FFFC

vflux33 · June 2017

(not guaranteed to be flame free)

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/11JZnlHy8kB6V2/giphy.gif

doxiemoxie212 · June 2017

This vertigo is making me realize that I am not a strong enough person to handle a chronic disease. I don't know if that's a real confession. I just want to complain about the vertigo more.

pebbledam · June 2017

There's something I haven't been telling you guys. Feel free to flame.

I don't like babies. They are fragile and loud and disruptive and helpless and ugly. I am the type of person that likes to do things well and babies just scare the shit out of me because it seems too easy to mess them up. I met my DSS when he was 3 months old and I love him, but I am so much happier now that he's a toddler. I'm sure that if I have my own, I will love him/her like I did DSS, but I'm glad the baby stage doesn't last long.

vflux33 · June 2017

*TW maybe? @pebbledam I def like kids better than babies (and like you I'm sure when they're mine it'll be different blah blah). I guess my similar/related FFFC is I'm afraid to hold infants because of the not being able to support their heads thing so I've never done it --I waited to hold my niece and nephew until they were past that stage. ALSO I've never changed a diaper. I know, I know. I'll take one of the dumb classes if my time ever comes.

JennyColada · June 2017

@pebbledam I agree that babies are generally pretty ugly. Every time people are like "THEY ARE SO CUTE" I'm like "are we looking at the same baby?" Or whenever people post a picture of a baby next to a picture of them/their sibling/etc's baby pic and are like "TWINS!" I'm just thinking "yea they're both ugly blob babies, of course they look the same."

pebbledam · June 2017

@vflux33 - It's scary AF to hold other people's babies when they are that young! No thank you! I did hold DSS because I wanted to prove to myself (and DH, lol) that I had enough maternal instincts to not drop him! Diapers aren't hard, so don't worry about! If MH can do it, you'll be fine.

@JennyColada - I seriously haven't seen many babies that I legitimately thought were cute! My cousin does that whole "twins!" thing with her oldest. Blech.

elisek · June 2017

*TW LOs*

@pebbledam & @vflux33 - I used to hold and change the littlest LOs regularly with babysitting. but the older I've gotten, the more nervous I've become. I think I'm also just more sensitive to the fact that many of my friends with LOs are extremely particular about the exact order and preparation of their LOs butts! I know I never get it exactly as they prefer.

Even the other day our friends said how it's so silly that the helpers at our church nursery (I coordinate the entire ministry area) will tell them when their 19mo pushes or has an issue or whatever. I had literally done just the weekend before because he is in such an ornery stage and straight up shoved another tot down intentionally. They think it's a give and take, but he is always the instigator. Excuse me for trying to give you a heads up that he's exhibiting a pattern!

Continuing on this vein, I wish cranky, bad-sleeping LOs on KU friends who are haughty about how much better their existing LO sleeps than others.

eggplantface · June 2017

@pebbledam @vflux33 I read an advice column a while back where a new mom was upset she didn't like her newborn, and the advisor told her it's perfectly normal to love or hate certain stages in a baby's life and it doesn't make you a bad mother and doesn't mean you'll hate your kid. She even said some people don't like child rearing until the kid is a teenager! It was quite reassuring. With all the whitewashing of life that happens on social media, it appears every mom is super happy all the time and loves every minute of her life, but that's just not true.

My response is actually quite funny because not long ago I posted a FFFC that when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee I question whether I should have a baby because I couldn't imagine doing that 6 times a night and having to feed a baby while I'm at it, and I felt awful. Others assured me my worries were normal and shared by many, and yes, it does suck, but you get through it.

I also am not a fan of children in general and am certain I will be like Miranda Hobbes on SATC: "I hate all children except my own."

pebbledam · June 2017

@elisek - It drives me nuts that parents don't listen to the childcare professionals about their kid's behavior. It's so easy to be blind to some patterns because you are constantly in the mix. And seriously, as long as the baby is getting regular diaper changes, who the F cares if you're doing it the exact way that the parents would do it? Honestly, it's probably better that kids learn at an early age that there's not one single right way to do things.

