PGAL check in Week of 6/26

heatherdubrow · June 2017

I haven't seen a PGAL check in yet so I thought I would start one.
What do you think about making it really informal and just talking about how things are going?
This can be a space where you can rant, dear diary, and just talk about fears and concerns. Or talk about triumphs.

So how's it going?

heatherdubrow · June 2017

I'll start...
I have so much anxiety with this pregnancy since my loss in April. Like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I'm hoping I will get my second beta back today and it will be really encouraging.
I just made my first prenatal appt, and they are going to try to fit me into the schedule when I'm 7 weeks, and do an ultrasound since I won't get an early one from IVF (I moved out of state).

hullabalou · June 2017

All of my losses were prior to having my son, so this is my first pregnancy while chasing a toddler. It has helped my anxiety some because I can't focus so much energy on worrying. I will be 5 weeks tomorrow and have my 3rd beta Wednesday. My numbers were low but rising quickly last week (22 at 13 dpo, 91 at 15 dpo) but I am hoping to see much higher numbers Wednesday. My ultrasound is scheduled for next Wed. at 6w1d and I feel like I won't take a good deep breath until after that.

hullabalou · June 2017

heatherdubrow said:

I'll start...
I have so much anxiety with this pregnancy since my loss in April. Like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I'm hoping I will get my second beta back today and it will be really encouraging.
I just made my first prenatal appt, and they are going to try to fit me into the schedule when I'm 7 weeks, and do an ultrasound since I won't get an early one from IVF (I moved out of state).

Waiting for a call with betas is the worst. I hope they call you with good news before the office closes today!

heatherdubrow · June 2017

@hullabalou it certainly does help to have other little people to chase around! I hope you see great numbers this week and a very sticky bean next wednesday!

seitzy3 · June 2017

My loss was a few years ago and I've had two healthy babies since then. However, my anxiety is always the worst right before that first check up. My loss of the twins was traumatic for me. I went in for a check up by myself since DH was traveling for work that week. I never felt so alone in my whole life. That feeling during appointments never goes away for me. My midwife is kind enough and knows my worries so she scheduled an ultrasound and blood work for The first week of July

sending positive vibes to all you ladies!

winnie1122 · June 2017

Sitting here waiting for second beta results and my stomach has been in knots all morning. I had my rainbow baby last year after four losses but so far the nerves are no better this time, I am still so anxious. My beta hcg was pretty high the first draw but progesterone was super low, which is always my problem, but I have obsessively been going through all my old betas and comparing and I know that's ridiculous and not helpful but this is PGAL. I loved the PGAL girls/check in on my last BMB so I'm glad this started today!

Wishing you all the very best!!!

Chawk17 · June 2017

I'm feeling better about this pregnancy. I have symptoms so that makes it feel real.
Also in my TW** last loss..my betas started at 23 in 2 weeks only climbed to 58. And I had to get betas every week. Ouch. My progesterone was also low, so I was on meds.**
This pregnancy my betas started at 8091 with progesterone 36.98. So no meds needed. This was a Monday.
Second betas 14244 on wednesday ( 48 hrs apart)
First appointment is July 10 for US ....didnt even make it to first appt last time.

hullabalou · June 2017

Chawk17 said:

I'm feeling better about this pregnancy. I have symptoms so that makes it feel real.
Also in my TW** last loss..my betas started at 23 in 2 weeks only climbed to 58. And I had to get betas every week. Ouch. My progesterone was also low, so I was on meds.**
This pregnancy my betas started at 8091 with progesterone 36.98. So no meds needed. This was a Monday.
Second betas 14244 on wednesday ( 48 hrs apart)
First appointment is July 10 for US ....didnt even make it to first appt last time.

Those are awesome betas!!

soulcupcake · June 2017

(((hugs))) everyone.

My anxiety comes and goes. I usually feel temporary reassurance after the first u/s, but then the anxiety returns, and comes and goes throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. **CW: It peaks the closer I get to my due date as that's when I lost my first son. We were mostly ready and we had the talk with my midwife about a likely induction. I had just purchased my birth kit when I realized I hadn't felt movement in some time. Shortly before that I just had a sinking feeling and knew something wasn't right, and I was right. Sadly, I had that feeling throughout my pregnancy. **end CW

That anxiety is still very real and present 8.5 years later. My last pregnancy was better than my previous with my second son, but I still had moments, more so as I approached the start of term. My midwife was fantastic and completely understanding and really wanted me to feel better, so she agreed to induce me, but to my surprise, my membranes started leaking a couple days before we agreed to induce.

I'll probably want to do the same this time, though we're probably not planning another homebirth this time.

Chawk17 · June 2017

I'm secretly hoping for twins

DH keeps giving me the evil eye when I mention it
Moms mom was a fraternal twin and I was on 100 mg clomid.
But would love a singleton too..at this point not picky..

heatherdubrow · June 2017

@winnie1122 I'm waiting for my second beta too!! Fingers crossed!

