UO Thursday 6/29

NYTino24

*if you're posting an unpopular opinion and know it's offensive... think twice before posting*

NYTino24

I think our board is too nice sometimes. I'm not encouraging us to be mean girls, but it really irks me that some people never post until they need support or only post on ultrasound / HDBD threads or who don't reply to / love tit responses from others with some lame excuse about how they are so much busier than the rest of us or how long threads are too hard for them to get through. I looked at the spreadsheet before deciding about the FB group and I counted only like 25 / 150 users (some didn't bother to add their info to the spreadsheet) who are actually active. 

JDW0325

Totally agree @NYTino24
That factored into my decision not to join FB yet

mariposa_767s

Idk...I'm super busy and I find time.  This is my outlet though. Lol

I guess my UO is that I find FB more personable.  People can't hide behind a fake name and profile, so the people seem more real.  I love that our group here is so diverse but we share a common bond.

Lurkers annoy me.  And it creeps me out that people talk about our threads on other boards tbh.

NYTino24

@mariposa_767s What I like about FB is the threaded replies and real faces! TB "owns" all of our content and pictures that we post here, so I'm more cautious. However, TB is better than FB for keeping large numbers of people and information organized and less personal since it could get crazy. DH has decided he doesn't want pics of little one online, so I'm conflicted about FB. It's obviously to bond more deeply, but another part of the point of a BMB FB page is to show off our little ones more easily and freely once they're here!

DuchessOfCambridge

 I hate yogurt so much but I keep eating it because it's good for me and takes away some of the crazy hunger in between meals. Yogurt is the worst.

av2323

Yogurt is the best!  Especially the kind with fruit on the bottom or granola on the top.  Mmmm....yogurt.

cmessamore

@NYTino24 and @JDW0325 I guess that statistic of 25 out of 150 people are active here is the reason I like the FB group so much better. It's ONLY the active people with no lurkers. I feel way more comfortable with more private matters with those women than I do with the large group we continue to amass. I do still like it here, too. I guess each board offers its own benefits.

As for the pictures of LO's, I think that's a very personal decision for each person. I do have pictures of my kids on Facebook, but that's my comfort level and I totally respect that it is not for everyone. 

My UO is that I don't like closed toe flat shoes for women. Such a weird thing to not like, I suppose. But I just feel like they look funny. Lol

DuchessOfCambridge

@av2323 augh yogurt just tastes so...yogurty! I eat at least one thing of yogurt every day though. Blegh.

I won't be posting any pictures at all of LO here, but am fine with it on FB. I prune my friends every couple months because privacy so I feel ok sharing pictures with those people. Even moreso on Instagram because it's private and I'm friends with fewer people. I also deleted myself off that spreadsheet because, one more time, privacy lol.

@cmessamore LOL, that's the funniest UO I've heard. I love flats!

mariposa_767s

@duchessofcambridge I always have the best intentions when I buy yogurt, but then I don't eat it and end up feeding it to my chickens...so I totally get it.

@NYTino24 Internet privacy is such a strange thing.  Sometimes people think a public space is more private because they guard themselves more.  Others feel like a private space is better because it isn't as public.  I personally don't treat anything as private because it's the internet, so I am guarded everywhere.  I only have 3 or 4 public photos posted of my son and literally everything else is private.  I don't post a lot of him on my private page either and I've gotten some flack from my family about it.  But, in my opinion, they can come visit me in real life.  I'm not the type to take photos everyday though.  I realized two days after his birthday party that I got zero pictures.  I was too in the moment, so now I'm scrambling to ask people if they took any lol.  I guess I just assume that nothing on the internet is private.  I totally get where your husband is coming from.

DuchessOfCambridge

I will say, the randos do bother me but I don't really feel the need to flame them. I'd rather just ignore. It gets really boring to read the same responses over and over when some new person comes along and wants us to guess what their baby is based on an ultrasound that doesn't even look like a baby (at least not a human one). And I like that we don't flame each other unless it's really really really deserved. Randos asking for support sometimes annoys me but then when I think about what they are going through, I feel for them and just want to help them feel better, especially since I'm blessed enough to not having to deal with what they do.