Also, I think it's funny that you mention bad sleepers because DH and I were just talking last night about how grateful we are that DSS is such a good sleeper. I told him that we wouldn't get that lucky next time!

lurvleybunchococonuts · June 2017

Haha... *TW* yes, babies are stoopidly fragile & always look like grumpy old men in my opinion
FFFC I'm a bridesmaid in my "sister's" (long story but friend who's like a sister) and as happy as I am for her I'd rather stay home and BD than drive 3+hrs to pick up DSD and then another 4+hrs to get to the wedding location. Especially when we turn around Sunday and do the reverse. Also, if I have to be there I'd really rather just be attending than be a bridesmaid.

elisek · June 2017

@pebbledam - but just the fact that you are grateful and not haughty about it makes me hope you get lucky again! It's the people that think they freaking cracked the universal sleep code and are just better at it than others when in fact a whole lot of that is just luck of the draw!

eggplantface · June 2017

My nose just started bleeding and the first thing I thought was "totes preggers" because nosebleeds are totally a sign of pregnancy. Except the same thing happened last week, and it's really because of my allergy nasal spray thinning my mucus membranes and not pregnancy. I'm ashamed I had that SS thought for a moment.

doxiemoxie212 · June 2017

@eggplantface at this point, my google search history is so flooded with "is XYZ a sign of pregnancy?" that any time I search anything one of the suggested search queries is ______ sign of pregnancy. It's absurd.

holly321 · June 2017

@doxiemoxie212, you don't have to be strong enough to have a chronic illness, the illness is what makes you strong. And some days, you aren't strong at all. Vertigo is the worst. Hope you are feeling better.

TW,

As to not like babies... I never have liked kids. I never babysat a child until I was pregnant with my daughter. I watched my nephew, who was about 9 months old. (I was about 6/7 months along, and This was my first time giving a bottle and changing diapers etc) I spent a good chunk of that evening bawling telling my husband we made a huge mistake by getting pregnant and that we ruined our lives. My crying was making my nephew bawl, it was awful.
Now that I have kids, I love them, obviously. The first few years were rough, but they bring me so much joy. I still don't really like other people's kids that much. My nieces and nephews are great. I was really proud of myself laSt week, because I helped my BFF'S 3 year old wipe cake off her face. Even just a few years ago, that would have had me gagging.

End TW

Fffc:. I am day drinking, and it is nice

vflux33 · June 2017

@pebbledam @JennyColada OK some babies are not cute, I agree. But a lot are once they get past the infant phase especially. I don't know if it was a genetic urge or what but my niece and nephew were the cutest ever to me.

@eggplantface I truly appreciate your thoughts on the white-washing of motherhood. It's so easy to forget how much of that is BS.

@lurvleybunchococonuts I don't like being a bridesmaid either. Being a guest is so much nicer. I hope to never have to do it again. I hope your weekend goes better than you think and that you have fun at the reception at least.

doxiemoxie212 · June 2017

@holly321 I suppose that's true, but I think some people are predisposed to handle things with grace. I am a whiney whiney one! lol

leekat14 · June 2017

@pebbledam and @vflux33 I feel ya. I've never changed a diaper and can count on one hand the babies I've held.

I actually own a book titled "I hate other people's kids"

lulu1180 · June 2017

I love babies and think nearly all of them are so damn adorable as infants! And I've held so many babies I couldn't even tell you.....any babies I babysat when I was younger + 7 nieces & nephews + my cousins' kids + friends' kids and I've obviously changed my share of dirty diapers.

My FFFC: the thought of a stranger whipping out a boob in public to breastfeed makes me uncomfortable. I know that breastfeeding is a natural and wonderful thing and applaud anyone who chooses to do so, I know that I will do so if I am able when I have kids. I also agree that women should be provided with a private place to BF/pump and have no problems with such spaces being available. But if you must BF in public, I feel like you should be cognizant of how others feel and make an attempt to cover it up.

Feel free to flame away

holly321 · June 2017

@lulu1180, I agree about BF, to an extend. I don't necessarily think you should have to go somewhere private, but I don't think you should at least not just whip you breast out whenever you want. At least try to cover up until the baby is latched. Obviously, this isn't always going to work, and babies unlatch, but I think it makes other people feel more comfortable.

lulu1180 · June 2017

Exactly @holly321! I know that things happen and that they don't always go according to plan but at least try! Also, I know that some people do it in public because there isn't a private space made available like there should be.

doxiemoxie212 · June 2017

@lulu1180 @holly321 I have a genuine question, because I don't necessarily disagree, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around how I feel. My main question is, why do you feel uncomfortable seeing another woman's breast but not a man's? Is it because breasts are too closely associated with sex or sexiness? Again, genuine question - I know this can go down a rabbit hole, but I'm really curious how folks feel about it.

holly321 · June 2017

@doxiemoxie212, honestly, because I am not used to seeing other women's breasts. I isn't really a sexual issue for me. Honestly, I am not super comfortable with a man whipping his breast out in front of me either, if we are just hanging out and not at the beach or something.

heatherdubrow · June 2017

@lulu1180 TW I always breastfed with a cover because it was my comfort level. However I have friends who's kids would freak the eff out if you tried to cover them while nursing. End TW It's pretty easy to bf discreetly without a cover though.

charlestonchew · June 2017

@JennyColada I rarely find babies cute. Normally I give a response like "oh..yeah...look at that hair!"
@eggplantface I'm very much "I hate all children except my own" I prefer not to spend longer than like 15 minutes with someone else's child unless I really like them lol. I'm very awkward around kids and tend to not talk down to them and just talk with them like they're adults. If that makes sense. I don't baby talk kids.

