@DuchessOfCambridge 4x a night would have been an above average night for us in the first couple months with each of our kids. Some of those wake ups would be longer than an hour, too. Some babies sleep much better than that, but I feel like it's good to know, right? There have been plenty of nights where we've been up a lot more than that.
Oops i forgot. I've gotten a third tri ultrasound each time, because my babies like to flip breech toward the end. Ive never gotten a cute ultrasound photo that far along because they're so squished:)
1) I feel like I've been lied to by people trying to sell me trimester sonogram frames (but I still want one ) 2) Guess we'll find out what kind of sleeper this LO is Can't believe I've never done the math out before! Ha.
@ooodalollly Second babies are totally different. #sayingsthatgetmethroughtheday
I keep telling myself this too. And all the people who used this line to convince me to have a second one have been added to my hit list of babysitters if this turns out to not be true.
I'm not trying to judge or make anyone feel bad in any way, but just please be careful to stay awake if you plan to BF baby in bed. I just read an article yesterday about how dangerous it is to fall asleep with a newborn. When this happens baby is usually face down or to the side...even if there are no pillows and blankets in the way, newborns have a difficult time repositioning themselves if they start to have trouble breathing. I know it's easier to pull baby into bed with you to BF, but if you choose to do this please be careful and sit up, turn on the light, or something to help yourself stay awake.
Yes, this. I'm a huge advocate for bed sharing, but I do NOT feel comfortable starting at then beginning. Newborns are SO small. It takes an awareness I'm not sure we have. And DS would nurse for long stretches. I preferred to get up and watch tv to stay awake for the first couple of months, at least. We started bedsharing at 5 ish months when we were done with swaddles and DS had head control. I still made sure not to sleep with blankets up past my waist (I slept with a button down sweater over a nursing tank for easy access without being too cold). I slept on my side and DS would sleep on my arm. I would basically wake up to roll over and roll DS with me where I would settle him on the other arm.
Im so curious to see if this baby will continue to sleep fine alone or if we'll hit a regression that will bring us to bedsharing like it did with DS.
@DuchessOfCambridge depending on what time you consider bedtime, it can be that much the first month or so. My son woke up every 2 1/2 hours to eat, so if bedtime for me was 10ish, he'd get up at 12:30, 3, 5:30, and then wake up at 8 would be my up for the day time. Some babies will sleep longer than that, but until they reach birth weight, you have to wake them up to feed them every 2 1/2-3 hours at night. It is a lot, but it does get better! By 2 months, he slept through the night until his sleep regression at 4 months happened, so that was nice.
I know it's early. But does anyone help with the paperwork after you have a baby? Like am I supposed to just know how to fill out a birth certificate and apply for child tax benefits? How do I apply for a health card for my baby?
I know it's early. But does anyone help with the paperwork after you have a baby? Like am I supposed to just know how to fill out a birth certificate and apply for child tax benefits? How do I apply for a health card for my baby?
The birth certificate and SSN is something they've helped with at the hospital, for me. They give you the forms and you can ask questions. To have baby added to health ins you will go through HR, if your health care is through an employer. At least that's been the case for us. DH has had to call them to report baby's name and DOB, and then call back again a few weeks later with SSN. Tax benefits will be sorted out when you file 2017 taxes.
I know it's early. But does anyone help with the paperwork after you have a baby? Like am I supposed to just know how to fill out a birth certificate and apply for child tax benefits? How do I apply for a health card for my baby?
My hospitals gave me birth certificate stuff with both kids. I think I needed to get the birth certificates in the mail before getting them social security cards.
The tax benefits (at least the ones I know of) come into play when you are actually doing your taxes. Aside from those, you can ask HR for a new W2 and mark down that you have a child. Less will be withheld from you each month.
Your HR department should give you a nice big packet of paperwork for after baby arrives. It'll add baby to medical/dental/and anything else you get through work.
@DuchessOfCambridge This might sound silly, but for me it doesn't much matter if it's 3 times or 6 or 10. It's just all a blur and you deal with it! For real!
@DuchessOfCambridge This might sound silly, but for me it doesn't much matter if it's 3 times or 6 or 10. It's just all a blur and you deal with it! For real!
This. Nights and days kind of meld together and you just sleep when you can and roll with it.