Those are all of my feelings haha

angbaby83

@DuchessOfCambridge I'm not a yogurt fan either.  I keep trying and I just do not love it.  

av2323

Not to beat a dead horse but we leave for vacation today and are stopping in a town along the way specifically to eat at Chipotle.  

My UO is that I blast my kid all over social media.  I didn't intend for it to happen that way but boy he's cute and I think all my internet friends need to see him

NYTino24

@DuchessOfCambridge I ignore most drivebys too. 
@cmessamore I don't mind a small number of active members here because it's easier to keep up. I just feel a little bad not paying attention to the less active members because I don't know them. So yes, FB wins in that aspect.

I am not happy that DH doesn't want pics of our kid online, mostly because it's the easiest way to reach our huge families the easiest. Two of my sisters live out of state and it's easier to keep up on FB / IG than to have to email or text pics. Plus, extended family can pay attention / ignore if they want. 

ElizabethSchuyler

I pick and choose which randos I respond to. Determine the gender of my baby, you're getting a gif, a pile on, or ignored. My baby might have down syndrome, you get my sincere well wishes. A thread title placenta previa doesn't even get opened because I don't have it and never dealt with it. If someone came in with a preeclampsia thread, I'd open it and offer support. 

Yeah, we're nice. Support isn't a bad thing to give. 

I think we gave cmpeachy the response she deserved. I may not have flamed others but I've disagreed. I'm not here to flame unless it warrants it. 

And that spreadsheet means nothing. I know who I sign in to talk to everyday. 

angbaby83

@NYTino24 the only thing that worries me about putting things online is that someone could take that photo and do what they want with it even if it is someone you trust.  I didn't think of that until my SIL posted my US photo on instagram.  It makes me not want to post anything either but I agree with lots of family it is nice to have a place  to just post photos once so everyone sees them. I am sure I will post some photos but we will see.  

mrsrundmc

I think it is easier for me to post in the Facebook group than here.  Facebook works when I need it and I feel like my pics are safer.  Plus, it feels more "real" to me, the people have names and faces. 

ineedsixeggs

@av2323 I post tons of pictures on my FB too. But I weed my friend list often so I'm not too worried about it. And I don't feel bad about being that mom. They can unfollow me if they don't like it 

I was a little unsure about joining the FB group at first but every time I come here and see all the screen names I don't recognize, all the gender guessing posts from one time posters, and random people from other boards trying to join our discussions, I'm so happy to have a comfortable place to chat away from all that. 

DuchessOfCambridge

I also hate the FB debate. I was comfortable and ready so I joined it, which is great for me. However, I totally understand and respect why others wouldn't be. I hope no one ever feels like they are either being pushed into joining or criticized for joining. Everyone has different comfort levels and that's totally fine!

*This is not directed at anyone on this board even if it may seem that way, I swear*

NYTino24

@DuchessOfCambridge I don't think anyone is against the FB group, especially since it's made of core members. Some of us just want to wait a little longer. 

DuchessOfCambridge

@NYTino24 totally valid! My comment was more for those who may be lurking hehe

slaven

I totally missed the creation of the FB! 

My UO is totally situational and kind of just me whining, but we've been on vacation in our home area after living in Korea for 2 1/2 years. We've been here since June 10 and we leave Monday. I hate the people that come out of the woodwork wanting to see us right before we leave, when these people never kept in contact while we were gone AND they want us to drive over an hour to see them. 

I guess that makes my UO that I hate people who are "friends" but not actually actively your friend and expect stuff when it is good for them. 

ineedsixeggs

@slaven Ugh, no. Needy acquaintances are the worst. 

I eat watermelons and cantelope with salt on them and I didn't know that was weird until college. 

jess0211

@DuchessOfCambridge I don't like yogurt and only eat it because it's an easy breakfast at work, good for me and keeps the hunger away.

I refuse to respond to randos. If I don't recognize your name and you do a one off post, I pretend it's not even there.

KLink15

@ooodalollly I love watermelon with salt never tried it on cantelope!