In response to life stages, I actually prefer babies over toddlers. They can't talk back or run away from you. Toddlers I hate the most and would love to go from baby to like 4 or 5.

doxiemoxie212 · June 2017

@holly321 haha maybe I've become desensitized to men's nipples because my husband is about one step away from being a nudist. As soon as he gets home - doesn't care who is over at our house - he changes into a towel wrapped around his waist. I try to picture what he would do if my friends our his parents were over, and I just changed into a towel wrapped around me (even with my boobs covered). lol. I don't think he'd care, but I would feel so weird! And yet, he does it all the time to my mom and my friends. Thankfully none of them care. Hippie parents and friends.

charlestonchew · June 2017

Re: public breastfeeding
I agree with @lulu1180 and it makes me uncomfortable as well, but I come from a point of I'm uncomfortable because I don't want to do something to make someone else uncomfortable. To me, breasts are sexual, but a woman should not be ashamed of having breasts, but they are sexual. If a breast is bared, I'm probably staring at it because it's unusual socially for a woman to have a bare breast in public. When a woman is breastfeeding, I also tend to stare almost unconsciously and then I have to check myself. I don't want me to make her uncomfortable therefore I become uncomfortable. If that makes sense....

lulu1180 · June 2017

@doxiemoxie212 I can't quite pinpoint exactly what it is that makes me uncomfortable because I can't even really say strangers. My sister once did it at my parents house in their dining room with everyone around and it made me uncomfortable. I do think part of it is because boobs have become so sexualized even though their purpose is for feeding. I don't get uncomfortable seeing a guy without a shirt (I actually asked DH on Sunday why he didn't look like a guy we passed while driving that wasn't wearing one

).

lulu1180 · June 2017

Yes @charlestonchew, exactly!!!

vflux33 · June 2017

@lulu1180 Oooo that's a good one. I feel the same as you about Bfing. It's not a HUGE deal to me, but *attempts* at coverage are cool (unless there's an issue like what @heatherdubrow said).

@doxiemoxie212MH is not into public BFing and feels weirdly strong about it --he's not religious or prudish--for him it is more of a, I don't know, sanitary thing? Like, for him it's a "there is a liquid coming out of your body and other circumstances where liquid comes out of the body are typically done in private" type of thing. I'm fairly certain he won't even want me to do it in front of him to his own kid without some kind of blanket (if I get KU blah blah). I know some women would be offended and furious about that, but I'm not.

doxiemoxie212 · June 2017

@lulu1180 @charlestonchew I can relate to that. Do you think it's sort of a catch 22 then? Like, we're uncomfortable because it's uncommon to see, but if we saw it more we'd be more comfortable, but we're uncomfortable so we don't do it more?

lulu1180 · June 2017

I think that is a huge part of it @doxiemoxie212! I know there are some cultures where women don't wear shirts and when I see a picture of those, it also makes me uncomfortable. If it was more common place, I think it would bother me less. But as a country, we're rather prudish in general and have taught people that if it's covered up by a bathing suit (bikini/speedo) or undergarments that it shouldn't be shown in public

holly321 · June 2017

@doxiemoxie212, yes, for me at least.

I think for me too, I am always worried that I may make the other person uncomfortable. I don't want to look away, and make them think I am uncomfortable, and I don't want to keep watching, and make the woman feel like I am starting.

charlestonchew · June 2017

@doxiemoxie212 I could see that being the case. Nudity as a whole doesn't bother me and breastfeeding specifically I am an advocate for and will do it myself. But currently in society, women's breasts are supposed to be covered up so when I breastfeed, I will bring a cover. I definitely do not think a woman is bad or scandalous if she doesn't cover up, I just know I'm going to be uncomfortable if I see a woman not covered up because I try to look everywhere else but at her.

