@jess0211 I do not have a book to recommend, but I swear by Kellymom.com !! It's an amazing breastfeeding resource with a lot of helpful information about every aspect of breastfeeding! I can't say enough good things about that website.
Question from a STM+: Since DS1 was born (10 years ago), I've worked as an EMT and love it. Over the years I cut back to working only 24 hours a week, then down to 16 hours a week. I recently took a job teaching for the company instead of being on an ambulance. I teach per diem, which tends to be me working a 10 hour shift a week. Scheduling continues to be a challenge and I feel like I'm having some difficulties managing everything the kids need when I'm working. I pretty much consider myself a SAHM, because my work is very sporadic. But lately I'm feeling like I need to give up the teaching position and just stay home with my family. I'm completely torn as I love my job and the company I work for. The night before I have to work, I cry about going. Then once I'm there, I love what I'm doing. The amount of money I make isn't much of a contributing factor.
My question for SAHMs: what factors helped you make the decision to stay home? Are you happy with your decision? And do you plan on going back to work at some point?
And for any working moms who have thought about this, what factors helped you make your decision to stay working? Are you happy with your decision?
Another +1 to kellymom.com. I have excess lipase (makes milk tastes like soap after sitting/frozen for a while. some babies don't care, others won't drink it) so that has been my go-to regarding scalding/freezing info, especially.
@cmessamore I'm a SAHM but it wasn't the plan. I kind of just fell into it when I kept having to delay my return to work because of recovery issues.
I've got to admit I'm not 100% happy doing this. I love being home but I would really love a break where I can feel like a normal adult sometimes. My clinic is a little short staffed right now so I'm looking into possible PRN work to try to get back some sense of self.
@jess0211 the book is called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding"
I'll throw another vote for kellymom.com being a lifesaver. And this book, it's by Ina May Gaskin so be warned it's a bit hippie dippie. Her book Guide to Childbirth is also great if you plan on going unmedicated. The birth stories are super crunchy, but the second half of the book actually offers some practical/helpful advice.
For those not familiar, Ina May is like the queen of the midwives lol She's been a midwife in a commune type community since the 60s. So that should clue you in on her style.
@jess0211 the book is called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding"
I'll throw another vote for kellymom.com being a lifesaver. And this book, it's by Ina May Gaskin so be warned it's a bit hippie dippie. Her book Guide to Childbirth is also great if you plan on going unmedicated. The birth stories are super crunchy, but the second half of the book actually offers some practical/helpful advice.
For those not familiar, Ina May is like the queen of the midwives lol She's been a midwife in a commune type community since the 60s. So that should clue you in on her style.
I could not handle the birth stories in her Guide to Childbirth. Especially after I had already had a child - I rolled my eyes so hard at a lot of them. They were all so sterile and "birth is a beautiful and spiritual experience" type stories and, at least for me, birth involves pain and swearing and throwing up. Could not handle all the light and rainbows in those.
@kissthesky32 I roll my eyes at Ina May in some things, too. Like, her sphincter law. The cervix isn't a sphincter, sooooo..... But people love her, and if it helps your birthing, more power to ya I guess.
@BayCamp@kissthesky32 that's good to know because I am not really into the whole hippie dipper thing. My friend who read it is not actually a hippie type person but her birthing style kind of was. My friend is still lending be her book so I'll try it but I'll be sure to check out kellymom! Seems like that might be more my style.
@cmessamore it's definitely a personal decision, but I stayed home and love every minute of it! Granted, I've always wanted to do that, so it wasn't really a hard decision. I have a friend who taught for many years with 2 children, but found out she was pregnant with twins and decided to stay home after that. She swears it was the best decision she ever made. Again, personal preference. If you're someone who doesn't think they can stand being without adult interaction many days or gets super antsy being at home, you may want to keep your part-time job. But if you can deal with that and feel called to stay home, I'd say go for it! Best of luck in your decision making!
@BayCamp@kissthesky32 that's good to know because I am not really into the whole hippie dipper thing. My friend who read it is not actually a hippie type person but her birthing style kind of was. My friend is still lending be her book so I'll try it but I'll be sure to check out kellymom! Seems like that might be more my style.