I have no idea where to post this but DH decided to put the crib together tonight and I noticed on the instructions it says for infants 15 mo. or older!? What is this insanity?! Am I really not supposed to put LO in his crib until 15 mo.? @DuchessOfCambridge will send you a PM when I get back on town re: tips for putting together that crib since we got the same one
@jess0211 yes please on the tips! There is a 0% chance I'm waiting until baby is 15 mo to put him/her in that crib. That sounds ridiculous and also wrong? I feel like Baby Bargains would have mentioned that tidbit.
@DuchessOfCambridge Our OB only does 2 big ultrasounds... the dating and anatomy. Occasionally they have done later ones to check size etc but that isn't always the case, also sometimes they just do them randomly during appointments (I had one extra this time) I would ask your ob.
@Ladybentspoon@ooodalollly We put DD2 in her toddler bed close to her 2nd birthday. We tested her on just a mattress on the floor to see if she would stay there and when she did we got the bed. We also left the crib up as a threat. She loved her big girl bed so much she never had to go back in the crib and it has been a few months and she has never gotten out of her bed. We put a gate up just in case so she doesn't fall down the stairs.
@NYTino24 On #3 and my belly button has never popped out.
I know in Aus that you are given all the paperwork to register baby's birth as well as medicare card info and family tax benefits all in one envelope before you leave hospital. You fill it out and its all done at the same time so nothing gets missed.
I just want to say that filling out the birth certificate is terrifying for me! My middle name is my Grandma's first name, Corinne. But my mom spelled it Corrine on the paperwork. So Corrine it is. I never even realized until I looked at her checkbook a few years back. WTF, MOM!?
I am announcing at work next week, and would appreciate some feedback on what I hope to propose as a maternity transition plan.
Brief backstory: I am a full-time tax litigator. I also uprooted my family (as in moved out of state) at the end of 2016 to jump at a new career opportunity, and just started with this firm in January. The firm is small and 80% male. The last partner-track femal attorney to start a family is still with the firm, but her kids were born 25-30 years ago. The two other female attorneys closest to my age do not have kids (though both are partners). The two male attorneys closest to my age both have young kids, but neither took parental leave.
My firm has a 6w paid maternity leave policy. I will have ~10d use-or-lose vacation time left. If I counted right there are 4 days my firm treats as paid holidays in Nov and Dec. I plan to propose taking all that time, returning to work full time with the start of 2018. I also would like to propose working from home 3 afternoons a week for the first few months, not for child care but because I plan to BF. I suspect working from home to BF would be less disruptive overall than pumping at the office all the time.
For those STM+ mom's, particularly those of you in professional/corporate fields, does this proposal sound reasonable? I'll say up front, my family cannot afford for me to take unpaid leave, and because I have been at this job <12mo I do not qualify for FMLA. Also, given how new I am to the firm and my desire to pursue a long career here, I do not believe taking a longer maternity leave via short term disability would be in my best interests in preserving my relationship with this firm. Lastly, the firm is only 1 of 2 firms in my state that have my practice area, so preserving my job stability is a serious concern.
@curiousfool1 I think that sounds very reasonable. However, I would be prepared for them to push back on the 3 afternoons a week working from home. They may ask for proof that your child isn't home with you or that you have a nanny during that time. Companies are pretty wise to the fact that you cannot get any real work done while also being the primary caregiver at the same time.
My own, personal, thoughts on the WFH time - three afternoons a week won't mean anything for BFing. That's maybe one feeding or pumping session? If you're at work in the morning and pump, its NDB to just pull out the stuff again for the afternoon. I think it's actually more disruptive to go home and be around baby, without actually getting to be with baby. Also - you can work while pumping. A hands free bra means that you can still type/be on a call/etc. You can't get work done while nursing. And sometimes nursing takes FOREVER. So, I think your leave sounds reasonable for someone who doesn't qualify for FMLA, but the WFH thing definitely wouldn't work for me. I would be ready to ask for more leave without the WFH if they balk at it.
@curiousfool1 I'm a FTM but just went through maternity leave negotiations at my firm. I think your plan sounds reasonable. The only thing I'd look into is the holiday days. I asked and my firm does not count holiday days as separate from leave days, it's all lumped into one, which I find extremely annoying. But, if you're taking your own PTO days, they should count it the paid holidays as extra. The afternoons at home sound reasonable as well, I'm doing something similar where I'll be working from home twice a week after my leave is over.