I can only speak for myself, it's not the act of seeing her nipple/breasts that make me uncomfortable, it's me having to try very hard not to offend her or make her feel uncomfortable that makes me uncomfortable.

ladystinson · June 2017

@pebbledam and @vflux33 I'm totally cool with babies but as a general rule I dont like kids in general. Like until they hit 8-13 (depending on the kid) I love my DS and DSS as well as my nieces and nephews. Beyond that, I'm out lol the great thing is, I used to do educational programs for a state park! pre-school was my least favorite group to teach. I always did my best, but I was exhausted by the end of it.

In terms of diapers, I never changed one until my son. We were in the hospital and he needed to be changed and as I was snapping his onesie back together I realized that was my first one ever! lol I didn't take any classes (birth, baby-care, etc) it really is just instinct. The only issue is taking care of circumcisions which they show you (it's easy) and with girls getting all the "creases" clean and making sure to wipe poop to the back so she doesn't get any infections.

fishsticks-n-custard · June 2017

*TW* I always breastfed in public with a cover out of personal preference. Now that DD is a toddler, she isn't having a cover so we just don't breastfeed in public anymore. (I know toddler breastfeeding is a whole other discussion, she's down around 3 sessions a day). **End TW**

It is very possible to breastfeed discretely without a cover. But, I do admit that while I support a woman's choice to breastfeed in public without a cover, it still makes me uncomfortable to see other women doing it. Which makes no sense even in my own head.

Avrilmai · June 2017

I hate the pressure we put on mothers to breastfeed. I've seen women in tears because they can't get the baby to latch, or they have severe pain and I've heard nurses and other healthcare professionals make them feel guilty about it. I know there is a push in hospitals to exclusively breastfeed, but the baby needs to be fed, shouldn't that be the priority? As for public, I think there are appropriate times/places. When I worked in retail I had a women sit down on the floor in the middle of our store. Between two tables near the cash register area. I went to check on her & asked if she was okay because she was sitting on the floor in a high traffic area. She got really offended and said she was going to feed her baby. I was like fine, do you want a fitting room with a bench? or to move to an area where you won't get stepped on? She wasn't very happy with me. But I also don't think women should have to go into "dirty" places- like public restrooms to feed. I don't think our society is at a place where it has been fully accepted to feed in public without a cover, at least not in my part of the country.

my FFFC: If I ever get to that point, I want a co-ed baby shower. (there is no not having a shower with DH's family) and if I have to do it then so does he. I mean it's 50% his kid right?

eggplantface · June 2017

When it comes to breastfeeding in public I think of it like this: If it would be inappropriate for a man to take off his shirt there, then it would also be inappropriate for a woman to breastfeed. There was a case a while back where a woman breastfed in a courtroom and the judge ordered her out, and the internet was in an uproar over it. But a man can't sit in a courtroom shirtless (they'd tell him to put on a shirt), so a woman shouldn't be breastfeeding. There's a decorum there that should be observed. Another example: it might be acceptable to see a dude without a shirt in McDonald's, I don't know if they kick you out for that. If they don't, then cool, breastfeed.

ETA I repeated myself

vflux33 · June 2017

@Avrilmai I'm really with you on the BF pressure not being cool. I plan if I get there to try, but if I try and try and it doesn't work out, I'm bailing and will just make sure to be careful choosing a formula. My sister has 1 BF kid and 1 not, and honestly the non BF kid is way more advanced for her age than the BF one (there are unrelated factors for that and I don't know if that would be true all things being equal, but I also don't know if BF is the single most important factor like a lot of people seem to think).

ladystinson · June 2017

@charlestonchew I completely get what you're saying with not talking down to kids. I mean, I'm not breaking out any SAT vocabulary but I don't do baby talk and I firmly believe that speaking to my son like a person is why his speech and vocabulary has always been pretty advanced for his age. I get speaking a certain way to a hysterical infant to try to soothe and calm, but if you sound like this while doing it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8l5myqwwGg I'm out lol

pebbledam · June 2017

@charlestonchew - Adults baby talking makes me ragey.

Re: BF in public, it sounds like I'm a lot different that most of you because I would follow the rule that if it's ok for someone to EAT food where you are, then it's ok to whip out a boob and feed your baby. I'm fine if women want to cover up or go somewhere private to BF, but I don't care if they do it at a restaurant at the table, either. I know this is a UO.

Also, it is NOT cool to make a woman feel bad about not being able to breast feed. Most women I know try and that's their perogative. Fed, healthy baby is far more important.

pebbledam · June 2017

I kinda want to giphy search "whip out a boob," but I'm thinking that wouldn't be one of my better ideas.

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