I think I fall in to that category. I'm not a super hippie person, but my birth style was. So the birth stories were at least kind of pertinent to how I actually gave birth. Except even when I try to write it out as flowery as possible I didn't feel anything as flowers and rainbows as what these women described. But giving the pain a different language did help me in the thick of things to think of it differently. My 2 biggest takeaways were to keep your face relaxed because it helps relax your entire body, and to do lots of squats in preparation.
Did you have another ultrasound after the A/S? Asking for kind of a silly reason - I want one of those trimester sonogram frames, trying to figure out if there will be a picture for third tri!
@DuchessOfCambridge@bcashaw At my practice, the A/S is the one and only scheduled sonogram (besides if you do the NT scan in lieu of other testing). I'm pretty sure that this is fairly standard unless there is a risk situation. I'm considering an elective in the third tri, though I'm going to wait to decide to know how I feel around 30-34w!
My OB office does one when you're closer to term. I think to check baby's position and weight. But I'm sure every office is different, I would definitely check with yours.
One, when did you transition from crib to toddler bed? DS will be 2 1/2 when we move baby from pnp in our room to crib.
Two.. Would you suggest having them in the same room, or having baby in their own room? We have the space. I just don't have the motivation to clean out the office/black hole.
Three.. I'm stressing out a lot about DS feeling like he's being replaced, or feeling jealous, or not getting enough Mommy time. I remember how exhausted I was with a newborn, and I don't know how I'm going to do that with toddler plus newborn. Obviously people do it all the time. How??
One, when did you transition from crib to toddler bed? DS will be 2 1/2 when we move baby from pnp in our room to crib.
Two.. Would you suggest having them in the same room, or having baby in their own room? We have the space. I just don't have the motivation to clean out the office/black hole.
Three.. I'm stressing out a lot about DS feeling like he's being replaced, or feeling jealous, or not getting enough Mommy time. I remember how exhausted I was with a newborn, and I don't know how I'm going to do that with toddler plus newborn. Obviously people do it all the time. How??
Make me feel better..
I second all of these questions.
As far as toddler bed, we've decided to wait and make that decision closer to that time depending on what our daughter is ready for.
We're also going to try room sharing briefly as we won't be moving to a bigger house until early next year. If it doesn't work out, baby will just come back to our room for a little longer.
I'm really worried about the jealousy as well. Our daughter is a total mama's girl - like doesn't even want her dad to change her diapers I am trying to get him more involved in her routines to make the transition as smooth as possible but I'm really nervous about what the adjustment period will look like.
@DuchessofCambridge I'm having a third tri scan, but it's only because I'm at risk of IUGR. Otherwise, my practice doesn't routinely do scans after the AS - they only do them if there is a concern or a problem to monitor. Definitely ask your practice what their norm is.
One, when did you transition from crib to toddler bed? DS will be 2 1/2 when we move baby from pnp in our room to crib.
Two.. Would you suggest having them in the same room, or having baby in their own room? We have the space. I just don't have the motivation to clean out the office/black hole.
Three.. I'm stressing out a lot about DS feeling like he's being replaced, or feeling jealous, or not getting enough Mommy time. I remember how exhausted I was with a newborn, and I don't know how I'm going to do that with toddler plus newborn. Obviously people do it all the time. How??
Make me feel better..
1. DD transferred right before 2. We basically just babyproofed her entire room and gave up caring if she was actually in her bed. DS is just over 2 and still in his crib. We won't transfer him until he tries to climb out. I think you should do what works for you. My one piece of advice would be, if you decide to transfer her and use the crib for #2, you transfer her a few months before baby arrives. That way baby isn't stealing her beloved bed. Letting DD choose her big kid bedding in her favorite color made the transfer really easy for us.
2. I would say this 100% depends on how baby sleeps and how deeply your older kid sleeps. Ours are staying apart, but only because I don't want baby's cries in the night to wake up my other kids.
3. Jealousy will happen. But babies sleep a lot and there's is still a lot of time to bond with the big kid. I'll fully admit that DD and I spent more time than I anticipated snuggling in front of the tv while DS slept in the early days, but whatever. We also made a huge deal of her becoming a big sister, more than us having a baby. We made baby as much about her as possible, and I think that really helped her be more tolerant. She also loved choosing baby's outfits and getting diapers/wipes for me. TBH, I thought the jealousy thing got worse when DS was around 1 and getting into everything, but didn't understand enough to really play. I would have to constantly have an eye on him and couldn't enjoy crafts/puzzles/etc with DD.