As far as STD goes towards lengthening your leave, as long as you are good with your decision to go back to work sooner rather than later, then it sounds like the right plan for you. All I will say is that it seems you plan on devoting many years to this company and I would just hope you being out for an additional four weeks or something out of all the years you plan to work for them wouldn't affect how well you do there. And I don't think you should even take into account the male attorneys who didn't take parental leave. I know that's hard though, especially in a male-run corporate world but that's just my opinion. As long as you're comfortable with it! Good luck!
@curiousfool1. I babysit occasionally for a lawyer and when she adopted both her daughters she actually brought them to work with her for the first 3 months. I don't know if that would be an option for you or not as her firm is pretty small, I think there's 4 lawyers in her office.
@curiousfool1@DuchessOfCambridge My work counts any PTO within/before my leave as leave time unless it is directly after my leave. So I'm taking 6 weeks FMLA and then a week of PTO. If that made sense.
Thanks, ladies, the feedback is helpful. I forgot to mention my husband works freelance from home, and will be the primary caregiver during the workday. We also hope to secure part-time child-care assistance for afternoon help.
I might be overreacting but a few weeks ago I felt like I was getting an infection but symptoms went away. Now we are out of town and I feel like I have BV (always been prone to it). I can't get into doc until I get back next week, in the meantime Dr Google has me freaking out about possible effects on baby. I am going to call ob office in the AM for appt and see if perhaps they'll call something in for me while away. Any one else experience this during pregnancy?
@jess0211 I don't have experience with BV, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this stress! Is there an urgent care near you that you could go to? You might be able to be seen today and put your mind at ease. I hope you get answers and a fast response from your OB!
@jess0211 I've never had it while PG, but I had it THREE times in last year (never before that in my life). I did antibiotics each time and that kept it at bay for about 3 months, then it would come back. SO annoying! I finally bought 4 or 5 "alternative treatments" from amazon (all the ones with the highest ratings), which sounds crazy, but it was about $50 which I figured would be similar to a copay and more ATBs which weren't working for me anyway. I used 2 of them before coming pregnant and I haven't had problems again for 5-6 months! It is SO annoying and I'm sorry you're experiencing it. I would guess the things I used aren't pregnancy safe, but feel free to PM me if you want a link just to check. Oh, and the last time I went in my doctor was like, "Yep, I've definitely seen it recurring before. Some women really struggle with it throughout pregnancy." So hopefully your doc has seen it a billion times and can get you what you need!
eta: 2/3 times I had it when we were traveling and went to a random women's clinic and urgent care. They do a swab for WBCs and clue cells, if I remember right, to show bacterial infection. Super quick and easy.
@RiverSong15@MississippiCatfish thanks ladies! I am hoping since I've had it before and I'm out of town they will just call something in to the local pharmacy for me
@Ladybentspoon 1. I switch babies out of cribs when they can escape or come close to escaping and not a minute before. Lol 2. I suggest to keep them separate until they are both STTN, unless your older child is a VERY sound sleeper! 3. Make time for him, even if you're exhausted. Watch TV and snuggle while baby is napping, read a story to him while you're feeding the baby, ask a babysitter to come hold baby for a bit so you can play a game with him, or play outside. You can make time for him if you really try.
@NYTino24 1. My bellybutton never popped, it just got very flat, and went back to normal when belly went back to normal. 2. I think it's personal preference about where to nurse. I tend to nurse in bed when they are little and nursing constantly. When they make it to their own room and are nursing less frequently, I nurse in my glider.
@bcashaw my advice on bellybutton rings is just to make sure you take it out before you need to take it out. Once your belly starts getting stretched and tight, it gets uncomfortable quickly.
When do you recommend beginning to stock up on breast milk? I'm thinking of daycare or times when DH might be alone with baby or when we go out and I'd prefer to do a bottle over feeding in public. Is this something that needs to be started pretty much right away so you have a good supply in the freezer?