My UO is sometimes I feel like there is such a thing as too much knowledge. I feel like because there are so many resources for us we almost over think/over research pregnancy and birthing. I mean don't get me wrong I have done research too but I think there is also the fact that we as women to a degree are built to birth babies. (Don't read that as a that's all we are for just simply that biology made us capable)
Women have been doing this for as long as the human race existed so while I might research here and there I am convinced that no matter what I am woman hear me roar (while I push) haha!

bklynchica

My UO, since so many have advised me not to "Google", is that knowledge makes me feel more in control. What you don't know CAN hurt you. Women have been doing this and dying from it in large numbers for as long as humans have existed. 

BayCamp

I see both sides, there is a point where over-googling really spikes my anxiety, but I also like to be well informed. It's also hard to filter through the misinformation sometimes, it's a give and take. 

mymulligan

I agree with @BayCamp about googling. It can be terrifying to read the extreme info out there but I also feel like it gives me talking points and questions to ask my doc that  I may not have thought of otherwise.

DuchessOfCambridge

Some of the googling I do is definitely unnecessary, but some of the other googling I do, while difficult or sad to read, really helps me learn. Reading some sad stuff helped me to differentiate benign pains vs when I should be worried.

amber0529

I have probably a thousand pictures of my son on Facebook but it's mainly because 98% of my family lives 1500 miles away so that's they only way they've been able to see him grow up. Maybe if I posted less pictures they'd actually come visit us though. 

liz4382

I agree with @KLink15 that there is such a thing as too much knowledge. i Google way too much and it really plays into my anxiety. I think the internet is often really alarmist about pregnancy and will say that something is dangerous or not recommended, when in reality, my doctor would probably say it is fine.  I have even read to avoid tap water, for goodness sake!  I often wish I could be one of those women who just does everything pretty much the same as before pregnancy other than the major things the doctor warns you about. But here I am second-guessing every single choice I make, from food to beauty products to workouts. It's exhausting and I'm sure most of it is completely unnecessary--but I can't stop worrying, and Google is so easy. 

As as far as FB--I am a very private person and don't share much on TB. No photos and no personal information. I like the FB group and feel that it's a safe place to share a little more.  There is no pressure to share or post pics, though, and it would definitely be respected by the group if someone didn't want to. To me it's a lot more private than TB--whatever I post isn't out there forever for anyone to read. 

kwaldy

I love tit like crazy, but comment a LOT less. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say that is of any value and I certainly hope people don't think I'm creepy for that. If so, I'm sincerely sorry. Also, I only use TB from mobile so I don't always get notifications and don't always respond to comments back... it's unintentional, I swear.

My UO is that I hate milk. And if I do ever drink it, it has to be skim milk. And I have to be drinking out of a glass cup. And I won't ever drink more than a sip or two - pretty much only with rich chocolatey brownies or something. Milk is so gross. 

ElizabethSchuyler

I don't think having knowledge is a UO. I think we all want to be informed, no? I feel like with Google you can get a thread from Baby Center in 2006 as opposed to the new medical advice and treatment from 2017 you need to read in your search results that it can make it a crappy place to go for advice. Things change and Google bots just look for what best suits your query no matter the date, not what best suits your current situation today. 

If Googling helps, go ahead. I'm staying off Google this time, but I do know what I need to look for, see my doctor every two weeks, can shoot him a message via a messaging system through the hospital, and after today we have a game plan for symptoms. As a first time mom, going 4 weeks in between appointments sucked. I Googled a lot and by the time I got to my appointment it was in the past and I never asked or brought it up. This time is a different situation and I'm keeping him as informed as he keeps me. If you Google something, go ahead and mention it to your doctor. They can put it in their notes in case something similar happens in the future. Might be nothing, but always worth noting. 

mariposa_767s

I guess I figured the "stay off Google" thing was always a joke.  I Google a lot of stuff, but I also understand that it's Google.  I don't typically Google major things or symptoms and I always keep an open mind.  When it comes to health or symptom questions, I normally balance the information that's out there.

liz4382

@ElizabethSchuyler exactly, it's not that it's too much knowledge, it's too much Google. Which isn't always scientifically based or accurate and is often just someone's opinion who isn't even a doctor.  

britduhr

I feel like I am straddling the line in terms of my lurkiness on here, but I do get the drive-bys being annoying. Especially the guess the sex of my baby posts. Stop.