Did anyone's innie belly button pop out during pregnancy? Did it go back to being an outie when the baby was born?
Night time breastfeedings: get up and sit in glider or do it in bed? (We were given an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. I won't have baby sleeping in my bed.)
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
Did anyone's innie belly button pop out during pregnancy? Did it go back to being an outie when the baby was born?
Night time breastfeedings: get up and sit in glider or do it in bed? (We were given an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. I won't have baby sleeping in my bed.)
My innie has popped out with each pregnancy. It has already popped out with this one. So far, it has always gone back to an innie.
I've done both. When DD was in our room, I BFed in bed and then put her back in the RnP next to the bed. With DS and once DD went to her own room, I did the glider. I was always terrified of falling asleep with baby in the bed, so I prefer the glider. All personal preference and comfort level though.
@NYTino24 Mine popped out like a turkey timer. But it went back shortly after.
It really depends. If you're struggling adjusting latches or keeping baby awake for full feedings, sitting up is going to be easier. If everything is going smoothly, barely having to move to nurse is like a dream.
@DuchessOfCambridge I had one around 34 weeks after a hospitalization. Probably wouldn't have had one otherwise.
@Ladybentspoon We transitioned close to 1 1/2 to try anything to get him to do more than a 2 hour stretch. I know we were on the early side. I think room sharing will depend on how both kids sleep. In regards to time spent with #1 vs #2, I hear ya. I keep telling myself I'll get to drink a little more coffee and my son takes really good naps. I just need #2 to get on that napping schedule too and I think I'll be okay with rest.
@NYTino24 For awhile, I know I went to the glider to keep us both awake for feedings. After awhile it just got easier to bring DS into bed.
@NYTino24 nursing in bed worked for us. We had a cosleeper at first and quickly transitioned to a side-carred crib. It was just so easy to slide him back over to his space when we were done. I made our bed cosleeping friendly though so that if I did doze off baby was clear from any pillows, blankets, other hazards.
@ooodalollly Second babies are totally different. #sayingsthatgetmethroughtheday
They ARE! My #2 is very chill. I think it's from being ignored or made to wait while you're helping the older one with something.
@ooodalollly Once you get the hang of having two of them, it's not that bad. Baby just comes along for all the stuff you usually do. Giving the older one some special attention and "big kid only" activities like crafts/puzzles/playground time should help the jealousy.
@DuchessOfCambridge I was supposed to get one last ultrasound in 3rd tri but because I had him 3 1/2 weeks early I never got it.
@Ladybentspoon. I moved DS to a toddler bed at 2 1/2. He still wasn't trying to climb out and I liked knowing he was confined. I only moved him because he was getting over being sick and wanted us to lay with him to go to sleep and climbing in and out of a crib was getting old.
With DS1 we moved h to a bed around 2 since I was pregnant and wanted him to forget about the crib being his. He was always a good sleeper and the transition was easy. With DS2 he was (and still isn't the best about going to bed) so we waited until he was 2 1/2 and it went well. I put bedrail up for him because he moves around a lot. Either way - I think 2 1/2 is reasonable.
I has mine in separate rooms as babies because babies cry in the middle of the night and I didn't want to interrupt DS1. But they now share a room (their choice) and other than late night chats when they should be sleeping it goes well. I think sharing is up to you - even for nap times it's nice to have their own space if they aren't on the same schedule.
Every mom feels that way when one becomes two! DS was way more flexible and adaptable than I gave him credit for. And I kept him in daycare (I know this isn't possible for a lot of moms) which I think helped with jealously because he had his own world. In the evening when DH was home I tried to carve out time for DS1 so he had mommy time. It's a transition but you do what works and it will be fine!
@car1a we just took the side off of ours like you would if you were making is a toddler bed, but just left the mattress at the highest position so it would be level with our bed. I used bungee cords between the bed and crib to keep it tight to the bed. We actually still have it that way because at 2 1/2 DS still ends up in our room most nights and it's nice to have the extra space. Even if he's not in it, one of the dogs use it. Either way pregnant momma gets some space lol
I'm not trying to judge or make anyone feel bad in any way, but just please be careful to stay awake if you plan to BF baby in bed. I just read an article yesterday about how dangerous it is to fall asleep with a newborn. When this happens baby is usually face down or to the side...even if there are no pillows and blankets in the way, newborns have a difficult time repositioning themselves if they start to have trouble breathing. I know it's easier to pull baby into bed with you to BF, but if you choose to do this please be careful and sit up, turn on the light, or something to help yourself stay awake.
