straight this time though, and took a huge step back in participation compared to S12.
Yeah, I've seen those BMB that exclude some active members from the group simply because they don't like them and while it's their right, especially since it's their personal info they want to protect, it's not nice. My ex bf said, "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you." (He meant cheating, but it applies to excluding others and overall mean gossip / behavior.)
I like seeing others' faces, but I'm all about protecting my identity... and mostly because DH is very private.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
I like yogurt (sorry duchess) but I'm picky about what brands and flavors I get.
If I crop my face out of a bump shot it's because I always make a dumb face in them because I'm not paying attention to what my face is doing while I'm looking at my belly
my first BMB Facebook group imploded about screen time. A group splintered off "the cool kids" and I wasn't invited. I'm still in the original group and love them dearly!
This is my first BMB after many years on the bump. With my first two I was part of my local board but that went to FB years and years ago. I feel like my participation here is spotty and I hope that doesn't offend anyone. I do not stress over it, honestly. I enjoy being here because it has been more than 6 years since I've had a baby and this board has helped get me back into that LO mindset. Also not sure if this is an UO, but nice is never bad. I know who to call IRL if I want to be judged...haha.
DD- 9
DS-6
c/p- April 2016
missed m/c- 6w5d; discovered 8w2d- September 2016
I feel like @irishfrisky re: bring semi regular. I am totally someone who has more questions than answers so I try to only join in if I feel like I'm being helpful. I'm not super busy but I definitely can't keep up with every single thread. I'm just not wired that way and am mostly on here late at night on mobile when I can't sleep. I also tend not to click on the threads I don't participate in for my 1st reason mentioned above.
My UO: I totally understand not being comfortable with joining the FB group. What I don't get is the spreadsheet though - I like the anonymity of TB and the last thing I want is to make it even easier to dox me on here. I get that it makes it easier for us to remember each other but just considering the potential for anyone on the internet to see it weirds me out. So, no matter how much I'm posting or lurking on here, you won't see me on it.
2nd UO: I really don't care how regularly someone posts. As long as they're not posting a "guess the sex" or other annoying AW thing. But if you said something funny, insightful, relatable etc I will happily share a lovetit and/or respond without even checking if I recognize your screen name.
@DuchessOfCambridge I ignore most drivebys too. @cmessamore I don't mind a small number of active members here because it's easier to keep up. I just feel a little bad not paying attention to the less active members because I don't know them. So yes, FB wins in that aspect.
I am not happy that DH doesn't want pics of our kid online, mostly because it's the easiest way to reach our huge families the easiest. Two of my sisters live out of state and it's easier to keep up on FB / IG than to have to email or text pics. Plus, extended family can pay attention / ignore if they want.
@NYTino24 This made me laugh because at first I literally thought you meant drivebys and then I realized oh no she mean randoms. I have Friday brain please forgive me.
@kwaldy I completely agree on milk. So many people think it's weird but I hate milk. I can only drink 1% and lately on 1% Fairlife milk and I only drink it with cookies or brownies. DH likes to just enjoy a glass of milk with dinner and I think it's disgusting.
My UO is I don't really like cheese. Or more like I'm super picky about when I eat cheese. Cheese on pizza is ok, grilled cheese is ok, cheese on a hamburger it depends on my mood. I can very occasionally have sharp cheddar cheese from a block if I have a Cracker to put it on. Dont ever put cheese on my salad unless it's a Caesar or we will have problems.
@sojoba, I am with you 100%. I don't post if I don't feel that it's helpful. I will post in the recipes, check-ins, etc. I'm trying to get more comfortable posting, since this is my first message board experience, ever.
I'm one of those that post my face in pictures. I am a person, not just a figure. Plus, I have no issues whatsoever with people seeing my face. Honestly, I think it's weird not to see a face but respect everyone's choices.
Re: UO Thursday 6/29
First, I think knowledge is power. With that said, true knowledge comes from reliable sources. I have always been studious and therefore read and studied a lot of materials when PG for the first two times. I am enjoying not needing to read up as much this time, but I was a bit embarrassed that I needed to ask my OB at what point they do glucose screenings because I have forgotten from the first two and did not make it long enough with the 3rd to even be tested before his arrival!