@Chawk17 great betas! I have an ultrasound that same week

@aeonlux I'm so sorry. What a tragic awful loss. I hope you get your rainbow

Chawk17 · June 2017

@aeonlux that is terrible. Thank you for sharing.

jensjourney · June 2017

Hi all. Thanks for starting this thread. I had two losses before having my daughter and then a CP after my daughter. The betas were the worst for me this time and @winnie1122 I was also obsessing about past betas from past pregnancies. This time they didn't rise as fast as previous times but still doubled within 48-52 hours. This morning was my ultrasound. I have been a wreck since about last Tuesday. We saw a well grown little bean with a heart rate of 147 bpm, so that's one hurdle down. Good luck to you all!

Chawk17 · June 2017

Congrats on seeing your bean

I bet you are relieved! @jensjourney

Chawk17 · June 2017

Just out of curiosity, and now that your bean is ok...what were your betas if you don't mind sharing.

wal2017 · June 2017

I'm having a pretty difficult couple days, in terms of my anxiety and worry. My symptoms are fluctuating a bit- tired and nauseated, but with only very slight breast soreness and no other strong signs.
when I miscarried, I didn't have very strong pregnancy symptoms and the small symptoms I did have disappeared around the time I started spotting and found out the pregnancy wasn't viable. So now, when my symptoms lessen, I panic. Is anyone else experiencing this? I just so badly want to make it through and enjoy the process- I don't want to spend months worrying.

winnie1122 · June 2017

Update: results from 2nd betas were good! Hcg more than doubled and progesterone quadrupled! I was so relieved I cried, probably because they made me wait all day before they called so my nerves were stretched to the max!! They did ask me to go in for a third draw, which they don't usually do, so I hope they don't have concerns they aren't telling me. Oh well, I'm just going to focus on the relief for now!

@wal2017 Hugs, I know the feeling, but just remember that not every pregnancy presents super strong symptoms, healthy or otherwise, so try not to over analyze the symptoms too much. Which is impossible I know, ugh. I had the worst symptoms my first tri with DS while my best friend had basically none and we both made it to the finish line. They can come and go and still be perfectly normal. Hang in there!

heatherdubrow · June 2017

@winnie1122 yay for great betas!

winnie1122 · June 2017

heatherdubrow said:

@winnie1122 yay for great betas!

@heatherdubrow Thanks!! Did you get yours back yet??

Knottie70382496 · June 2017

Stressing to the max, got my second blood draw for betas today. Just to add to all this "fun" the experience was awful, bruised and a bit swollen from the draw. I was on progesterone with my only successful pregnancy with my rainbow baby son and they didn't check my progesterone with the first beta draw this time around which is odd. Results will be in tomorrow for this second draw and I'm hoping they checked everything this time! First hcg seemed low, chalking it up to thinking I ovulate late. Nearly no symptoms. Just feeling numb in the midst of anxiousness of finding out whether or not this pregnancy is gonna last. Want to be hopeful but feeling so detached. Coping mechanism I suppose? Cheering on all of you and your rainbows! Seeing all your journeys is encouraging. Sucks that this is even a thing, but it's nice to not feel alone.

heatherdubrow · June 2017

@winnie1122 yes! 962

winnie1122 · June 2017

Knottie70382496 said:

Stressing to the max, got my second blood draw for betas today. Just to add to all this "fun" the experience was awful, bruised and a bit swollen from the draw. I was on progesterone with my only successful pregnancy with my rainbow baby son and they didn't check my progesterone with the first beta draw this time around which is odd. Results will be in tomorrow for this second draw oand I'm hoping they checked everything this time! First hcg seemed low, chalking it up to thinking I ovulate late. Nearly no symptoms. Just feeling numb in the midst of anxiousness of finding out whether or not this pregnancy is gonna last. Want to be hopeful but feeling so detached. Coping mechanism I suppose? Cheering on all of you and your rainbows! Seeing all your journeys is encouraging. Sucks that this is even a thing, but it's nice to not feel alone.

Hope your second numbers are great! Do you have the same doc this time as you did with your son? Maybe just remind them that you did progesterone last time and you would like to be checked this time, I don't see why they would turn you down for that. Maybe they just forgot you were on progesterone last time. I'm that 'annoying' patient who reminds and double checks and all that during first tri, though my current dr is amazing so I feel more secure with her, but even she forgets sometimes when she's in the middle of a busy day with a billion patients. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself so you can be a little more at ease They don't mind if you're nice about it, they should understand the anxiety of PGAL ladies pretty well.

I totally get how you feel though, PGAL is a crazy mind game and it's hard not to detach a little at this stage to protect your heart.

emsrdh03 · June 2017

@wal2017 I could have written that exact post. Exactly what I'm going through right now. I so want to enjoy this pregnancy knowing it's our last baby but I'm so racked with anxiety it's hard. It's getting worse as I enter the time frame when I had my miscarriage. I just need to make it through this week and hopefully I'll start feeling more positive one I get past the dreaded 6 weeks 6 day mark.

jensjourney · June 2017

Chawk17 said:

Just out of curiosity, and now that your bean is ok...what were your betas if you don't mind sharing.