@DuchessOfCambridge many docs are different in terms of if they'll do a third tri u/s. Mine did one at around 36 weeks I think, but the baby is too squished by then to get a good keepsake from the pics. They're just making sure the baby is in position for birth and not breech or anything.
As for bf'ing at night, my DS was in the pnp bassinet attachment right beside my bed, and I would pull him into the bed with me to feed him and then put him back after he ate. It was so convenient because I didn't have to move very much to feed him, and in the beginning they eat around 4 times a night.
1- With my first I got a free crib from a friend for the baby and kept DS in his crib until he was almost 3. It was just the right move for him. With my 2nd, I moved him to a floor mattress at age 2! So now I have 2 unused cribs in my basement lol. #2 was climbing out and it was just better for him. You'll know the right time for your kid! You could always pull out the mattress and throw it on the floor for naps to give it a trial run. Or if you have a spare twin mattress, add that to there while keeping the crib up.
2- I have no idea on this one-- I liked having separate rooms for each because it made naptime easier.
3- I think if you are intentional about giving 1 on 1 time with DS you will be ok. He might feel jealous, but that's normal. A baby is a big change that impacts everyone-- you all will struggle with feelings of jealousy/wishing things were different at times. And that's totally normal. You are just going to help him through whatever emotions he experiences. You can teach him how to tell you what he needs and you can be attentive to the ways that 2 year olds tell you they are stressed/need a cuddle etc (generally by being obnoxious, throwing things, displaying their upsetness). The thing I learned is that its OK to put baby down on a blanket to chill out while you play with your 2 year old. The world is so exciting to a baby they don't need much. If you have to hold them or wear them while playing with the toddler, that's OK. You'll find a way to reassure DS that your relationship is still strong and that you love him. For me, things felt nuts for awhile. But it gets better and easier and more regular. I think the first 12 months were the most challenging but looking back it went by so quick! Now my boys are 2 and 4 and best buds and there are still challenges, but it no longer feels overwhelming to take the 2 of them to the grocery store. You can do this!
Re: FTM questions for STM+ week of 5/30
My question for SAHMs: what factors helped you make the decision to stay home? Are you happy with your decision? And do you plan on going back to work at some point?
And for any working moms who have thought about this, what factors helped you make your decision to stay working? Are you happy with your decision?
I've got to admit I'm not 100% happy doing this. I love being home but I would really love a break where I can feel like a normal adult sometimes. My clinic is a little short staffed right now so I'm looking into possible PRN work to try to get back some sense of self.
For those not familiar, Ina May is like the queen of the midwives lol She's been a midwife in a commune type community since the 60s. So that should clue you in on her style.
One, when did you transition from crib to toddler bed? DS will be 2 1/2 when we move baby from pnp in our room to crib.
Two.. Would you suggest having them in the same room, or having baby in their own room? We have the space. I just don't have the motivation to clean out the office/black hole.
Three.. I'm stressing out a lot about DS feeling like he's being replaced, or feeling jealous, or not getting enough Mommy time. I remember how exhausted I was with a newborn, and I don't know how I'm going to do that with toddler plus newborn. Obviously people do it all the time. How??
Make me feel better..
As far as toddler bed, we've decided to wait and make that decision closer to that time depending on what our daughter is ready for.
We're also going to try room sharing briefly as we won't be moving to a bigger house until early next year. If it doesn't work out, baby will just come back to our room for a little longer.
I'm really worried about the jealousy as well. Our daughter is a total mama's girl - like doesn't even want her dad to change her diapers
2. I would say this 100% depends on how baby sleeps and how deeply your older kid sleeps. Ours are staying apart, but only because I don't want baby's cries in the night to wake up my other kids.