@DuchessOfCambridge It's all personal preference on when you want to add a pumping session. (Or, you might be lucky and pump more than you need for a session and get to start a stash early.) I really disliked living pump to pump and day to day, so I start mine early to get it built up. But, I'm also the crazy who had a few hundred ounces stored by the time I gave up pumping at a year.
@DuchessOfCambridge I would suggest starting as early as you feel comfortable to do so. It's crazy how quickly pumped milk can go. I felt like DS3's daycare was overfeeding him because he just wanted to suckle, (which he can do on my breast, but not on the bottle-he also refused a pacifier) so they were feeding him A LOT. Also, you'd be surprised when things pop up that you need to leave your LO with your husband or a family member or sitter and having a stash is super helpful to make sure you don't have to worry.
@DuchessOfCambridge that's a great question!! I was so stressed over that after my last baby was born! I had to go back to work after 8 weeks and couldn't figure out how I would get a stockpile since baby never left me with any extra. The day before I went back to work,I pumped a little after each time I fed him and ended up with enough for that next day. From then on I just pumped enough at work for him to eat the next day day while I was at work, never too much or not enough. It's crazy how your body just works. (At least it did for me-I know some people really have to struggle with this) My son didn't like it frozen anyway so it worked out!
@DuchessOfCambridge Like tashandma said, it's pretty common for babies to not like milk that has been frozen so I would make sure you plan ahead and find an alternative just in case. But in my case, I went back to work at 3 weeks PP and always pumped a day ahead of time. So we never froze any. I would've froze some if I could but DD2 ate wayyyy more than I could keep up with. She ate SO much. Anyway, I agree with start ASAP because you never know how much you will need and you can never have too much.
I also recommend keeping extra pump parts with you at all pumping times. I washed my pieces before work and when I went to pump (just 3 hours later) during break my pieces had grown mold!! I obviously didn't dry them good enough but that's simply because it's impossible to get in those tiny spots. The closest store that had the piece I needed was an hour away so I had to wait an ENTIRE DAY to pump. Baby ate but not nearly enough. I was in PAIN and my supply sucked after that. Lol so buy them!!! Rant over.
@liz4382 I've done it all ways. Getting up to feed in baby room and doing it in bed, learning to feed laying on my side. Doesn't matter where you are, you'll fall asleep at some point, the first few weeks are exhausting. Once passed out with her laying on my legs, woke up and didn't know where the baby was. Or I've passed out in the rocker woke up to her starting to slide. I'm sure other STM moms have some other good "mommy brain" moments or slip ups.
My insurance company won't allow my pump to be shipped until after I give birth. I am concerned about not having the pump when my milk comes in as all my mom friends have said they needed to pump to relieve the pain. Any suggestions how to handle this?
My insurance company won't allow my pump to be shipped until after I give birth. I am concerned about not having the pump when my milk comes in as all my mom friends have said they needed to pump to relieve the pain. Any suggestions how to handle this?
Cheap (they're like $40) manual pump. They're great just to have anyway. I stick it in my purse when I go out for the first few months in case I need to relieve some pressure.
@jess0211 I know everyone is different when it comes to breastfeeding but I never had to pump to relieve pain, especially in the beginning. Baby eats so frequently that my body didn't really overproduce. I mean there were a couple of days right after my milk came in that I was full and uncomfortable but I was able to just express some in the shower by hand and it was fine. I think I only did that once just to relieve some pressure.
Re: FTM questions for STM+ week of 5/30
Oops i forgot. I've gotten a third tri ultrasound each time, because my babies like to flip breech toward the end. Ive never gotten a cute ultrasound photo that far along because they're so squished:)
2) Guess we'll find out what kind of sleeper this LO is
Im so curious to see if this baby will continue to sleep fine alone or if we'll hit a regression that will bring us to bedsharing like it did with DS.
Like am I supposed to just know how to fill out a birth certificate and apply for child tax benefits?
How do I apply for a health card for my baby?
The tax benefits (at least the ones I know of) come into play when you are actually doing your taxes. Aside from those, you can ask HR for a new W2 and mark down that you have a child. Less will be withheld from you each month.
Your HR department should give you a nice big packet of paperwork for after baby arrives. It'll add baby to medical/dental/and anything else you get through work.