I suppose my UO is that I think it's a bit more complex than regulars v. lurkers. I can only speak for myself, but if my DH gets off of a 52 hour shift (he's a firefighter), I'm probably not going to spend as much time trying to keep up here while I'm with him. And that happens a lot. Sometimes I'm a little sad that I'm missing out on the sweet connections you all are making, but this board moves fast. A couple of days missed here feels like years when you're trying to catch up!

Also, while I might feel like I'm really busy (I know I'm not the only one who's job is politely forcing them to squish 3 months of mat leave work into the 5 months I have left there), I absolutely believe there are women in this group that are far busier than me and maybe even you. Logically, we all have to agree on that. Everyone has different things going on and different time management skills (mine be so bad).

That being said, I totally respect that some of the regulars want a place to be more candid with an intimate audience. Sharing things with such a broad group on a pretty public platform has been a little challenging for me, so I can only imagine how frustrating it is for regulars. And I appreciate that this group is comparably nicer than most. Its rough enough out there! 

In conclusion, I hate yogurt. 

liz4382

I don't think our board is too nice. I don't want to see a million snarky memes or comments on a drive-by post. Other boards have different guidelines than ours and people sometimes just don't realize. Often i think a simple "we don't do that here" is enough.  I think our board is pretty good at striking a balance between calling somebody out when they have said something truly offensive, and letting things go when they aren't a big deal. 

RiverSong15

DH and I also want to avoid posting pics on social media. It'll be a challenge, since DH's family live on the other side of the world. @NYTino24 What we're planning on doing is setting up a private photo sharing website. That way, we can post pics and send them to family, but it'll be password protected and not shareable. Would your DH go for something like that?

Regarding FB, I don't judge anyone for joining now or not being comfortable until later. Everyone needs to do what works for them. I do worry a little bit that the FB group will get clique-ish by the time I'm ready to join, or that this board will die off slowly. But I totally get wanting to talk to regs and avoid randos. I tend to just skip over posts or threads if I don't remotely recognize a user name or avatar. And I usually only love tit the regs I recognize. I also don't get the excuse of being too busy to participate. You don't have to respond to or love tit every post. Just reply when you feel like you have something to add or support to offer. If you have time to post about yourself, you have time to be at least minimally supportive of others.

Googling - this is a "know thyself" issue for me. I strongly feel that knowledge is power, so I get the urge to Google a lot. I've also learned my lesson in the past that Dr. Google will diagnose me with life threatening and terminal illnesses for the most normal of symptoms. So, it's a balancing act for my anxiety. I try to only go to reputable websites (Mayo Clinic, American Pregnancy, etc.) and search there. I avoid general google searches and forum threads as much as possible. But for someone who doesn't get anxious through googling? Go for it. 

KLink15

I guess I should have clarified I meant was that is can cause anxiety for some and I have even seen some people second guess their doc because Google told them something different. You should absolutely know things because not knowing important things can be dangerous BUT Google had shown me some SUPER rare birth defects and stories that are one in a million that lead me down that road of, " oh my God I can't do this I can't handle it!!!" 

DuchessOfCambridge

@britduhr I consider you a regular and not a lurker. I think it's ok to take breaks. It's the internet and shouldn't feel like a huge commitment. I happen to have the kind of job where I actually can get a ton of work done WHILE bumping. Not everyone has that and I think we all understand. I for sure won't be posting nearly as much while I'm on my Scandinavia trip or if I'm doing something social on the weekends and stuff. It's more like posting 5 or six times total and then being like let me in the FB group. That's lame. Also, yogurt hating solidarity I'm about to have my afternoon yogurt and am sad about it. The things I do for this baby.

@RiverSong15 so far, I do not think we have been clique-y and I hope we don't get to that point. If the FB group does, especially as more regs join later, then I hope that's called out. I think right now it's super open and friendly and everyone talks to each other and is comfortable posting. At least, I hope everyone feels that way.

ineedsixeggs

I totally understand people not being able to keep up here. It only doesn't go over well when people come here totally for themselves and don't even try to get involved otherwise. 

On that note there's also a huge difference to me between lurkers and not-as-regular-regulars. 

If you only ever post in the u/s thread, you're a lurker. If you post 5 times in one day and then we never hear from you ever again, you're a lurker. If you belong in another month and are only here for the drama you're a really obnoxious lurker.