3. Jealousy will happen. But babies sleep a lot and there's is still a lot of time to bond with the big kid. I'll fully admit that DD and I spent more time than I anticipated snuggling in front of the tv while DS slept in the early days, but whatever. We also made a huge deal of her becoming a big sister, more than us having a baby. We made baby as much about her as possible, and I think that really helped her be more tolerant. She also loved choosing baby's outfits and getting diapers/wipes for me. TBH, I thought the jealousy thing got worse when DS was around 1 and getting into everything, but didn't understand enough to really play. I would have to constantly have an eye on him and couldn't enjoy crafts/puzzles/etc with DD.
Night time breastfeedings: get up and sit in glider or do it in bed? (We were given an Arm's Reach Cosleeper. I won't have baby sleeping in my bed.)
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
I've done both. When DD was in our room, I BFed in bed and then put her back in the RnP next to the bed. With DS and once DD went to her own room, I did the glider. I was always terrified of falling asleep with baby in the bed, so I prefer the glider. All personal preference and comfort level though.
It really depends. If you're struggling adjusting latches or keeping baby awake for full feedings, sitting up is going to be easier. If everything is going smoothly, barely having to move to nurse is like a dream.
@Ladybentspoon We transitioned close to 1 1/2 to try anything to get him to do more than a 2 hour stretch. I know we were on the early side. I think room sharing will depend on how both kids sleep. In regards to time spent with #1 vs #2, I hear ya. I keep telling myself I'll get to drink a little more coffee and my son takes really good naps. I just need #2 to get on that napping schedule too and I think I'll be okay with rest.
@NYTino24 For awhile, I know I went to the glider to keep us both awake for feedings. After awhile it just got easier to bring DS into bed.
But what if the baby doesn't sleep a lot. Because my first one didn't, and I'm trying to prepare myself for a possible round two of that.
@ooodalollly Once you get the hang of having two of them, it's not that bad. Baby just comes along for all the stuff you usually do. Giving the older one some special attention and "big kid only" activities like crafts/puzzles/playground time should help the jealousy.
@Ladybentspoon. I moved DS to a toddler bed at 2 1/2. He still wasn't trying to climb out and I liked knowing he was confined. I only moved him because he was getting over being sick and wanted us to lay with him to go to sleep and climbing in and out of a crib was getting old.
Every mom feels that way when one becomes two! DS was way more flexible and adaptable than I gave him credit for. And I kept him in daycare (I know this isn't possible for a lot of moms) which I think helped with jealously because he had his own world. In the evening when DH was home I tried to carve out time for DS1 so he had mommy time. It's a transition but you do what works and it will be fine!
As for bf'ing at night, my DS was in the pnp bassinet attachment right beside my bed, and I would pull him into the bed with me to feed him and then put him back after he ate. It was so convenient because I didn't have to move very much to feed him, and in the beginning they eat around 4 times a night.
1- With my first I got a free crib from a friend for the baby and kept DS in his crib until he was almost 3. It was just the right move for him. With my 2nd, I moved him to a floor mattress at age 2! So now I have 2 unused cribs in my basement lol. #2 was climbing out and it was just better for him. You'll know the right time for your kid! You could always pull out the mattress and throw it on the floor for naps to give it a trial run. Or if you have a spare twin mattress, add that to there while keeping the crib up.
2- I have no idea on this one-- I liked having separate rooms for each because it made naptime easier.
3- I think if you are intentional about giving 1 on 1 time with DS you will be ok. He might feel jealous, but that's normal. A baby is a big change that impacts everyone-- you all will struggle with feelings of jealousy/wishing things were different at times. And that's totally normal. You are just going to help him through whatever emotions he experiences. You can teach him how to tell you what he needs and you can be attentive to the ways that 2 year olds tell you they are stressed/need a cuddle etc (generally by being obnoxious, throwing things, displaying their upsetness).
The thing I learned is that its OK to put baby down on a blanket to chill out while you play with your 2 year old. The world is so exciting to a baby they don't need much. If you have to hold them or wear them while playing with the toddler, that's OK. You'll find a way to reassure DS that your relationship is still strong and that you love him.
For me, things felt nuts for awhile. But it gets better and easier and more regular. I think the first 12 months were the most challenging but looking back it went by so quick! Now my boys are 2 and 4 and best buds and there are still challenges, but it no longer feels overwhelming to take the 2 of them to the grocery store. You can do this!
DS#2 3/15
Baby #3~