My 1st at 13dpo was 108 at 15dpo 222 and 17dpo 430.

msunshine123 · June 2017

Hugs to all of you ladies and sending positive thoughts your way!
I can appreciate the stress and anxiety of both the early and late losses.
*TW I had a MC at 8 weeks followed by the loss of my DS (he'd be 3 now) at 39 weeks day of delivery due to a cord accident end TW**
Having my DD who is now 2 is a welcome distraction and she gives me hope. But it's still hard as so many of you have mentioned the PGAL brain is ever present and it's a continual balance of trying to keep the hope stronger than the worries and fears. Hugs to all of you!

msunshine123 · June 2017

@aeonlux I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

@Chawk17 I'll be watching your updates - twins would be exciting!

magnolia305 · June 2017

@jensjourney congrats on a strong heartbeat!

@winnie1122 Yay! Good numbers! My doctor sent me in for a 3rd round of betas (even after good numbers), because it was just so early. Fingers crossed for another day of doubling numbers!

Chawk17 · June 2017

@jensjourney those don't seem to be bad, like you said they were doubling. Glad you have a healthy bean!

GraceUponGrace09 · June 2017

I'm thankful this thread is here. I've been having a hard time not worrying! I'm 8+5 and I was so much more miserable with DS than I have been this time. My lack of symptoms worry me even tho I'm trying to be thankful to be feeling ok. The last couple of days my MS has kinda kicked it so that's a little reassuring. I won't go in to the OB until I'm 1 day shy of 11 weeks (my fault for waiting so long to call).

starla · June 2017

Hi everyone! I'm sorry that we find each other here due to the awful circumstances. I hope that every one of us has a healthy pregnancy this time.

I had a MMC in March at about 11 weeks. Baby kept measuring behind although it had a strong HB. At my third dating U/S we found that it had passed. I took the misoprostol a few days later and thankfully it worked. I had one long full cycle then got KU the next one.

I'm feeling alright so far. I won't fully relax until I get into second tri. Even then I will probably still worry. I think having normal U/S will help ease my worry and stress. I'm trying to be positive and convince myself that things will be different this time.

Hugs to everyone!

fiddleRN79 · June 2017

@heatherdubrow I remember you from the Nov 17' board. +++TW+++ I lost my little one on April 14th. I was supposed to be exactly 9 weeks but the baby only measured 7 weeks with no heartbeat ++++end TW+++

I am overjoyed to be here again. However, I am nervous because the due date falls right in the middle of my last semester of school (March 1st). I need to fit my pediatric rotation in before the baby arrives. Then I'll just have my OB rotation left. I'm so thankful for this little one and praying that everything will be alright. I am happy to meet you all!

azmamatobe · June 2017

I'm having some relief in emotions this week (nausea still sucks) last round I started bleeding at 8w4d and passed everything naturally at 9w2d. I am 8w6d today and still very much pregnant. I'm thankful each day when I wake up feeling terrible ha! Every pregnancy is different so maybe last time was a fluke but I'm really confident with the plan my doc has set out for me doing all we can to keep a sticky baby but I also am at peace knowing there was nothing I could have done to change what happened before. Last time almost everyday my husband and I squeeled and giggled "omg we're having a baby" with each other but this time we've held off on a lot of that but I feel we've finally gotten excited again because we've met out previous threshold.

heatherdubrow · June 2017

@fiddleRN79 I recognize you as well, I'm due March 1st too!

Karissa764 · June 2017

Chawk17 said:

I'm secretly hoping for twins DH keeps giving me the evil eye when I mention it
Moms mom was a fraternal twin and I was on 100 mg clomid.
But would love a singleton too..at this point not picky..

same! we lost our twin sons at 20 weeks 3 years ago this July. I still have the bug to be a twin mom. I just feel like I am meant to be. if not this pregnancy maybe the next.
my first beta was Monday at 698.31. I go tomorrow morning for my second beta.
Good luck!!!

Karissa764 · June 2017

I feel weirdly calm about this pregnancy so far...which is totally not the way I thought I would because after we lost our twins and I was pregnant with our son I was terrified the entire time. maybe I just haven't let it sink in yet that this is real.

Chawk17 · June 2017

@Karissa764 good luck to you too, and keep us updated on second beta.

Chawk17 · June 2017

Congratulations @BrandedCowgirl92. I know meeting that threshold is a big step..breathe

starla · June 2017

Just got my second beta results! Went up from 23,820 (at 6+3) to 31,401 (at 6+5). Doubling time of 120.4 hours. I read online that above 6,000 the doubling time is more than 96 hours.

hullabalou · June 2017

@starla that is awesome! have you had an US yet?

I had my 3rd beta draw this morning at 5w1d, no results yet. Last week my numbers were 22 @ 3w6d and 91 @ 4w1d. Very anxiously awaiting a phone call and praying for a number over 1000.

Update: 3rd beta is 1295!! Doubling time under 48 hours. So happy!

starla · June 2017

Good luck @hullabalou! I have my dating ultrasound this Friday!

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