I don't hate anyone for starting the FB, but it does make me sad as I feel I am missing out on a bit of more personal discussions. I had a REALLY bad experience on my March 2013 board and was ultimately kicked out of the FB group because I posted a picture of us and our son on a golf cart ride when he was like 5 months old. It was on our farm...not on a street or road, but I was called ALL sorts of names. The 2nd reason I do not join is that DH and I share a FB page and although I share EVERYTHING with him I respect the feelings and privacy of others who might not be comfortable of the idea that he could potentially see their posts. (Not that he would ever even care to read them, but you get my point)
I love our board and have found so much support and fellowship here. I do not get to respond as much as I would like, but I still feel accepted and welcome.
@ooodalollly I love salt on watermelon.
I totally agree, balance is key in all of this! Plus a healthy dose of sass to people who want you to guess if they're having a boy or a girl. I just cannot.
@NYTino24 DH and i are talking about making a secret group onnfacebook and only sharing photos there
This might just be because when DH and I have parties we make sure we provide everything. But whatever, this is my UO.
@ariasbabyblog I love cheese! Not all cheese but most cheese!
I never tried salt on melon but I do eat tomatoe and salt. Yumm
Whenever we have a BBQ even if it's small people want to bring stuff and I'm such a food perfectionist it drives me crazy because I don't want other peoples food there.
@bcashaw I like trashy tv too. Certain shows---it's sometimes nice to watch something where you don't have to think.
We do as people to BYOB because I don't drink and religiously I cannot pay for alcohol, but I would also never expect them to buy hot dogs for me to eat since they do not eat hot dogs. That is my exception to this UO.
My UO is I think HDBD pictures that include your face are weird on TB. That's wayyy too personal for me. Plus no one really cares what you look like (face wise), they just want to see the bump!
My Sept 13 BMB was like that too. After a short time on Facebook it ended up branching out into 3 or 4 different groups. The mean girls started a group just to bash people and another group was started to allow in people they either wouldn't let in or they kicked out for whatever reason. It was so much drama so I tended to stay in the background because I hate drama.
I ended up struggling to keep things and people straight this time though, and took a huge step back in participation compared to S12.
I like seeing others' faces, but I'm all about protecting my identity... and mostly because DH is very private.
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
Still working on my face though. Smiling makes it worse.
If I crop my face out of a bump shot it's because I always make a dumb face in them because I'm not paying attention to what my face is doing while I'm looking at my belly
my first BMB Facebook group imploded about screen time. A group splintered off "the cool kids" and I wasn't invited. I'm still in the original group and love them dearly!
I love cheese.
DD- 9
DS-6
c/p- April 2016
missed m/c- 6w5d; discovered 8w2d- September 2016
My UO: I totally understand not being comfortable with joining the FB group. What I don't get is the spreadsheet though - I like the anonymity of TB and the last thing I want is to make it even easier to dox me on here. I get that it makes it easier for us to remember each other but just considering the potential for anyone on the internet to see it weirds me out. So, no matter how much I'm posting or lurking on here, you won't see me on it.
2nd UO: I really don't care how regularly someone posts. As long as they're not posting a "guess the sex" or other annoying AW thing. But if you said something funny, insightful, relatable etc I will happily share a lovetit and/or respond without even checking if I recognize your screen name.
My UO is I don't really like cheese. Or more like I'm super picky about when I eat cheese. Cheese on pizza is ok, grilled cheese is ok, cheese on a hamburger it depends on my mood. I can very occasionally have sharp cheddar cheese from a block if I have a Cracker to put it on. Dont ever put cheese on my salad unless it's a Caesar or we will have problems.
I don't post if I don't feel that it's helpful. I will post in the recipes, check-ins, etc. I'm trying to get more comfortable posting, since this is my first message board experience, ever.
Also, the taste of yogurt doesn't bother me but the thought of it skeeves me out.
I don't really like ice cream and won't eat it if it's even a little melty because then it's like eating (drinking?) milk.
But, give me alllllll the sour cream.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]