@Ladybentspoon @ooodalollly We put DD2 in her toddler bed close to her 2nd birthday. We tested her on just a mattress on the floor to see if she would stay there and when she did we got the bed. We also left the crib up as a threat. She loved her big girl bed so much she never had to go back in the crib and it has been a few months and she has never gotten out of her bed. We put a gate up just in case so she doesn't fall down the stairs.
@NYTino24 On #3 and my belly button has never popped out.
I know in Aus that you are given all the paperwork to register baby's birth as well as medicare card info and family tax benefits all in one envelope before you leave hospital. You fill it out and its all done at the same time so nothing gets missed.
Brief backstory: I am a full-time tax litigator. I also uprooted my family (as in moved out of state) at the end of 2016 to jump at a new career opportunity, and just started with this firm in January. The firm is small and 80% male. The last partner-track femal attorney to start a family is still with the firm, but her kids were born 25-30 years ago. The two other female attorneys closest to my age do not have kids (though both are partners). The two male attorneys closest to my age both have young kids, but neither took parental leave.
My firm has a 6w paid maternity leave policy. I will have ~10d use-or-lose vacation time left. If I counted right there are 4 days my firm treats as paid holidays in Nov and Dec. I plan to propose taking all that time, returning to work full time with the start of 2018. I also would like to propose working from home 3 afternoons a week for the first few months, not for child care but because I plan to BF. I suspect working from home to BF would be less disruptive overall than pumping at the office all the time.
For those STM+ mom's, particularly those of you in professional/corporate fields, does this proposal sound reasonable? I'll say up front, my family cannot afford for me to take unpaid leave, and because I have been at this job <12mo I do not qualify for FMLA. Also, given how new I am to the firm and my desire to pursue a long career here, I do not believe taking a longer maternity leave via short term disability would be in my best interests in preserving my relationship with this firm. Lastly, the firm is only 1 of 2 firms in my state that have my practice area, so preserving my job stability is a serious concern.
My own, personal, thoughts on the WFH time - three afternoons a week won't mean anything for BFing. That's maybe one feeding or pumping session? If you're at work in the morning and pump, its NDB to just pull out the stuff again for the afternoon. I think it's actually more disruptive to go home and be around baby, without actually getting to be with baby. Also - you can work while pumping. A hands free bra means that you can still type/be on a call/etc. You can't get work done while nursing. And sometimes nursing takes FOREVER. So, I think your leave sounds reasonable for someone who doesn't qualify for FMLA, but the WFH thing definitely wouldn't work for me. I would be ready to ask for more leave without the WFH if they balk at it.
As far as STD goes towards lengthening your leave, as long as you are good with your decision to go back to work sooner rather than later, then it sounds like the right plan for you. All I will say is that it seems you plan on devoting many years to this company and I would just hope you being out for an additional four weeks or something out of all the years you plan to work for them wouldn't affect how well you do there. And I don't think you should even take into account the male attorneys who didn't take parental leave. I know that's hard though, especially in a male-run corporate world but that's just my opinion. As long as you're comfortable with it! Good luck!
eta: 2/3 times I had it when we were traveling and went to a random women's clinic and urgent care. They do a swab for WBCs and clue cells, if I remember right, to show bacterial infection. Super quick and easy.
@Ladybentspoon
1. I switch babies out of cribs when they can escape or come close to escaping and not a minute before. Lol
2. I suggest to keep them separate until they are both STTN, unless your older child is a VERY sound sleeper!
3. Make time for him, even if you're exhausted. Watch TV and snuggle while baby is napping, read a story to him while you're feeding the baby, ask a babysitter to come hold baby for a bit so you can play a game with him, or play outside. You can make time for him if you really try.
@NYTino24
1. My bellybutton never popped, it just got very flat, and went back to normal when belly went back to normal.
2. I think it's personal preference about where to nurse. I tend to nurse in bed when they are little and nursing constantly. When they make it to their own room and are nursing less frequently, I nurse in my glider.
@bcashaw my advice on bellybutton rings is just to make sure you take it out before you need to take it out. Once your belly starts getting stretched and tight, it gets uncomfortable quickly.
I also recommend keeping extra pump parts with you at all pumping times. I washed my pieces before work and when I went to pump (just 3 hours later) during break my pieces had grown mold!! I obviously didn't dry them good enough but that's simply because it's impossible to get in those tiny spots.