Not staying at families house due to smoking
I have a 15 month old DD and am expecting #2 in a few months. My problem is we are far from our family and will be moving even farther. We plan to come "home" for about 3 weeks later this year but don't plan to stay with my parents. This will devastate them but they both smoke in the house. They don't do it while we are there but it still sticks to everything, in the past we have let dd spend the night there, and when she came home everything smelled like smoke and we had to air her bed out for a whole day plus wash it twice. Obviously we don't want her exposed to that.
My mother complains she doesn't see her grandchildren enough so I invited her to come watch dd while we are away for a week at my house (which is a few hours away) she agreed and is now changing her mind and wants us to bring dd to her house. (tickets are already bought) I need to tell her today that I will not be bringing my kid there due to the smoke and will have another family member watch DD if coming out is too much of a problem. Since I don't want to have this conversation twice I plan on telling her we also wont be staying there with the newborn and dd later this year.
I realize it is their house and they can do whatever they want in it, but growing up in a house filled with smoke and always smelling like it I vowed that I wouldn't put my kids in the same situation. Has anyone had to have this conversation with family in the past? how did you deal with it? any suggestions?
Re: Not staying at families house due to smoking
So that is my advice to you. This won't be the last time that you hurt your mom's feelings. At a certain point you will have to be ok with that fact. She is allowed to be disappointed, but that doesn't mean the burden is on you to make her happy. Again, keep telling yourself that your children's health and well being is more important than her feelings.
You have your point. If you parents want to spend more time with grandchildren, they should make an effort. I think they must understand you; it is the health of your kids, we are talking about.
I'm dreading having that convo with MIL. I love my ILs alot, we're very close, but I know it's really going to hurt her feelings. She has recently stopped smoking due to a recent breast cancer diagnosis (and just finishing up chemo now) but FIL still smokes in the house....and there's no removing 30+ years of chain smoking from inside their house. They live in an older home that is basically a bunch of small rooms and carpet - so you can imagine how bad it is!
The only saving grace for us is that I'm due at the end of November / early December, which means this year's holidays won't even been up for negotiation. For us the battle will be the years to come.
she sent a msg back from her and her H saying "consider it handled". And it was the end of it.
She was willing to do anything to be able to have her grandchild around. But we also gave the option for her to continue living her life and she is welcome to visit anytime.